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Author Topic: request to sparc admin  (Read 7707 times)

bigsigh2004

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request to sparc admin
« on: Sep 29, 2004, 04:17:47 PM »
could you please do me a huge favor and confirm to the members of this board I am not fleetingmoment?

Also, are profiles required? If so, I'll put one up, but I didn't see that it was mandatory. I didn't plan on staying long term as I am not one who is the best at giving advice.

I came here looking for suggestions, and I find myself being burned at the stake for things I'm not even doing & a person I am not. I'd like the record set straight so that the focus can get back to what is best for my daughter.

It may not be the popular thing, but it is what is best.  



MixedBag

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RE: request to sparc admin
« Reply #1 on: Sep 29, 2004, 04:24:35 PM »
They can check it out thoroughly -- down to seeing what IP address you are posting from and what others are posting from.

Profiles are not required, BUT people that have come here to hassle the board or others usually don't fill them out or lie on them anyway.

Skip the sarcasm......O.K.

Hawkeye

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RE: request to sparc admin
« Reply #2 on: Sep 29, 2004, 07:11:02 PM »
and a cat named Garfield too? how cool are you?  LOL

sorry if I've ever had a sarcastic moment, this site may just be experiencing another growing pain, don't we all?


Peanutsdad

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RE: request to sparc admin
« Reply #3 on: Sep 29, 2004, 07:34:29 PM »
Actually ,, you got burned at the stake for severasl things,, and you ARE right,, at least one of em is something,, you didnt do.

You got burned primarily due to being a cheap coward who's too afraid to be a parent. Your daughter isnt worth the time to you. Your "work" is more important,, thats too bad.


You got burned because,, NOW,,, you wanna 'fess up and say you went for custody for the wrong reasons. Dont tell us, go tell your exwife if you need absolution.



Frankly, I could care less who you post as. You want advice on how to get out of being a parent? Go talk to your wife and your exwife. I'm sure they'll both accomodate you.

janM

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RE: can we not start this all over again please?....nm
« Reply #4 on: Sep 29, 2004, 07:38:31 PM »
nm


Peanutsdad

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RE: can we not start this all over again please?....nm
« Reply #5 on: Sep 29, 2004, 07:46:48 PM »
Ummm points up at the thread,, who's the author?

bigsigh2004

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will you just shut your piehole already?
« Reply #6 on: Sep 30, 2004, 08:36:34 AM »
I believe Jan was talking about hurling insensitve insults, rediculous accusations and flaming someone for no reason other than you have lodged a huge hornet's nest up your hindquarters. My post had nothing to do with my custody question but you had to be a jackass for the hell of it.

I understand you run your own site, (a rip off of this one) I also understand many of the posters there are from an old single moms site from some e-mails I've gotten from people telling me to ignore you.

How about I go over there and get the advice of the women on your board, see how a CP mom would want things handled if she were my ex, making sure to post the comments you have made to me thus far here? (none of which were anything close to helpful advice, just insulting)

Fact of the matter is, you do not understand the entire situation, you have not even bothered to TRY to. Do you do this to people on your board too? Or do you have some sort of split personallity going?

By the way, that is rhetorical, I have no desire to get into it with you.  Jan is very much right, the crap you are pulling isn't doing anyone any good so just shut up already. I came here for advice, not ridicule for my choice of what is in the best interest of my child.

catherine

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always have to have the last word, huh?
« Reply #7 on: Sep 30, 2004, 09:04:53 AM »
And I thought you said you were leaving the board?

Again, it's OK to disagree with someone but you are violating the rules of the board by calling people names.  

From what I can tell, people told you to get a counselor (imagine that - it was my first post to you), seek advice from a lawyer to write up a new plan, and don't waste time telling your ex.  What else is there to seek advice on?

It happens that some posters here think you are giving up.  You don't think that.  Let me make this clear: You are NOT going to be changing our minds and we obviously won't be changing yours in regards to what parenting means.

Just truce, leave it be.

janM

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RE: 'scuse me?
« Reply #8 on: Sep 30, 2004, 09:12:23 AM »
I said nothing of the sort. I insulted no one, and told no one to shut up. I don't do that. All I was talking about was taking up valuable board space with...what? I kept out of this until I saw another unproductive thread starting. Please don't put words in my mouth...er keyboard.

What must new members think of all this? Scare them off most likely.

You folks have all said your piece...now let's let it go and move on.

Bolivar

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Just one more janM / now i'm done
« Reply #9 on: Sep 30, 2004, 09:20:43 AM »
You said this board advised you to “.... It wasn't pretty and I admit I pulled out all the stops to make things very hard for her. Stopped paying bills for the house so we were forced to sell, didn't pay child support because I wasn't "ordered" to, the works.”

“My children were starving to death my ex was put in a Kook house, but I continued the course and listen to all the free advice I got from the specialist on this board.”(ok, I added this sentence.)

AND

you “can't remember what my screen name was on here back then, sorry!”

Yea……..Right………


Liar, Liar pants of fire!
Hanging from a telephone wire! :-)

bigsigh2004

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RE: always have to have the last word, huh?
« Reply #10 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:05:18 AM »
never said I was leaving

nut started the name calling in my original thread if you want to get technical.

I wasn't trying to change anyone's mind, based on my choice, I was looking for advice on how to word things, best way to handle it. You may not like what I'm doing, and if you don't, there was no reason to bother saying anything to me. Now was there?

Good parenting means being able to admit when you aren't the best at being the CP, I'm not. Do I like havong to admit that? Of course not, but it's being honest at least, for the sake of my daughter.

As I said to someone somewhere on here, how many of the dad's fighting for custody here would love to have thier ex admit they weren't cut out to be a CP and hand the kid over? Just because I'm a dad who figured out I'm not that great at it, I'm some sort of evil rotten horrible being?

That makes no logical sense.


bigsigh2004

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jan - my post was to nut, not you dear.
« Reply #11 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:06:34 AM »
.

bigsigh2004

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actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #12 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:20:52 AM »
I was posting on several boards back then. ONE of the boards gave me rather heavy handed advice in that regard. (basically being the biggest dick I could be) Again, somewhere in that mass of mess called my original post Kitty C deduced it was probably at divorcing dads (or whatever that site's name is) and I believe she was correct. You admitted to not reading everything, so stop assuming.

