Come on now!!!

[bloom6372]

So, once again, BM is attempting to deny DH's parenting time *sigh*...

Some background first-DH and BM split in March 2005, BM moved with SD in August 2005. Between then and April 2009, BM only "allowed" 3 visits to DH's home, despite the CO stating 50/50 (she moved 1000+ miles away, so it didn't really matter that they had 50/50...). Everything else she either denied, or he had to go to BM's state to see SD. In November 2008, DH told BM he was going to get SD for Christmas, since it was the 3rd week (his COed week), she said she didn't agree to it, he said it didn't matter since it was his COed week. She filed with the Court for an Ex-Parte (which was granted) preventing DH from having Christmas visitation. In February 2009, there was a Court hearing and DH was COed to have school breaks (more specific than that, but it's not pertinent to this post). In May 2009, when DH told BM he was exercising his parenting time, BM filed with the FOC to prevent DH from having ANY parenting time during his 3 year tour in Japan (the February 2009 order stated that both parents would sign for a passport--she never asked why, and on top of that, DH didn't get to tell her about his orders until April because she refused communication). Thankfully, it was denied, and it was COed that as long as DH was not in a dangerous/hostile country or deployed, he could exercise his parenting time. Until now, he's gone to see SD since summer 2009. In March, she stated she wouldn't send SD for Spring Break unless DH gave her a detailed itinerary (which at the time we did NOT have). So, in order to make sure that DH got to see SD, he went there.

Now, DH told BM at the beginning of this month that he will be bringing SD here for the summer. BM told DH she will not release SD til 6pm on his COed custody day. The CO does NOT state a time. DH and I have reserved tickets for SD for a flight leaving at 1205pm (the airport is 2-3 hours away from BM's home, depending on traffic). So, once again, she is trying to prevent DH from getting SD!!! She KNOWS we can't cancel or change tickets! DH has told her MANY TIMES. She is also aware that my parents are flying to meet SD at the airport and bringing her here, so she knows that DH won't be there to catch a later flight even if we could afford it. DH told her that he will file for a Show Cause hearing and ask for make up time and plane ticket costs if she doesn't have SD ready to go when his parents come to get her. She's saying he can't have her because BM has plans (more than likely camping--she did the EXACT same thing in 2009! She told DH she had a camping trip from the Monday before Father's day until the Tuesday after and that he could get her then......)...She ALWAYS makes plans on his time--ALWAYS.

Someone please tell me there is something that we can do to stop her from doing this in the future! DH isn't required by the Court to inform her of his intent, just of an itinerary (and no time limit on that, either). I'm half tempted to tell him next time just to say he's coming to town, show up, pick up SD, hand BM an itinerary, and leave. For now, DH has a fax to send to the FOC regarding this, and he's emailed BM and will be sending a letter to her stating the same as the email. We don't know what else to do!

Oh, and did I mention that she wrote to him that she has never violated a Court Order in any way?! LOL. Um, hello there, we have over 72 violations documented, with proof, against you. She's either crazy or in denial (maybe both. lol).

Why are people like this allowed to get away with this kind of crap? What, because she gave birth to SD she gets to do whatever she wants?

[ocean]

The only other thing I can think of trying is having a lawyer call on your behalf (pay for a consult and one phone call to her) and see if a lawyer can work it out with her and also say they will file the second she refuses for full price of tickets and lawyer fees. Have papers ready to file. File the next day and you maybe able to get the end of the summer instead. Request that make-up time be for remaining of summer (and more if that is not enough time) until the day before school starts.

Is there a way he can get there to do the pick up instead of his parents? Does your papers state someone else can do the pick up?
Some people here have hid their wedding date from skids until the day they arrived so the ex would not spoil it and not send kids. Sometimes, getting the kids to you comes first is best then letting ex know the plans. Since this is out of the country it is a little different.

[MixedBag]

EX#3's EX also always violated the orders.....and basically got away with it.

I agree with Ocean, filing the very next day is important.  It shows that you're serious.

And yes, ask for make up time, and expenses...

As for the airline tickets -- there's gonna be some value in them.............and I remember paying out the butt to get them changed for EX's 3 kids numerous times.

UGH!

