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Just a different thought on our situation with bm's employer not sending in CS as they are supposed to.  It is now over four weeks this time..she is ordered to pay weekly.

Isnt' it illegal to have this money on their account?  Could this money be held to disguise some otherwise missing money?

If so to either of those...how could we go about having that investigated?

DH's ex is to pay CS weekly (court order) as this is how she gets paid.  VA guidelines state that CS is to be sent in on the paydate if mailed, and within four days of paydate if sent in electronically.  She works for relatives and has made comments in the past to suggest that she is the person responsible for payroll and distributions.

Her support has never came in on a regular basis since it began last year.  In early February, dh sent her employer a letter and cited the law....he also sent DCSE a letter..and they sent the employer a letter about this as well.  At that time, FOUR payments were sent in.  the next week a payment came in..and even a third week....

Then here we go again....one here, then two weeks later.....we are now at three weeks without a CS payment.  

What do you think?  Any need to contact her employer again?  

We had sent a letter to DCSE regarding BM's employer sending in payments willie-nillie, not on any schedule.  We also asked about the arrearage that she has owed for five months now.

In the meantime, we sent the rules of CS withholding to her employer as well.  Employer sent a letter back saying that due to year ending/IRS obligations "a" payment was overlooked but was sent in that day.  In fact, four payments were sent in as they had been holding them. Also, this has been a constant pattern- sending in every two weeks, a three week interval, one week intervals.....etc...  The letter was rude, unprofessional as her cousin is the president and the one that mailed the letter.

Payment came in this week as it should -consistent with her paydate.

I am sure her employer thinks we are scared, but little do they know that dh could take them to court for the past garnishments - they did not send in the correct amts.  WE know this by the amt BM told judge she made when CS was set.  They werent taking 25% out of her check (after taxes and insurance).  If dh took this to court, they would be liable for that money as a punishment - figuring about $900 atleast. He wont do it, but if they get ugly, that is an option

But, DCSE sent us a letter saying they had contacted employer about this matter as well.

DCSE also said that as BM was not 30 days behind, they would not attempt to collect.  They had previously sent her a letter, and that is all the action they will take.

To me, this is crazy.  I can understand why they dont drag everyone in court.  But, they have the employer's info, all they have to do is adjust withholding for four weeks to make up for the amt she owes.  The amount she owes is equal to what dh owed before when he was in hospital, but it was 30 days.....so they issued another wage withholding on his case.  

Dh received custody of ss on 6/15/06.  This means that he was custodial parent for 6 1/2 months of 2006.  DH is also responsible for 55% of support for ss.....was technically more when he was NCP as it was based on her old payscale of very little.  

So, we file taxes and claim ss for the time we had him.  Tax preparer did NOT tell us that even though we could claim him, if BM had already claimed him she got ALL the exemption, child credit, etc.....  WE find this out today.

BM says she claimed ss for half of the year.  Being that dh has never been able to claim ss while she was custodian though he was responsible for majority of support, he is still responsible for majority of support, and we had ss majority of year, we feel dh is the one entitled to the exemptions and child credit.

From what I have found online at Irs.gov, everything supports this.......

Has anyone dealt with this?  Is my interpretation correct?

We are in VA.  When dh was NCP and paid CS, he was very ill one month - spent two weeks in the hospital and missed six weeks of work.  He only missed two CS payments in that time.

DCSE instantly sent a withholding order to DH's employer to make up for the missed payments.  

Okay, fast forward to bm becoming NCP and having to pay CS.  She became two payments behind right off.....and five months later no action has been taken.  Oh, they did send her a letter three months ago requesting she pay it.  

She is also the person to deliver checks/send out payments through her employer.  So, dh never knows when CS will be paid.  In december she was 1 1/2 payments shy....and in January another $20 short....so, that makes for almost four payments behind now.  She has been working and at least some of the money is just there at the employers.  It is simply not being sent in.

DCSE is doing nothing.  I know it is not major amounts, but the fact is when it was a man...they didnt miss a beat.  Now, that its the woman owing, they are doing nothing....

WE are in Virginia.  The district office that handles my case has bumbled it so badly.  My ex lives in NC.  This might as well be another country.  First of all, when my ex stopped paying support, they did nothing to make him pay.  then they finally asked NC to take jurisdiction.  I was in fact, told for a year that NC did have jurisdiction.  I called numerous times and was refused contact info for NC.....

So, I finally hit the net and contacted the main office by letter.  I got a response within a week that NC did not have jurisdiction -that VA never responded with necessary information.