Just because I can't remember a lousy screen name from a few years ago doesn't make me a fake for god's sake. You are really grasping at straws. Did you have an at-a-glance desk calendar two or three years ago? can you tell me what the serial number down at the bottom of it was? Because those were the numbers I used. Do you have such a photograpic memory that just by my screen name you'd remember who the hell I was? I don't even think my posts are accessable anymore, it looks like the whole site changed since the last time I was here.

and the biggest problem this, and other boards have, and why I DON'T utilize anything like this as my sole source of information, (again that wonderful assuming you are doing) is due to all the crap people DO add (like your last sentence) that comepletely takes away from the focus of the original question. I didn't get that the last time.

You get so hung up on lynching someone or ramming your moral opinion down someone's throat you lose site of why a question was even being asked. For the sake of a kid.





catherine

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maybe it comes down to
« Reply #13 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:29:35 AM »
Personal beliefs in self-improvement?

"Just because I'm a dad who figured out I'm not that great at it, I'm some sort of evil rotten horrible being?"

No, you aren't.  However, when people can see defenciences in themselves, they often work hard to correct the problems within themselves and not look for shortcuts.  Like if you realize you are unfit physcially, go on a diet and exercise schedule and try and correct the problem.  If you run and get gastric bypass surgery or diet pills, that's taking a shortcut and is an easy way to fix it, but it is only temporary.

Wi-Mom

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Interesting....
« Reply #14 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:44:52 AM »
Well I never even knew you could have a profile on this board.. so before I signed in.. I clicked on my name to see what it said. All it says is that I'm male.. which I am not. Don't know how it got there.. but if anyone thought that WI-Mom was my ROLE in a samesex relationship.. well.. I hope you didn't!

I'M A GIRL!!

hehehehehe.....

bigsigh2004

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RE: maybe it comes down to
« Reply #15 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:47:37 AM »
with my wife's urging, I've spent the past three months trying to be "better" at it. Part of why she pulled the "hands off" deal. Her exact words were Rich, sh*t or get off the pot.

I read books, I talked to my own mother, I tried lots of things other than pushing what I wasn't sure how to do on my wife. I still suck, and my daughter is getting worse not better. I'm getting more frustrated, not less.

To use your example, it ends up that *I* was the gastric bypass/diet pill for my ex. I gave her the time to get herself back to who she was. I don't really find that to be a bad thing.

I was the temporary solution to what wasn't a permanent problem my ex had. I'm really fine with that.

With that said, all I have been looking for is what the opinion is of the best way to transition my daughter back to what is (should)? be her permanent situation, from this temporary one. And this is what I get.






bigsigh2004

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Probably..
« Reply #16 on: Sep 30, 2004, 10:51:08 AM »
because this place started as a father's rights site (and still pretty much is, obviously from the lambasting I'm getting) it just defaults to male.

thanks for injecting some humor in all this though. Got a chuckle out of me.

Bolivar

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RE: Probably..
« Reply #17 on: Sep 30, 2004, 11:17:15 AM »
“because this place started as a father's rights site (and still pretty much is, obviously from the lambasting I'm getting)……..”

Weird statement coming from a male.


I will say you are the best con-poster I have ever seen!  Does NOW pay you for your services?  If not, they should.  You are damn goooooooood!!!


Thanks for the entertainment.  :-)


janM

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RE: I know you were talking to PD, but....
« Reply #18 on: Sep 30, 2004, 12:40:39 PM »
"I believe Jan was talking about hurling insensitve insults"

"Jan is very much right, the crap you are pulling isn't doing anyone any good"

I did not infer any such thing! I just want to see an end to this nonsense!
My grandson's kindergarten class is better behaved than the posters on this board. I am all for free speech, but some of these posts are getting huge and the space could definitely be put to better use.

DO NOT SAY I SAID SOMETHING THAT I DID NOT.

I am done with this thread. I suggest everyone else follow suit and return this board to the high standards it has come to be known by.

Or was.

bigsigh2004

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do you really need E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G spelled out to you?
« Reply #19 on: Sep 30, 2004, 12:47:29 PM »
Bolivar,

you really are getting annoying. I have a legitimate custody concern, and you are turning it into one big farce with absolultey no hard proof of your claim other than really out there speculation. You are doing my child a huge injustice.

From what I understand of the evolvement of this site, it went from strictly helping father's get what they want to trying to broaden the focus to "best interest of child".

I'm being attacked, being called a fake and worse just because I happen to be a father who admits full time parenting is not in the best interest of my daughter. Regardless if I'm the CP, or the NCP of my child, I still have "rights" of which I want to ensure protection of.

Where do you get off trying to make me feel ashamed for feeling the best role for me is the NCP of my daughter? There are plenty of father's on this site who are just looking to get more time with their child(ren) not take total custody away. Why aren't you ragging on them as well?

I did what was best for my daughter at the time I took custody on the emergency basis, and I'm choosing to do what's best for her now that the crisis is over. 20/20 hindsight I would have just gone for a temporary custody arrangement, but that was not the advice I was given at the time. (by multiple sources)

Now get the hell off my ass if you dont have anything productive to help my situation.








bigsigh2004

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I came back to this site due to the...
« Reply #20 on: Sep 30, 2004, 01:01:41 PM »
memory of how well I was treated and the great no-nonsense advice I got during the bad time. Do you think I enjoy having to defend myself like this instead of dealing with the REAL issue? 3/4 of my original post ened up complete baloney.

If I took what you posted wrong, my apologies. But I'm not the one to blame for this. I came looking for help for my unique situation. I asked administration to clarify I wasn't who bolivar assumed I was to try to get the nonsense to stop and get back to the real focus of my post, and peanut, there was no excuse for the attack he made on me, and encouraged others to as well by starting my post downhill in the first place.

What the hell happened to the place I came where I asked a question, got useful information in regard to it (or was just asked questions to clarify) and then that was that?



Kitty C.

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RE: Probably..
« Reply #21 on: Sep 30, 2004, 02:21:13 PM »
Bo,

I've read your posts not only on this site, but another as well.  I've respected you in your opinions.....at least up to this point.  It's JMO, but I can't for the life of me figure out why you 'insist' on cornholing this guy as a double poster, referring him to someone else.

