help

[cdyoung_29]

I am the father of a 7yr old daughter w/ ex (common law)wife.  There's a CS order & scheduleA visits.When ex decided to marry another man-  she no longer accepted calls/contact from me.  They married in 12-2000.She disconnected cell ph & failed to contact me.  Saw in mall early next yr and she & her husband said I would never see my child again.They had her calling him "daddy" w/in 2 wks of my last visit w/ child in Oct 2000. Due to some legal and health issues my employment was scattered and infrequent over next 3 yrs.  

Also under the mistaken impression that since the Cs & visitation were in same order-  if I didn't even know where my daughter was...I wouldn't have to pay CS.  All i knew is that they were saying that they were moving to one of the Carolinas(I thought it was South).I didn't see child again until 8/2003.My "to be" wife and I went to the house of the maternal g'mother as that was the last known address listed per I-net "detective".I tried tried many times over yrs to discover whereabouts,  but no addresses were listed...andCP hadn't lived w/ her mom since she was 13.I had even spoken to her step-sister and she wanted to get info from me about CP's whereabouts.

Nonetheless,  we went to the grandmother's house in Decatur-  & child was actually there for a visit.CP & hubby were in Gulf Shores,so g'mother let me visit w/ child & gave me # for child and the address.CP was very angry and badgered child & g'mother over the visit.I sent 2 certified letters,made several phone calls in attempts to set up court ordered visits to no avail.We went to Gulf Shores on sev occasions for said visits to find nobody hm(we have police reports re:this).In meantime, CP moved to Orange Beach w/o notifying me.

Finally made arrangement w/CP for a visit on a Sat in Nov.We got there & they were in Decatur.1 wk later,  CP called me and agreed to visits w/ child as she and husband were breaking up.I got her for several days.Then got her and her (almost) 4yr old sis (this ch isn't mine but has my last name still) for a few days before Thxgiving.Was supposed to have until Tues eve- but she came and got kids early w/o anything but a msg on the ph.She was taking to orange Beach so could convince husband to  reconcile.Husband was unaware of this until she got there.He called her "crazy".

Then they were getting back together & going to move to Chicago by end of yr.CP stated wouldn't move unless he had a hm and a new car for her to drive as this car about to be repossessed.But rt before Xmas they were living back in Orange Beach.A couple of weeks later they ALL moved back in w/ CP's grandmother as stepdad had no job.A month later they were told to get out and they moved into a hotel.2 wks later they moved to a house in Hsv.

They were told I could be moving up there w/ my job & w/in 1 wk stepdad had an interview scheduled in savannah,ga.less than 1 mo after signing lease to own-  they moved to savannah & told us as they were cutting on utilities-  and this was just supposed to have been an interview.This was the end of 2-2004.I did see my child for about 2 weeks in Dec and 10 days in Jan.While they were moving there "stuff"-I had the child for a few days in feb.I didn't see ch in March as CP stated had to get shots/school records/dr visits and things set up for child to go to school in GA.

Ch attended in Gulf Shores for MAYBE 1 mo,the Orange beach for a couple of wks-then none in Decatur or hotel.Was in school for about 2 wks in Hsv.Attended in Ga from mid march to end of school yr.I stayed in Mtg ( where my -now-wife & I have been residing since 4-1-2003)instead of moving.Let it be known I didn't move until I made sure i still couldn't ascertain CP's whereabouts w/o $$$ I didn't have.Child had to attend summer school for k-garten due to all moves & CP's neglect of child's schooling.

Is now doing well-but they moved again in late Aug to another part of Ga and changed child's school.CP refused to bring ch to me for any visits & only met me  a couple of times 1/2 way.My wife was pregnant as of 3-2004 and due 11-29-04.During wife's 7th month CP made us drive (in a storm) to new hm in Savannah w/ child. I didn't get anywhere NEAR my scheduled visits once they moved out of state.I couldn't "protest" move as they didn't give me the 45 day notice OF the move.They didn't end up being financially better off at all there-his pay was about the same & rent was more.

