I should be happy. Really happy. Law school in a few months, semester is almost over, only one more final exam left. Instead, I feel like giving up. The kids seem out of control to me (but I'm sure they're not), the house is a mess, I'm completely drained and feel like giving up. I feel like none of this is worth it.
DH isn't here to help and I'm going out of my mind. My sister lives in the area but she has a mojor heart condition, so she doesn't have the energy or ability to help with housework or my kids. She barely has the energy for her own kids. So I am alone and have no one. I keep wondering why I even bother.
This is not like me at all. I usually try to keep a positive outlook. I am not doing as well in my classes as I would like but I am getting some A's and mostly B's, so it's not like I'm failing any classes. I've already been accepted to the school I want to go to, so my GPA isn't nearly as important as it was before.
I think I need to see a doctor. I wake up in the morning and my teeth and cheeks hurt because I was clenching my jaw all night long. I broke a tooth a few weeks ago because of that. Half of my day is spent feeling like I am waiting for something to happen. There's a constant pressure in my chest and I get anxiety attacks. But I am too tired to get up and move around. I can't fall asleep and when I finally doze off, I can't wake up.
DH will be in Iraq for another four or five months, so this won't end any time soon. I'm not sure I can go on like this. If something doesn't change, I'm going to have a hard time functioning in a few more weeks. I can't afford the dental work.