What's in the order about letting phone calls go through to the children?
In mine, it's silent -- so the EX could start playing games and not let me talk to my son....and vice versa when my son is here.
In
DH's, it gives a specific time to call and an alternate time. We're finally at a point where DH can call just about any day, but it took her a while to get there and then she still gets in a mood and uses that as a weapon.
Are you one week on/one week off?
I believe in taping phone call if the state allows for starters.
Then I believe in having Caller ID to identify who is calling.
Then my fax machine prints a caller ID report to show who called even if they don't leave a message. (So I can call back easily and it's proof on my end even if they hang up before the answering machine picks up.)
DH's EX has his cell phone number -- but for a long time we didn't give it to her because she just called and yelled at him all the time AND didn't care that he was at work when she did this. She has it now, and there's only been one episode so far....
My EX does not have my cell phone number and the judge recently said I don't have to give it to him -- because he gives it to DH's EX who calls and yells at me on it....follow that?
If you want peace and quiet at home, turn off the ringer for starters. Important callers will leave a message. You can explain to friends and stuff why you had to call back later and believe me, they will understand. Don't know how many times we've had to do that JUST to get a full night of sleep. Warn your parents and important people that "sometimes" you just have to do that.....they will understand.
As for what she says to the children -- if you're allowed to tape, that should help. Teaching the children to deal with her in a positive way also helps....and it sounds like you're headed in the right direction. You can also teach the children to say "Mom, I love you and I'll talk to you later when you've calmed down." and then hang up. Maybe mom needs a "time out" to get herself under control....and well, you know.