They filed bankrupcy in Oct and CP moved back to Decatur w/ kids in OCT 2004.A couple of weeks later she found a 2 bdrm apt for them ( 3 custodial kids in hm & he has 2 w/ ex wife as well).So they moved again from Decatur to another place in decatur.They got  ch in another school.I didn't see cild in Oct as wife had baby 10 wks early on 9-18 & almost died...in hosp for 1 mo & baby in for 7 1/2 wks.They wouldn't bring ch to see me,baby, or wife during any of this.

I had gotten a new job and between hosp and overtime couldn't get to Decatur to see her.We all went in Nov the wk baby out of hosp- but other ch sick so had to see her and return to CP's house so wouldn't infect baby. Same over thxgiving.Yet again,as CP flip-flops her mind ALL the time, xmas visit was all 'wahcky" as she kept chging mind about when she needed her for her fam's xmas stuff.

So visit was cut short again.In Jan she tried to say that I wouldn't be able to see child again because i said she needed to meet me 1/2 way.Then she got off on a tangent about me talking to her mom & being friends w/ her.There had been no problem w/ this until her mother "babysat" the baby & wanted pics of her.Finally she let me have her.

Then next visit was for the wkend after ch's b'day-  and she said I couldn't get her unril 2 pm on sat as ch had b'day party at local gym that CP's g'mother paid "a lot of $ for". I wasn't invited.I wasn't allowed to pick up from party as ch had to go hm and chg 1st.It was a lie-  there was no party.The child was COMPLETELY confused when asked how it went.  She started making up lies to cover for her mother...  but a party was never scheduled.

As CP won't meet 1/2 way and due to work prob's- and now CP REFUSES to talk to my wife (she pointed out to CP & stepdad that they were supposed to meet us as they were the 1st to move;they moved out of state, more than once, & that was illegal w/o notice in writing-  they got mad at her and CP said she could do whatever she wanted,we couldn't stop her- as she is CP and "the mom")-so I have to be the one to pick up the child...due to work issues this wasn't always poss on Fri eve-  so in Feb got her on Sat mornings...but still told had to be back by 6 on Sun.

My job gives me no notice and I end up going out of town or even out of state for jobs (cutting concrete).My wife had ch over 1 such wkend in Feb.This also made Cp angry.Then over Spring Break visit,  I got on Sat at around 11 am.

Supposed to return at 3 on wed per court papers.I was told on Fri that I had to go to Panama City to work on Mon.They worked w/ me and gave option of whole fam going too.We would pay them back in installments from checks.We weren't sure we could afford this, but decided over the weekend to do so-  I was going to ask for an extra day since I didn't pick her up until sat and since the CP lied and deprived me of time in Jan...  it didn't seem that big of a deal.  there is no statement in our court order that visits cannot be out of state(that was only until 18 mos old-and child & CP lived w/ ME during that time,so that isn't able to be referenced) as is standard schedule A.

She called Sun nt after ch went to bed & left msg.I left a 3 am on Mon morn.Wife and kids and wife's sister(18 yrs old) left at around 5 am.I worked until that eve-  no way to return her call until then-  and again she won't talk to my wife.I did call her,she pitched a fit and said I had to meet her Tues nt in Dothan or she was coming rt then to get child.Didn't want to argue in front of ch-  and CP wouldn't listen-finally just agreed.She was given my hotel ph# and rm # and hotel name.  Wife and kids at diff hotel.  Given name of that hotel,street it was on,and rm# didn't have ph# of it at the time.She talked to child in presence of me,and coworker.She called next day & left msg stating storms and couldn't meet.

Called back that nt & she insisted we meet  at 10 am on Wed in B'ham as she was taking her 1/2 sis to the zoo and wanted Jess w/ her.  that is also why she wanted ch on tues-that is when she was supposed to go,  but storms made circumstances chg.Wife had stroke in Sept due to toxemia.  She can drive-  but doesn't need to drive from PC to B'am and back-  or even PC to Bham to Mtg.# hrs is about all her leg can take-  that would've been 7 hrs.  

Her sis could help out in a pinch-  but the thought was for short distances as she isn't on insurance and just got license in Oct 2004. So i was going to have to go-  I told her 12 pm-  she got mad at that too.I tried to call boss and get permission and explain situation.  If not allowed off-  wife would have to go-even though didn't need to,  and even though we had to pay for hotel rm for extra day anyway.  Boss never contacted me,  and I was suspended until that Monday-  w/ the statement that I needed to go do what i had to but don't report back in until Mon am.  At the time I thought I was being fired-  ended up a suspension.  

