Tell
CPS NO!!!! CPS doesn't care about your other 5 kids - they only care (right now) about the one they have in their system.
True story: A 13 yo child hurt her 1/2 sister who was ~10 years younger than her. It happened during the night. The dad and stepmom wanted to put locks on the doors to prevent anything else from occurring and were told that they would have charges pressed against them by CPS is they locked the 13 yo in, but they could CERTAINLY put locks on the other kids' doors to keep the 13 yo OUT of those rooms.
In essence they were told that they couldn't lock the 13 yo in, but they could lock the other kids in.
Stupid, huh? CPS won't care about the other kids till they get the problem child back in your home. Then when the problem child hurts one or more of the other 5 kids, CPS will open a case AGAINST you for neglect. Neglect? you say. Yep, you neglected your other 5 kids by not protecting them from the problem child - [em]even though CPS decided the problem child should live there.[/em] I'm 99% guaranteeing it.
Don't let her come back without massive help. My advice is to tell them you'll take her back into your home ONLY AFTER she's been in a residential treatment program for several months - one that has regular family therapy sessions- preferably weekly at minimum (so it would need to be fairly close to your home if possible) with YOUR FAMILY,
NOT BM. The goal of this program would be to get the child stabilized and to prepare her and your dh and yourself & kids for her to come back to live with you NOT to repair BM's relationship - that can be done during out-patient after she's stabilized. Also make sure that CPS sets up visitation guidelines based on the program's THERAPIST'S recommendations instead of thinking it'll be good for BM to spend unsupervised time with the child. The therapist will also make recommendations for you guys, but you aren't the ones that are creating problems.
I've raised two girls that had incredible emotional and behavioral issues - CPS, probation office and social services WERE NOT our friends, no matter what they pretended. I've got my 14 yo boy now that is going thru much of that also and HAS been in residential treatment - twice. He spent the last year in a day treatment program and is now in a transitional program with outpatient therapy and will go back to his regular high school next fall - 4 years after being kicked out of the regular school. I know of what I speak.
It's a hard road and should you decide to try my advice be VERY, VERY sure that IF CPS agrees and it happens, you are prepared for it all. The problems could "come back" - they did in our case. You need to be sure you are willing to deal with that and live like that. Do a LOT of soul searching and don't let CPS strong-arm you into anything.
I often wonder what our 14 yo would be like had he not spent 6 years growing up in a home with the two older girls..... Would things have been "normal" for him and he wouldn't have gotten in trouble at age 10? Would we have been able to focus on him and address his issues to resolve them when they were minor and before they got out of control? I don't know, but the idea that it might have been simply breaks my heart.
[em]LuckyLead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]