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Author Topic: MIL chosing sides with abusive SS.  (Read 2407 times)

4honor

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MIL chosing sides with abusive SS.
« on: Aug 16, 2005, 11:43:24 AM »
My MIL says she does not believe her grandson (SS) would EVER rape/sodomize/harm either DS1 or DS2 (also her blood related grandsons) and is appauled that we would let SS stand trial for Child rape I with no physical evidence. Her stated reasons for this is that DS1 (the one the charge is being made on, since DS2 is too young to be a credible witness) should have showed immense physical signs... what crap is that? I am convinced that she was so protected from bad things throughout her life, that she could not recognize a truly evil act if it walked up and introduced herself.

I want to keep her from spreading her poison to my sons. What if she tries to "save" SS by convincing DS1 that it never happened? I WILL push for witness tampering in that case.

I am frustrated to the point of wanting to cut all ties with her (we have been good friends until now) at least until SS confesses or is tried... and then maybe not even then.

This has been a hard week, and its only Tuesday.
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.


Kitty C.

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RE: MIL chosing sides with abusive SS.
« Reply #1 on: Aug 16, 2005, 01:51:38 PM »
Make sure your atty. is FULLY aware of her 'opinion' and the possible threat of witness tampering.  And if you have to go so far as to cutting ties with her (even if temporary), then do it.  It's the kids you're saving, not her backside.

And the next time she starts to blow, ask her where her medical and forensic science degrees are that makes HER so certain.  And remind her that, until she DOES have the training and education to make that kind of diagnosis, she must keep her opinions to herself for the sake and safety of ALL her grandchildren, bio AND step.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

dsm

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Woah..... I've been away too long!!!!
« Reply #2 on: Aug 17, 2005, 02:40:54 PM »
4H - what happened????  From what I read here obviously things are not going very well.     I would absolutely protect your babies from any interference in things going forward.   If she chooses not to believe this happened, then that's her choice, but you have two little ones who need to have closure and for consequences to be laid down.  And they need to be able to trust that they are being taken care of without fear of repercussions.

((((4H))))
==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 38
SD - 15
LO - 9
BB - 2
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.

4honor

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RE: MIL chosing sides with abusive SS.
« Reply #3 on: Aug 17, 2005, 08:44:59 PM »
Kitty, these are all her bio grandchildren. She has no Step grandchildren in the picture (as she has no relationship with my DD -- heck I barely do).

As for the issue with Elliott, we usually avoid the whole shooting match, but she went off on me when I informed her that the charges will be forthcoming in the next 10 days or so. She did not give me a chance to explain that in WA the charge of "child rape I" can be any penetration into a child that is under the age of 8 and the person is more than 4 years older. It is a nothing charge for one count with a maximum of 15-30 WEEKS in a juvie facility, but most likley it will be a mandatory treatment facility and an RO, and WILL be expungible off his juvie record.

[On another/positive note, I was all but offered a job this evening from a previous  supervisor who tracked me down, started at my last job and then looked me up on the internet... she was determined to "steal" me if she could. She is understanding of my wish to train to become a GAL and knows about the constant migraines... and is convinced that I am the girl, she also has 9 positions to fill and knows what I can do already. Formal interview is Friday at 10:30 AM Pacific time. Keep me in your prayers... the unemployment is almost out.]
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.

4honor

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UPDATE
« Reply #4 on: Aug 21, 2005, 05:06:27 PM »
SS's initial trial date (plea entry) is on September 7. BM should get the documents on Monday... she was too nice to DH (he called to let BM know SS was on the train) to have gotten them yet.

Haven't told the inlaws either... not sure we want to go there.

I was asked to write a Victim impact statement... it ended up sounding like a whole lot of whining on my part... maybe some can volunteer to look at it?

Thanks
A true soldier fights, not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves whats behind him...dear parents, please remember not to continue to fight because you hate your ex, but because you love your children.


gidgetgirl

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Do you have a victim assistance coordinator assigned to your son?
« Reply #5 on: Aug 22, 2005, 08:41:09 AM »
I gave a VIS on behalf of my son about 6 months ago (OWI case).  I did have help from a friend who had to do a VIS for her skids whose mom tried to kill them via pills.  I received many comments from MADD, the victim assistance coordinator and the assistant DA who thought it was well done and focus on the victim's impact and not as a "he should pay" vendetta.

I can email you the statement as the details are too personal to post publically.  (gidgetgirl71@hotmail.com)

Also, while MADD deals only with drunk driving adn the impact of it for their VIS, they do give good food for thought and a place to start from.
http://www.madd.org/victims/0,1056,7068,00.html
http://members.tripod.com/elkcountycapsea/victim%20impact%20statements.htm  (more details)

But use your victim assistance coordinator and/or any community resources you have used- perhaps your child's therapist, rape crisis center, etc.  I'm sure they will all be very helpful as well and can give you an objective view that is still aware of specific points that should be emphasized.


 

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