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I cannot say that my opinion is non-bias, since my sons BF has not seen him in over 4 years, but her goes anyway.....

I did not ever pursue having rights terminated for a few reasons....No matter what, if BF called and asked to see my son tomorrow, the answer would be yes. I will never stand in the way of the two of them having a relationship. No doubt about it, it is painful for me to try and understand why he would not want a relationship with our son, but I am sure it is more painful for my 14 year old son to try to understand.

Another reason, which is based on the first reason.....BF may change someday and he could have a great relationship with our son....since I will never deny my son that opportunity, BF would end up with no responsibilities for our child, yet he would end up with the priviledge of having the relationship. I am a fair person, but as long as he pretends my child doesn;t exsits...he will be reminded when his child support is garnished from his check, and his tax check is intercepted every year!!
Spiteful?.....maybe....but I tend to get that way when it comes to my kids.

So I would say....let it ride, your child may still get to have a relationship with her dad.....and what could be better?

I totally feel you. BM does have the kids more, but when they are here dh's life doesn't change.....but mine is complete choas!!!! But, I have realized that wouldn't matter be step kids or bio kids....women get the short end of the stick when it comes to doing for the kids...but we also get the greatest bond with the kids, so I guess it evens out in the end.

DH went to speak to an attorney today he said contempt for her blocking vistation is a given, and he is going to examine all the email correspondence.....and see what else he can get her on.

I am not sure about that either, its a tough call. I love the kids dearly, and with six of them in the house ranging in age from 18 months to 14 years, I cannot constantly watch them. They are not ever left alone without supervision or an adult in the home....but PBFH still starts crap.

Since my son is bipolar, his sleep is sporatic...I would have to stay awake 24 hours a day to make sure I was always present.

Here is the other issue, and I addressed this with BF. He works two jobs and I am left to care for the kids 80% of the time....this is when the visit is 7 weeks in the summer.....Although BM knows this, she doesn't mind when it means she doesn't have them for an entire summer, only when it means she has to do 1/2 the transporting for the weekend visitation during the winter is she bothered by this!!!

Anyway, caring for 6 kids, one who is bipolar,(plus hold a full time job) is too much for me to handle. I told DH it was not fair to my kids, me, or his kids....afterall they come to see him not me. I am left to disipline and set the rules and limits, which only makes the kids view me as the wicked witch!!!

I sugggested he get them a few weeks in the summer when he is on vacation from one job (it would work out that I may have them a day without him here), keep the scheduled weekend visits in the summer and winter....and really, if she would allow him the visitation he was entitled to in the winter, he would have about the same amount of time.....and he would be able to be a consistant parent, not just this all or nothing parenting she is forcing upon him now.

I have felt too guilty to suggest this before, because I love the kids, and I miss them dearly after spending such an extensive amount of time mothering them.My parents are divorced, and I know from experince and from speaking with SS, he would prefer things this way too, but is scared to ask DH, because he doesn't want to hurt his feelings, and is more scared to ask BM because he knows she HATES the drive!!!! I guess I finally said, forget the guilt and do what is best for the family. DH felt hurt at first thinking I didn't want the kids here, but finally realized they were growing up and being away from home and friends wasn't what they wanted either!!! Besides, as greedy as this sounds....I am not responsible for them, or the assumed sitter when they are here. I am left to handle all the arrangements with his kids and my kids, and with the added stress of BM's claims, I am not willing to do so anymore.

I feel extremley guilty for saying all this, but I am only one person. Am I being selfish?

sorry...i a new, what does PBFH mean?

okay...the kids are 12 and 9. SS 12 SD 9. We have discussed this with the kids after the second time I was accused of being abusive. DH, myself, and the kids all discussed the seriousness of what was being said by them, and what negative things could come out of it. Both kids were in tears and claimed they never made any of the statements BM claimed they did. We told them not to worry about anything, and to just remember to always be honest about everything.

There mother tells them not to discuss their lives at her house at all. We tell them they are free to discuss anything that happens in our home, because we have nothing to hide, and when their father asks about their lives at home, it is to see how school is going, and what they are doing for fun, etc.... not to get anyone in trouble. SS reported that BM was leaving them home alone all night while she worked, and this is why he was ordered to keep quite. She also tells them they do not have to answer me or obey me.

