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Socrateaser, I entered this post in the visitation section and was referred to you for your guidance....
here's the short version of my troubles
I have an ex that is preventing me from seeing my 14 year old son and REFUSES to even let me talk to him on the phone. I live in Southern Califonia and she is in Northern Ca.
We have a mutual "no contact order" as she has harassed me at my job and threatened me at home-with lawsuits and ruining my career, (I am in the military and she's already filed false allegations with my unit- all dropped, but she is threatening me with more), etc.
SHe has taken me to court 5 times and each time she has lost!!!! How can I get the court to realize she is ABUSING the system?? I also can't even find out where my son goes to school. she moved with him 9 hours away, so "dropping in" is out of the question since she threatens to call the police and falsely accuse me of DV ( she has already filed a false report and had it thrown out).
I need the following FAST and need help finding the assistance. She is getting so much child support that I am unable to hire an attorney. She claims my son is "special needs" and is on medications but refuses to give me any info. (I have my son insured through DEERS and there is NO record of her taking him to the doctor).
She has been out to ruin my life since she found out I was remarried. She refuses to abide by a Court order we got that we need to communicate via email. She is demanding that I send her $400 to fix her computer before she will reply! I am so disappointed. She has alienated my son from his paternal family and 1/2 sister out of anger at me - she is very vindictive!
here's the most important info I need :
1. a LOW cost attorney (in California)
2. how do I supeona my son's school and medical records?
3. How can I get her to conform to a COURT order!
4. HOW DO I SEE my son???
I just purchased and mailed a SPARC calling card to my son, but don't know how to get it past his mother
please help!
thanks! B

PS - all attempts in contact result in threats of restraining orders! I've emailed many times to ask for my son to call me (collect) and when she DOES reply, it has NOTHING to do with my son, but 3 page psychotic RAMPAGES of lies and threats! this ex is very vindictive, spiteful and in need of a psych eval. she keeps saying that I never try to contact my son. I have close to 100 emails that beg to differ and phone records prior to the email order. SHe is preventing my son form any communication - the last email I got from him, he said he had to HACK into his email account to reply to me!
we have had a visitation order in the divorce decree that has orders of visitation, but she hasn't complied to it. SHe had an attorney and filed everything while I was overseas and so the wording was very much in her favor!!!! PLEASE HELP

1.  Any advice for him?
2.  What is the prob. of him doing jaiil time
3.  What can he do to keep from going to jail?
4.  Any other advice/

Could you please explain what a copias warrant is?

My ex-wife and myself share physical custody of our three children. I recently found out of abuse going on in the home in which the children reside with her. I took all three children to a Psychologist and she testified in court for me as well. The judge confirmed the abuse and stated that since she is a district judge the only way that she can hand over custody to me would be if she had evidence that my ex knew about the abuse and let it go on. So she gave my exes custody to her parents until our Circuit Court hearing. So now I share custody with the grandparents. They are trying to take over everything in the meantime and there is no judge that can hear my case until April 21st.  Any suggestions?

Soc, a judgment (monitary) was rendered in a modification of child support here in Indiana back in February (about 3 weeks ago).  The dollar amount came from the calculation of a negative arrearage due to overpayment of support.  I am now writing a certified letter requesting payment, and assume that it will go unanswered and will have to send another, then file motion for contempt and rule to show cause.

1) What is a reasonable amount of time to wait, post judgment, before requesting payment?

2) Assuming that my first letter goes out today, how long should I wait before proceding to letter number 2, then motion for contempt?

Thanks in advance.

We have joint legal custody but I have phyiscal custody.
No where in our divorce/custody papers does it say anything about phone calls.  Father always gets child for visitiation when he is suppose to, even though he doesn't spend the time with him.
Child is in trouble for the way he was acting on the phone.  Not the first time this has happened!  He is 10.

1. Can I refuse the child from talking on the phone to anybody including his father for a couple of weeks?  He was on the phone with his father or grandmother when the other call came in and starting acting up.
Father usually calls every night!

Thanks

Soc, Indiana, Order of Judgement from the Court dated October xx, 2005 states:

"Child Support Arrearage- In light of the Court's determination regarding the recalculation of the Petitioner's weekly child support obligation, the parties are ordered to submit proposed child support arrearage calculations by November xx, 2005.  The Court's ruling on the issue of the amount of the Petitioner's child support arrearage obligation, if any, is deferred pending receipt of the parties proposed arrearage calculations."