[bloom6372]

Ocean-No, there's no way he can get there. He's here in Japan, and we don't have the $2000 to send him there to pick her up and bring her back. Her tickets are $800. Well, I mean, we COULD send him there, but that's the money we have saved for him to take her back, and we wouldn't be able to save that much up again before it was time to return her. His Court Orders state he can have a family member transport SD, so BM has no leg to stand on if she tries to say she doesn't have to hand SD over.

MixedBag-The tickets we are buying are through the travel center here, and they charge $200 to change each ticket, and SD has 3 separate ones. Plus, my parents are traveling with her, and they have multiple tickets (they have to fly to her and then fly with her here), and they can't move their dates because of work. So, if BM doesn't send SD, we can't get her. She knows this, and that's why she's doing this.

I guess I'll type up some paperwork, have DH have it notarized, and send it to his mom to file the VERY day she refuses (the next day is a Saturday. His parents need to pick SD up at 7am). This is so ridiculous...She just needs to get the hell over herself and stop thinking she can get in the middle of DH and SD's relationship.

Thanks guys!!!

[MixedBag]

When there's a will, there's a way......I really hear what you're saying.

We too spent about $2K on no notice round trip tickets one summer for the 3 step-kids...

Your parents can fly a day later....and yes that costs money, but a day later they'll be on their way AND dad still files contempt for the expenses.

[bloom6372]

When there's a will, there's a way......I really hear what you're saying.

We too spent about $2K on no notice round trip tickets one summer for the 3 step-kids...

Your parents can fly a day later....and yes that costs money, but a day later they'll be on their way AND dad still files contempt for the expenses.

My parents can't fly later. Their tickets are $4100, and where we got them, you cannot change your flight or get a refund within 3 weeks. You also have to pay $100 per ticket to cancel, and cannot cancel if it's within 3 weeks (it's already within 3 weeks). Plus that's an additional night in a hotel (they fly in the night before). Since they aren't a party to this, they can't get that money back from BM.

[Davy]

OK this may be thinking "outside the box" a bit but you may consider filing prose' a "Notice to the Court" document.  A notice is considered a legal document and the court is likely to sit on their hands and do nothing but it could weigh heavy as a forwarning on a future contempt action to recoup transportation costs, etc.

Keep the wording short and sweet while primarily asking the court to notify the CP to comply with the order of the court.    The underlying messsage is for the court and CP to be accountable for the order of the court.  No harm .... no fowl.  Not the least bit radical just pro-active and may bear fruit.

[bloom6372]

OK this may be thinking "outside the box" a bit but you may consider filing prose' a "Notice to the Court" document.  A notice is considered a legal document and the court is likely to sit on their hands and do nothing but it could weigh heavy as a forwarning on a future contempt action to recoup transportation costs, etc.

Keep the wording short and sweet while primarily asking the court to notify the CP to comply with the order of the court.    The underlying messsage is for the court and CP to be accountable for the order of the court.  No harm .... no fowl.  Not the least bit radical just pro-active and may bear fruit.

Any idea on how to write one up (we have the format for legal documents, just not sure on what to write)? I've never heard of it...And can we fax it (I'm assuming it has to be notarized, which isn't a problem, I just don't know if they'd accept a faxed copy)? We are overseas, and it could take 1-2 weeks to get it there, and faxing is obviously immediate. lol. We'd love to do anything that we can to be proactive!

[MixedBag]

They arent a party, no.....but they are dad's choice for transportation.  DAD has to file and ask for any damages, not the grandparents.

[Davy]

Yes !  I've seen enough of your posts to think you could be a liitle pro-active.  I was accustomed to the court designations in the upper left hand corner and the document titled "Notice to the Court" in the center.  Then it is kinda a love letter format.   

In the matter of parental access to _______ .....   I would suggest you mention your concern for non-compliance and focus on the current day and not the past at least not in detail but perhaps a general statement to justify your fear.  I think if you fax it to the clerk of the court the clerk of the court MAY assure it is laid in front of the judge but, depending on practices of the judge, the clerk may just place the document in the case jacket and the judge will see it the next time he rifles thru the jacket (ie like when a contempt is file).  No need to notify the opposing party (some may consider it harrassment somehow) but you may choose to do so.

Oh, you may attach the court order and reference it in your love letter.

Maybe this will grow legs ... may be not.  I think it is very much worth the effort.
 

Best to ya and BTW ... thanks for serving.

[MixedBag]

Everything that is sent to the court must be sent to opposing party...

