>your gf.
>
>I don't think you should cut down on your time, btw (EOW is
>not very much, really), but it IS a delicate balancing act.
>One way to handle it would be to be firm with both females
>about how things will happen - your gf needs to know that you
>will NOT give up time with your D and that in addition, you
>and your D will do one on one things to establish a ritual
>Dad/daughter time together (like lunch every Saturday or
>morning walks or whatever). But when all three of you are
>together, try to pay attention to what your D might be doing
>that could be adding to the problem - does she insist on
>sitting in your lap ALL the time? When you all walk together,
>is it you holding hands with your D and your gf forced to walk
>behind? If you go to kiss your gf, does your D insist you kiss
>her too? If you are all three at McDonald's or somewhere
>eating, does your D talk only to you and sit so your gf is
>basically looking at her back (cutting her out)? One thing my
>
DH did with me and my
SD (now my adopted D) was tell her
>repeatedly - because she did things like insist on a kiss if I
>got one, or a "date" if we went out - that he loved us both
>but that they are different kinds of love, and not in
>competition - he would remind her that one day she will grow
>up and have a husband of her own, but he and I will still be
>together. It is not unusual for daughters to feel competitive
>with their father's new love, and that can add a lot of
>strain. Add to that you are not divorced from her Mom and
>there is a new baby on the way already . . .and your D also
>has a lot that could be causing her to do little things to
>your gf that you might not even be aware of at this point.
>Men, I have found, don't always "see" the games women play
>(and believe me, your D can play them too!) I'm sure there is
>an element of not wanting to share you in your gf's request,
>but it might be that she just finds your D is unpleasant to be
>around because she radiates some level of tension. I agree
>that you should also try to be as excited about this pg as
>your gf is and when you talk about how the baby will be raised
>and cared for, try as much as possible NOT to refer to how
>your D was raised as a good example. As in "Oh, when DD was a
>baby, we always used to read to her every night, and that
>really helped her." Seems pretty normal, but in this minefield
>of your life, a statement like that is a ticking bomb. Much
>better to phrase it in a general sense, like "I really believe
>in spending time reading to kids, don't you?"
>
>It might also help to remind your gf that having a strong
>father daughter relationship can really make a difference in
>the long run with things she really won't want to deal with,
>like teen pregnancy. Girls who are close to their fathers are
>less likely to start having sex early, they act out less and
>generally do better in school - all things that will actually
>make your gf's longterm life a lot easier. Maybe you can give
>your gf a role in your relationship, like taking photos for
>scrapbooking or helping you think of things girls might like
>to do with their dads. Also, if your gf does something nice
>(anything, no matter how small - driving her to the mall,
>buying Cherios so she'll have them for breakfast, whatever)
>for your D (or vice versa, D for your gf) make a point of
>pointing it out and praising it. Yes, it seems like overkill,
>but you have a job here too - to help build the relationship
>with your D and gf.
First of all, I just don't know where to begin. The CHILD wants to be with her father when he has her. So what if she wants to sit on his lap all of the time. So what if she wants a kiss from Daddy.
Anybody who has a problem with a parent spending time and being affectionate to their child is not somebody that should be around children.
It isn't about the adults, it is about the children. And while they are children, their needs should come first.