To tell you the truth, I'm getting to feel very embarrassed as to how big sigh is being treated on this board.....and I am just as guilty as anyone else.  I pitched in right from the beginning and lambasted him, based ONLY on his original post that was extremely limited in information to begin with.  We were all too quick to fry this guy, IMO.

No one wants to post really long messages, so that we don't 'bore' the readers and such.  But in keeping it short and sweet, sometimes vital information can be left out, too, as with bigsigh's case.  And we're left with making assumptions that can be completely off base.  Once he gave more information in regards to what was going on, many things became much clearer to me and I immediately apologized to him.

But I will say one thing:  If I were him, and was figuratively being pushed in a corner, I'd get extremely defensive, too.  I mean, c'mon!  Here's a guy who literally bared his soul to us, admitting mistakes (and MAJOR ones at that!) and what he considers his shortcomings as well.  All he was asking for was HOW to go about getting the mother more involved in his child's life.  He realizes that she needs her as well as she needs him, and he's not capable of doing it alone.  He had literally 'dumped' it on he new wife, and she basically told him 'Take responsibility for YOUR child'.  Thus he finally comes to the realization of the mistakes he's made and he's trying to do his damndest to make amends.

I think he also realizes that some bridges have been burned, so he's going to have to do a LOT of reconstruction as well.  He has his work cut out for him, BIG TIME.  But he came here to say he's ready and willing to do that for his child and only asked HOW.  That, to me, is being a responsible parent.

He wants his child to have BOTH parents consistently in her life.  ISN'T THAT WHAT WE ALL ARE STRIVING FOR HERE???????  He's trying to do what the moms on the 'moms without custody' board wish their exes would do!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

bigsigh2004

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wow kitty c....
« Reply #22 on: Sep 30, 2004, 02:31:47 PM »
I appreciate you putting your neck out on the potential chopping block for me.

right at the moment the words thank you hardly seem sufficient, but thank you none the less.

Kitty C.

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Trust me..........
« Reply #23 on: Sep 30, 2004, 02:55:49 PM »
...........I meant EVERY word of it.  I've been here for a LONG time and have seen many issues come across the plate.  I have to admit yours has a different 'spin' on it than usual, but the bottom line is the child and her having BOTH her parents in her life.  From what you've posted so far, that is EXACTLY what you are trying to achieve.  It may not be what you started out for when you divorced, but it is your goal now.  I commend you for that.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Peanutsdad

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RE: actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #24 on: Sep 30, 2004, 03:46:04 PM »
Bigsigh,


You've asked the people on this board how to get out of being a full time parent,, when this board is dedicated to parents who WANT to be full time parents. When you were here before, you got good advice BECAUSE  you wanted to be a parent.

Then you wonder why the outrage. You are like the guy who goes into the doctors office with a sore elbow, and asks for the limb to be amputated rather than finding a cure.


Despite the negative inputs, a lot of people GAVE you good advice here on your question.  Yes I lambasted you, and then gave you the advice you sought. Many people gave the answers you need.  You dont seem to want answers or advice, you SEEM to want validation.  If you wanted to be welcomed and cuddled for your decisions, then perhaps a site like NOW is where you should have gone.






btw, thank you for the compliments on my site. Yes, a lot of content came from sparc,, with credits on the pages. Why? Because its still good information. The site provides a needed service, thats why I developed it.

bigsigh2004

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RE: actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #25 on: Sep 30, 2004, 04:39:50 PM »
Yes I got great advice from a few people, and that advice I didn't dispute at all. I appreciated it, I asked further questions.  This site, from what I understand, is dedicated to the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" not just parents seeking full custody of their kids. I have found, through months of turmoil, that IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD, she is better off full time with her now stable mother.

YOU?????!?!?! Gave me advice I needed???? Show me where! Let's review your addleheaded nasty, unproductive comments and tell me from them what exactly I could gain from it.

Let's see, yuor first bit of "advice"...

**Sorry, but best advice is dump the new wife and concentrate on being a father. It'll be a new experience for you.**

Oh yeah, I'll run right out and divorce my wife over this. Great thinking there. Just destroy yet another family over a trip to the mall my daughter didn't get to go on.

Next little peice of sage wisdom coming from a nut...

**Kitty, thats why I told him to dump the new wife and try being a parent,, its obvious he never has been. He knows what he NEEDS to do, but he wants the easy way out. Now to you the original poster:

You've "won" the custody fight,, well guess what chump,, be careful what you ask for, cuz you just might get it,,, and you did. So now, you wanna take the easy way out,, pathetic. Stand the hell up and be a man. **

Ok, so now I'm a "chump" (yeah that will gain you a hell of a lot of respect and worth of opinion there) and yeah, I did get what I was asking for, because at the time it was the BEST THING FOR MY DAUGHTER. What? Would you have rather I just left my kid with her neighbor and threw up my hands going "oh well"? I wasn't ready to be a full time parent then, but I tried to be, I did my damn best...I SUCK AT IT! Being a parent is akin to any other type of "job" out there, there are some you just are NOT qualified for.

You call this the easy way out???? You are frigging fried man. I have to go to my ex wife who hates the hell out of me, explain to why things went down the way they did, let her know I don't think she is the pond scum of the earth my lawyer did a damn good job of making her out to be and try to write up some sort of agreement THAT SHE WILL SIGN ensuring that she doesn't rip my daughter out of my life completely. All while my new wife stares down the back of my neck making sure I'm looking out for everyone.

Oh yeah, real frigging "easy" way out. Walking in a cambodian mine field is easier than what I'm setting out to do.

Okay...sage advice from you #3 (edited for fluff)

**Since the only advice you seem to want is how to avoid BEING a parent, it's quite simple,, take her to her mother and hand her over.**

Oh sure, hand her right over, no plan in place. No insurance that I get to see her on a schedule, nothing set up as far as support, just walk up to the door, no warning and plop her down. Maybe not even leave a note, how about I just pin a note to her and tell her to wait until mom gets home?

