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Messages - hisliltulip

#231
Father's Issues / RE: Frustrated.
Jan 16, 2004, 08:27:33 AM
FT, let me tell you a story...

I knew a man who had three beautiful children.  Two boys and one girl.

He and his wife split up when the kids were 5, 3, and 18 months.

The man saw his children every other weekend, and sent child support every month for 18 months.

One weekend, he went to pick up his kids, and the house was empty.  The BM had disappeared...

He learned from others that she had moved "somewhere in California".

For two years, he heard not a word, then the state of California came after him for CS because BM had applied for welfare...

Soon after his new wife set up for the children to come see him for a week.  The oldest boy (by that time 8) did not like his Step-Father or Mother and didn't want to go back (the kids were getting abused).

The BM said fine, that new guy was more important than her son.

KNOWING that the children were being abused, Dad still let BM take younger son and daughter back to California.

He saw his kids once 5 years later, when BM was back in state to see relatives and she called to see if he wanted to see them.

His younger son moved back to state when 17, daughter moved back to state Dad when she graduated highschool.

You know what?  This man gave up before even trying.  The kids would ask him repeatedly, "Why didn't you get us away from Mom and Step-Dad?"

There is a lot of bitterness from these kids.

They understand that Dad may have lost, but they to this day can not understand why he didn't even TRY...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Your trying, you're giving it your best shot.  No matter the outcome, the kids will understand this when they get older (if they don't already).

Family Court is a heck of a battle field.  But atleast you are standing up and fighting for your children's rights!


Keep your chin up.  We know what you are going through!

BETH
#232
*Note:  DH and BM married and separated in 1999 (married 4 months).  

DH and I started dating in summer of 2000, started living together in summer of 2001.  DH served BM with papers in summer of 2002 for custody of their child in common.  Winter of 2003, "officially" became engaged (I got the ring).

In the beginning of DH's court mess attorney told me to stay away (temporary custody hearing) which I did.

For the trial (summer of 2003), I asked attorney whether or not I should stay away again.  He was adament that I be there, and that our relationship would look less stable to the Judge if I was NOT there.

My advice is check with your attorney.  It may all depend on the Judge.

BETH
#233
Father's Issues / RE: I just signed...
Jan 09, 2004, 01:39:58 PM
I hope it helps the family.

The Judge on this case disgusts me.  There is a defenseless child now caught up in the effects of this and I am NOT talking about the college aged ADULT child!


)( GRRRRRRRRRR!

#234
1.) How did the alienation of your child from yourself start?

Telling child that he can't possibly love Daddy if he loves his Mommy.

2.) What kind of things did your ex do to keep your child away from you?

She would disappear.  Leave message after message with her Family, and she wouldn't return calls.

3.) Did you take it to court? If so, how many times have you been to court and what has been your cost so far?

Been to trial one time (the original hearing).  Just found out yesterday that DH gets Sole Physical Custody of Child.
$10K

4.) How has the judicial system aided the alienator in your case?

Paid for her lawyer, and her half of the evaluation.  She also received Child Care Assistance for the Court Ordered Preschool, yet we pay full price...

She has paid for nothing in the entire process, which is why it dragged out so long....  

She could afford to go to trial and "fight" the Evaluator's findings, because the County paid for all of her legal expenses.

5.) What kind of untruths have been said about you in public to keep PAS alive in your situation?

DH supposedly beat her repeatedly...  

I broke up their marriage, even though he and I didn't talk until AFTER they had been split up for months...  

He deserted her and their son (she left)...  

He fought for custody because he didn't want to pay her child support (ha-ha)...
   

"Your Dad's a retard" (one of her favorites)

"The only reason your Daddy wants you with him is because he hates me, he doesn't love you".

The lies go on and on and on.


6.) How much has the PAS cost you in terms of emotional distress to you, your child, and your current family?

There is time lost.  No way to recoup it.  I can't even put it into words.

7.) What kinds of things, if anything, did you as the alienated parent do in the beginning of your situation that may have contributed to the alienation?

DH grew up, she didn't like it.  She wanted them to continue the party life, he wanted to raise a healthy family.  So.... She started screwing her dealer and left.

8.) What do you think you could have done differently, if anything, to make the situation a little better?

He should never have let her take DSS back after she left for 8 months.  Unfortunately, he was naive.



BETH
#235
Father's Issues / RE: Thank You!
Dec 31, 2003, 08:45:10 AM
Your contribution is greatly appreciated!



BETH
#236
Father's Issues / RE: Love
Dec 29, 2003, 09:34:00 AM
My DH went through something similar when yss was 3 (now 5).  

BM was telling him that HER Father was his real Dad, and that DH was just his Step-Dad (yes, odd).  

She would also tell him that DH didn't love or want him anymore because he had new little boy living with him (my son, same age).

The only advice I can give you is to shower that little boy with love, eventually he'll realize what he's being told is lies.  Make sure your Husband clearly expresses to the child how very happy he is to be his Daddy and how special it makes him feel.

Hang in there!

BETH
#237
Father's Issues / RE: Disgusting
Dec 18, 2003, 10:16:09 AM
If that Illinois Judge gets his "special court", I hope he ends up on the other side.  Let him see how easily some women can lie.  

Let him see how difficult it can be to be a man that has a woman screaming abuse, when there has either been no abuse, or she was in fact the instigator, and he lifted his hand in defense.


Ugh, some people.


BETH
#238
Father's Issues / RE: Intimate Abuse Circles?
Dec 03, 2003, 10:22:27 AM
I disagree with the "bopping".  Here's why....

When my DH found out (within six months of marrying her) that Psycho was sleeping with a drug dealer, he was understandably upset and started calling her some pretty crude names.  She leapt at him with a knife, cut his arm, threw a TV at his head, and punched him repeatedly.  To the point of breaking one of his teeth.  From the impact of that punch, his tooth got knocked to the back of his throat, and he started gagging on it.  She didn't let up, even though he couldn't breathe.  At this point he finally punched her back, which resulted in a black eye.

Guess who went to jail?

My husband did.  

He has an incredible amount of remorse to what happened that night.  Because of it, it was very difficult for him to let us get serious, because he was afraid of hurting me.  He has never hit a woman besides this one time in his life.  (Yes, I know for a fact because I have known him since high school and am very close with his first wife.)

On the other hand, Psycho (wife #2) takes no responsibility for her actions, and portrays him as an "abuser" to anyone who will listen.

So, by your rule, since HE was the one who was arrested, then she should have been given the option to "bop" him in court.  She'd already been hitting, kicking, throwing things for years.  I don't think she needed a Judge telling her any more than they already did that her actions were acceptable.
#239
Father's Issues / RE: Thanks Beth
Dec 02, 2003, 11:56:00 AM
Travis, hang in there, keep praying, and find someone to literally pray with you.  Trust me, this works!  God works in many ways, sometimes we do not understand, but eventually all is answered.

Check Indigo's post below, I whole-heartedly agree with her.  Contact the media, they may be your only weapon right now.

Also, go to Soc's board.  He may have an avenue to go down that we haven't thought of yet.

Hang in there, and keep us posted PLEASE!

BETH
#240
Travis, I am so sorry for you and your little girl.  Don't give up, and know that we are praying for you!


Beth