Stripping Parental Rights

[momtwoboys]

Ok I am kinda new at this but I am giving it a shot.. I really hope I can get some advice or facts to know if I got a strong case.  My ex and I were never married but we have a kids together.  He has paid only 4 months of child support to me, not court appointed but agreed on by both of us and signed by a witness.  He will not come and visit my son or much less call him.  I use to call every weekend, I have asked repeatedly for him to come up here and see the child ( I live in Ohio he lives in Georgia) and he refuses because we live in the north.  I have brought the child to see him three time in the past year,  still with ou thim paying child support ( my son is 2, born in august and will be three this year).  On top of all his bad parenting skills, he has a heavy drinking problem and smokes pot too, he has also tried killing himself two time that I am aware of since the child has been born.  I am now pregnant with a new boyfriend and we want to get married and he was to adopt the child but I want the ex's rights stripped.. can this happen?

signed a very worried and tired mother...

P.S. I just want my kids to be happy and away from him I just want to know what is the best thing and if I have the grounds to do it.

[Peanutsdad]

Actually,


You dont need any sort of grounds, providing he is willing to allow your new DH to adopt.

In the absence of him agreeing,, its unlikely that you will be able to have his parental rights severed.

My own ex has attempted suicide several times, has spent time in a psych institution, is diagnosed bipolar, has been arrested numerous times for domestic violence......and despite all this, she still has standard visitation.

[momtwoboys]

See thats the thing he wont have anything to do with his son and yet he will not sign over his rights he says he will take them to his grave.  And although he has tried commiting suicide twice ( once by cutting the tops of his hand and the other by shooting himself) he ha snever seeked professional help.  He was ordered to get help and never did.  His mother, who also has tried to kid nap my kids and forged my signature on a hospital bill,  has had him arrested many time for domestic disputes and distruction of property... and every time sayin he needs help not to let him out till he gets help the gets him out of jail.  

So you think I have no chance of getting his rights stripped.  I know speaking with a lawyer about a year to two years ago he said a Judge will not strip the parental rights unless he absolutly has too.  The was also something else about putting an add in the news paper of where he lives asking where he is and if he did not answer then his rights could be stripped.. I am just very confused I guess.

[nosonew]

Your best bet is to do this- almost nothing.  

1.  Make sure he has your phone number and address.
2.  If you move, let him know.
3.  If he wants to see the child, he should contact you.
4.  Your new hubby can take on the father role, and your child will love him for it, REGARDLESS of legal paperwork.
5.  My stepdad, is MY DAD, because he was there for me.  Biodad wasn't.

Because he isn't seeing this young child on a regular basis, if he requests visitation, get it supervised.

Good luck.

[Indigo Mom]

Stripping the rights of a parent is a VERY difficult process.  BTDT...(twice)

Basically, what you have to do is have a great lawyer and an even better Guardian Ad Litem who's been on the case for a long time...so she/he can get a "feel" for the ex.  (I'm talking a GAL on the case for years)

When it comes down to termination?  You don't "say" that right away.  The GAL will do everything in his/her power to GET the absent parent to be a parent (at your expense, btw), and this takes a LONG time.  When all else fails (and there's more "attempts" than you could ever imagine) then the GAL can put in a recommendation that says something like this....

"If Mr. XXXXX does not accept his responsibilities in providing for (child) and in taking the steps necessary to have parenting time with (child), then I would recommend commencement of a termination of parental rights proceeding".

Now, once you get to this point...where the GAL writes a recommendation like this, you STILL have to give the absent parent another 6 months or year (or whatever) to "prove" they want to be a parent to this child.  AND...what's even worse?  At any time before the termination hearing...if the absent parent shows ONE OUNCE of "change"...for example, calls the child one time, then good luck having their rights terminated.  

Also, you must be able to PROVE, and not just "claim" but PROVE to the courts that if the child was to be "with" the absent parent, it would endanger the childs physical health or significantly impair his/her emotional development.  Hard to prove, darlin...but possible.  