Not once not ever ONCE did I say I wanted to "avoid" being a parent. Just because I would prefer to have my daughter for quality time spent with dear old dad back the way it was when we first divorced, Weekends, and a visit during the week plus phone calls up the wazoo, does that mean I'm AVOIDING being a parent. I still have to put her to bed, I still have to help her get dressed, feed her, entertain her, occasionally dicipline her...the POINT here is that when I CAN'T BE HOME my WIFE shouldn't have to be doing WHAT I SHOULD BE. And I have come to find that after a very exhausting day of work, YES it IS hard. WHY do you think I should make MY CHILD SUFFER when she has a perfectly good AWAKE NON EXHAUSTED PARENT at home picking lint off her sweater instead of doing the things I'm not doing very well?


you then go on to say, after those three rediculous pieces of advice..

**I DID do you a favor,, I gave you the best advice you could get, you just dont want advice tho, you want validation.**

YOU?? Gave me the BEST ADVICE? huh? Sorry dude, but I think the advice I got about talking to a child therapist, writing a letter to my ex, checking into a different lawyer, discussing 50/50, looking into a phased schedule for readjusting to living with mom, making sure I have everything in writing before doing anything....THAT was good advice I got and NONE of it came from you.

What validation do I want exactly? I don't give a rats ass if you agree with what I'm doing or not. I'm looking out for my daughter. So I'm sticking out the nasty bullcrap on here for the few people who actually have brains enough to give me small bits of things to think about and potentially utilize.

I took a look at a lot of your posts Peanutsdad, and you know what, you are damn good at quoting things that SPARC has up. When it comes to REAL advice though, from the heart, experienced, thought provoking or otherwise that WASN'T written by someone else originally...YOU STINK. As a parent without the benefit of your significant other, I truly have to wonder if you actually COULD do it on your own. I think you'd find yourself just as exaspirated as I am. At least the mom in my situation is fit to parent.

I did not compliment your board, and you know it. You are taking a group of people's hard effort and dedication and trying to pass it off as your own. As if you looked very hard to find it all. YOU are the one looking for pumped up validation peanutsdad. Everyone else is doing the work you and you are taking credit for it. Oh sure, a few minor kudods you throw out there. Doesn't change the fact none of what you seem to have "accomplished" you have done on your own.

So who the hell are you to say a word to me about admitting I'm not able to be a full time parent? At least I have the "nuts" to admit it and do something about it.

Oh and by the way, on your quote at the bottom of your posts - it's spelled ADVICE.  






Peanutsdad

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RE: actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #26 on: Sep 30, 2004, 05:18:01 PM »
>Yes I got great advice from a few people, and that advice I
>didn't dispute at all. I appreciated it, I asked further
>questions.  This site, from what I understand, is dedicated to
>the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" not just parents seeking full
>custody of their kids. I have found, through months of
>turmoil, that IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD, she is better
>off full time with her now stable mother.
>
>YOU?????!?!?! Gave me advice I needed???? Show me where! Let's
>review your addleheaded nasty, unproductive comments and tell
>me from them what exactly I could gain from it.
>
>Let's see, yuor first bit of "advice"...
>
>**Sorry, but best advice is dump the new wife and concentrate
>on being a father. It'll be a new experience for you.**
>
>Oh yeah, I'll run right out and divorce my wife over this.
>Great thinking there. Just destroy yet another family over a
>trip to the mall my daughter didn't get to go on.


Doesnt change the advice,, its still the same. You dont know how to be a parent, your wiff isnt interested in being a full time step parent, so instead of learning, you'll gladly be a visitor in your daughters life.
>
>Next little peice of sage wisdom coming from a nut...
>
>**Kitty, thats why I told him to dump the new wife and try
>being a parent,, its obvious he never has been. He knows what
>he NEEDS to do, but he wants the easy way out. Now to you the
>original poster:
>
>You've "won" the custody fight,, well guess what chump,, be
>careful what you ask for, cuz you just might get it,,, and you
>did. So now, you wanna take the easy way out,, pathetic. Stand
>the hell up and be a man. **
>
>Ok, so now I'm a "chump" (yeah that will gain you a hell of a
>lot of respect and worth of opinion there) and yeah, I did get
>what I was asking for, because at the time it was the BEST
>THING FOR MY DAUGHTER. What? Would you have rather I just left
>my kid with her neighbor and threw up my hands going "oh
>well"? I wasn't ready to be a full time parent then, but I
>tried to be, I did my damn best...I SUCK AT IT! Being a parent
>is akin to any other type of "job" out there, there are some
>you just are NOT qualified for.


I dont recall anywhere in the parenting manual that we all were so obviously given that it claims we have to be "ready" to be parents. I dont recall my children asking if I was "ready" to be a parent. Most adults realize that ready or not, you ARE a parent and you take what it takes to learn to do it. We dont have the option of "quitting" because we arent "ready".
>
>You call this the easy way out???? You are frigging fried man.
>I have to go to my ex wife who hates the hell out of me,
>explain to why things went down the way they did, let her know
>I don't think she is the pond scum of the earth my lawyer did
>a damn good job of making her out to be and try to write up
>some sort of agreement THAT SHE WILL SIGN ensuring that she
>doesn't rip my daughter out of my life completely. All while
>my new wife stares down the back of my neck making sure I'm
>looking out for everyone.
>
>Oh yeah, real frigging "easy" way out. Walking in a cambodian
>mine field is easier than what I'm setting out to do.


