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Quick Vent

Started by 4honor, Aug 10, 2004, 12:20:33 PM

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4honor

BM picked up SS from our house on Monday (make up time cause she scheduled camp over DH's weekend.)

She drops the bomb that she can't afford to get SS glasses to replace the ones he lost, cause she spent $140 on camp and wants us to pony up the dough. DOH!

CO says that BM is responsible for the glasses at her house and DH is responsible for any glasses he purchases for SS at our house. We know what the Atty will say, that DH is NOT to purchase glasses... go strictly by the court order. BM wants DH to give up the pair we bought for SS for our house (SS lost them too when he took them home without permission, but we haven't made a big deal about that). BM always spends $200-300 a pair for frames knowing that SS breaks or loses the glasses. He actually looks geeky chic in the plastic thick rimmed glasses that are usually $70 a pair and would be fully covered by insurance, but NO, can't have him wear THAT.

So I want to smack her between the eyes and tell her to get a clue. Would it be more embarassing to be smacked with a flat open hand or a doubled up fist?

4honor
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.

kiddosmom

Use the flat of your hand, its more lady like!
Tell her NO.

Kitty C.

The hell with being lady-like, since what you're hitting doesn't even come close to the description!  A closed fist strategically placed will leave a LASTING impression..........
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

wendl

OH 4 I know how you feel, oss always comes without his glasses once they broke at our house so dh spent 250 on a pari gee he lost em at bms house. When he came over for 5 weeks this summer guess what NO  GLASSES, he has horrible eye site and should be wearing them all the time.

Tell bm that JCPennys is having a sale on kids frames, lmao mine were like $60 with a warranty on them. (that didn't include the lenses)


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

jilly

In some cultures it is more insulting to hit someone with an open hand than it is with a fist.
Also, in the Middle East (I believe) it is an insult to slap someone with the sole of your shoe. I think you should use the shoe. :D

Kitty C.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

true

Hey there,

Well, I am with you on the "not buying into this time around". My daugther went to her father's for the summer. Recently, she phoned "asking" me where her glasses were. Hmmm, well did you check in the left inside pocket of your suitcase where I put them with a note to you? Mom, my glasses were not in my suitcase you must have lost them at home.  
I can't prove that I put them inside of her suitcase. (didnt take picture's) It really doesnt matter he has yet to buy either child a pair of glasses. We have an appointment scheduled for her annual exam but we wont be buying the "spendy" one's thats for sure. I am going to utilize you have a pair here and you can have a pair at your father's. I hate to do that because eyesight changes overtime but I cant afford to redo these types of things over. She is 11 and needs to show some responsbility as well.

The hard part you have is knowing that the child needs the glasses and the parents needs a swift kick in the rear both or very obvious.

Have a good one,
true

4honor

SS is not the only child needing glasses. BM and DH are 50/50 responsible for SS's needs (except for glasses, cause BM made a big deal in court about it and now she has to pay all per court order.)

BM gets CS and DH pays for medical insurance and supplemental Insurance to the tune of $60 a month for SS's SHARE. There is a minor monthly offset each month and then they split the difference for uninsured medical. BM refuses to use preferred providers  so that insurance bills will be less though there is often preferred providers in the same office. BM has access to counseling FREE for SS and does not take him though court ordered because she says she cannot afford to.

BM always has money for movies (in the theater ~ twice a week) and for parties and camps and junk food, but the necessities she just can't "plan" for. NOPE. BM has got to spend her money and ours too for those necessities. Constantly touting, "let's be flexible", but she really means,  "I get my way and you get my way."

There are also two other children (mine and DH'd boys) involved who are just short of legally blind without their glasses.

SS stomped on one LO's (age 5) glasses out of spite and torqued the other LO's (age 7) pair out trying to "fix" them on his own after "dropping them under the car". (Does SS have some passive agressive problems with his little brothers? Damn Skippy! But can't get him in to the counselor, NO! Free costs too much!)

Insurance pays only so much. We repair the glasses as we can, but there is only so many times we can do that. We buy the extra warrantee for the kids' glasses, because they are boys and they are hard on them. It has helped.

But Good News!! In a week the insurance will kick in and we can get a new pair of glasses for the younger ones so they can see in school. Now if we could just get SS to keep his mitts off them they might survive longer.
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.

Kitty C.

If this is an ongoing problem, what does the school say about it?  Because if they can't see to do their work, and the school has notified the BM (and she fails to act on it), the school would be required by law to report her for neglect.  Any possibility of that happening?  Cuz if that happened, it would carry MUCH more weight than anything you or DH could do.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Genie

NO WAY.  Especially after he broke his 2 brother's glasses.  NOPE.  She can buy them since she is responsible for them at her house. If she brings up the glasses at your house again, tell her he took them home with him and lost them so she can tear apart her house to find them and then use them.  Then when he comes over with them on if they are found, make sure they don't go back home with him b/c they are supposed to be at your house. That is if he hasn't been wearing them at her house and have broken them too.

Kitty C.

Once they do have glasses, get those ugly black elastic bands that athletes used to use to keep their glasses on their heads.  Tell the kids it's because they can't seem to keep them, so you are assuring that they don't fall off and get broken or get lost.  And once they show enough responsibility that that won't happen, then you'll take the bands off.

The opinion of public society, or at least in this case childhood society, is VERY strong.  I tried this once with DS, who used to be a TOTAL slob when it came to eating at school.  When he came home, I could tell just by looking at his shirt and jeans what he had for lunch.  EXACTLY.  I was toying with the idea of buying a bib and hanging it in his room, but decided on a different tactic.  I told him we were going clothes shopping, which he willingly agreed to.  BUT once we got there, I took the wind totally out of his sails by telling him that the ONLY color I was buying for him was WHITE.  EVERYTHING.  Meaning every single spill and drop would show up like a beacon.  He finally got the message!

More than one way to skin a kitty!  ;-)
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

smtotwo

Last year school sent a letter home for oss he needs glasses for school. by august of last year he still didn't have them. So DH and I took him to get some.

Court order is 50/50 split on all medical. Has psychomommy paid her 50% from LAST august?  UMMM NO!!

Fast forward to July. yss gets glasses. Psychomommy states that we owe her $150 for 50% of glasses.  NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!

I told DH that from now on we would pay for ALL of OSS glasses and she can pay for all of yss glasses.  Still comes out to 50/50!!

She was livid and threatened court.  Court?  Bring it on!!  WE got the glasses for oss when school said he needed them, not her, and she never reimbursed her 1/2.

THey are here for the week and I don't know how I ever dealt with all my own kids, I must not have the patience now I had then.  My kids are 23 21 20 and 13.   Skids are 10 and 8.

DO NOT PAY FOR THOSES GLASSES!! PLEASE don't set that precedent.

msme

First, sit the boy down & read him the riot act. Let him know that there will be very severe consequences for loosing or breaking his glasses. Also set a severe punishment for breaking anyone elses glasses & hold to it.

I suggest having him write a positive statement about 500 or 1000 times. Something like, "I know that I must respect my home & my family & everyone's belongings." Tell him that he will be totally grounded until it is finished. No TV, no video games, no outings, no nothing. This has worked well for my son & his fiance & their 8 kids.

Second thing, if you are going to jail, you might as well make it worth it. use a baseball bat.  LOL

Good luck & God bless.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!