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Author Topic: Difficult Bio Mom  (Read 1952 times)

MSRP

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Difficult Bio Mom
« on: Feb 21, 2004, 05:43:52 PM »
What is considered excessive when it comes to phone calls?  We have split visitation with the children (every other week).  Ex wife calls almost daily to talk to the kids.  Although I recognize and respect her right as a parent, her calls are almost always inconvenient and disruptive, especially since she uses that time to get the kids worked up and homesick by telling them over and over "how much I miss you", etc.  I am trying to get my family back together after the divorce.  I would like to be able to spend time with my children without it being interrupted every night.  I have tried to turn the ringers off, but I have been accused by my ex of "keeping her from talking to the kids" and been threatened legally.  I have tried to talk to her about what it does to the kids when she calls- sometimes it gets them whiny and wanting to go home.  She claims that is not her intent but it hasn't curbed the phone calls one bit.  
Also, she has admitted recently that she is aware that she calls all the time and that subconsiously she thinks she does it to try to interfere with my present marriage.  She admitted this!  It WAS getting to the point that she was calling at least once a day, even when the kids were with her.  I finally had to tell her to stop calling unless it was an emergency.  She has subsided with the calls when I don't have the kids, but the calls when I DO have the kids has increased substantially.  I think she is calling in part to test me, to see if I will answer the phone, to see if she can claim I am denying her contact with her children.  That is not what I want to do, but I feel my time with them is being compromised by her interference!  
What should we do?  I have tried to arrange the kids to call her two times during their weeklong visits with me, but the way it usually works out is she is never home, and when she returns their call, it usually interrupts something we are doing (dinner, homework, movie, etc.)  
All in all, it is incredibly disruptive, not to mention incredibly frustrating to be having a wonderful evening with the kids, only to have it go down the drain when she decides to call, because then the kids remember they miss her and get upset.  (actually, only one of the children have homesickness, the other two are fine)  So it is really about one child.
Can I refuse to answer the phone all week?  I feel like a prisoner in my own home!  If her calls are having negative effects on the kids, plus my relationship with my wife, can I put a stop to them?  How can I or am I totally being unreasonable?
Please advise as I want to do the right thing here.  


MixedBag

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Check out the thread on the Second Families board
« Reply #1 on: Feb 21, 2004, 06:53:10 PM »
started by Tulip about harassing phone calls.

There's TONS of good advice and it's really worth capturing into a permanent article about WHAT a parent can do and should do....

 

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