Poor you. Cry me a river.
>
>Okay...sage advice from you #3 (edited for fluff)
>
>**Since the only advice you seem to want is how to avoid BEING
>a parent, it's quite simple,, take her to her mother and hand
>her over.**
>
>Oh sure, hand her right over, no plan in place. No insurance
>that I get to see her on a schedule, nothing set up as far as
>support, just walk up to the door, no warning and plop her
>down. Maybe not even leave a note, how about I just pin a note
>to her and tell her to wait until mom gets home?
>
>Not once not ever ONCE did I say I wanted to "avoid" being a
>parent. Just because I would prefer to have my daughter for
>quality time spent with dear old dad back the way it was when
>we first divorced, Weekends, and a visit during the week plus
>phone calls up the wazoo, does that mean I'm AVOIDING being a
>parent. I still have to put her to bed, I still have to help
>her get dressed, feed her, entertain her, occasionally
>dicipline her...the POINT here is that when I CAN'T BE HOME my
>WIFE shouldn't have to be doing WHAT I SHOULD BE. And I have
>come to find that after a very exhausting day of work, YES it
>IS hard. WHY do you think I should make MY CHILD SUFFER when
>she has a perfectly good AWAKE NON EXHAUSTED PARENT at home
>picking lint off her sweater instead of doing the things I'm
>not doing very well?
>
>
>you then go on to say, after those three rediculous pieces of
>advice..
>
>**I DID do you a favor,, I gave you the best advice you could
>get, you just dont want advice tho, you want validation.**
>
>YOU?? Gave me the BEST ADVICE? huh? Sorry dude, but I think
>the advice I got about talking to a child therapist, writing a
>letter to my ex, checking into a different lawyer, discussing
>50/50, looking into a phased schedule for readjusting to
>living with mom, making sure I have everything in writing
>before doing anything....THAT was good advice I got and NONE
>of it came from you.


Reread  I said you also got good advice from others.
>
>What validation do I want exactly? I don't give a rats ass if
>you agree with what I'm doing or not. I'm looking out for my
>daughter. So I'm sticking out the nasty bullcrap on here for
>the few people who actually have brains enough to give me
>small bits of things to think about and potentially utilize.
>
>I took a look at a lot of your posts Peanutsdad, and you know
>what, you are damn good at quoting things that SPARC has up.
>When it comes to REAL advice though, from the heart,
>experienced, thought provoking or otherwise that WASN'T
>written by someone else originally...YOU STINK. As a parent
>without the benefit of your significant other, I truly have to
>wonder if you actually COULD do it on your own. I think you'd
>find yourself just as exaspirated as I am. At least the mom in
>my situation is fit to parent.


Shows what little you do actually know. I HAVE been a single parent. I work 12 hour nights, and still managed to be a parent, clean house, do the shopping, do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, help with homework, get my kids to school, to childcare.

You Sir, went for custody with the ASSUMPTION that new wifey would fill moms shoes. Remember typing that? You wanted custody, for your own selfish reasons, yet you didnt want the responsibility that goes with it.


I dont post on sparc for feel good comfy advice, I post the places people can find the information they need. Nowhere do I claim to be your therapist, nor anyone elses. I post as I see fit.
>
>I did not compliment your board, and you know it. You are
>taking a group of people's hard effort and dedication and
>trying to pass it off as your own. As if you looked very hard
>to find it all. YOU are the one looking for pumped up
>validation peanutsdad. Everyone else is doing the work you and
>you are taking credit for it. Oh sure, a few minor kudods you
>throw out there. Doesn't change the fact none of what you seem
>to have "accomplished" you have done on your own.


No where on the pages of my site do I claim work that is not mine. The members of my board are well aware of where I get information to post. The owner of tHIS board is well aware that  my site exists and I value what he and others have done here. I post content rather than links due to links can change over time.
>
>So who the hell are you to say a word to me about admitting
>I'm not able to be a full time parent? At least I have the
>"nuts" to admit it and do something about it.

Seems to me,, you have the "nuts" to admit you dont have any,, thats about it.
>
>Oh and by the way, on your quote at the bottom of your posts -
>it's spelled ADVICE.  


Thank you very much for the spelling leson :)
>
>
>
>
>
>

Raisin_3

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« Reply #27 on: Sep 30, 2004, 06:13:11 PM »
That if you came to this site and stated you were a worthless father that did not want to take any time to spend with his daughter and were marrying a woman who did not want your daughter living with her you would not have received the same advice and useful info.  Im sure you left off all the important facts.

Bolivar

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I respect your opinion Kitty C.
« Reply #28 on: Sep 30, 2004, 07:02:10 PM »
I respect your opinion Kitty C. .

You have helped me tremendously in my information search so I can submit a bill here in Ohio for joint custody, and your posts are fair.

I will ignore the looser “bigsigh2004”.  (had to get that one last zinger in)


If “bigsigh2004” is truly a dad I will be getting down on my knees tonight to thank GOD I was given the father I have!!!!  

My dad has always been active in my life just as I have tried to be with my son.  I have been force to be a NCP and the eX has BPD.  Despite my limited time with my son, I focus totally on him.  The time we spend together is pure quality time.



SOME OF MY GENEALOGY:

All my grandparents came over on the boat and settled in Cleveland.

On my fathers side my grandmother died when my father was 6 years old and my Grandfather raised my father and his sister. That was back around the 1940's.

On my Mothers side my grandmother also died when my mom was 8 and my Grandfather raised my mom and her sister.

Back then there was a huge net work of family and friends and either father could easily have gotten married to help raising the children.  Neither father got married to help them raise the children.  My Grandfather on my fathers side did get married when my dad was 16. My Grandfather on my mothers side did get married but I forget when(mom was older).


My dad is 75 and still plays the button box/accordion – Slovenian.
My mom 77 can still speak her fathers native language- Lithuanian.



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RE: request to sparc admin
« Reply #29 on: Sep 30, 2004, 08:44:32 PM »
>Also, are profiles required? If so, I'll put one up, but I
>didn't see that it was mandatory. I didn't plan on staying
>long term as I am not one who is the best at giving advice.

Profiles are not required, they're optional.


bigsigh2004

  • Guest
wow kitty c....
« Reply #30 on: Sep 30, 2004, 02:31:47 PM »
I appreciate you putting your neck out on the potential chopping block for me.

right at the moment the words thank you hardly seem sufficient, but thank you none the less.

Kitty C.

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Trust me..........
« Reply #31 on: Sep 30, 2004, 02:55:49 PM »
...........I meant EVERY word of it.  I've been here for a LONG time and have seen many issues come across the plate.  I have to admit yours has a different 'spin' on it than usual, but the bottom line is the child and her having BOTH her parents in her life.  From what you've posted so far, that is EXACTLY what you are trying to achieve.  It may not be what you started out for when you divorced, but it is your goal now.  I commend you for that.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Peanutsdad

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RE: actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #32 on: Sep 30, 2004, 03:46:04 PM »
Bigsigh,


You've asked the people on this board how to get out of being a full time parent,, when this board is dedicated to parents who WANT to be full time parents. When you were here before, you got good advice BECAUSE  you wanted to be a parent.

