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Author Topic: Child refuses to live with CP  (Read 971 times)


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Child refuses to live with CP
« on: Nov 27, 2006, 07:03:59 PM »
Dear Soc,  
I received the following e-mail from former spouse.  It is pertinent to the questions I have and hence have included it.  

Former Spouse Writes …..

 I have requested in the past on several occasions that you increase your parenting time with Son. Since July Son has only had 10 overnight visits with you. Son is refusing to stay at my home and is spending almost every night (with the exception of about 5 nights) at Friends house since the beginning of November apparently without any explanation as to why this suddenly occurred.

 I have exhausted all of my means of trying to talk with him and make him stay home. There have not been any huge blow ups at our home since August so why he chooses now to decide he does not want to stay home is puzzling to me. He will not even have a rationale discussion with me. I ask about homework and I am totally ignored. He swears at me on a regular basis. I feel very strongly that Son needs to be with a parent overnight on school nights.

Since he is refusing to stay with me I am asking that you keep him from now, beginning as soon as possible, until after Christmas break and school resumes again. I am desperately hoping that this will benefit Son immensely. I am desperate to help our son and if letting him stay with you for this time period will help him deal with what is going on inside him right now is best then I will certainly do whatever is best for Son. I love our son dearly and I will do whatever it takes to help him.

 I feel (as I have asked several time in the past) that Son should spend a lot more parenting time with you and perhaps that would help the situation once he has had time to settle down and think about things more clearly.

 I will agree to allow Son to stay with you temporarily from now until the 1st of the year when school resumes after Christmas break. I will only agree to this if I receive something in writing or e-mail from you agreeing to this arrangement. I will need to know when this situation will begin. I will also want it confirmed that this means that Son will be spending overnights with you and not left at a friend’s house on school nights.

If you cannot agree to this arrangement that he not be left with a friend on school nights then there is no difference to what is going on right now and no change in the situation. I will also want to be assured that you will be totally responsible for him and that he will not be showing up at the house without my knowledge ahead of time. If you call me I can make arrangements to be home if Son needs to pick anything up from the house.

 Please confirm this arrangement as soon as possible so I will know how to proceed with Son if I will still be responsible for him. If I do not hear from you by Wednesday I will assume that things will remain as they are and that you will not be taking this parenting time opportunity to try to help our son. I feel that this would be a far better situation than to have you call protective services and have our son put in a foster home. I am asking for your help with our son so that he has the best chance possible to correct this situation.

 Son needs help dealing with his continuing anger problem and his total disrespect towards me. I have suggested counseling again but he refuses to even discuss this with me. Perhaps you can talk with him about this matter and have all of us go to counseling with him.  

 I will not consider this arrangement without written confirmation not verbal.
 Ex Spouse


Additional Information,
 - Son is 15 and 8 months old

 - I have been and continue to speak with son nearly every night .

 - There have been physical altercations between Son and his step father – child protective services were involved and investigated but found no cause for action. Twice in the last 3 years

 - There is a mountain of motions to gain additional parenting time which were constantly fought by former spouse.  I have spent thousands of dollars fighting for additional parenting time so comments regarding requesting that I spend me time are incorrect and misleading.

 - Anger Management counseling was begun 3 years ago and stopped by former spouse because she had no trouble with son.  Former spouse actively resisted attempts to use the tools presented in the sessions.  I had trouble with Son 2 years ago and most of this according to counselor was backlash from parental fighting.

 - Although we are only 20 minutes apart, there is an international border between us.  This imposes significant challenges in the daily school commute.  Ex spouse knows this and is exploiting this border issue.   There are nights where Son will be required to stay at friends house to be in school the next morning.  I know the parents of Son’s friend and am comfortable with the behavioral standards they impose.  

 - Case and jurisdiction is Michigan

 - I have responded that I will accept total responsibility for Son, without restrictions.  I have received no response yet.  

 - I will be expected to pay full child support as well as incur the additional transportation expenses for this temporary period.  I am not saying that I am not willing to do so, but just that I must.



1)Is there enough in ex-spouse letter to demonstrate a change ion material circumstances regarding custody? In other words has the status quo been disrupted?

2) What types of petitions Should I consider filing with the court ?  



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RE: Child refuses to live with CP
« Reply #1 on: Nov 27, 2006, 10:51:52 PM »
>1)Is there enough in ex-spouse letter to demonstrate a change
>ion material circumstances regarding custody? In other words
>has the status quo been disrupted?

Maybe. There is evidence that the child is in some distress and the mother is unable to deal with the problem.

You need to get the terms and conditions of this temp custody in writing with the other parent's signature consenting to your extended exercise of parenting. Then you will have proof of the other parent's reason for turning the child over, which will improve your situation considerably.

Until you get this, what you have is an email which may or may not be admissible, because you will have difficulty proving it's authentic without the other parent's admitting to writing it. In such a case, without some corroborating evidence, you would have a temporary delegation of increased parenting, but no underlying rationale demonstrating that the reason is that the mother has lost the ability to successfully parent the child.

Regardless, you need to get the kid into your home and then wait until close to the return time to file, so that you have as much evidence in your favor (assuming a favorable parenting experience with you and the kid)

>2) What types of petitions Should I consider filing with the
>court ?  

Depends on whether your state recognizes motions to modify parenting without changing custody or whether you must file for a new custody hearing. If the former, then file to modify the parenting agreement. If the latter, file to modify custody.

The difference is that for the first motion you need only a preponderance of evidence (>50%) to get the court to order a change, while for the second your evidence must be clear and convincing (>75%).


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