Wife had finally had enough of cP-and said so-  and told child she could tell CP that too.  Over this past 1 1/2 yrs Cp has called wife a bitch to child,around child,and w/in earshot of child.She has lied and told ch I can't discipline her or spank her as there are court papers saying I beat the CP and threw the child across the room as a baby...not true, and NO PAPER ANYWHERE saying such.She told ch I abandoned them and didn't want to see child.She has made fun of wife to child.

She has disrupted many visits and consistently confused and bribed child.She moved 11 times,  and that last trip to savannah probably put the final nail in wife's pregnancy and she had baby the very next wkend.  She has told ch that my wife doesn't count and she didn't have to listen to her (or me for that matter) as we aren't her parents.She has told child to still call stepdad "daddy" and has encouraged her to call me "Chris".She has lied to us about MANY things-  not the least of which was that nonexistent b'day party.  

She also moved AGAIN (the 11 th time) in 3-05 to her grandmother's house as she had a stroke and would be living w/ Cp's mom.She didn't even tell me that one at all-  I had to call her mom(actually wife did) to see about where child was(&check on "Nanny"),and that is how I found out.CP was actually mad at us for making that call.

We have always been VERY careful not to say bad things about them to child.If child comes to us w/ one of her mom's stories-  we say if it's a lie or not,  but have ALWAYS followed it w/ how much her mom loves her and she's only doing it 'cuz she's scared of losing her.So, yes, wife got JUSTIFYABLY angry.  She let her emotions show-  but she didn't call CP any names,  and she later apologized PROFUSELY to child and said that she should never have spoken that way in front of her.  

Wife is almost ALWAYS the one defending the CP-  to child,me,CP's mom-  even though she has said many cruel things about wife...it was just all she could take at that moment-  considering we thought I had lost my job over it and we still have to pay the $300 for the room(even though I was suspended and we don't have the money now).I only make $9/hr.Wife cannot work and is filing disability...baby also has some health issues due to preemie,  and not allowed to be in ANY multi-child setting(not even church nursery)-  so she wouldn't be able to work for that reason alone.

I have to pay $80.77/wk(ave of 350/mo) in CS.NOW CP has written a letter and gave it to me when i went to pick up ch for 4-1-05 wkend visit stating she is refusing any visitation until court tells her otherwise as I took child out of state.She also wrote she wasn't told where child was and couldn't talk to her-  she called my cell phone and the hotel room from her phone...so she obviously knew where we were.I have witnesses to prove she spoke to Jess.

I can subpoena phone records to prove she is (yet again) lying.I also have a taped ph call AFTER the fact where she admits she spoke to child and that she got her back as requested....  so safety and kidnapping NOT an issue-  although she put in her letter that child's safety would be in question because of the out of state visit.  She also admits on tape that she has taken child out of state for visits w/ other people and she moved out of state-  but she can do it because she is a "full-time" mom,and she has custody.

She states that as her mother-  it doesn't matter what the court order says-  she will say when and where her child will go AND what she wears while she's there.She will make the rules about what the child can or can't do,and who child must listen to.  She said that she deosn't want child around wife as she doesn't "like"her.  She claims the outburst of her being tired of Cp was reason enough to invoke that.  Although Cp has told me,wife,and child -BEFORE Spring Break-that she was tired o'wife(because wife tried to CALMLY tell her what the law was re:moving etc).

She said that if I had to work at all over my time w/child-  I couldn't keep her as wife would be staying w/ child...I pointed out that her husband stays w/ kids all the time-  she says this is ok-  because she 's the mother and not a part-time mother.The problem is that I CANNOT afford to pay a lawyer-  as I'd have to get one in the Decatur /Hsv area,  and I don't make enough money.  My CS has been paid ON TIME since 6/2003.  She is getting back pay and interest ( even for the time she and child lived w/ me and for 3 yrs I didn't even know where they were).