Then you wonder why the outrage. You are like the guy who goes into the doctors office with a sore elbow, and asks for the limb to be amputated rather than finding a cure.


Despite the negative inputs, a lot of people GAVE you good advice here on your question.  Yes I lambasted you, and then gave you the advice you sought. Many people gave the answers you need.  You dont seem to want answers or advice, you SEEM to want validation.  If you wanted to be welcomed and cuddled for your decisions, then perhaps a site like NOW is where you should have gone.






btw, thank you for the compliments on my site. Yes, a lot of content came from sparc,, with credits on the pages. Why? Because its still good information. The site provides a needed service, thats why I developed it.

bigsigh2004

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RE: actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #33 on: Sep 30, 2004, 04:39:50 PM »
Yes I got great advice from a few people, and that advice I didn't dispute at all. I appreciated it, I asked further questions.  This site, from what I understand, is dedicated to the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" not just parents seeking full custody of their kids. I have found, through months of turmoil, that IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD, she is better off full time with her now stable mother.

YOU?????!?!?! Gave me advice I needed???? Show me where! Let's review your addleheaded nasty, unproductive comments and tell me from them what exactly I could gain from it.

Let's see, yuor first bit of "advice"...

**Sorry, but best advice is dump the new wife and concentrate on being a father. It'll be a new experience for you.**

Oh yeah, I'll run right out and divorce my wife over this. Great thinking there. Just destroy yet another family over a trip to the mall my daughter didn't get to go on.

Next little peice of sage wisdom coming from a nut...

**Kitty, thats why I told him to dump the new wife and try being a parent,, its obvious he never has been. He knows what he NEEDS to do, but he wants the easy way out. Now to you the original poster:

You've "won" the custody fight,, well guess what chump,, be careful what you ask for, cuz you just might get it,,, and you did. So now, you wanna take the easy way out,, pathetic. Stand the hell up and be a man. **

Ok, so now I'm a "chump" (yeah that will gain you a hell of a lot of respect and worth of opinion there) and yeah, I did get what I was asking for, because at the time it was the BEST THING FOR MY DAUGHTER. What? Would you have rather I just left my kid with her neighbor and threw up my hands going "oh well"? I wasn't ready to be a full time parent then, but I tried to be, I did my damn best...I SUCK AT IT! Being a parent is akin to any other type of "job" out there, there are some you just are NOT qualified for.

You call this the easy way out???? You are frigging fried man. I have to go to my ex wife who hates the hell out of me, explain to why things went down the way they did, let her know I don't think she is the pond scum of the earth my lawyer did a damn good job of making her out to be and try to write up some sort of agreement THAT SHE WILL SIGN ensuring that she doesn't rip my daughter out of my life completely. All while my new wife stares down the back of my neck making sure I'm looking out for everyone.

Oh yeah, real frigging "easy" way out. Walking in a cambodian mine field is easier than what I'm setting out to do.

Okay...sage advice from you #3 (edited for fluff)

**Since the only advice you seem to want is how to avoid BEING a parent, it's quite simple,, take her to her mother and hand her over.**

Oh sure, hand her right over, no plan in place. No insurance that I get to see her on a schedule, nothing set up as far as support, just walk up to the door, no warning and plop her down. Maybe not even leave a note, how about I just pin a note to her and tell her to wait until mom gets home?

Not once not ever ONCE did I say I wanted to "avoid" being a parent. Just because I would prefer to have my daughter for quality time spent with dear old dad back the way it was when we first divorced, Weekends, and a visit during the week plus phone calls up the wazoo, does that mean I'm AVOIDING being a parent. I still have to put her to bed, I still have to help her get dressed, feed her, entertain her, occasionally dicipline her...the POINT here is that when I CAN'T BE HOME my WIFE shouldn't have to be doing WHAT I SHOULD BE. And I have come to find that after a very exhausting day of work, YES it IS hard. WHY do you think I should make MY CHILD SUFFER when she has a perfectly good AWAKE NON EXHAUSTED PARENT at home picking lint off her sweater instead of doing the things I'm not doing very well?


you then go on to say, after those three rediculous pieces of advice..

**I DID do you a favor,, I gave you the best advice you could get, you just dont want advice tho, you want validation.**

YOU?? Gave me the BEST ADVICE? huh? Sorry dude, but I think the advice I got about talking to a child therapist, writing a letter to my ex, checking into a different lawyer, discussing 50/50, looking into a phased schedule for readjusting to living with mom, making sure I have everything in writing before doing anything....THAT was good advice I got and NONE of it came from you.

What validation do I want exactly? I don't give a rats ass if you agree with what I'm doing or not. I'm looking out for my daughter. So I'm sticking out the nasty bullcrap on here for the few people who actually have brains enough to give me small bits of things to think about and potentially utilize.

I took a look at a lot of your posts Peanutsdad, and you know what, you are damn good at quoting things that SPARC has up. When it comes to REAL advice though, from the heart, experienced, thought provoking or otherwise that WASN'T written by someone else originally...YOU STINK. As a parent without the benefit of your significant other, I truly have to wonder if you actually COULD do it on your own. I think you'd find yourself just as exaspirated as I am. At least the mom in my situation is fit to parent.

I did not compliment your board, and you know it. You are taking a group of people's hard effort and dedication and trying to pass it off as your own. As if you looked very hard to find it all. YOU are the one looking for pumped up validation peanutsdad. Everyone else is doing the work you and you are taking credit for it. Oh sure, a few minor kudods you throw out there. Doesn't change the fact none of what you seem to have "accomplished" you have done on your own.

So who the hell are you to say a word to me about admitting I'm not able to be a full time parent? At least I have the "nuts" to admit it and do something about it.

Oh and by the way, on your quote at the bottom of your posts - it's spelled ADVICE.  






