In response to your letter, here is what I would send:
Dr. Phil,
I would love to see a show about divorced spouses that refuse to move on --YEARS after the divorce, and are bent on destroying any life, children, and relationships to their children their former spouse has. "Keeping the relationship alive through constant conflict."
IN our case, we co-parent (we have
full custody now) with my husbands ex wife, who left my husband after a year or so, had many relationships since, has a 4year old son by another man, and still is just as bitter, jealous and angry towards my husband 11 years after the divorce as if it just happened. (She has been called a "classic
borderline personality" by our therapist - I call it unbelievable).
I have been dealing with the rages, emotional blackmail, non-stop negative brainwashing of her daughter, and undermining of every activity, celebration and holiday for the past 4 years.My husband and family have had 11 years of this.
She puts so much pressure on her daughter to hate every second with us (me) is at the expense of this girl's emotional health, as she is under constant pressure to choose her mother as the favorite parent.
She has made me (step-mom) the "target" of all her problems, and changes history of events to suit her version of reality. "Everything was FINE until SHE came." It wasn't.
There have been false accusations of abuse, (dismissed),telephone calls EVERY calendar day from Thanksgiving until May (a
court order stopped it for a while), a few days we received as many as 25-30 calls, police called to our home because she claimed her daughter was being abused and beaten, and in terrible danger because she hadn't called for a day or 2-- and her constant breaking of court-orders, because she felt they were "unfair" or that they really didn't apply to her. We however, are held to the every letter of any agreement.
She consistently puts her daughter in emotional harm to satisfy her desire for revenge. This is NOT in the best interest of “her” child. Her mantra is "You're going to pay!!" My husband is the most low-key, caring, truly one of the kindest people I have ever met. So many times he allowed his ex to have extra time with his daughter for an event she planned on his time - to get paid back in spades by her telling his daughter "see- your daddy doesn't WANT to spend his time with you- he's out with his new wife!!! If he loved you he would have spent more time with you. Pretty soon he wont want you at all."
She treats her child as a pawn to "get back" at my husband, and her child is supposed to take care of her emotional needs, not the other way 'round.
The campaign waged against me has increased to the point where she wants zero contact between me and my step-daughter. The animosity and constant reminders that I am ugly, bad, and “stealing her life” are repeated over and over to her child. "She needs to go have her own child and leave mine alone" is a phrase we all hear ad nausium.
It is reaffirmed that it is unacceptable for her daughter to have any affection for me – even mild.
She has managed to program and brainwash her daughter to the point that she now mimics her mothers agenda, and feels that she must do what her mother expects to get any love from her. This creates a problem in our household, because we do not believe in giving in to the unreasonable demands of a 10 year old.
There are MANY people who deal with the non-stop, years long constant battle and the chaos these people create. The financial drain and expense is incredible for those forced to constantly be dragged into court - When they enter the court system --there is nothing to stop them from going wild, and no consequences for their crazy actions. (entire other show)
Dr. Phil, it would be great to have some advice for all us families out there on how to deal with those with borderline traits or full-blown borderline personality disorder, or (drop the label) how to deal with those in our lives that REFUSE to follow any rules-- if not for our sanity, but the future well-being of these kids caught up in the middle of this poisoning of their daily lives.
(signed)
getting tired of always being the bad guy