VA denied that saying they did send it and NC made the mistake.  Whatever - how did VA not know NC did not have jurisdiction?

Anyway, got support once NC did take jurisdiction -for about 2 months.....then he stopped again.  NC was taking him to court in July and no information since.  I called VA and gave them the most recent address, but I feel this was not passed on.

My ex owes close to $11,000.  What makes me mad is that we know where he is and where he works...but they do nothing.

Then my husband's ex owes him support.  DCSE actually credited her for refunds given to my husband months ago when he took over custody, but his employer had already deducted payments from his check.  the money was refunded to my husband.  Now, DCSE is refusing to take the refunds off the new account - that was set up after the refunds.....

Is there any sort of appeal or grievance guidelines against DCSE for being so rotten at their job?

Just for everyone's information .....Since custody has reversed, dcse says it no longer will enforce a support order.  I was skeptical when dh told me...but, he got the statement in the mail today saying they could not review the child support case because there was no case any longer....

he still has to file this through court and file for support himself, but DCSE does not collect once custody is reversed - regardless of the absence of a support order....

WE had sent in a request for review of CS two weeks ago.  A few days later, we sent in the custody order when we got it.   Today, dh was going to call DCSE.  

Before he could, his caseworker called  him.  She told dh that she had gotten the request for the review,but not a copy of the custody order.  

DH insists that she told him that if she had proof that custody reversed, she could stop CS immediately through DCSE.  She even asked for BM's phone number - saying that she would try to contact BM and have her verify the reversal.  Just in case she couldnt or bm would not verify, dh could send in a copy of custody order via fax.  

Well, dh sent in the order and while he was gone, caseworker called and said that she had received fax.  DH tried to call her back, but # was busy...and even at 6 p.m it was still busy -and we all know they dont work that late....

According to caseworker, Division of child support enforcement will not continue to enforce Child support if custody has changed.   However, this does not mean the person no longer owes....the judge has to end the support and issue an order for support to reverse.  

Interesting and I hope dh understood this completely.  The caseworker did wait until custody reversed to call, so maybe there is some hope that we will not be paying someone else for a child that is in our care...

:)

DH is to take over custody of ss on June 16, 2006.  However, as always, the attorneys, judge, and court is dragging its feet.  He still does not have a copy of any order saying this.

He pays cs to bm right now...and he owes medical bills (court ordered) for what we consider fraud...think he could win on appeal, but it probably wouldnt be worth the missed work etc..........Anyway, we are going to request dcse to review and terminate cs to BM.  However, this will not be processed in two weeks.  

Is it possible to have any payments made after custody reversal designated for unpaid medical expenses?

BM would take the money and drag dh to court for the medical in a heartbeat!

For five years, dh has paid cs for his youngest son.  Yesterday, he was awarded custody - beginning once school is out.  Support was  not addressed and was not of main concern for dh.

Now, we are wondering, will DCSE take care of all of this if we ask for their assistance?  They have the case right now where dh is paying...so, what is the process.....

* send in new court order
* request for support to be reevaluated and reversed?

Is that about it?  Wont DCSE assess it and then file in court themselves for a court order enforcing their decision?

My exhusband moved from VA to NC years ago.  This has made child support collection difficult at times, as they cannot serve a summons in NC from VA.  (unless you hire someone privately)  Okay, the past two years, my ex has only paid sporadically and very little then.  In November 2004, DCSE in VA asked NC to take enforcement jurisdiction.  I was told that NC was going to court on Feb 28, 2005 to take jurisdiction.  

After that time, when I would call DCSE, they said NC was now the enforcer. ( I sent numerous letters as well).  They would not give me a contact number for NC.  I turned in my ex's employer's address and they would forward...and nothing.  November, 2005, VA sent a request to NC to send out a wage withholding as they had found ex's new employer.  

I finally got tired of the run around and this year, I found a main address for NC DCSE and sent a letter.  I got a reply today.

I am furious - NC states that my ex was not properly served and did not appear in Feb, 2005........and they could not take jurisdiction.  They notified VA and requested registration info and updated arrears and payment info.  They did not receive it and CLOSED the case on March 7, 2005.   They did send VA word that if they wanted them to reopen, they needed to send the requested information.  It was never done.

This means that for an entire year, VA has lied to me!  WTF?  I am going to write everyone with any pull in this state until someone gives me an answer as to why this crap happens.....give me a line and access to the information and I could put this *hit together.......

I am married to a man who while having full custody of one child and having the other child half the time physically, pays cs, medical insurance and 75% copays.  I know how unfair the court system is...