Peanutsdad

  • Guest
RE: actually you are wrong bol...
« Reply #34 on: Sep 30, 2004, 05:18:01 PM »
>Yes I got great advice from a few people, and that advice I
>didn't dispute at all. I appreciated it, I asked further
>questions.  This site, from what I understand, is dedicated to
>the "BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD" not just parents seeking full
>custody of their kids. I have found, through months of
>turmoil, that IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILD, she is better
>off full time with her now stable mother.
>
>YOU?????!?!?! Gave me advice I needed???? Show me where! Let's
>review your addleheaded nasty, unproductive comments and tell
>me from them what exactly I could gain from it.
>
>Let's see, yuor first bit of "advice"...
>
>**Sorry, but best advice is dump the new wife and concentrate
>on being a father. It'll be a new experience for you.**
>
>Oh yeah, I'll run right out and divorce my wife over this.
>Great thinking there. Just destroy yet another family over a
>trip to the mall my daughter didn't get to go on.


Doesnt change the advice,, its still the same. You dont know how to be a parent, your wiff isnt interested in being a full time step parent, so instead of learning, you'll gladly be a visitor in your daughters life.
>
>Next little peice of sage wisdom coming from a nut...
>
>**Kitty, thats why I told him to dump the new wife and try
>being a parent,, its obvious he never has been. He knows what
>he NEEDS to do, but he wants the easy way out. Now to you the
>original poster:
>
>You've "won" the custody fight,, well guess what chump,, be
>careful what you ask for, cuz you just might get it,,, and you
>did. So now, you wanna take the easy way out,, pathetic. Stand
>the hell up and be a man. **
>
>Ok, so now I'm a "chump" (yeah that will gain you a hell of a
>lot of respect and worth of opinion there) and yeah, I did get
>what I was asking for, because at the time it was the BEST
>THING FOR MY DAUGHTER. What? Would you have rather I just left
>my kid with her neighbor and threw up my hands going "oh
>well"? I wasn't ready to be a full time parent then, but I
>tried to be, I did my damn best...I SUCK AT IT! Being a parent
>is akin to any other type of "job" out there, there are some
>you just are NOT qualified for.


I dont recall anywhere in the parenting manual that we all were so obviously given that it claims we have to be "ready" to be parents. I dont recall my children asking if I was "ready" to be a parent. Most adults realize that ready or not, you ARE a parent and you take what it takes to learn to do it. We dont have the option of "quitting" because we arent "ready".
>
>You call this the easy way out???? You are frigging fried man.
>I have to go to my ex wife who hates the hell out of me,
>explain to why things went down the way they did, let her know
>I don't think she is the pond scum of the earth my lawyer did
>a damn good job of making her out to be and try to write up
>some sort of agreement THAT SHE WILL SIGN ensuring that she
>doesn't rip my daughter out of my life completely. All while
>my new wife stares down the back of my neck making sure I'm
>looking out for everyone.
>
>Oh yeah, real frigging "easy" way out. Walking in a cambodian
>mine field is easier than what I'm setting out to do.


Poor you. Cry me a river.
>
>Okay...sage advice from you #3 (edited for fluff)
>
>**Since the only advice you seem to want is how to avoid BEING
>a parent, it's quite simple,, take her to her mother and hand
>her over.**
>
>Oh sure, hand her right over, no plan in place. No insurance
>that I get to see her on a schedule, nothing set up as far as
>support, just walk up to the door, no warning and plop her
>down. Maybe not even leave a note, how about I just pin a note
>to her and tell her to wait until mom gets home?
>
>Not once not ever ONCE did I say I wanted to "avoid" being a
>parent. Just because I would prefer to have my daughter for
>quality time spent with dear old dad back the way it was when
>we first divorced, Weekends, and a visit during the week plus
>phone calls up the wazoo, does that mean I'm AVOIDING being a
>parent. I still have to put her to bed, I still have to help
>her get dressed, feed her, entertain her, occasionally
>dicipline her...the POINT here is that when I CAN'T BE HOME my
>WIFE shouldn't have to be doing WHAT I SHOULD BE. And I have
>come to find that after a very exhausting day of work, YES it
>IS hard. WHY do you think I should make MY CHILD SUFFER when
>she has a perfectly good AWAKE NON EXHAUSTED PARENT at home
>picking lint off her sweater instead of doing the things I'm
>not doing very well?
>
>
>you then go on to say, after those three rediculous pieces of
>advice..
>
>**I DID do you a favor,, I gave you the best advice you could
>get, you just dont want advice tho, you want validation.**
>
>YOU?? Gave me the BEST ADVICE? huh? Sorry dude, but I think
>the advice I got about talking to a child therapist, writing a
>letter to my ex, checking into a different lawyer, discussing
>50/50, looking into a phased schedule for readjusting to
>living with mom, making sure I have everything in writing
>before doing anything....THAT was good advice I got and NONE
>of it came from you.


Reread  I said you also got good advice from others.
>
>What validation do I want exactly? I don't give a rats ass if
>you agree with what I'm doing or not. I'm looking out for my
>daughter. So I'm sticking out the nasty bullcrap on here for
>the few people who actually have brains enough to give me
>small bits of things to think about and potentially utilize.
>
>I took a look at a lot of your posts Peanutsdad, and you know
>what, you are damn good at quoting things that SPARC has up.
>When it comes to REAL advice though, from the heart,
>experienced, thought provoking or otherwise that WASN'T
>written by someone else originally...YOU STINK. As a parent
>without the benefit of your significant other, I truly have to
>wonder if you actually COULD do it on your own. I think you'd
>find yourself just as exaspirated as I am. At least the mom in
>my situation is fit to parent.


Shows what little you do actually know. I HAVE been a single parent. I work 12 hour nights, and still managed to be a parent, clean house, do the shopping, do the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry, help with homework, get my kids to school, to childcare.

You Sir, went for custody with the ASSUMPTION that new wifey would fill moms shoes. Remember typing that? You wanted custody, for your own selfish reasons, yet you didnt want the responsibility that goes with it.


I dont post on sparc for feel good comfy advice, I post the places people can find the information they need. Nowhere do I claim to be your therapist, nor anyone elses. I post as I see fit.
>
>I did not compliment your board, and you know it. You are
>taking a group of people's hard effort and dedication and
>trying to pass it off as your own. As if you looked very hard
>to find it all. YOU are the one looking for pumped up
>validation peanutsdad. Everyone else is doing the work you and
>you are taking credit for it. Oh sure, a few minor kudods you
>throw out there. Doesn't change the fact none of what you seem
>to have "accomplished" you have done on your own.


