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Author Topic: Young Kennedy Keeps Up Family Traditions  (Read 1590 times)


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Young Kennedy Keeps Up Family Traditions
« on: Feb 29, 2004, 09:07:45 AM »
Apologies to anyone here who loves the Kennedy family, but this is too funny!


Young Kennedy keeps up family tradition By Howie Carr Recent Columns by Howie Carr Sunday, February 29, 2004

The question now is not if, but when Robert F. Kennedy III will run for Congress.

He's only 19, but in Leominster the boy showed his true mettle as he became the first of his generation to hear those words that all Kennedy males must listen to as their rite of passage into adulthood:

``Mr. Kennedy, you have the right to remain silent. . . .''

A week ago tonight, Bobby the Third made his bones, and now, let the word go forth to a new generation that still more scions of Camelot are ready to pose that eternal Kennedy question.

``Do you know who I am?''

Once again the books are open in the Kennedy Crime Family. How proud Uncle Teddy, especially, must be of his great-nephew. Hands shaking, Teddy sips Jim Beam and beams as he reads the words in the police report:

``Indecent exposure . . . public urination . . . marijuana . . . drug paraphernalia . . . knife . . . suspended driver's license.''

The only traditional Kennedy flourish missing from the Leominster PD report is a dead girl in the trunk.

The boy goes to Brown University, which is apparently to the 21st century Kennedys what Harvard was to those of the 20th. It still puzzles the Leominster police exactly what Bobby III and his two friends were doing in Leominster at midnight. I can only think of one possible reason, but since they were already holding a bag of what the police describe as a ``green leafy substance,'' I guess the logical explanation doesn't apply.

And what's up with the sudden decision by Bobby to relieve himself, al fresco?

I mean, there's a 24-hour Denny's nearby, and heading north toward Fitchburg they'd have passed a couple more late-night restaurants.

But for some reason, boy Kennedy pulls Mom's car over to the curb, and a patrolling cop quickly notices that traffic is backing up behind it. The cop drives toward the Kennedy-mobile and this was his first confirmed sighting:

``Mr. Kennedy was exposing his genitals while urinating towards North Main Street. Furthermore, Mr. Kennedy was urinating in front of the above vehicle which was illuminating him.''

And you thought Cong. Patches Kennedy was a moron. Even Patches knows enough to stagger off into the bushes, or at least turn off the headlights. But Bobby III is yet another generation further removed from the criminal genius of the family patriarch, old man Joe.

Fortunately for Bobby, in Leominster they indeed do know who he was. The next morning, he appeared in district court before Judge John Curran - a former member of the State Parole Board during the glorious Willie Horton era. Judge Curran contributed $100 to the Dukakis for President Committee, and after a nationwide search, the Duke handed him a lifetime sinecure on the bench. Not a bad return on a C note.

Last Monday, Judge Curran only did what you would expect a hack judge to do - he handed Kennedy what amounted to a furlough, and not of the weekend variety either, like the ones the DOC gave Willie Horton. Bobby III just had to pay $100 - again, not a bad return on a C note.

So what does Bobby III do for an encore? Surely a safe U.S. House seat can be purchased somewhere in New York for him - Carolyn Maloney's? Anthony Weiner's? Waive the age requirement - don't they know who he is?

First Al Gore III. Now Bobby Kennedy III. At least, as one wag noted last week, we'll never have to worry about a Barney Frank [related, bio] III.

( Howie Carr's radio show can be heard every weekday afternoon on WRKO-AM 680, WHYN-AM 560, WGAN-AM 560, WEIM-AM 1280 and WXTK-FM 95.1. )


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