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Author Topic: Summer vacation (yet another :) question)  (Read 863 times)

TCG

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Summer vacation (yet another :) question)
« on: Apr 29, 2005, 01:47:16 PM »
We are in Illinois.  DH is NCP with EOW and Mondays.  Per the parenting agreement, DH gets "two additional weeks of parenting time (to be taken consecutively or intermittently) with thirty days notice to the mother."  Nothing is said about them needing to "agree" or mother giving "approval".  No "deadline" is given for him to give dates outside the "thirty days notice" part.

Every year, there is an issue with this - every year it's something different.

This year, DH sent written notification of dates chosen on 4/25. Dates chosen were 7/8 through 7/22. Pretty straightforward, 'eh?

Got a message last night that "those dates won't work" because BM has signed SD up for several activities (extracurricular camps with her friends).

This year, the two week segment happens to be the only segment DH can take due to his job.  It has to be approved, and once it's approved, good luck changing it.

DH is ready to send her a certified letter saying that he has done what is required per the parenting agreement, and the fact that she signed SD up for camps is really her problem (he'll say it nicely, of course!)

The other option is to go on our vacation without SD and just take two weeks later in the summer - when DH would be at work during the day.  Certainly no fun for her and certainly not getting any good father/daughter time.  Plus, doing so would send the BM the message that she can pretty much do what she wants and we'll take the leftovers.

I have a feeling BM will not be satisfied with this and will attempt to get this before a judge (has tried before and dropped it for some reason).  

If this should happen:

1) What are the chances it will actually be heard by a judge, given that DH has done as required by the JPA and there is no provision for the parents needing to "agree".

2) Should this get that far, does DH have a valid case in that (a) he followed the JPA so she can't complain, (b) his vacation time from work is limited to that span, and (c) While it's unfortunate that SD won't be able to attend camps, it would benefit SD more to spend vacation time with her family rather than spending her 2 weeks vacation sitting at home with SM/half sibs since her father can't get off work.

Thanks in advance!!!

 


socrateaser

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RE: Summer vacation (yet another :) question)
« Reply #1 on: Apr 29, 2005, 02:01:55 PM »
>1) What are the chances it will actually be heard by a judge,
>given that DH has done as required by the JPA and there is no
>provision for the parents needing to "agree".

Depends on the court's calendar. I have no idea.

>
>2) Should this get that far, does DH have a valid case in that
>(a) he followed the JPA so she can't complain, (b) his
>vacation time from work is limited to that span, and (c) While
>it's unfortunate that SD won't be able to attend camps, it
>would benefit SD more to spend vacation time with her family
>rather than spending her 2 weeks vacation sitting at home with
>SM/half sibs since her father can't get off work.

The court could find against you "in the child's best interests." It happens all the time.

I think you need to have a heart to heart with the kid and find out whether she would prefer the camp stuff or a vacation with you -- tell her exactly what you're planning for that time period.

If you don't, then you could end up with custody and a miserable child.  If the kid wants to go camp with friends, then you go and have fun without her, and then take the kid when you're at work and the kid will be bored and SOL -- but she can see pictures of all the fun you had without her, and maybe next time she will choose you. If not, then you saved a lot of money in travel costs.

I realize that this is not a palettable solution, but, face it -- it's not really about what you want. It's about what the child wants. and, most children want to be with their friends -- not their family. Ces't la vie.

TCG

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RE: Summer vacation (yet another :) question)
« Reply #2 on: Apr 30, 2005, 04:57:46 PM »
That is exactly what we're thinking right now....going to wait until we see SD Monday and "feel her out"....if she seems to really want camp - oh well - she'll miss our vacation, and it will probably sting a bit for her to see our scrapbook pictures without her in them....but heck, who wants to be stuck with a cranky kid for two weeks!  I, for one, want to enjoy my vacation!

Thanks so much!!!!

 

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