We submitted our calculations on November xx, 2004 (one day prior to the deadline), Respondent did not submit a proposed calculation, ask for an extension of time or for that matter file anything.  The Judges in Indiana were all in an "educational opportunity" presented by the Attorney General of the State of Indiana, pro-tem judges were in place during the last month of the year to fill in for the judges that were getting educated.  There is a negative arrearage of over $8000 that is owed by Respondent (overpayment by Petitioner - me).

No Pro-Tem judge ever picked this up, no Magistrate or Judge has ruled on this.  From what my attorney states, this is not a matter that can be ignored and ruled as denied due to an inaction from the Court.

The magistrates calculations will be the same as Petitioners (it's just math and dates).


1) What if anything can we do to petition the Court to make it's ruling in this case outside of asking for a special judge to rule upon it (more $s)?

2) Can I move the Prosecuting attorneys office to intercept Respondents tax return due to the non-payment of the negative arrearage amount that is nearing the Felony level in Indiana?

Thanks in advance Soc...

Dear Soc,

I have an upcoming court date for a Contempt of Court motion, regarding denial of visitation from the Mother.  This has been going on since July 31, 2005, the case is scheduled for a 1hr block of time.  Mother / Kids lives in WV and I reside in MD, court hearing is in MD.  
Both of us so far has been Pro Se, unless the Mother show's up this time with an attorney.

Children, both boys, are now 14 and just recently 16, as of Dec 4th last year.

On Dec 7, 2005, we attended a pre-trial conference, where we were scheduled for our Jan 20, 2006 hearing, for the 1st Contempt motion, and was also told to have any amendments or pleadings filed no later than 3 Jan 06.  

I contacted the court house today, and was informed they received as of today, a letter from the Mother, requesting a telephone conference during the court trial for one of her witnesses (WV Social Worker).

This Social Worker from WV will be testifying for the Mother, to provide I guess (for lack of a better term) explanations as to why the Mother continues to deny my scheduled visitation.

This same Social Worker was suppose to submit a written report for the Nov 18, 2005 hearing regarding a temporary protective order, which was dismissed due to "insufficient evidence".

The findings from the MD case worker was, there was no basis for the complaint, and feels this is nothing more than a discipline issue, I'm strict and the Mother let's them do whatever they want.  The MD Case Worker will be testifying on my behalf, he actually offered and approached me about this during our pre-trial conference.

There has "never" been an issue or documented report of abuse, the Mother is using this as a means to interrupt, if not, stop my visitation.

On Dec 27, 2005, I filed another Contempt of Court motion, 3rd motion filed, since Oct 11th, regarding denial of visitation for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday

1.  Question:  Given the fact that the issues of visitation is taking place in MD, would the WV Social Worker have any jurisdiction regarding the issues surrounding the Contempt of Court motion?  

2.  Question:  I was also told by the court house, a Judge is reviewing the case file as we speak.  Should the Judge allow this phone conference as a witness and evidence, how would I best approach this, isn't this something I could "object" to during the court date?

3.  Question:  Even though the Nov 18th temporary protective order was dismissed, to date, I never received a written report, neither has the court house, I've periodically reviewed the case file.  Is this something I should persue through the Mother / Social Services, or do I just wait until the court date and see what the Judge has decided?  

4.  Question:  I was under the impression both parties were to notify each other in advance as to who their potential witness will be?  Is this something that is not strictly adhered to by the Judge, because of being Pro Se?

5.  Question:  During the Dec 7th pre-trial conference, the Mother was warned of sanctions being brought against her, should she continue denying my visitation (believe it when I hear it) in my Contempt motion, I've requested a reversal of custody, knowing it's a long shot, what other "sanctions" could I request, if I'm asked by the Judge as an alternative?

thanks...

Soc,

In short:
Wife's car got rear-ended 2 weeks ago at approx. 30 mph, estimate = $ 4,000.00
She has a whiplash, serious head ache, and backpain ever since.
Police report faults the other (young) driver, but the cop didn't cite him (I think the cop knew his daddy).

