Don't know what to do...

[sweetnsad]

I'm posting here because it's the busiest board so far....My five year old's father hasn't paid me CS since May of this year...He is in arrears of $1200.00...He tried to tell me he was unemployed...anyway, he got a new job that pays pretty good money.  And yet, he still won't pay.  My SO pays out $848.00 a month for his kids and I'm not getting anything to help out with my daughter...So actually we are supporting five kids on not alot of money.
My question is this:  Can I keep her from going with him if he isn't paying any support?  I worry when she's with him anyway...he's a bit neglectful...and I have full custody of her...
I'm not trying to keep her from him, I've always encouraged their relationship, but I feel like he's taking advantage of the situation and my good nature about not paying, but enough is enough...If he has the money (he's single and has no other children), would keeping her from him teach him a lesson?  
I'm not trying to be a witch here, but I need to do something and Maintenance Enforcement is a joke....

[Indigo Mom]

You can't take the child away from her father because he's not paying child support.

If you do that, what will you tell her when she's expecting him?  "Oh honey, daddy didn't pay so he can't see you?"  How do ya think that will make her feel?  While I agree both parents should support their children, I don't think kids are paychecks.  

I think your little girl is lucky to have both parents in her life...and even luckier if you change your mind about taking her away from her daddy.

[sweetnsad]

I have NEVER denied my child her father, ever...they have a fantastic relationship and that's because I've encouraged it every step of the way...I'm just stumped for ways for him to start paying...I never thought of my child as a paycheck..He only has to pay $77.00 bi-weekly, so it's not like it's something to live off.  He is single, has no other kids, doesn't have a car and has no girlfriend...There isn't any reason for him not to help out..

[FatherTime]

But those are fightin words.

I'm not going to say anything more.

[Indigo Mom]

I didn't say you said she was a paycheck.  I just use that term to wake people up when it comes to child support.  While it's necessary that both parents take responsibility, the person being paid support should NEVER count on it in their budget.  Just like working for a living.  You can't "assume" you're going to bring home X amount of dollars a month, cause what if ya get sick?  I know, making no sense to others...but I make sense to me and that's what counts, eh?  lol

-----I'm just stumped for ways for him to start paying-----

Ya can't make another person do what they don't want to do.  I know it bites, but get used to it.  My daughter got 50 bucks in July of '99.  Not a dime since.  We go through tough times.  REALLY tough times, but we make it.  And guess what?  We're better people because of it.  

Have you asked him about his new job?  Have you told him that since he's working, it'd be nice if he could help out with the finances for the child?  Or are you like me...would rather piss and moan without talking to the other party?     ;)

-----He is single, has no other kids, doesn't have a car and has no girlfriend...There isn't any reason for him not to help out..-----

Dudette.  Listen to this.  My daughters father paid a 50 dollar bill 4 1/2 years ago.  His child support is 137 per month.  He has no girlfriend, no other children, no bills (mommy pays everything) he has ZERO responsibility, a rich as all get out parent...yet the lil miss doesn't get help from him.  He gets everything handed to him on a silver platter, he was even given a kick ass luxury sedan by his folks.  They support him 100%, yet he doesn't say "hey ma...how about sending lil miss that 137 a month I owe".  Shall we talk about being upset?  His mommy could write lil miss a check for 100k right now and it wouldn't phase her wallet.  

I know why you're angry, I'm angry too.  I just choose to faggedabout it and be done with the stress.  Live your life, be as happy as you can and screw the rest.

Just don't make them miss time together cause you're mad.  

[sweetnsad]

Indigo, You are right....I would never let them miss time together because I'm peeved...what would that teach her?  And it wouldn't hurt him any...so it isn't worth it...

I have asked nicely, we've talked about it, and we usually get along great for her sake...He just takes advantage of it in numerous ways that I won't get into, but involves saving HIM a few bucks..but no more...I'll never deny him his daughter, but I won't help him either...he's a big boy and needs to take responsibility for his own actions...He can't hold a job for very long, is always in debt owing money, etc...just can't get it together for a man with no other responsibilities...

I guess what you say is true, just bite the bullet and shut up...no sense crying over it...it's not a phenomenal amount of money ($77.00 bi weekly)..not worth it...We are happy here and that's all that matters....I

[Indigo Mom]

There ya go.  Happiness is what matters, not what other people do or don't do.

Just remember, at the end of the day, you have to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with the decisions you've made.  

[StPaulieGirl]

Have you tried the County Child Support agency?  If you have a court order, and the father won't comply, they will garnish his check.  Granted it isn't a lot of money, but it's the principle of the whole thing.

I wouldn't block his visitation with your daughter.  She shouldn't be knowing about the non support.  If he's an asshole, she'll figure it out on her own.

[StPaulieGirl]

Why?  Why would you have a problem with her post?  Granted, denying visitation is extreme and not a solution; but can't this guy kick in for school clothes, or something?

[msme]

I'm pretty sure a majority of the parents on here don't receive the cs they were awarded. Most of those that do, only get it because they fought tooth & nail for a very long time to get it.
My son was awarded custody of his 3 beautiful children, nearly 2 years ago. So far he has received $50 about 9 months ago. Now she is over the magic number for Texas, $5,000. The AG's office is handling it now & she will either pay or go to jail.
Sign up for payment through the cse office. That way, they will keep track of it & eventually, you should get something.
Good luck & God bless.