No where on the pages of my site do I claim work that is not mine. The members of my board are well aware of where I get information to post. The owner of tHIS board is well aware that  my site exists and I value what he and others have done here. I post content rather than links due to links can change over time.
>
>So who the hell are you to say a word to me about admitting
>I'm not able to be a full time parent? At least I have the
>"nuts" to admit it and do something about it.

Seems to me,, you have the "nuts" to admit you dont have any,, thats about it.
>
>Oh and by the way, on your quote at the bottom of your posts -
>it's spelled ADVICE.  


Thank you very much for the spelling leson :)
>
>
>
>
>
>

Raisin_3

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I can GUARANTEE you
« Reply #35 on: Sep 30, 2004, 06:13:11 PM »
That if you came to this site and stated you were a worthless father that did not want to take any time to spend with his daughter and were marrying a woman who did not want your daughter living with her you would not have received the same advice and useful info.  Im sure you left off all the important facts.

Bolivar

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I respect your opinion Kitty C.
« Reply #36 on: Sep 30, 2004, 07:02:10 PM »
I respect your opinion Kitty C. .

You have helped me tremendously in my information search so I can submit a bill here in Ohio for joint custody, and your posts are fair.

I will ignore the looser “bigsigh2004”.  (had to get that one last zinger in)


If “bigsigh2004” is truly a dad I will be getting down on my knees tonight to thank GOD I was given the father I have!!!!  

My dad has always been active in my life just as I have tried to be with my son.  I have been force to be a NCP and the eX has BPD.  Despite my limited time with my son, I focus totally on him.  The time we spend together is pure quality time.



SOME OF MY GENEALOGY:

All my grandparents came over on the boat and settled in Cleveland.

On my fathers side my grandmother died when my father was 6 years old and my Grandfather raised my father and his sister. That was back around the 1940's.

On my Mothers side my grandmother also died when my mom was 8 and my Grandfather raised my mom and her sister.

Back then there was a huge net work of family and friends and either father could easily have gotten married to help raising the children.  Neither father got married to help them raise the children.  My Grandfather on my fathers side did get married when my dad was 16. My Grandfather on my mothers side did get married but I forget when(mom was older).


My dad is 75 and still plays the button box/accordion – Slovenian.
My mom 77 can still speak her fathers native language- Lithuanian.



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RE: request to sparc admin
« Reply #37 on: Sep 30, 2004, 08:44:32 PM »
>Also, are profiles required? If so, I'll put one up, but I
>didn't see that it was mandatory. I didn't plan on staying
>long term as I am not one who is the best at giving advice.

Profiles are not required, they're optional.


kitten

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RE: wow kitty c....
« Reply #38 on: Oct 01, 2004, 03:30:41 PM »
Kitty is a champion among kitties!

bigsigh2004

  • Guest
meow to that! LOL
« Reply #39 on: Oct 01, 2004, 04:12:20 PM »
.

kitten

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RE: meow to that! LOL
« Reply #40 on: Oct 01, 2004, 04:19:24 PM »
;)

bigsigh2004

  • Guest
RE: I can GUARANTEE you
« Reply #41 on: Oct 01, 2004, 04:24:46 PM »
hmmm..

did I state I was a worthless (your word in my mouth) father. No.

Did I state I did not want to spend ANY time with my child. Um, again no. I wanted to increase my ex's time and go back to the every weekend one night a week schedule we had that my daughter enjoyed and she wasn't nearly as frustrated. Revert back to the old CO with a few modifications since my ex took care of her problem and is a fit parent.

Did I state that my wife (not fiancee) didn't want my daughter living with us? again, no. I dumped it in her lap, yeah. she took it in stride. What she WANTED was for me to be a more involved parent in the little parenting details. Kitty C has that quote on the bottom of her posts that aptly describes what my wife did. Threw a brick at me. Admitting someone is better at something than you are, is not a bad thing.

Left off ALL the important facts? No, I don't think so. A few, maybe, but that's pretty typical, I can't forsee everyone's questions. Then again, few questions were asked. If my original post question in how to go about making the switch was just answered with out the moral judgements, "reading between the lines", jumping to conclusions on things that had no relevance and out and out bashing of me I'd have gotten useful information and help.

IN FACT! GASP! The ones who DID that, just gave input without judgement DID give me useful information and help. Golly gee, imagine that!

bigsigh2004

  • Guest
blah blah blah blah...
« Reply #42 on: Oct 01, 2004, 04:35:22 PM »
your SO posted to me, she's a lot smarter than you are. Think I'll just ignore you from now on. I like her better.

Oh, last note though. How did you like the assumption I made about you and not ever being a parent all by yourself ever? Not exactly a great thing to have people jump to conclusions without asking first, is it? huh? huh? huh? Interesting how easy it is for you to do it to other people in a heartbeat but holy cow if they do it to you.

I'll bet you come to very wrong conclusions about a lot of people you only see written word on, and never bother to clarify a thing directly with them. People who act like know it all's and holier than thou have very few real friends. I can see why you spend so much time on the net.

Raisin_3

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So, when is counseling?
« Reply #43 on: Oct 01, 2004, 05:02:28 PM »
What has your ex said about switching custody?  Have you even started that process or were you just here to get attention?

How is it you have time to sit and call people names and argue w/ them but not to play a game with your daughter?

bigsigh2004

  • Guest
RE: So, when is counseling?
« Reply #44 on: Oct 02, 2004, 01:07:56 PM »
**What has your ex said about switching custody? Have you even started that process or were you just here to get attention?**

don't know, she hasn't gotten the letter yet. Maybe if you followed the other string instead of just looking to attack me you'd have known the update.

**How is it you have time to sit and call people names and argue w/ them but not to play a game with your daughter?**

How is it YOU have time to sit here and argue with me and not play with YOUR kids? BTW, I was at the office, my daughter was at child care when I was dealing with your stupdidity. Right now, she is at a birthday party. Happy now?


BusyMom

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bump
« Reply #45 on: Oct 03, 2004, 01:19:20 PM »
.

BusyMom

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RE: bump
« Reply #46 on: Oct 03, 2004, 05:30:12 PM »
Are you like this with your family IRL?

 

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