Other driver claims he just rolled into her after he came to a full stop, and claims all damage was pre-existing.
(In all fairness, there was a small dent in the trunk lid. New damage: Trunk won't close, crumple zones crumpled, rear door opening smaller, fender ripped, trunk floor buckled)

I had her car assessed next day by Honda dealership bodyshop, who will testify that all damage was undeniable fresh damage.

Other insurance now claims "pre-existing damage", and refuses to pay for repair nor medical bills.

Our insurance is not really giving us any info as to what to do, or who will pay for what.

1) Should we hire an attorney?

2) Should we hire just any attorney, or call those "Car wreck? We'll get you cash"-kinda lawyers? I think they're also known as ambulance chasers?

We're not looking to "hit it big" with this, we just want our car damage repaired, medical bills paid, and evt. attorney cost reimbursed.

Thank you!

Kent!

Hello-

My situation:  BM and daughter currently reside in Utah and have since 8/04.  The BF resides in CA.  BM & BF were never married, but lived together in CA until 8/04.  In 4/05, a judgement for support was entered through OCSS.  In 10/05 the BF and BM went through mediation to file a stipulation and agreement, which addresses parent time, in Utah.  This stipulation states:  "There is presently a child support order out of the State of California.  It will be attached to this stipulation as Exhibit "B".  It was set forth and entered on April 21, 2005.  It addresses issues of child support, daycare and medical, and will be respected by the parties and will be incorporated into their stipulation and settlement plan."  

Questions:
1.  Where does jurisdiction for adjustment of the support order exist?  My reading of UIFSA indicates CA, but the mediator in Utah indicated future adjustments should be done in Utah.

2.  If the above answer is CA, can you recommend an attorney in OC for the adjustment/review?  

I have until Monday to file an answer file in Dallas County, Dallas Texas courts for the adoption petition started by my separated spouse.

1. How do I file this "answer file"

2. What do I write in it as I do not agree to her adopting my daughter.


Thanks!

[never]

My first time posting here, please correct any errors I've made so I can post better next time. :)

I had been married 4 years in NM. My wife and I separated earlier this year, with the intention of having a break; once the separation occurred, it changed to a divorce. My wife moved to TX where her family was, and took our two toddlers with her. She agreed to allow very reasonable visitation with our shared children our separation/divorce/custody was reasonably amicable.

My wife and I had already started the divorce process once she and I agreed divorce was the option we agreed upon. Two months after starting the divorce proceedings, we reconciled for many reasons and have chosen to stay together. Upon reconciliation, I moved to TX to be with my wife and children that we shared together. She and I resided in Texas together for 5 months; we were both enrolled in college there.

Prior to me and my wife separating, I was reintegrating back into my first child's life, in NM. I had requested a break from visitation, so that BM could potty train my first child, who then was 3 yrs. old. After the break, BM manipulated my kindness and said that SD had forgotten me and a reintegration period was required.

Immediately after finding out that I had moved to TX, my first child's BM filed for sole custody; on the basis that I was unable to maintain a relationship with my child living in TX. At the hearing BM's hearing attorney tried to say that BM couldn't make decisions for SD because of the joint-custody. That BM and I were unable to communicate, the Judge was very adamant that he would not reward our lacking skills by awarding BM with sole custody of my first child.

BM has never called me regarding my first child. Not when she took her to the ER, not when she takes her to the doctor's office, nothing, and it was my understanding that was the premise of joint custody. BM had her attorney complaining about making decisions, because she's incapable of making decisions period, not because of sharing joint-custody with me. BM is heavily reliant on her parents; BM's mother is who makes the decisions for my first child, not BM.

At the hearing I was giving every other month, one overnight as well as telephone contact EOW. BM was not pleased about this, and sobbed copiously which she does at all hearings, the court psychologist identified this as part of BM's passive-aggressive manipulative behavior she uses to control people. BM's attorney said that she couldn't believe that the judge was awarding me an overnight, being that I have not had an overnight in 2 years.

The judge told her if she did not like his decision, that's what the appeals process was for. BM's attorney rambled on how my first child's psychologist was saying she was not yet ready for overnights, because she was wetting her pants at the prior supervised visitations by BM. The judge said it was his decision to grant the overnight, because the Court Clinic's recommendations had been to award physical custody to me.