[bloom6372]

Thanks guys!!! I do appreciate all the help! I will get working on typing the notice tomorrow (it's almost 10pm here), and will have DH fax it in and also mail it to BM. He already sent a letter detailing the situaiton to the FOC, but I think having it put in the file would be a good idea, too. The judge doesn't see anything through the FOC unless we (or the FOC) provides it as an exhibit or the judge is signing a recommendation from the FOC.

Mixedbag--I'm glad to know DH can do that. But my parents don't have the additional $4100 to buy separate tickets, and there's no way they'd get awarded any money soon (Court takes about 2-3 months to get in. The FOC gives 21 days for the violating party to reply to them in writing about the situation before any motions are submitted). So, pretty much, if BM doesn't put SD on the plane, we're not getting her for the summer (we don't have the $2000 to send DH there and back, and the additional $800 for SD's ticket, plus the $2800 to take her back at the end of the summer)...Of course DH will file for a Show Cause...

BM has already started backing down, sort of. She told DH if he gets SD at 7am from her on the 17th, then she has to be back by 7am on the day DH's parenting time ends....She's claiming that the CO states a 6pm time because when she tried to prevent his visitation for 3 years, the judge allowed her to pick SD up from SMIL (who was watching SD for the hearing on June 18) and ordered that SD would be back to DH by 6pm on June 19. So, apparently, to her, SD's pick-up times are ALWAYS 6pm, even though a it SPECIFICALLY stated June 19, 2009 for the 6pm pick up.

[ocean]

Just stay firm and maybe even leak out how much the tickets are and what figure you will be asking if she denies the visit. Might put things into persepctive for her.
Ex,
As you know the tickets were bought on XX and her flights can not be changed. As court ordered, we will pick her up at XX and her return flight is at XX. You can pick her up from the airport or XX will drive her to you. If you deny this court ordered visit, I will file contempt of court papers and ask for XX amount for tickets plus make-up time. XX needs both of us in her life. This is a great opportunity for her to see another part of the world as next year I should be back in the US. We are all looking forward to seeing SD and she will call/skype/email you while she is here.
You

[bloom6372]

Just stay firm and maybe even leak out how much the tickets are and what figure you will be asking if she denies the visit. Might put things into persepctive for her.
Ex,
As you know the tickets were bought on XX and her flights can not be changed. As court ordered, we will pick her up at XX and her return flight is at XX. You can pick her up from the airport or XX will drive her to you. If you deny this court ordered visit, I will file contempt of court papers and ask for XX amount for tickets plus make-up time. XX needs both of us in her life. This is a great opportunity for her to see another part of the world as next year I should be back in the US. We are all looking forward to seeing SD and she will call/skype/email you while she is here.
You

This is what DH emailed to her (the ticket info he has, what he will do if she denies, etc)... To all FIVE of her emails about it. She has to do ZERO transportation, so it's not like he's inconviencing her. She just wants to be in control of something, because we were proactive and prevented her from claiming we were in a dangerous/hostile country (the tsunami/earthquake was over 1500 miles away, and the base protection went to Bravo on all military bases after Bin Laden was killed, so when we mailed his notice of intent, he sent proof that we had no effects of the natural disaster in mainland and that the protection level went up worldwide, so it's not hostile here).

[bloom6372]

So, as an update...

DH did send a fax to the FOC a few days ago. He also sent a NOTICE TO THE COURT today via fax (and mailed it to BM). BM apparently contacted the FOC yesterday. Tonight (our time, Wednesday morning in the US), DH gets this email... We are so doing the happy dance! It was emailed to BM and CCed to DH for his records (he asked that he be CCed on any response to BM on this topic).

This is in response to your question about a specific time for the Father's summer parenting time to begin, the primary issue being you believe it is at 6pm and the Father believes the time is undesignated.

Pursuant to the Court's Order dated February 20, 2009, it defines the Father's summer parenting time as "from the Friday before Father's Day until August 11^th each and every year."  Specific times are not defined.

In a subsequent Order dated June 2009, it does read that the Father's summer parenting time "shall commence at 6 p.m. on Friday, June 19, 2009."  This time and date was specific for summer 2009.