Now, having said that....I was working a decent job and had medical insurance on my children..so when my ex and I split, he was ordered to pay cs and 50% copays.  That was nine years ago and only once have i asked for an increase - and that was after he was taking me to court to reduce cs when he was making more money than it was based on.

Okay...we are in VA and he moved to NC within one year of our split.  He was very slack in paying....then went for about 2 years pretty regular....and now for over a year, he will not pay.  And there is nothing that can be done....VA asked NC to look into it..and NC now has jurisdiction, but they are doing nothing!!  They have had this case for nine months and still havent gotten the first payment.  Every now and then  he will send in a small amt.

He rarely even takes his given visitation time, and I would gladly agree to him seeing them more often.....but, he just doesnt do it....

My girls asked to see their dad a month ago..and I called him and left a message, and I called his mother...who agreed to take them down to see him....She does transportation for him.....I drove my girls to their nanny's and she packed food and took them...

Since that weekend - no one has called them or tried to see them at all....

I am totally disgusted with the situation - his lack of concern for the girls..and the states inability to do anything ...

Hi all, My dh pays cs, he carries the health and dental ins. and pays 75%copays.  Well, bm is making good money now. The order is based on her part-time job as a waitress.  Now, she is working a much higher paying job full-time.  She had moved last year to manage a store, and nothing was ever changed.  That job ended, but she now works for relatives....

Okay, so dh has had health problems - we still have over $1000 to pay one hospital from his admittance last year.  He is now having problems again and needs an MRI and the doc doesnt want him working right now.

We are broke.  SS was badly burned in  April - and dh's part of that is over $3200 already.  We simply cant afford this.  

BM bought $168 bandages after the doc told her it was only necessary for small wounds and use her discretion.  She never used these bandages but cannot take them back....and expects us to pay for them.  Oh..and she had about 90 bandages in her possession and sent an empty wrapper here for us to buy him bandages while here!!!!

She has worked against dh in finding out insurance info. from the people's home ss was at - and the child that kicked the fire onto him...

Is there anyway that dh can file for medical relief - at least to have the bills split in half?  Will the judge order retroactive - or would he probably just say going forward, if there is a change at all?

Hi everyone,

I have been divorced for eight years.  During that time, I paid insurance and 50% copays.  Now that the place I worked for closed, I have the children on state insurance but still have copays.  Ex wont pay anything.

For eight years, I have always gave him copies of all bills.  I wouldnt even think of just writing it on a piece of paper.  However, my fiance's ex does just this.  They have been divorced for three years.  She never gives him any bills or receipts - just writes on a piece of paper that he must pay $__ .  I think this is wrong and I think he should refuse to pay until she does right....Any thoughts?

Diann

Soc,

BM is NCP.  She works for relatives and from what she has said in the past, is responsible for distributing payroll including garnishments, etc.  She is ordered to pay CS every week, as that is the way she is paid.  However, in the eight months that she has been ordered to do so, they send it in whenever the mood hits.  Every two weeks, every three weeks, three consecutive weeks, just very different variations.  No month actually has seen the correct amount ...its way less, or more due to finally sening money held from previous month.

I sent notice to DCSE and to the employer.  Employer (cousin) who is president of the company wrote back that "a" payment had been overlooked due to end of year/IRS obligations.  She stated that the payment had been forwarded - in fact, four payments were forwarded.

So, the next week a payment came in.  They skipped two weeks and then sent in one payment.  BM is already behind due to payments not paid in the beginning before it was wage withheld.

DCSE also sent the company notice about how to send support in.  In VA, they are liable for CS being sent in according to the employees pay schedule - either on the date of pay, or within four days if electronically processed.  

Soc, I am also aware that according to the amt bm provided at CS hearing, when I garnished her for a personal debt, they sent in hundreds of dollars less than was required each time.  While this debt has been settled in my mind - they paid the debt for her recently, I am tired of their games at my expense.

If I filed a show cause against them in J&D court for the continued flopping on CS payment dates, what could the court logically do if proven?


If I choose to file a show cause against them for ignoring the 25% law regarding garnishments, though the debt has been settled, what could the court do?

All parties in VA.  Separated for one year.  Six year old child.  

About three months ago, my STBX handed me some papers in front of her coworker, demanding that I sign them.  She was very insulting and we argued.  later, she called and apologized telling me to take as long as needed.  (I did not want a divorce, she does.)