 I can never get that time back and now,  just when I have STARTED to get a relationship w/ my child-  she has taken her from me again.  She is in BLATANT contempt of court,  and if I don't do something about it legally NOW-  I could lose child COMPLETELY.  they will say I didn't care enough to do anything about it and get visitation revoked or child will eventually believe their lies and hate me.CP ( acc to her mom) has been DIAGNOSED as bi-polar,schizophrenic,obsessive-compulsive w/ panic disorder.  CP admits to bipolar and obsessive-compulsive.  She filed for disability 12-03 for those reasons and records could be subpoena'd from SSA in Alabama.

I have tried to get info from the school re: child-  and they won't even contact me back.  I have sent info to Morgan Co DHR to have CS reduced,  and they haven't contacted me,either.  It is now the rule DHR must review cases for CP or NCP for CS modifications-  and court is no longer nec.for such.  Wife has a lawyer for disability now-  as was initially denied( as per norm)-  and Ms Bland is SURE she will get approved but said won't get a hearing until 9-12 mos from 3-05.  We had set aside 3-4 thousand from that for a lawyer,  and would be willing to hand that over now,  too-  but can't until prob more than a yr from now.I need HELP!!!  

This CP should NOT be allowed custody of child ANY MORE!!!!!   She is a flight risk-  and we can show evidence of this from her past addresses-  so her visits should be supervised for AT LEAST 1 yr.  My back support should be negated,  as what is left that I owe would be less $ than current support for 3 yrs ( w/o interest) I didn't see child would have been,I wouldn't ask for any CS for the time that supervised visits were ordered.  I have been MORE than patient  and more than accomodating to the CP.  

I am being ROYALLY screwed yet again.  The $350/mo would MORE than pay for the extra expenses of the child if I no longer had to pay CS.Child is covered for another 5(?) yrs under grandfather's health insurance,  so insurance wouldn't be necessary.She is also on medicaid w/ the CP-  and could be on the same w/ us.  CP has been on FS and so have we-  so that would not change either.Financially things would be about the same w/ us-  maybe a little better...  but STABILITY -wise things are MUCH better w/ me.  

As far as a "marked change in circumstances" since last custody/visitation order-  I didn't fight that part at the time ( I KNew she was bi-polar) because she was getting help from her mother-  since then she moved from Decatur to Hsv to S Carolina,  to Texas to Chicago to Gulf Shores,back to S Caro and the to Decatur and back to Gulf Shores...from the end of 2000 to the beginning of 2003.  Then all of the moves documented since then.She cannot prove any amount of stability for child and she has been proven to tell lies about me ( per child's ?'s and talks w/ CP's mom) to try and foster a poor relationship between me and my child.

Help me find HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am truly sorry you have had to read this run-on paragraph/letter that seems much like "stream of consciousness" talk-  but I needed to get most of this story out so you may be able to better understand everything and (hopefully) help me more.

Edited by Brent into paragraphs for readability.

[patton]

NM

[Brent]

FYI - I took the liberty of editing his message into paragraphs so people could read it.

[Brent]

Please, when you post, break your message up into paragraphs as patton suggested. People just won't read a great big block of text like that. I've edited your message so it's in paragraphs, but in the future please make it easy for people to read (and therefore respond).

[cdyoung_29]

Excuse me!!!!  I do believe that I made mention to the fact that I had run on in one paragraph,  and apologized for it.  It isn't the normal way I handle things-  but this wasn't exactly a paper for a grade. It was feelings and my desperation;   there are 3 posts all saying the same thing...and evidently even w/ the "editing" nobody read it or deemed it "fruitful" to reply to the actual needs that were stated.

Forgive me for finding these responses somewhat petty and disheartening.  Forgive me for not practicing my best English grammar,  etc.  I will make sure to be aware of those more important things in the future.  I just felt there were other important things for me to deal with at the time. I will take the "constructive" criticism to heart and will be certain to adhere to said general policies as requested.

[hisliltulip]

As you are qualified for Medicare, I suggest you check with your local family services department for an attorney that will work pro bono for you.

Should they not be able to help you, start calling attorneys.  Many will work on a sliding scale.

You are probably going to have to beg and borrow funds to get a decent attorney.

And believe me, you need an attorney for this mess.

[Brent]

Look, people arre trying to help you- make it easy for them. That's all these people were saying.