It's my opinion that my first child was stressed about the visits because BM was there, supervising them, and making her anxious, having the two of us together. So... on to the questions.

1.   After BM's attorney sending us her notice of appeal (which she has done, filed one day shy of the 30 day cut off) what will happen next?

2.   Who will hear BM's appeal to the order?

3.   How long will the appeal process take, assuming they choose to lobby forward with it? (Now that I'm back in NM, being they're taking a high chance that I'll be awarded more parenting time, which BM does not want.

I have the order they are appealing, the notice of appeal, and the recording from the hearing (purchased from the courthouse). Let me know if you would like to view/listen to any of these.

In MN

No contact orders exists between BM and SM.  Orders state that "no pictures or photographs shall be taken of the Petitioner".  DH has custody.  Due to many lies and false police reports,  DH and SM video tape all exchanges with BM.

Two weekends ago an officer told me (SM) that I should video tape everything to protect myself if constant harrassment continues.  This evening I got a different officer that says that I am not allowed to video tape BM and that I broke the order.  I told him that 2 weeks ago another officer from this very same station told me TO video tape everything to protect myself.  He was very very nice, the other cop tonight was a total jerk and was yelling at me.  He told me I was violating the order and was going to send it on to the district attorney and he would note in the report that I "quoted" we video tape becaue of false allegations, I said " I video tape all exchanges for my safety and my DH's.  DH said, We don't video tape her we video tape the boys."

Dh is mad at me that I didn't say the exact same thing he did, and that I should of said that we vidoe tape the boys.  The cop said that DH was violating the order as well by 3rd party harrassment.  I got snotty after that..(bad idea, but I figured what the heck..he already wanted to arrest me).  I asked him why every time we have an exchange there is something new?  He said I can't speak for the other officer, you were miss informed.  I said well I have strict orders from our lawyer (which I do) that we are to video tape anything regarding the children for our immediate protection due to false allegations.  He said lawyers don't make the laws....(yeah but apparently they know them better than this guy)

I told him that if he would look up the file there is a new report about something new EOW and you will see the pattern.  I also recommended that he check with her county because she was just charged with filing a false police report.

He goes what exactly do you want us to do?  I told him, you can't help us!  We get a different story every time we are here.  I asked him for his name and he says I'll do better you can have my card.  I said thank you and I got in the car because I was so mad.  DH is still steaming.  They proceeded to go over to her and they then filled out a report.  We left.

SOC!!  I could just pull my hair out!

This no contact order has been in effect since Sept.  BM has tried every day since then to get me arrested. (no Joke)


1.  Is it illegal for me or DH to video tape the exchanges with BM at a POLICE safety center?

2. Is it 3rd party harrassment that because of this order, now DH is not even allowed to video tape his exchanges?

3.Is there anything I can file for this constant harassment?  I mean seriously!  I am being harrassed with a harassment restraining order!

4. Any other glorious words of wisdom you may have for us?  Please?

*side note*  I wouldn't go to the exchanges at all but we have no other 3rd party that will go along or can go along, so lawyer said to keep going to exchanges and videotape.

5.  Why would my lawyer tell me to do that, if I was breaking an order?

Thank you!   Thank you!  Thank you!

I have a mandatory conference - parenting issues scheduled with the judge on Tuesday.

I have tried everything I can to figure out how to get there.  I have no checking account, no credit cards, and about 50 bucks to my name.  I spoke with my wife's attorney and he said he wasn't going to do anything to reschedule and that if I don't show, I would be in contempt.

I don't know what to do!!!  Can I send a fax to the judge on Monday explaining the situation and asking for the court to call me?  Can I let him know that I have filed for bankruptcy and the case should be held in obeyance of the stay?

Hi Soc,

Daughter has been joining my wife and I at synagogue regularly for better part of past couple years.  She appears to enjoy it, it's a very family-oriented place with special activities for the kids, "family night" services, etc.  She's been to 30 to 40 shabbat services, even singled out by the cantor one night as coming to so many.

If relevant, biomom stated in deposition that she encourages daughter's exposure to Judaism, saying it was important.  It was probably just lip-service, but there it is, in black and white.

In 2005, biomom suddenly announced desire to get daughter involved in Catholicism, biomom's own faith.