The very next morning she called around 8:30 a.m., telling me that she wanted the papers signed and back to her that day by 3:00.  If I didnt sign the papers, she was having her attorney file litigation against me and was going for more of my money, plus making me pay for her attorney fees.  I was scared and signed the papers.  I did not have an attorney as I could not afford one.  MY STBX went out openly with her boyfriend the next night.

There are things in the papers that I did not fully understand at the time.  I am ready to do what I have to do to retain a good attorney, but I dont know if there is anything he can do about what I have signed...he wants a big retainer before he will represent me as he has talked to me several times months ago.

My STBX got angry at me this week and withheld my daughter.  While my daughter usually gets off the bus at my business, my STBX went to school and picked her up and would not let me see her.  

As I felt pressured into signing the papers under threats of court and financial repurcussions, can I fight the legal standing of this document?


Should I send my STBX a certified letter expressing my contesting the validitiy of the document as well as my daughter being withheld from me?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Ex was ordered by court in 2004 to pay me half on a joint bankruptcy, which I had paid in full.  She never made any payments and I garnished her several times.  Once this resulted in a show cause on her then employer and they had to pay a fee for ignoring the order.

Since I got custody and she is now responsible for child support, I had let it go for awhile.  As she has a good job and lives with her parents, I decided to offer her a chance to make payments without garnishment.

Within one week, I recieved a certified letter stating she will pay me X amount to clear the matter if I signed that letter agreeing and had it notarized.  Otherwise she would make 10 payments totalling her proposed amount.  (instead of the entire amount)

I did not sign the letter as I felt it was worded in a way that she could pull some tricks out of it.  I did type up a declaration being very specific as to what the money was for, the exact amount, and the amount of time she had to forward the money and signed that.

I received a check for X amount.  Great...but, i am weary if this could still hold any tricks as it was not from her.  The check was made out directly to me from the payroll account of her employer -and signed by the president of the company, who is also her cousin.

She had tore the stub off of the check.  My concerns are that she pays CS through her employer and is behind.  While DCSE is not supposed to give credit for payments not directly to them, I dont trust that it would not happen.  They counted the money they returned to me for overpayments off of my ex's CS payments after she was ordered to pay...

Also, I do not want this being turned in that they 'paid' me and it being something that should be filed on my taxes....

I want something from the company telling me what the amount is for...

Also, I have given DCSE time to address the lack of CS payments with ex's employer.  It is VA law that payments be sent in consistent with employees paycheck..and hers are coming in at various times and not at all for some payments due.

Would a letter on company heading with presidents signature be sufficient should anything arise from this later?


Should DCSE not take action over the CS,  would I be within my rights to send the employer a certified letter concerning this...and further action being a show cause by me on employer?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Son is 15 and on probation.  He has a hearing this week to hopefully dismiss charges.  He has gotten into some trouble at school, nothing big.  School principal wrote a very nice letter on his behalf to court.  Our concerns revolve around payment of restitution and the accusations bm made to probation officers concerning community service and curfew.  

PO in ordering county never contacted us, but she did contact PO in our county.  Evidently, bm notified her with her concerns.  PO here allowed community service to stand as there was no proof of bm's accusations.   Statements about curfew were unfounded as well.

BM has been adamant about me paying her lawyer for representing son.  I had refused because at the time this began, he was representing bm in the custody battle and son in criminal matters, and he also represented a party in a lawsuit matter against my son's interest.  BM has repeatedly lied to me about her own payments to lawyer.  Her last correspondence regarding this matter stated that if I were not going to pay half on the lawyer's fee, she would not pay any restitution.  

She is the one who signed for the school laptop that was damaged.  she had custody at the time and paid for insurance, which did not cover vandalism.  I am willing to pay half on the laptop, but not the total amount as I would not have allowed him to get one.

BM is also actively working against son in his lawsuit.  My only concern ws having medical bills paid, but she intervened when I sent letters to the families and had them to ignore me completely.  I had to seek an attorney and the rest is history.....She has been very verbal in accusing me of being money-grubbing, made son write a lie to be used against him, and made a big show the last time we went to depositions.  Arbitration is to be held soon regardin this matter.

If mother has not paid her half of restitution, can I present the fact to the court that she signed for this laptop saying she would take responsibility and have them order her specifically for the rest?

If not, and I have to pay in order to keep my driver's license.....can I seek a civil lawsuit to have her ordered to repay on those grounds?


If bm begins to make accusations during hearing regarding probation, how do I protect my son's legal rights  (for ex:  brings up accusations concerning games)?


If BM makes another scene during arbitration, can I or son request that attorney have her removed from building even though she has joint legal?

