What an idiot!!!

[Sunshine1]

I was just washing the kids' clothes from BM's house.  They were on the bottom of the basket.  When I lifted all the other clothes off of theirs I immediately smelled smoke!  BM has quit on and off and for the most part smoking was not an issue.  It isn't the smoking that is the issue really, could care less, go ahead kill yourself faster..whatever.  

The issue is that she is smoking around SS and he has asthma.  What is with this woman..DUUUUHHH!  I asked the boys if she smoked around them and they both confirmed (like it wasn't any big deal) "well yeah, all the time!"

So anyone have an eloquent way of informing her that smoking around a child with asthma is stupid?

Kids go for the weekend so we would like to accompany the visit with a letter letting her know how dangerous it is for him.

Any suggestions?

[msme]

Maybe you could get a letter from his doctor stating that no one is to smoke around him. Send a copy to her lawyer, your lawyer & the court, asking that it be put in the case file.

Make sure that you put the CC on the bottom of a cover letter so that she will know that it is in all the records. That way, you are not the one telling her.

The cover letter should be short & sweet. Dear xxx, attached is a letter from Dr. xxx stating that it is very important that our son xxx not be exposed to cigarette smoke. Thanks for your help in keeping his asthma under control.

It might help & It can't hurt since the doctor said it.

Good luck & God bless.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[MixedBag]

while I agree with the fact that a parent shouldn't smoke around a child who has asthma, I also think you gotta pick and choose your battles.

Not sure that this one won't be considered a control issue on your part in the end.

Heck, my EX#2 and Camilla smoke in the house around THEIR son who has asthma.  My son had severe chest congestion once and the doc called it "asthma" too -- but I got doc to change it to "asthmatic bronchitus" if there was no reoccurrence.  That's when son told me about his half-brother.

I took the approach and encouraged my son to "leave the room" whenever they light up.  That was something I could teach him to do.

You can't tell them what to do -- and if I remember correctly, she already considers herself above the law with the driving situation, but you can teach and encourage your child to make good decisions.

[msme]

I was responding to her question.

>>So anyone have an eloquent way of informing her that smoking around a child with asthma is stupid?<<

>>Kids go for the weekend so we would like to accompany the visit<<
>>with a letter letting her know how dangerous it is for him.<<

But you are right, it is probably a lot easier to teach the child to remove himself from the smokers than to get her to stop smoking around him. The only problem I see with that is to help him find other things to do if everyone is watching a movie on TV in the living room. It will be hard for a little guy to give up a good movie & go read a book.

Of course, I believe that reading a book would be better but I just think it is going to be hard to convince him.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Sunshine1]

That is exactly what I did lastnight.  I could care less if she smokes, just not around him.  I sat him and his brother down and explained what to do when she lights up, go in the back yard, go in your room, just leave until she is done and then come back...and not to make a gigantic big deal about it, it is just for their own health reasons.

We also did some preventative health things and explained to him what an attack will feel like and what they could do in case it happens, because basically they are on their own there.

So I took the HIGH ROAD on this one (can you believe it!!!LOL) because I just figured a letter would just make her blow smoke in his face and make it worse for him than it already is.  I also think a letter from the Doc would be enough to make her change her habits a bit because anything from us will just cause a war.

Thanks guys!!!

[Cookiemomma4]

We had the doc write a letter to the mother and we sent it through the lawyer...of course this is a major issue in the custody battle in our case because mother has residential custody and the child has persistant heath issues caused directly by the smoking.  Doc informed us over a year ago that no one was to be smoking in the home or vehicle with her- the mother laughed at this and simple said "Not going to happen, I won't stop."  Please know that if it remains and issue it can be brought up in court and may be considered abuse if medical issues arrise directly related to the smoking.  While you may be telling them to go to a different room ect, smoke lingers and drifts.  Good luck!

[dsm]

You can send her all the articles, information, warnings, etc about smoking and its affect on asthmatics.  My guess is if your skids are being treated for asthma that she's already been warned by their doctor.  And if she's not listening to the doctor, do you really think she's going to listen to you or your DH?  Fat chance.

What you can do is educate your skids about the dangers of smoking, clue them in that they have choices too.  Leaving the room; asking their mom not to smoke because it makes them cough, wheeze, etc.

Also, be aware that even if she does take and make the effort not to smoke around them when they are there, if she smokes in the house when they are not there, the smoke gets into carpeting, furniture, clothes, beds, sheets, pillows, air ducts, etc.  So the residuals will make their clothes and even themselves smell as if she had been smoking around them when maybe she hasn't.   Just mention that to keep in mind.

Back to my subject line.  Pick and choose your battles.  This is one of those scenarios that it out of your control and not able to be enforced.  It turns into a he-said, she-said game and is too easy to set up the kids to be caught in the middle - they will not want to 'rat out' their mom.

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dsm - 35; DH - 39; SD - 16; LO - 10; BB - 2
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3 Cheap Entertainment cats - Sam,  Snoop & Dagger
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Live, Love, and Laugh

[Sunshine1]

The doctor happily wrote up a letter telling whoever not to smoke around him.  That should do it.  BM smokes outside on her porch so we have instructed him to go elsewhere until after.  That seemed to help over the weekend...the letter will only make her more aware that it is bad for him.

It is bare minimum parenting over there and she has never spoken to the doctor about his asthma.  Skids live with us.  I really feel that she will listen to the doctor on this one, and he is not in as much danger as some kids that have parents who smoke in the house.  I have never known her to smoke indoors EVER.   I thought she had quit, she had for many years but has started again so we never thought she was smoking around them, never an issue before.  His diagnosis is very recent, but now that we know what is making him feel like crap, we can nip it now..

[Mamacass]

Funny, we went through something similar several months ago.  My stepson has not been formally diagnosed with asthma, but he has always had allergy type problems.  DH and I smoke, but never in the house or around the kids.  However BM smokes in her house.  Whenever SS comes over form her house he reeks of smoke.  
Well one morning SS initiated the "smoking" conversation while we were in the car, and I took the opportunity to tell him that its really unhealthy and he should never do it.  I explained to him (as best as I could since he's 6) that it's addictive and really hard to stop once you start.  I told him that if he wants to play football when he grows up he can't smoke, b/c then he won't be able to run as fast.  I also told him that being around cigarette smoke is unhealthy, and that's why we don't smoke near him.  He told me that "Mommy smokes in the house, but she tells me not to get near the smoke."  The only comment I made was that Mommy is right, that he should stay away from smoke.
Well that night, he told his mom that he didn't think she should smoke in the house, because its not good for him.  I never said anything like that, he drew his own conclusions.  She called me up and went off about how I need to worry about my own house instead of hers.  I explained to her the conversation we had, and she backed off a bit.  I thought that maybe after that she might stop smoking in the house, since he had asked her to, but she hasn't.  We've wanted to say something for a while now, but like someone else posted, you have to choose your battles.  Its too bad though, b/c SS doesn't have all these breathing/allergy problems at our house.  She's always saying he must be sick and he needs to go to the doctor b/c he's coughing a lot.  She actually kicked their cat out of the house a few years ago, because we were trying to figure out what the difference was at her house.  Funny how she can put the cat outside, but she can't go outside herself to smoke.  

[kaylene99]

My SS wrote a report on smoking and its negative effects and used his Mom as the subject.  It was a persuasive speech and, in the end, he pleaded for his Mom to quit.  We thought it was an excellent idea and it all came from him!!! :-)  So, guess what?  Ex wife apparently quit since then (or she got better with hiding it from the kids).  I guess we'll never know until we hear about it again.