You may recall that we fought over school, and court ordered that biomom can pick the school at biomom's sole cost.  Biomom enrolled daughter in Catholic school, starting Fall 2005.

Biomom also had daughter baptized in June 2005, no notice to me.  I found out when daughter asked why I didn't come to it.

I had been expecting that daughter would be raised interfaith, and in my eyes, any exposure to judeo-christian upbringing can really only help establish good values.  That said, exposure her to Judaism is also important to me.

Daughter has recently been saying negative things about "Jewish people", which she attributes to biomom.  Daughter says that she only wants to be Catholic.  She's 5 years old.

I've accepted that daughter is going to Catholic school and will be somewhat immersed in it.  I've talked with teachers (in getting familiar with the school), who say that the school is tolerant of other faiths, that a third of the student body isn't Catholic.

If biomom is poisoning daughter against Judaism, it's arguably causing loyalty binds and conflicts for the child.  Not in best interest (nor very Christlike, but that's another line of commentary).

At the same time, biomom has freedom of speech and religion, so arguably can raise her child as she wishes.

1.  If this issue gets out of hand, does the court have authority to make an order akin to, "Dad won't bash Catholicism in front of child.  Mom won't bash Judasim in front of child."  ?

2.  Or would it be more likely that the court will merely assign decision-making about religion to one parent.

3.  And if #2 is likely, would you suppose that attending a Catholic school will carry more weight in the judge's eyes than who initially started what religion first?

Thanks,
DD

My ex and I were divorced in TX in 1999. We have joint custody with her having the exclusive right to determine the residence of the child. I have always documented every visit as well as every denied visit.

I found a note from a friend of my son's asking "why are you moving to Florida?" I asked my son about the move and he said he wasn't supposed to tell me, but they are in fact moving at the end of the school semester. (Dec.) Mom's boyfriend is from Florida and apparently can't find a good job in TX so he wants to go back to Florida.

My son, who is now 16, told me that he wants to continue to live with his mother.

I am afraid that if she is ordered to pay for the transportation, She will refuse. I had to file a Motion to Enforce in 2003 because she refused to reimburse me for uninsured medical expenses for our child.

My questions:

1. Should my ex be responsible for paying travel expenses since she is creating the distance?

2. If the answer to question 1 is yes, could my child support be modified to cover the expenses and then me just pay for the transportation?

3. I know I need to file a Motion to Modify, but can you please tell me exactly what this form would be called?


Thank you!!

Dear Socrateaser,
We are preparing a petition for violation of visitation in NYS. I had to obtain a Protection order against DH's ex. In the previous order, all visitation is spelled out via email between SD and DH. The ex is stating that there will be no over nights, or visits with me due to having to file charges against her. She is doing it by saying it is the 15 year old child's choice. Counseling has been stopped after a phone call from Mom stating she will not bring SD to counseling, but the counselor refuses to report this to the court unless the court asks her to. All phone contact has stopped as well. At pick up times my DH gets yelled at by his daughters step father. We are pro se, aka to poor for a real lawyer.

1) Do I say the ex is in contempt or just that there is a violation of the order?
Is that up to the judge?

2) Will the court supeona the counselor?

3) Can my husbands visits be denied because of the order of protection?

4) How do you state the stepfathers interference with visitation?

5) What will the judge want to hear as far as evidence?

Thanks, and hope I did it right this time. :) BD

Good evening Soc.

I'm puzzled.

Received in mail today a letter from NJ Human Services CS dept. They want me to fill out some form stating weekly salary, yearly salary etc.

Right now there's only a temp. order in NY for CS. I pay direct to wife. All legal issues were dismissed by me  in NJ once I submitted to NY jurisdiction.

NJ has a case file on me regarding the CS here in NJ.


1. Why is NJ bothering me?


2. Once a temp order is issued in another state is it customary for the resident state of person paying to get involved?.


I'm not sure once trial is all said and done that I'll pay CS to wife or thru some agency in NY.

I don't have the NJ paperwork in front of me right now, I left it at work so if you need more info I can get it to you in the morning.


Thank you.