Soc,

We are in VA.  I was awarded custody of son last June after BM had him for five years.  We had fought over custody for approximately the past two years since her move 80 miles away.

I have filed for court proceedings first, with her filing counters in the past two years.  We were last in court in August after she cursed me in front of son and threatened to take me to court for contempt....I filed a show cause and clarification, she then filed a show cause.  I was successful, she was told she was in error.

In August, bm did not pick up son for visitation. She then sent me a letter stating that she wanted make-up time, accusing me of refusing visitation and threatened to take me to court.  I informed her that visitaiton was not refused, she did not take it, no make-up time, and it would be a false show cause filing.  She did nothing.

BM was to have son for Columbus day, but his school was open. She did  not mention the date in her advisement of visitation.  She still has not mentioned it to me, but did tell son that I owed make-up time.

BM is to advise me by first of each month which three weekends of visitation she is going to take.  

The stipulation that son is not to be used as a messenger is also in our court order.

I provide two transportations, she one.

BM made false accusations to son's probation officer in November.  This caused son and us alot of stress and a week of worry.   She slept with her cousin while son was present.  Within three weeks, she made threats to help this cousin file charges against son over video games and threatened to file charges against me if I did not pay $300 within one week.

Son is 15 and does not want to visit.  He and bm no longer fuss when she calls, she just asks, he says no and she usually hangs up.  

BM has not advised per court order regarding visitations.  She has made no contact by letter or by phone directly to me.  She did call once and wanted son the next day, demanding that I drive.  I told her that as she is required one transportation and it was short notice, she could provide transportation. I specifically stated to her that I have never refused visitation, that she is the one allowing son to make the decision.  

BM has not made any effort to pick son up.    She called him last week and asked about visitation, but he had an appt out of state regarding his burn injuries.  She simply said okay and hung up.  When we get to appt, she walks in with her mother....apparently having already had plans to do this as she had travelled down the day before and they spent two nights away.  So, when she called son, she already had plans to be out of town and made no comment to take him to appt or pick him up afteward.  

Counselor is willing to get involved.  BM has not seen son's counselor since August 11th.  My lawyer for the custody battle was a one fee, one case attorney.  I have talked with him and he suggested having counselor write a letter about concerns and getting GAL involved.  Requests for such have not shown results.  

Secretary for counselor states that GAL's usually only work if case is pending...as they are not getting paid otherwise.  Counselor typically waits to hear what GAL is looking for as he wants to do what is best  for child and not show a biased pertaining to parents.

BM is not taking her court ordered visitation.  She is not following guidelines of visitation.  I have not refused visitation.

While bm may try to use this as a contempt against me, it appears that she is providing a pattern of not taking her visitation.  Other than a 5 minute phone call almost weekly, there is no contact.  

I feel visitation needs to be revised due to her actions against son and his stress concerning visitations.  

While I do not want her to force visitation, I also feel like I am sitting on a ticking time bomb by just waiting for her next move.

Do I need to 'document' this by writing to her regarding her not attempting visitation?

Would it be best to wait for her to file something as I have been the first to file previously?

Soc,

We are in VA.  I have custody of 15 year old son.  

Custody order states that "Neither party shall expose minor child to immoral or illegal influences."

BM is dating a second cousin - which is not illegal to even marry in the state of VA.  She and this cousin usually date about six months per year and this is their fifth round of dating.

BM took son on an overnight stay to this man's house.  She slept with boyfriend and son slept on sofa.  

Various problems have arisen between bm and son.  Among them, bm called early December and accused son of 'stealing' games from her boyfriend.  Son had these games for about 2 months prior to this, said man had let him borrow them.  BM stated they noticed games were missing 3-4 weeks before she called.  Stated that they knew he had them because NO ONE else had been in boyfriends home.  She threatened that her and boyfriend would file charges against son if he did not return games.  NOTE:  son was refusing to visit with her prior to the accusation that he had stole games.

I took son to return games.   Within minutes of our return home, BM (who was not at boyfriends home) called to say that the games were damaged and that if I did not pay $300 within one week, she and boyfriend were going to file charges against son and me.    I havent paid and am not going to unless they do have a court order.....Honestly, I do not know if the boyfriend is involved as I called and left two messages at that time and he would not return calls.

I have told bm that son is not to be going back to her boyfriend's home.  She is vehement that its none of my business and son will be going back.

Soc, I am custodial parent and feel it is unwise for son to be exposed to a situation in which he has already received criminal accusations from.   That would appear to be legal suicide.  I also feel her sleeping with a man she dates over and over and who is blood related in son's presence constitutes 'immoral influences.'

