Same story, different mom....

[sweetnsad]

Hi,
I'm new here...I am an "almost step-mom" of three beautiful children...I also have two of my own and another on the way!  Yes!  I am busy....
I have the same story as most of you...a vindictive bio mom who hates the mere sight of me, jealous of everything we have, etc...My SO is the most wonderful man and father...all he ever wanted was to be loved and respected...he has that with me...
His children are very young..7, 5 and 3...Innocent in all of this, yet they know EVERYTHING...It's almost like she tells them things to turn them against their father...she is so jealous of their relationship with him...an example: before his child support was being garnished directly off his check, if he was late with her check, she would tell the children that "Daddy stole Mommy's money".  How awful is that?  The oldest actually asked him why he stole Mommy's money...I thought he was going to die...
Anyway, I just would like to come here and vent every once in awhile...To people who actually understand and care....Thanks:-)

[mudbunnies]

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[NancyLou]

RUN!!!!!!!!!  Run as fast as you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This woman will never let up!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To be honest, I'm glad you're so happy with the stb husband and with a baby on the way, so much the better.

However, had I known eleven years ago what I know now, I never would have married my husband.

[MKx2]

Our PBFH would send one of the kids to the door (usually a week early!) and skid would say "Mom wants her pay check."

DUH WHA'?????  Paycheck?????

I agree with Nancy ... I would hav erun the other direction, AND FAST!

[sweetnsad]

Thanks,
I know I should run, but I could never do that now....I love him too much...But, the bio mom is a lunatic...lies, manipulates, uses the children to her advantage, collects child support as her sole income...you know, one of those...
It's very frustrating and I wish she would just go away...the oldest boy is doing terribly in school and she doesn't help him one bit...she put him in a french school and he is a totally english child...she doesn't know any french, so she can't help him...she put him in this school, because there is a daycare in it that she puts the three children into everyday until five o'clock....
Is this for real?  She doesn't work...It just makes me so angry...
When my SO left, he didn't take a thing...just his clothes, an air mattress and a toaster oven....
She made a claim in court that he retains over half of the matrimonial assets...she's crazy...of course, it didn't fly with the lawyers or the judge...
This is only a taste...I would be here all day if I were to tell you what we go through and what we have gone through...I'm sure I'm not alone though....

[joni]

...focus on your new child and your own children, respect your stepchildren, love your stb husband.  But you must learn to emotionally disengage from this woman and her influence or it will eat you alive.  Read this wonderful book by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements, it'll save your sanity.  http://www.miguelruiz.com/

[MKx2]

Now ... isn't that about the BEST book in the world?  I can't even tell you HOW many times I've read it.

Good post m'dear!

[lovehiskids]

I have 3 stepkids (8,6,3) who are about the same age so I can sympathize. PBFH will always be that. Just smile nod and ignore her. Don't let her actions ruin your happiness!

[oklahoma]

Not exactly related to child support, but definitely the sense of entitlement....  My husband's ex seems to think she has done this great and amazing service to all by raising their daughters "by herself."  She has "stepped up to the plate" and therefore he should bow down to her every demand.  Hello!!  My husband would give anything for just the opportunity to "step up to the plate."

I don't know that I would have not married my husband knowing then what I know now.  I do advise my friends/family who are in similar situations to dump the guy before getting too close.  (But no one seems to listen......)

[sweetnsad]

Thanks, Joni...
That is some of the best advice I've ever gotten...and I think I'll look into that book...
Again, thank you to everyone who posted a reply..It's nice to know we aren't alone....:-)

[joni]

thank YOU for turning me onto the book!

[MKx2]

LMAO@self!  Just showin' my "Juvenile Alzeheimers" again Joni!  

[wendl]

Welcome to our world.  Feel free to vent anytime or even ask questions, also chat is a great place.
I am a mom of one and a stepmom of 2 and its sad that these parents feel they must put the kids in the middle for $$$$$$$$$$$$

[wendl]

Does your stb hubby have to pay the daycare if so I would request that he ONLY PAYS WORK RELATED DAYCARE, my dh had a problem with mom not working and putting kids in daycare, thats why he has a stipulation in his orders saying work realated only. OR you dh could ask for 1st right of refusal which means he would get to watch his child over anyone else.

[tryn2begooddad]

OK going to throw my male 2 cents in here....if women should run from a guy that has, we'll call it issues with an ex, why shouldnt a man do the same if he finds a woman that has an ex who won't pay child support or has turned the kids into hating her just because he is mad at her for not being with him anymore even though together they are like oil and water...if a man had said run run as fast as you can he would have been fried for suggesting that a little baggage caused him to run away from a person that he cares about..maybe I am a bit jaded or maybe I am just trying to provide a male point of view I dont know but it would seem to me that if two people do care and can communicate about things then stuff like this can be worked through...easy heck no a battle at times yes but it all boils down to what you as a person want...

[sweetnsad]

No, he just pays straight CS every month...but I will keep that in mind if she tries to get more for child care expenses.  Thanks!

[hisliltulip]

As a woman, I have to agree with you.  Between my DH and myself, we have three boys....  We also have three exes.  Luckily I get along (very well) with his first ex-wife, and they get along much better now that I am in the picture.  My ex and DH's second ex-wife are completely different though!

We have an "odd" family, I guess...  But you know what?  I wouldn't trade one minute of it!

[Mellybug]

Hello, and welcome!

I would disagree with anyone that says "Run away" and even more strongly with "as fast as you can".

The biggest rewards come from the biggest efforts.

I'm not going to lie, it's TOUGH. It can go from the happiest day to the worst day in no time flat. I could tell you to not let PBFH get to you - but she will anyway.

All I can say is love them with all that you have! During those bad times, REMEMBER why you're there, because as sure as the sun follows a storm, good times will follow the bad. And, with time, hopefully your relationship will be all the more strong because of all you've been through together.

Mellybug

[tulip]

"The biggest rewards come from the biggest efforts."

I like that. What an effort! I'm sure it's going to have amazing rewards! My dh and I have been going through some of the toughest times ever lately. Sometimes I want to run away. Sometimes I tell him I am miserable and don't want to be a part of this family. But I know this. I am married to him. I knew what I was getting into (well, kind of) and I made a promise not only to him, but to our kids--mine and his and ours. I am glad I made that commitment. Yeah, it's hard. But I know that I make a difference in their lives and so does he, so I am going to keep fighting for the people I love.

[Jasmine]

Hey sweet, found your way here I see.

[sweetnsad]

I AM following you...This is a pretty good site...I've already had some run in's though..LOL..

[Jasmine]

i noticed. Brent is very informative, but very opinionated.  

I'm gonna get flammed for that one.LOL.