TPK

Pa is the state that all parties reside in
cp is father bm is the ncp.
son is thirteen years old
sitution: ncp mother informed father cp that son does not want to come home after the summer break, ncp mother has son for the summer months and cp father has him for the school year.
son wont tell father the reasons why he doesnt want to come home
mother ncp has sought the help of an attorney to modify custody agreement, she wants full physical custody with joint,, wants every other weekend and two non back to back weekends during the summer,

major changes in the house hold: father work schedule was changed from 9-5 to 4-12, father is home every weekend and nights.

son does not call and when father calls to speak with son the son has very little to say. step family has had no contact with son, there are two other children living in the house hold...

when father spoke with son yesterday he had no idea that this was the weekend that he would be spending with cp father

those of the brief facts of this case

mother left son when he was 10 months and this goes on every year

thanks,,

Soc-

My case is the one with an 8-year-old boy, living in Oregon with his mom, who has sole legal and physical custody. Dad is living in Illinois.

I sent you via e-mail the statement my husband wrote regarding the change in circumstances that would justify modifying the judgment to include parenting time for him, and the sequence of events in the case. If it isn't what you were looking for, or isn't going to work, please let us know.

I feel like I should be curtsying at the ends of posts. *curtsy* Thanks again, very  much.

In the first e-mail I failed to attach the document. You will find it in the second e-mail I sent. My apologies.

Hello again, Soc.

My case is the one with the 8-year-old in Oregon with his mom, and the dad in Illinois.

My husband spoke to her tonight, and she and his son are still in Oregon. He told her that he'd like to have visitation, and she stated that she did not want anything through the courts, because she was scared that he would get partial custody, and then if he kidnapped his son (don't know where she got the idea that he would even WANT to do that) he would pay a less harsh penalty for kidnapping him. Just sharing her reasoning with you there, because it makes no sense to me. My husband said he wanted things made official through the courts, and she said if he tried to take anything to court, she would try to prove him an unfit parent, or not show up at all. She ended the conversation by telling him he wouldn't be talking to his son again unless he got a court order stating that he had a right to, and hung up on him.

My question is:

1) How would I word an emergency order asking that the status quo be preserved, and she not remove the child from Oregon? I just am not sure how to begin to word a motion without at least a little help.

2) How likely is it, given that the child is 8, and my husband did have a prior established relationship with the child that we would have a long period of "step-up" visits?

Thanks again, Soc for anything you can offer.

My SD13 went to visit her mom in Florida.  We're in KY.  She is supposed to be on a flight this Sat to come back home.  The mom is now stating that she is not going to send SD back.  

BM has been gone for over 2 years.  My husband never filed for primary placement.  He has always had joint custody.  When she left SDs stayed with us.  Now hindsight as to our reason not to have it legally changed are stupid  but I don't even know if it would have mattered at this point.  

BM is an unstable, impulsive alcoholic.  We are 900 miles away.  We don't want to mess up by making a wrong move.  How to we get this girl home.  She is pretty hysterical at this point.  

Venue is Fla.  SD is 12.  I am custodial stepmother.  DH has had custody for 9 years.  

Grounds (per Order Granting Motion to Modify):
"The persistent interference with visitation discussed above, combined with the making of false allegations of sexual abuse in an effort to terminate visitation, and the implanting of false memories in the child, together with an ongoing environment of hostitilty toward the father, constitute a substantial change of circumstances so detrimental to the parent-child relationship between (DH) and (SD) that continued residence of the child with her mother would be detrimental and not in the child's best interest."

In the Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law with Regard to Petition for Modification, the judge wrote, "The court is not required to wait for the establishment of a syndrome showing that a child is permanently alienated from her father before taking action to prevent such damaging behavior."

Following a brief period (several weeks) of counselling, BM was granted liberal visitaion.  We have been back to court numerous times over the years for motions filed by both parties.  For 2 yrs, DH has been pro se, with me doing all legal research & writing of letters, motions, responses, etc.  BM has pretty good attorney.

DH has never paid cs as ordered, with most all payments coinciding with her marriages - husbands paid, not her.  (She has divorced twice since DH & is engaged to #4.)  Enforcement through DOR has been painfully slow, as she is perpetually "disabled" due to some accident or another.
Currently owes over 23K in arrears.