Is there such a thing as legally negligent?  


As custodial parent, do I have the right to contact  this man in writing to inform him of my insistance that son not be at his home?

Soc,
WE are in VA.  I have custody of 15 year old son.  BM is dating her second cousin and exposing my son to this relationship.  She has dated this man on and off for five years now.  I am against his exposure as she does overnights and son is not comfortable with this being her cousin.  

About two months ago, son brought home some games for her boyfriends home.  Last week, bm called demanding the games back.  Son is no longer seeing bm because of her trying to get his probation revoked with what we contend are lies.  

Last night, I took my son to her boyfriend's and had him return the games.  Within minutes of getting home she was calling.  She told me that her bf is holding me responsible for damage to the games, saying they were scratched and one is missing.

I told her I will not pay - she took son over there, it was her responsibility.  She said her boyfriend will not hold her responsible.  That if I do not pay $300 by next week, she and he are going to file against me in court.

I am figuring she is talking about a civil suit.  Soc, I didnt even want my son to go to this man's house.  She took him.  According to her, he is my son and I have custody so I am responsible.  

We have no proof that the games were returned in good condition.  They could scratch them now and blame son.  

I had told bm not to be taking son to that man's house.  She did so anyway.  This was during her visitation time.

I am afraid they are going to file charges on son.....but, I am thinking it is more likely they are seeking money from me.

Is her demanding I pay money by next week or they file charges considered extortion?


Would I be held solely responsible for actions that occurred during her parenting time?

Soc,

Case in VA.  BM is office manager.  She works for a cousin.  CS is ordered weekly.  CS has been sent in randomly.  Every three weeks, two weeks, one payment for two week period...

There is an arrearage on account.  DCSE sent BM a letter recently 'requesting' that she pay the arrearage.  Instead, one payment was sent in for a two week period.  

The issue appears to be simply just withholding the payments because it can be done.  As the account is in arrears and as it is coming out of her paycheck...

Would I be able to file a show cause against the employer as to why the support is not being sent in as ordered (and is in fact not being sent in by any pattern)?

Soc,

Case in VA.  Father became NCP five months ago.  BM has three weekends visitation per month.  BM has done things that have 15 year old son very upset with her.  She causes scenes at appts or makes allegations.  Counselor (of five months) for son says mother is source of son's issues.  

GAL was involved in custody reversal.  GAL was to be instrumental in making sure counseling is taking place as this was court appointed.  GAL has not made any contacts since custody reversal.  

I truly believe that if we go forward to court over various issues, that it would be in my son's best interest to have someone protecting his interests...

AS the GAL was appointed to oversee the counseling as well as parents taking a parenting course, is he still considered active on this case though he has done nothing?


How would I request for the same/or different GAL (any) should we take
some of these issues to court?


Would this request be considered at a hearing?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Custody reversed to me in June.  I have already proved contempt that my ex cursed me in front of our son.  She unsuccessfully tried to have contempt accusing refusal of visitation.  

Ex has history of cursing me in public, in front of son (he is 15 now).  In August, she flipped out in son's counselor's office.  

Two weeks ago, counselor told me that ex is the source of most of my son's issues.  He feels son needs continued therapy.

Son is on probation for matters that took place during the time his mother had custody.  Son has been pulling community service and has a curfew.  We have been extremely diligent about the curfew.

I foolishly fought to have my ex participate in community service.  last weekend she spent the night with her lover/cousin (violation of court order) and then drove an hour to bring son to service.  Man in charge told her that he had little for son to do and asked her to come back in two hours.  She refused, citing that she would be going back to town bf lives in.  Man then said to take son and he would see about giving him two hours time for travel and effort.

BM waited a week and then called probation officer on date we were scheduled to be out of town.  She told PO that man told her he did not have anything for son to do and he would give son 8 hours of time.  Son had told me the part about two hours the day after the event - before she made this claim.  Son says 8 hours was not discussed.

Today, went to PO office.  BM is claiming she did not refuse to pick  up son two hours later.  

During the course of conversation, I became extremely suspicious of just what had transpired without our knowledge between bm and PO.  BM was very calm and in control.  PO hammered son about curfew, and the community service.

BM even fought the church service son pulled.  PO told her that as we are a small community, it is allowed.

I didnt say too much because I did not want to start a fight.  however, the more I thought about it, the more I was suspicious.  I called the PO>

The PO says bm not only claims son is getting time for nothing, she did make several comments about son being out past curfew without me, and she had contacted the original court system with these complaints against me as well.   The original court system has assigned a PO and notified the PO (of where we live).

