Back in December SDs called to say they didn't want to come down because I was "mean." My husband said he would let them decide when they were ready to come down (what else could he do?), but they can't just jerk us back and forth every few months.
They didn't actually make the first call. My MIL is seriously ill, and my husband called to let them know they needed to go visit their grandmother. That started things again--a couple visits with SDs while we were up to see MIL, etc. And SDs came for a regular visit this weekend. All went well.
OSD wanted to stay a little later, and so called to ask
BM if that would be OK, it wasn't. My husband got on the phone and BM chewed him out. SDs heard the entire conversation--at least Dad's side--for the first time. (It wasn't on purpose--our cordless phone is broken, so we have an old phone plugged in and my husband couldn't go in another room like he usually does when speaking to BM, and SDs just sat and listened.)
Long story a little shorter, when my husband took the girls home, they started asking him if they could live with us. Whoa! What a shock!! My husband has been very careful not to push that idea on the girls--occasionally he will bring up the possibility jokingly. But this time they asked a lot of questions, and he told them straight out that they are old enough to decide. BM found out about this little conversation and left us a lovely little message.
So I am really nervous to see how things go the next time they come down. Worried about possibly having a 10- and a 12-year old full-time, worried about my husband if they change their minds (although he has made it very clear to them that it is OK if they do change their minds), worried that they are just learning to "play the system" some more, and worried about the impact this will have on my 2- and 4-year old children, especially with all the conflict that will certainly be there.