The name game

[HONDA_DAD]

I am new here. This is my first post. I'm only going to post snippits of my case for right now if I posted it all of it you would be here reading for days. If you have any questions I will be glad to answer them.

I have a 3 year old son. I was not married to his mother. Before his birth she moved out of my state so I am doing all this from another state. I have tried for 3 years to work out a visitation schedule with her. More times then not I would get there and not be able to see my son. Even though it was all preplanned. Something would  "come up". Since I didn't have court order visitation I knew this was always a crap shoot. I finally got fed up with it and hired an attorney there to set up having my son legitimazed (first step for that state) and held open the option of setting up visitation through medation. My attorney told me we would have 2 hours medation in which to hammer all this out. I was told that in GA I would get have 50/50 legal custody and could request for a name change upon legitimazing my son.

I asked for the  name change in the papers that were served to her. And she blew up. She is really against it. I have a 5 minute tirade on my voice mail about it. How it's not fair to her or our son. To change his name. He needs to be part of her family. Well her family consists of her, our son, her b/f, their child and one on the way. Now she uses her b/f last name (it comes up on caller ID that way). At times she says they are married at times she says they are not. Upon filing these court papers I have found out they are not.  But I picked up on that message that she has taught our son his last name  is the same as her b/f.

Is this something that worth fighting for. I mean of course I want our son to have my name even hers would be ok. But to teach him a name that isn't even his and never will be. Then to tell me this wouldn't be fair to her! Of course anything that doesn't suit her isn't fair in her eyes. Does anyone know GA laws pertaining to this?

Thank you for your time.  

[nosonew]

I don't know any Ga laws, but it is definitely worth fighting for.  If he gets to school age and you haven't gotten his name changed yet, the court likely WON'T do it.  Also, her own last name doesn't appear important, if she is using her bf's name for your child.  That actually helps your case.  Don't back down on this one...you will regret it later.

[SLYarnell]

My son deals with this same situation and it is VERY important.  You need to make sure if it is important to you you state it and stand firm.  The court will most often go with what has been established.  Deal with it NOW, dont let anymore time pass.

The passage of time will be your worst enemy in court.  Trust me I know this one for a FACT!

Best of luck this site is a great resource and a lifeline when you are dealing with these kinds of matters.  Come back and come often.  There are often people in chat to bounce ideas off of as well, they are a GREAT group!

Sly

[HONDA_DAD]

Thank you nosonew and Sly. You are right I don't want to back down on this .

 You are right Sly time is my worst enemy. Through some fault of my own just trying to deal with her and the situation. With a lot of the fault on her part. She stayed mobile for the most part. Jumping from county to county. Once she would get around to contacting me she'd be gone again in a couple of weeks. At first I thought she was running from me but then found out she was running from CPS for a while. They always live with other people never in their own place so it is easy for then to up and move or get thrown out.


I got a letter from my attorney yesterday that brings up more questions. I think I will post in father issues.

Thanks again to both of you. I will try to make it chat sometime.

[mango]

You probaly won't win if you try to change the name to yours, but will win if you try to hyphenate it.

We just had court last year on this, BM was able to change DH's daughters last name from HIS last name to a combo (hyphenated) name.

DH fought and lost.

They were never married but BM gave her his last name at birth. At age 10 she decided she wanted to hyphenate and courts allowed it.

[roch]

We had the same thing happen, only the BM agreed to the name change and actually filled out the paper work.  The child's last name was legally changed to the father's and the BM's last name became the child's second middle name.

Problem, when the BM registerd the child at school she used the old birth certificate instead so the father's name was nowhere in the records.  When confronted she threw a fit saying it was easier to keep the old name so everyone would know it was HER child.  

I still think there has to be some way to stop the mother from using the old birth certificate or that she is breaking some law by registering the child for school and filling prescriptions using only the child's legal first and middle names, omitting the last.  Good luck to you, we thought we had settled the problem with officially registering the name with vital statistics - no idea the mother would continue to use an invalid birth certificate.

[Peanutsdad]

Ok, I have to ask, what is your attorneys thoughts on this? He SHOULD be foaming at the mouth ,, this is blatant and clear PAS in action. Shes teaching this child that YOU are nothing, that her bf is the REAL dad.

Your attorney should be jumping all over this.

I really think you need to educate yourself as to whats happening here.


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http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan3.htm


For Move aways: ( Thanx Brent!!)
              

Immediately file a Temporary Restraining Order (TRO). In the TRO, specify that the children are to be prevented from leaving the State.

Also, read these:

Preventing Domestic Move-Aways
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/moving.htm

Preparing For A Move-Away Battle
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/moveaway.htm

Preventing International Move-Aways
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/moving2.h

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vassiliou.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner06.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-navarre.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner01.htm

THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand01.htm - size 40kb - 20 Oct 2003
12. Mediation And Parental Alienation Syndrome by Anita Vestal
This article looks at parental alienation syndrome (PAS), which is a complex manifestation of mental and emotional abuse resulting from conflicted parents fighting for custody.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-vestal.htm - size 52kb - 20 Oct 2003
13. Recommendations for Dealing with Parents Who Induce a Parental Alienation Syndrome in Their Children
PAS is commonly seen in highly contested child-custody disputes. The author has described three types: mild, moderate, and severe, each of which requires special approaches by both legal and mental health professionals.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-gardner02.htm - size 54kb - 20 Oct 2003
14. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Studies of target parents who are falsely accused of abuse report they tend to be less disturbed than their accusing counterparts.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand12.htm - size 53kb - 20 Oct 2003
15. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand11.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
16. Parental Alienation Information Archive
All the information on the SPARC site regarding Parental Alienation has been consolidated on this central reference page.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pasarchive.htm - size 17kb - 20 Oct 2003
17. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART II) (cont.)
In the following case, the accused father was an officer in the military. Testimony on PAS by the defense expert provided the judge and jury with some alternative explanations as to the reasons the children accused their stepfather of abuse.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand13.htm - size 31kb - 20 Oct 2003
18. THE SPECTRUM OF PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME (PART I)
Parental Alienation Syndrome is a distinctive family response to divorce in which the child becomes aligned with one parent and preoccupied with unjustified and/or exaggerated denigration of the other target parent.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/rand02.htm - size 44kb - 20 Oct 2003
19. Expanding the Parameters of PAS
The newness of the parental alienation syndrome (PAS) compels its redefinition and refinement as new cases are observed and the phenomenon becomes better understood.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-cartwright.htm - size 32kb - 20 Oct 2003
20. PAS: How to Detect It and What to Do About It
Although parental alienation syndrome (PAS) is a familiar term, there is still a great deal of confusion and unclarity about its nature, dimensions, and, therefore, its detection.
URL: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pas-walsh2.htm - size 24kb - 20 Oct 2003




One of the first things you'll hear around here is "Document, document, document!". Having good records is *crucial*. Get yourself either the Parenting Time Tracker (PTT) at: http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/tracker.htm or the OPTIMAL Custody Tracking service at: http://www.parentingtime.net. The PTT is good, but the OPTIMAL service is definitely better.


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