BM reports that the kids are scared and do not want to visit, although SD cries to DH on phone because they can't come as planned, and will sometimes ask to speak with me, or tells DH to tell me hello (depending on how close BM is). I do believe they are scared to come, but they are scared that we are going to be upset with them about the drama BM has caused.....she does report everything that the adults do to the kids.....once they get here and see we aren't mad, things are fine!!!! Until they go home, and it starts all over!!!!

She lives so far away that it is difficult to enforce the visitation, she will call at the last min. to say they can't come and then block all phone and email contact from DH. He filled contempt charges and she was ordered to let him see the kids and to follow the court order.....like that made her listen!!! She does what she wants, when she wants, and always gets away with it!!!!

We do the guy time girl time thing...doesn't matter. I bend over backwards to make sure the kids are treated equal, and I think she is threatened by the fact the kids do like me and she knows she has not always been a real great mom. I don't want to take her kids, hell I have enough of my own!!!!

I have decided they cannot return to my home until this is settled. With my sons diagnosis I am scared she will try to make sexual claims, and my son doesn't need to go thru that. After the nasty things I have seen her pull without even considering her own childrens feelings/well being, I have no reason to believe she wouldn't hurt mine without so much as blinking an eye.

:(
Hello, this is my first post, and I need some support...BAD!!!

I am a new step-mother...4 months, but have involved for over 3 years.
My dh and I live about three hours from his kids, and the BM is blocking visitation and contact, and has now "claimed" to have turned me into CPS!!!!! She lies about everything, so I am not sure if she has truly done this.

I am not sure what is going on with her, but I hope some of you will help me understand her motive, and what I can do.

When my DH and I first got together, I heard all the ex-wife horror stories, and made it clear that I would not judge her by what was being said by my inlaws and DH, rather I would treat her fairly, until she gave me reason not to.

Our relationship started off fine, as a matter of fact, she had never met me and let me drive 1.5 hours to get the kids (who didn't know me well themselves). She would contact me to set up visitation, which was fine....my ex would get sick to his stomach when he heard her voice.
She even contacted me on a few occasions and asked me to talk with the kids about behavior issues she was having with them. She also called me one night in tears, because the kids said they wanted to live with us. I assured her that I was a mother as well, and I would never advocate to remove a child from a mother, unless there was just reason.

This relationship continued the same for about 1.5 years. I became pregnant and things began to change. The kids stay with us 7 weeks out of the summer, well my baby was born 5 weeks early, and my DH called her and asked if the kids could come home for a few weeks, due to the baby being in ICU and the extra stress we were under. I wanted the kids to come back and finish their visit before summer was over...I just needed time to re-coop. I have three children, the baby and the stepkids made six. DH ad to work, I had a c section and a newborn and a teen with bipolar!!! Needless to say, she refused to let them come home..it was tough, but I survived!!!

Come time for the next visit, she refused to let them come, saying they told horror stories of how I treated them, and that I slept too much, and that they were scared of me and my son!!!! I couldn't believe my ears!!! I tried to discuss it with her, but it got me nowhere, she went as far as to call my house and call my son, "f@#@# psycho on my answering machine!!!! It soon settled as summer neared, and she was ready for them to come back.

SD came here with head lice, so BM and I ended up talking and all was fine....so I thought!!!! When the kids returned home after the 7 week visit all the drama and acqusations started again, and she denied visitation, because I treated them bad!!!! What really happened was I found out that she had claimed the tax deduction she wasn't entitled to plus she took a check for $800 in overpayment from the tax interception!!! The worst is she had asked me to help buy school supplies and shoes for the kids....knowing she had done this!!! Money was tigt for us, but I did help her out, and was very upset when I found out what she had done. I emailed her and asked if she would do the rigt thing and work out a plan to pay it back. Well, that was it!!!! She too my DH to court raised his support, and has done everything in her power to keep them away.

They came about two weekends, and the last weekend they came is when she called CPS. She claims I told my SD that my SS was a brat and that I didn't like him. I never said that, and I am very depressed about what I see her doing to her kids. I have told my DH that the kids cannot come to my home anymore, because I am terrified of what me or my children may be accused of next!!! SD and I are very close and I miss her dearly. SS is not too fond of me, but I understand because I had step parents too, his feeling towards me are normal, but mom claims it is because I am mean too him.

I am very upset about all of this, I am not worried about CPS...I have nothing to hide, but what she puts the kids thru is very disturbing,,,and she doesn't care one bit. She just wants to hurt someone....and all seems directed at me.....she doesn't think twice about what all this does to her children!!!!

Please help!!! I am very urt and confused by all of this!!!!