Soc, these allegations are not only false - I signed documents stating that I knew the rules of his probation.  I have not violated the terms of this and therefore, there is no proof that I have. This is simply BM trying to act like she is holding our son accountable while I let him run wild.  Entirely false.

As this is causing us extreme emotional distress dealing with this and possibly son having to re-pull 31 hours of service and is an attack on my parenting......

Is this sufficient cause to file a defamation of character suit against bm?

Also, combined with the other instances of public verbal attacks, is this enough to pursue a restraint against bm being involved in appointments as she either makes a scene or makes false allegations?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Son has been court ordered to perform community service.  I an CP.  I requested bm (ncp) to allow son to do a few hours of community service on her time.  At first she balked, but then agreed.

Last Saturday, I had arranged for son to do service and she agreed to bring him for it.  It rained heavily the night before and there wasnt much he could do.  She did not want to pick son up in two hours, so man in charge told her that he would check into giving son two hours for showing up.

Son said that bm stated to him and her boyfriend that this was not right.  She did not say anything to man in charge.

Yesterday, probation officer got a call from bm telling her that man had said he would give son 8 hours time though he worked none.   We were not home until late, po did try to call us.

Man told us about it today....saying that he never gave son anytime for that day as he would have to ask po permission to put even two hours down for showing up.

now, man is older and while he had hours correct, he had gotten off on his dates that son worked for him.  We had kept our own record.

BM says she 'turned him in' because son needs to be held responsible for his court problems and perform his community service.  I feel that if she was telling the truth, she could have held him accountable by telling the man not to put down anything........

In my opinion it is an attempt to have son's service disqualified to get us all in trouble and reflect back on me ultimately.

Soc, I was not there but I believe son and the man in what was said.  He has not offered this to me at any time and this was the first time he ever met her.  He has done this for years and never had anyone say this before.

Should we try to show po what we believe are bm's true motive - spitefulness or would that be considered too defensive?

Would it be appropriate to ask PO to contact counselor as he feels bm is the source of son's issues and could give insight into the type of person she is?

Soc,

We are in Virginia.  I received custody of 14 year old son in June.  BM has been very verbally aggressive, but that has actually calmed in the past month.

Court order states bm is to give me notice as to what three weekends she wants son and if we contradict, we are to discuss.  

Court order also states NCP to have certain holidays - including Columbus Day during even years.  Our school system operates on Columbus Day.

NCP sent me a letter in September detailing her chosen weekends and the weekend she would provide transportation - last weekend in October.  She did not mention Columbus Day at all.  I did not contest anything.

The first weekend in October, she came to an appt. and changed the transportation to her providing that weekend.......she brought son back home that Sunday - the day before Columbus Day.

I am to provide transportation this weekend.  When she called son, he told her that he really wants to go to Homecoming Game and come Saturday instead.  They argued and she asked to speak to me.  When I answered she told me that she expected make-up time.  I told her that I only have one weekend with son and I was not refusing to bring son.  She told me tough luck!  

At that point, I told her to tell her son that because he was the one asking her for permission to go to the game.  She told son, not me, that she is still entitled to a make-up day for Columbus Day and now this Friday evening.  (This is first time she mentioned Columbus Day)

Soc, I never refused her Columbus Day even though this was a school day.  She didnt mention the day and brought son home on Sunday.

I have no problem with suggesting extra time at Thanksgiving for her, but I dont want to be in contempt.....

Do I owe her a make-up day for Columbus Day?


Whose responsibility was it to bring up this day at the time even though school would be operating?


If she agrees to allow son to stay for a game, am I in contempt for not taking him per court order?


Should I address any of this in a letter, which would give a written record?

Soc,

We are in Virginia.  June of this year I was given primary custody of my 14 year old son.  We share joint legal with absolutely NO Specifics given on this...simply says joint legal.  IN fact, I previously asked ex to agree to some specifications and she ignored my request.

Since I took custody, I have found out that my ex was not taking son to counseling appts and that his case had been closed due to that.   Also, she did not take son to dentist in two years - even though he complained of chipped teeth for months.  (I could not do this on weekends as none are open).

I work a job that is 4 days a week, 10 hours a day....attendance is rather strictly enforced.  Any appts for son I can make on Friday - I make.  I have signed a limited power of attorney for my spouse so that she may take son to appts that I would otherwise need to take off for.  My spouse has a job with numerous personal and sick days as well as being on the same time schedule as the children.