[gipsy]

I understand your post < but began skimming through it , I hate to break it too you . All those details May be important , However its all going to boil down to what ever the courts process is < in the area Jurisdiction is in , I will give you a simple example ,
 In Washington state the judge,  Or commissioner won't be wowed by your story ! Even if you have an atty , Why ? you may ask , Well for the same reason My case  seemed soooo wierd < , The mother made up many stories and told them to the commissioner , They use a commisioner here at first Untill you get a rreal Trial date , But let explain why this all seems so wierd ,
   First when you go to the commissioner , the commissioner doesn't know who to believe , They didn't even really listen to the atty's , They have a Guardian ad Litem appointed , They di this because Atty's represent the paying parent ,  mY  case the order was called   ORDER APPOINTING GUARDIAN AD LITEM ON BEHALF OF MINOR CHILD , The court does this because . As explianed By My atty " The commissioner doesn't want the evening news with a camer waiting for the judge to walk out that gave the kids to the axe murderer , So they use the " Pass the buck system ,  this is a Guardian ad Litem , in My case I got nothing but supervised visits untill the commissioner read the Guardian ad litem report , Filed with the court , I would feel that I lost , But then the commissioner saw the report from the GAL , , And said ": what does He Want ? . I told my atty " He told the commissioner ,  moms atty went Blah Blah ! I didn't , and don't think the commissioner really cared what moms atty said , She " the commissoner " Basically went by the GAL report and gave me my visit's , SOOO , You have  a version of the typical nightmare , Most of us on here have had one version or the other , My psycho made up all kinds of allegations , So here's My two cents .
   Call a lot of atty's and find out what to file < Have a pen and paper in hand Because free advice is quick from atty's and its simple . You will be likely to file . A proposed parenting plan . and or change of custody , And contempt , And or appoint a Guardian ad litem , Thats what you need to find out , If they use Guardian ad litems ,the GAL investigates the story and reports to the court , I also understand from hearing my atty , . > I was at his office plenty> That if they run off like that they will be answering to the judge ' , YOU NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO FILE  , while you can have her served where ever she is,, In pierce county , You can call the court and ask when there are atty's there to help pro se litigants , To file papers , You can call the BAr association and ask for atty's that help pro se litgants , Heck even at child support they have a list of low cost legal services , They are for people that qualify , Keep posting and asking , Your post is long but the facts are basic , She keeps moveing , and she is in violation of the court order that say's she is supposed to notify you , All the other stuff I don't think is really going to wow any one ! , you may show this to an atty , And its a good idea , Because its about one half hour of reading and they atty will understand whats going on ,  As I had to learn, very little of what I think mattered , really did , What mattered is I got a decent GAL report the recommended visits , and when we got to the real trial and the real judge , Thats what the judge did , I did not have your problem . Mine was different , I am not an atty , this is what i think from what Happened to me , I also think you should just file for change of custody ,And appoint a GAl , But then again I am not an atty , Read atty selection on this site , and keep posting and asking questions , ,  

[janM]

No offense, but I find your posts hard to read too. Can you break yours up a bit?

There is a rule in writing...that if your block of text is larger than a dollar bill, it's too much and needs to be broken up. It's physically tiring on the eyes, as people have trouble staying on the horizontal with that much text.

Thanks.

[patton]

So in essence you are in arrears on child support. Which is a contempt on your part I'm sure your realize that.

Now you say you ex disappeared with the child. Did you have set standard visitation with the child?  Do you have documentation that shows you tried to visit the child and no one was there?  Phone records that show you called?  You say you have certified letters that were returned, so that is documentation that you tried to set up visitation.  So that would be contempt on her part.  Also you have the police reports and that would be hard evidence to refute also.

Does your court specifically say she has to notify you of change or address and phone number?  If so and you say she didn't, she would have to prove she did let you know.  But IMO courts don't do a lot about that contempt.

Most of what you listed is hearsay or he said, she said, and the person with custody of the child is usually who is believed, if the other party cannot show evidence that they are lying.  If you have all the documentation, recordings etc. then you have some evidence to show change of circumstance with all the moves, the child having to go to summer school, etc.

What are you wanting? Custody? Just your court ordered visitation?  You mentioned reduction in C/S, so is that in the works now?  

And please don't take offense with us asking  you to break down your posts into paragraphs, I know you are upset, but it's very difficult to read and understand what you are asking for or wanting us to help you with.

Last question.  Can you apply for legal aid?  Have you tried?