During custody battle & in aiding vis decisions, the court ordered BM to undergo psych eval.  Excerpt regarding MMPI, "An index of accuracy based on a comparison of subtle and obvious scales indicated that she was underreporting psychopathology to an extreme degree.  A validity scale that measures defensiveness was elevated into the clinical range.  The computer generated interpretation of this scale was as follows:
    'Scores in this range are usually obtained by individuals who exhibit extreme defensiveness, try to maintain a facade of adequecy and control, and admit to no problems or weaknesses.  These individuals exhibit a serious lack or personal insight and understanding of their own behavior.  They may be seriously disturbed psychologically but are reluctant to look at the sources of their problems and difficulties.  The prognosis for psychological intervention is usually very poor.'"  

The above paragraph is almost a textbook description of the typical alienator.

BM has also recently attempted to terminate ex #3's visitation with their son - 1/2 bro to SD - with more false allegations of abuse, but so far has stopped short of alleging sex abuse.  

Alienation of SD has been ongoing since change of custody.  The target has been me as much as DH, if not more so.  While SD still displays affection for DH, there has been an undeniable change in her feelings for him, and she admits to much anger & resentment towards me.  She now openly expresses her desire to live with BM.  BM has been very successful in molding SD into a replica/extension of herself.  

Questions:

1.  Even though SD still says she loves DH, thereby a difficulty in establishing presence of actual syndrome, are BM's peristent & ongoing actions enough to prove that she is engaging in alienation and result in terminating or drastically restricting visitation?  

2.  Can BM's psych eval from 1998 be entered as evidence in reference to current issues?

3.  Does DH have the right to request and obtain all original tests, notes, files, etc. relating to the court-ordered psych eval to be re-visited and interpreted by a professional of his choice?

4.  Can the recent case involving her attempts to terminate 3rd ex's vis be admitted as evidence of a pattern of behavior?

5.  Can her refusal to pay cs be admitted to demonstrate her complete lack of respect for the court orders and failure to act in the child's best interest?

Thanks so much
   

Think I accidently deleted your thread. Sorry.

I'm the Step-mom of a 14 year old girl.  My husband (BF) is the NCP.  BM has full custody of my SD.  We all live in Missouri.  

We get 4 separate weeks in the summer (along with standard visitation) with SD and we started our 1st one on the first week of June.  

Toward the end of the week my SD told me her step-father sexually abused her when she was 9.  She said she told her BM about it and her BM didn't believe her and then she told her grandmother (who is now dead) and her grandmother asked BM about it and BM told my SD not to be telling anyone that.  SD said BM asked SF about this and of course he deneyed it.  

5 years later her mom asked her to make a list of the things she didn't like about her (going through teen years i guess) and one of things my SD said she listed was that BM didn't do anything about what SD told her happened when she was 9.  Her moms response was, "Little girls tell lies".  

Also, when my SD was 9 and was at our house she thought she started menstrating (she didn't actually know what was happening, but I told her) and we called to let her mom know and mom later said she found out it is perfectly normal for girls to start their period at age 9.  Months later my SD told me she hadn't ever had another period.  At age 12 she started it for real.

After she told me and I thought on it for a day and a night I called the child abuse hotline.  I do believe my SD that this happened.  She begged me not to tell anyone.  She cried and said she didn't want her mom to go to jail since she knew about it and didn't do anything and she thought her younger brother and sister would go to foster care and that everyone would hate her.

Anyway, CPS asked us to come to there office and sign some paper work and they told us not to return my SD back with her mom until the investigation is final and not to let her talk to her mom on the phone or in person unless she is supervised by her dad or myself.  

They called BM that day and informed her of what was going on and when they told her there we allegations of sexual abuse from my SD, BM didn't even ask what they were!!  CPS worker said that is a huge red flag.  

A couple days later I took my SD in for her interview.  She was interviewed in front of a camera and 3 or 4 people.  It has now been 2 weeks since I called and BM and SF were interviewed 2 days ago and me and BF go in on Tuesday next week for our interviews and they want to talk to my SD again.  

After my SD's interview, the worker told us we should get an attorney and ask for full custody of my SD.  She said that with her being 14 and the circumstances, a judge would probably listen to my SD and award my husband with full custody.

My SD said that if she has to return to her moms and the SF is there she doesn't want to go.  

CPS told me that without a date give or take a week of when this happened, law enforcement probably won't be able to arrest the SF.  My SD thought about it for a while and figured it was June or July of 2000.  There are certain things she remembers like the 4th grade teacher that discussed with the class "menstrating", I think she said they even watched a video.