Termination is very tricky, very difficult, and very time consuming.  Put it this way....I've been waiting for my daughters father to step up to the parenting plate for 5 years now and we're still trying to get him to be a fricken father.  I know he won't...hub knows he won't...GAL knows he won't...lawyer knows he won't....but things need to be done the "right" way...even if it takes another 5 years.  

[KAT]

There are several things involved here. IF you were on welfare then he probably has already been forced to pay child support to the state. This will include paying the state back for the birth expenses and any money the state put out for the care & welfare of the child. You are likely to see little of the child support money until the state takes it's fair share.  He will not be ordered to pay support to you over & beyond what has already been ordered. If this is the case, then he is technically supporting his child (which means you have almost a zero chance of TPR) If this is not the case, then you need to open a case with the courts. If he's that crazy maybe he needs to look into applying for SSI or SSD in which case your child would be listed as a dependant & be able to collect a certain amount each month.
Second, if you moved you could very well be required to provide all transportation for the child to visit his father and or have your support adjusted to to help with his transporation expenses.
Next, your *boyfriend* will not be able to adopt the child. Almost all states require a marriage of at least a year. Considering the age of the child this will probably include home visits by social services and or counseling. As a note I will say that you better watch social services coming into your home as they tend to be vipers, big ones..big, sneaky lying vipers at that. In addition, Judges do not like to basterdize children. In many states when a parents rights are terminated, this also terminates child support and inheritance rights. This is not taken lightly.
Of you course you are free to file for anything you wish. But do note that a custody battle is a very nasty place to be emotionally and financially. I see 3 children with 3 different fathers here. Do not doubt this will not be brought up in court. The fact that you picked this nut job to have a child with does nothing to help you, nor the fact that you actually take the child to his father who is sooooo insane. I hope you see what I am getting at here. It might sound rude, but a good lawyer is going to bring this up & much more.  Personally, if I were you I would wait until I was on more stable ground, ie: married, working, home,  before I would proceed with any court filings. I fear that in your haste, you could bring on bigger problems then that of the current situation. He might have major issues but I've seen judges give custody to mental health patients before! It is never a slam dunk. Once in court you leave yourself at the mercy of the judges who each have their feelings & adgendas. Walk carefully.
KAT

[tulip]

Why are you calling this guy every week, and going to GA to see if him, if you know it's bad your son to be with him? Leave him alone. It's my guess that once you start a fight with him about his parental rights, he will fight back. How long have you been with this new boyfriend? I wouldn't recommend getting married and having someone adopt your son just because you are pregnant. I'm not saying that true love cannot be accomplished within a year, just that the odds are not in your favor. I hope that you have done a very deep examination of your current relationship before deciding to commit your life and your son's life to this new person.

That being said, I want to tell me what I went through. I have a daughter with a man who is also an alcoholic and drug user. He has never been around for her on a regular basis. In the last two years, he has spent about 3 hours with her. But she still prays for him every night, because on the rare occasions he does talk to her or see her, he tells her that he loves her very much. Last month he brought me to court to get his cs lowered. When I saw him in the hallway, he was trying to be friendly with me, and I went off on him for about 15 minutes about how much he has hurt my child. I told him he should let my husband adopt her to relieve him of the cs obligation he obviously doesn't want to pay. I could see that it hurt him, because deep-down he does love my daughter, he's just too irresponsible to be a father to her. He said that he knows he hasn't been a very good father, but he is not going to sign over his rights. I looked at him and asked him what rights he thinks he has. You see, because we were not married, she was born into my custody alone. If he wants to establish visitation rights, he will have to take me to court. I have never, ever kept her from him, but he told me when he left court that day that he would call her that night, and we haven't heard from him since. When he does decide that he wants to make the effort to be a father, it will be on my terms, because he has no rights. If he takes me to court to try to establish rights, he doesn't have a leg to stand on, because he has never tried to be a presence in her life. He might be awarded supervised visitation.

So the point of telling you all this is...What are you trying to take away from this man? He has walked away and given you your son. He is staying out of your life, so you should be grateful for that. If you do get married, there is no reason for your husband not to treat your first child with exactly the same amount of love as your second child. As a step-father, when you are married, he will be viewed by your son's school, doctor's office, and everyone else concerned as a custodial parent.