Son has lots of appts between dental, counseling, health related, probation officer, and appts out of state to burn hospital.  

Son hurt his hand a couple of days ago - swoll in one area near thumb.  School nurse called my wife and told her that it did not appear broken, but an x-ray would be best.  Wife made appt locally and took son.  No bones were broken, soft tissue damage, and put in a brace for a week.

Today son called bm and told her about his hand.  She called me tonight to fuss that she was not notified IMMEDIATELY and to fuss about my wife taking him.   She said that if I cannot do so, then she is to be notified to drive two hours here to take him as he is OUR son....not wife's.

BM also told son that she will pick him up from school for his check-up on hand next week and take him herself.  

BM appears to be very jealous of my wife.  Son's counselor has told bm that my wife does have a place in son's life during ex's rant about my wife.    

BM's motives are NOT for son's welfare but simply to keep wife from taking any part.  

Son's check-up appt is during the week - when bm does not have visitation.  Also, we are paying all copays up to $250.

Soc, I do not want to keep her out of his appts as she has done to me.  I simply do not see the need in letting her dictate to us who can and cannot take son to doctor.  She is welcome to attend appts, but as she has a history of not telling me things, I feel uncomfortable with letting her be the one to take him to appts alone.  As he lives with us, I feel we need to know everything going on.

The focus should be on son's health needs are being met, in my opinion.

Legally, can bm keep my wife out of appts though wife has a signed power of attorney from me and we are paying bills?


If BM makes a scene, what can we seek to have her kept away from further appts as this would be the fourth time atleast she has made a public scene?

Soc,

We are in VA.  Custody reversed to me in June.  Before that, my ex had taken son to counselor as it was court ordered.  I had sent this place a copy of our court order informing them of my 50% obligation and requested to be billed for my half only.

Son attended counseling from Feb/March - June.  In June I began receiving bills for the entire amount.
 
I wrote to the billing dept and told them that I am not responsible for this entire bill, noted that I had sent them a copy of court order and informed them that I NEVER gave consent for them to treat son.

They keep billing me for the entire amount - and it increased $20 per month for July and August.  I have informed my ex in writing that she needs to pay her half as i will not cover this for her.  She has ignored this and paid nothing.

Soc, I am the insurance carrier.  I did notify that I am responsible for 50%.

What are some legal terms I can use to make this place bill her for her half?

Soc,

We are in Virginia.  Custody order requires counseling of son and states that both parents are to pay equally on this expense.  While bm had custody earlier this year, she took son to counseling.

She only informed me of clinic name and ignored any requests for appts, doctor name, etc.   She did not even tell me when son was put on medication and would not send them here on weekends.

Son did not see this counselor again after May.  In fact, I have received a letter from the counselor that tells me that he closed the account in May because my ex was missing sessions anyway.

I carry insurance on son and have been billed for all appts.  I never signed a release for them to treat son and have shown them a copy of order that she pay half.  But, after five months of no money from her, they are billing me only.

I told her in writing about this a month ago and she still has made no payments.  To top it off, the medication he was taking was being provided by the clinic.......meaning I will pay for it, and she would not even let him bring it here or let me know about it....

I have already paid $189 for bills last year that were never used on my son, were donated, and in fact, bm's mother paid for - not her.....

Soc, Can I file a show cause against her without paying her part of the bill.......just take the bill to court to show judge?

Soc,

Prior support order required me to pay 75% of copays.  Recent custody order stated that son was required to be in counseling, with each parent paying equal share of counseling costs.

When I went to the intake for child support, the intake officer told me that it is common now for the custodial parent to pay the first $250 of medical copays, and the rest be split according to CS guidelines.  She said that the counseling would NOT be included in this as it was part of a custody order, not the support order.

In court, judge said support order would include counseling.  In his amendment to the custody order, nothing was mentioned about counseling - including no mention of changing payments....

On a separate matter, son is required to complete 40 hours community service.  He is in school, has a 6:00 curfew, and is only home one weekend per month.  Sites to do service are limited around here. Probation officer has requested time be completed by mid December.

I requested that BM allow son to at least put in a few hours one day/weekend per month for community service during her visitation.  She essentially told me to shove it.  She said that none of her time is being used for this and that it is my total responsibility.  (his actions resulting in this were done while in her custody)

Soc, first, as the counseling copays are spelled out in the custody order, arent they still in effect until a formal change is made?


As for the community service, what takes priority.....a juvenile judge ordering community service or a juvenile judge ordering three weekends per month visitation?