The spirit of the order would be that Father's parenting time begins at some point on the Friday before Father's day and concludes on August 11.  Obviously, due to the distance involved and the air travel, it is important for the two of you to be flexible when arranging pick up and drop off times.  In the event there is not a smooth transition at the parenting time exchange and the matter is brought before this Court, it would be my recommendation that the Court strongly consider assessing court fines to the offending party.

Regards,
FOC CASE MANAGER

[Kitty C.]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!  Way to go, bloom and DH!!!!!!  My favorite part is the very last sentence:  'In the event there is not a smooth transition at the parenting time exchange and the matter is brought before this Court, it would be my recommendation that the Court strongly consider assessing court fines to the offending party.'  Since this is coming directly from the FOC, do you think that the BM will finally heed it?  To be on the safe side, I would strongly recommend that the g-parents have a copy of this in hand when they go to pick up the child...in case they have to show it to a cop, if you know what I mean...

One other concern....are the ONLY notifying her via e-mail, or are they going to back that up with something more concrete?  And will this notice become a permanent part of the file?  Just looking at ways the BM might try to weasel her way out....'I didn't receive the e-mail' or 'It must have been inadvertantly deleted' or 'I didn't receive anything official in the mail' or 'I wasn't served' or.........you get the picture.

I still can't believe it....you guys must be pinching yourselves!  I am SO happy for you!  This is exactly what you needed and the FOC actually came through and in time, too.  Obviously they based this on the BM's previous track record of denials and other BS.  I especially like how they addressed it directly to HER, not as a general notation to you both...because it puts her on notice that SHE is the one who's causing the problems and will be in more doo-doo if she keeps it up.

Keep us informed, bloom!  I can't wait for your post to say that she is there with you!

[bloom6372]

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!  Way to go, bloom and DH!!!!!!  My favorite part is the very last sentence:  'In the event there is not a smooth transition at the parenting time exchange and the matter is brought before this Court, it would be my recommendation that the Court strongly consider assessing court fines to the offending party.'  Since this is coming directly from the FOC, do you think that the BM will finally heed it?  To be on the safe side, I would strongly recommend that the g-parents have a copy of this in hand when they go to pick up the child...in case they have to show it to a cop, if you know what I mean...

One other concern....are the ONLY notifying her via e-mail, or are they going to back that up with something more concrete?  And will this notice become a permanent part of the file?  Just looking at ways the BM might try to weasel her way out....'I didn't receive the e-mail' or 'It must have been inadvertantly deleted' or 'I didn't receive anything official in the mail' or 'I wasn't served' or.........you get the picture.

I still can't believe it....you guys must be pinching yourselves!  I am SO happy for you!  This is exactly what you needed and the FOC actually came through and in time, too.  Obviously they based this on the BM's previous track record of denials and other BS.  I especially like how they addressed it directly to HER, not as a general notation to you both...because it puts her on notice that SHE is the one who's causing the problems and will be in more doo-doo if she keeps it up.

Keep us informed, bloom!  I can't wait for your post to say that she is there with you!

They always email and follow up with a letter when it's correspondence (actual court paperwork they do only via USPS), so she can't claim she didn't get it. I am SO GLAD she got to this so quickly. The last time we had an issue, it took three weeks. If it had taken that long, BM might still play her game. She won't go against this, and we know this, because she KNOWS we have over 72 violations on her and that DH will HAPPILY submit those along with one for the missed visitation if she doesn't comply. We are hoping to use all of these emails (this is the 3rd, I believe, of her trying to deny DH's time), when he fights for primary custody when he returns to the States (along with the violations, refusal to allow proper medical care that is recommended by SD's primary care doctors and her teachers, not providing routine care for SD--DH has had to do it. ALL of the appointments in the last 2 years have been because DH set them and took SD, DH set them on MIL's EOWE, or they are related to the ADHD that DH had to have Court Ordered to follow treatment for, etc etc etc).

As for sending a copy to relatives, yup, we are ON that. lol. We also are sending copies of the COs, a copy of the notice letter we sent BM, POA's for traveling with SD, and copy of DH's orders (we are sending one to MIL, and 3 to my parents--one for my mom, and one to hand to BM and the police if she tries anything. lol).

We are definitely excited.

[Kitty C.]

Got your i's dotted and your t's crossed!  I'm not going to jinx it by stating something that will be happening in the future, but definitely let us know how things urn out!

Remember....you have two and a half weeks to wait yet...hope you can stand the suspense!

Doin' the happy dance with ya!