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Author Topic: A question about SM/SD 's (opening a can of worms)........  (Read 8183 times)

kawaii

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I will tell you what my therapist told me
« Reply #20 on: Jan 13, 2005, 09:43:58 AM »
a household needs controll -- either your DH needs to take control(ideally) or he needs to get out of the way and let you do it.

a house without control is not an option -- no matter how much the skids don't like you or your rules, to live without control is NOT in their (the skids) best interest.

There is NO way that you can completely disengage -- otherwise what is the purpose of the marriage if not to tackle life together.

as a step-parent you ARE a parent, like it or not, call it that or not -- there is no getting around it -- you are an adult with influence and it's your job to help raise that child.

Did you know that a person who has taken a CPR class, and is CPR certified CAN BE LEGALLY LIABLE for standing by and doing nothing!!  meaning, that if a person needs your help and you are able to and withhold it, the law can find you guilty.

the bible too (for those of us who hold it dear) states (paraphrased) "woe to him that is able to help his brother and doesn't"

And, YES we are our brother's keepers -- so YES we are responsible for anyone in our homes and in our care -- and, let's face it, most of our skids spend more time with us than they do w/ DH.

The best we can offer our skids is to treat them as we would our own kids -- because there is NO GREATER LOVE than that of a mother (ideally).


kawaii

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Don't do it!! at least not without counseling
« Reply #21 on: Jan 13, 2005, 09:55:11 AM »
there is no way you can disengage completely -- especially not when so many of the decisions regarding the kids will affect BOTH your finances.

when DH and I got married the EX wanted revenge -- so she filed a petition to reduce visitiation to 2 weeks a summer down from the 2 months we already get -- and only IF I (SM) wasn't there.

ok, so as a stepmom and newlywed, what do i care, less time with 3 bratty kids in my care and less expenses involved in caring for them the whole summer -- heck i might at well go to the dayspa and enjoy my time away from DH when he goes to visit the skids

WRONG

in CA child support is prorated for EVERY DAY you see your kids -- to allow that change would mean an increase in CS of about $500 a month -- for 12 months -- or $6000 a year -- that's OUR money -- not $$ that should go to the EX

PLUS of course it really isn't in the skids best interest to only see their dad 2 weeks a year (lived across the country) and it certainly isn't in their best interest for them not to spend any time with me as i am now very much a part of their family.

 

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