We don't have the money for an attorney and I was wondering

1.  How difficult this would be to do by ourselves?
2.  How do we get started?

Thanks :)

Soc

As per you last post on this issue I have started this new thread.

Seems I cant catch a break. I just got the courts answer on the other sides motion for me to pay the GAL in full.

I can bearly make out the Judges writing but I think is says, "motion granted without prejudice to upcoming hearing"

1. What does without prejudice mean in this case?

Thanks a bunch

Hi Soc...

  Here in WA State and heading off to court this afternoon.  I have a couple of questions that I need answered before I go. Just a refresher for you about our situation... FI's ex has taken him back to court for more cs.  The judge, dispite current pay stubs, set his monthly income way to high.  We go to court today to figure out what the cs increase is going to be.  Both lawyers were suppose to use the circule E program to get the 3 amounts that cs could be.  Her lawyer's #'s are way higher then ours.... Here is what I'm having problems with.

1.  The judge has already set an amount for my FI's monthly income.  It is way above what he currently is making.  How can a judge make him pay an amount that is going to leave him in the black each month?  Isn't there anything that we can do about this?

2. At the first hearing judge ruled NO extra money for child care.  She then signs the children up for all kinds of summer camps (which they have never been to before) and wants FI to pay for them now.  What is the likelyhood of the judge saying he has to pay for them?

Hope I made sense. Thanks for helping!

DH had court hearing today over BM getting SD back after kicking her out and the Judge let SD come home with DH after court today but he has to take her home tomorrow.  SD is an emotional wreck.  She called her mom yesterday to let her know what 4 of her grades were from school and her mom said, "Congratulations, Bye." and hung up.  SD is not ready to go back.  The Guilt trips are making SD so mad and she is so nervous for tomorrow shes sick to her stomach.  I tend to believe this female judge may be a little bias. She has a daughter of her own  she kept comparing to SD. She told SD that she needs to talk to her mom and try to work it out before the hearing in July.  DH made SD wait  1 year to work it out with her before even seeing a Lawyer.
There are alot of things happening behind the scenes that SD has told the Judge about and she just dont seem to care.

1. In Ohio is there anyway we can get a different Judge? If not, and DH looses, if he decides to appeal, will he get a different Judge then?

Thanks again.

Background:  Mom in TX, Dad in AZ.  AZ divorce & court.  Dad has full physical custody of children, divorce is joint legal custody.

Problem:  Mom's summer visitation.  Mom has no permanent address.  Mom has given no address or employer to the court.  Mom's family is so psycho that they distribute newsletters about how awful they are (ie Joe uses drugs, John is a known sex offender, ect.)

Although Mom has never paid child support, I realize child support does not affect visitation.

1)  Legally, what is parental discretion concerning visitation?

2)  What is the difference between parental discretion and contempt of court?

3)  Based on not knowing where the kids will be during Mom's visitation, can we refuse summer visitation based on parental discretion or any other legal means?

4) Can we demand notarized and in writing that she give us an address and phone number as to where the children will be living during her visitation before we exchange kids?

5)  If she makes up an address, can we hold her in contempt, child endangerment, anything else?

Your advise is very much appreciated.

For the last 6 years I have had support collected by the Department of Child Support Services (in California). My ex, for the first time in 9 years, brought his support obligation current in February of this year.

He is now demanding that I no longer collect support through DCSS because the liens they have placed against him are causing his fica scores to be low. I am hesitant to agree because of his history in not paying support, quitting jobs to avoid garnishment, and lying about where he was working and how much he is making.  DCSS provides services that help eliminate such dodging activities at no cost to me (other than tax dollars that I would be paying regardless if they collect the support).

I have offered that once he has established a record of keeping support current and keeping me informed of job changes and pay changes then I would consider such a request. My ex has threatened to take me to court to get the support collection removed from DCSS due to my "lack of cooperation" in agreeing to his demands.  He informed me he has already spoken with his attorney who has informed him that getting a judge to order to have child support collection removed from DSCC would be a "piece of cake".

I know that the court can do anything they want but...

1) Don't I have a right to have support collected through DCSS?

2) Can he really get a court order to get me to collect support myself?

Thanks in advance