IT IS OVER

[T0052SC]

Some of you may remember some of my postings, but I will give a little history just in case.  This all started a year ago when I filed for a divorce from my wife.  Just before I filed she had made a lot of threats that she would never allow me to see the kids again and then even tried to have a restraining order put on me by calling the police one night.  Lucky for me the cops saw right through her.  It has been a hard road I have had to hire two PIs, install nanny cams, record every phone call along with personal meetings, write a journal, had her attorney suggested to go in front of a professional conduct committee, and get people fired and arrested for illegal actions.

But after doing all this it has finally paid off.  It put me in a place where she no longer wanted to fight me but meet my demands.  We went to mediation this last Monday.  We spent the entire day there because her attorney wanted to get this settled now so when we went to the hearing today for a reduction in child support we could just present this instead.  They agreed to my terms and signed the agreement this morning.  When my attorney and I went into court (her attorney and her left after signing, and left the hearing up to my attorney and me) I had my final trial instead of the hearing to reduce child support and the judge approved the final stipulation.  Even though it was just I and my attorney the judge still made me take the stand.

Now I feel like a new man.  My custody is joint legal with 50/50 physical, but the kids have to attend my school district and if the mother moves more than 45 miles from my residence she will forfeit her physical custody time.  I don't pay any alimony, very little child support (I agreed to give her some even though are incomes are equal because she has racked up so much debt that she has had to move into low income housing and may have to file bankruptcy), and I didn't get stuck with any of her debt.  I feel like a million dollars today.  

My attorney said that he will take this as a win.  He told me after words that he felt this was the best out come we could have gotten; because when we had started I didn't have much if any hard evidence.  He said it was all my hard work, two PIs, and a ton of research that moved us from a very defensive position to being able to plan our future.

The judge was very happy that we could solve this during mediation, and she even gave me a hats off for how far I have come.  

I just thought I would share this high moment of mine with all of you, because if it wasn't for this site and a lot of your suggestions I don't know if I would have made it this far.  Thank you very much for all the support.

[richiejay]

Congrats, brother.  The hard work paid off...just continue to dot your I's and cross your T's....she may just be regrouping for a fight later as mine continues to do.  NEVER trust her...

[Peanutsdad]

Congrats!!


I'm with Richie tho,, never let your guard down.

[MYSONSDAD]

Big congrats and could not agree more with the above posts, watch your a$$...strange things can come out of the woodwork.

Enjoy your victory and when you catch your breath, please share what worked!

"Children learn what they live"

[joni]

Best wishes for much love and happiness for you and your family.

Happy Dance for you!

[IMG SRC="http://members.aol.com/sitereminder/private/dance/party2.gif" BORDER=0]

[onedaddy]

Congratulations!

Keep up the good work!

Any suggestions as to your research, how you got attorney sanctioned and  those arrested for their illegal actions would be helpful to many of us.

[T0052SC]

One of my biggest suggestions is to work for you attorney.  I know a lot of people that think that because they hired an attorney that he/she works for them.  That is not the most effective way, my ex had a very good attorney in fact I would recommend him to some one if they needed an attorney because he would have made my life hell if she had worked for him and not just have him do everything and sit on her butt.  I did a lot of the work for my attorney; I researched everything, became knowledgeable of the family law in my state, and developed my strategy and plan.  My attorney would even have me draft up different document and then just proofread them and send them off.  I worked so much for my attorney when it came down to mediation my attorney didn't even do anything but take notes.  I did all the negotiating with her attorney and rebuttals with her attorney.  During the mediation my ex hardly talked her attorney did all the talking for her, but I did all the countering.  My attorney in the middle pulled me out of the room to give me a pat on the back, he said to me that I was doing a perfect job and he wouldn't have done anything different.  That felt good because now I know that I am responsible for my future and that my attorney or the judge didn't decide my future.  It was a real feeling of accomplishment.

Now for research, I found this site to be incredibly helpful.  It helped point me in the right direction.  It helped start me on the path of my state laws and gave me helpful hints on different strategies and plans.  The other thing this web site helped with was support.  Like a lot of you out there I lost a lot of my support network because my ex destroyed all my old friendship.  My family was sick of hearing about my problems every day, but all of you who are in the same boat were there 100% and will and able to give an ear or a hand.  One person I want to really thank is joni.  She had a posting questioning PI and from that point on we developed a friendship that gave me the support and guidance to get through all of this.  I give her a hats off.

Other research I owe to the help of an extraordinary PI that I hired.  The PI mostly focused on child custody and was a retired cop.  She did a lot of work with a particular attorney that gave her a lot of advice under the table.  So with the research that I developed along with my Pi's knowledge I was able to put myself in a real good spot.

Now how I got every one arrested, fired, and put in front of a professional conduct committee.  Well to start I listened to my kids.  My kids would come to me every week in a panic that I was going to leave them unattended.  My kids are only 3 years old and 5 years old.  So that was when I hired the above PI.  She followed the ex and found that she would leave the kids unattended for long periods of time while shopping.  The kids were left in an unattended, unlocked, running vehicle.  My PI got video of nine consecutive days of this and then on the ninth day my PI and I went to a local police department showed them the video and had them stake it out with us.  When my ex got out of the car and left the kids the cop pulled in and arrested her.

Once the cop arrested her some big mistakes on their part happened.  My ex was is currently involved with a man that at that point was a cop for one of the small surrounding towns.  Her boy friend cop called the arresting cop and got my PI's information so he could run her plate.  Her boy friend cop ran her plates which lead to my PI getting pulled over as she was passing through town, not even on the case.  Then my ex was making false reports to the state police that some one was following her every day.  The state police called my attorney to find out the validity of this.  At that point we knew something was up.  My PI went to the state complained that her privacy was violated and file a report.  The state investigated it and found that her boy friend cop illegally ran my PI's plates and fired him instead of bringing him up on a class A misdermeanor.  He is now not allowed to work law enforcement for the rest of his life.

Now for her attorney, because she didn't work for her attorney just let him loose he was fed a lot of false information about me, and ended up making flat out lies about the case.  We caught him in about six different lies during court trial and filed a motion to have him put in front of a professional conduct committee for violating three professional rules of conduct set by the state bar.  So it doesn't pay to just hire an attorney, you need to work for your attorney.  Take the role of his manager and set his tasks and give him the tools to complete the tasks.

Now I think I may have covered every thing that I had to do to put myself in a offensive position, but if you want more information I can always come up with more.  Also if you want and need the help of some of the people that I used and your case is going through NH courts I will gladly give you the contact information of any of the people that helped with my case.  You can either ask via this site or contact me at [email protected]

Just remember that your attorney is four to five time busier than you are and he/she only has a little time to devote to your case.  You need to make him/her the most efficient and effective person on your side.  To do this you need to develop your strategy and give him/her the information to do it and direction that you need to take.  Your attorney will know how to make it happen legally or if it can be done.

[MYSONSDAD]

I remember your story very well. I had the same thing happen with my PI. Ex found, that has to be determined yet, their address and started stalking them.

You bring up some very good information that we can all benefit from.

Glad things came out so well. If you should think of more things to share, we will all be anxiously waiting...

Your right on the attorney, you have to be the one to do the leg work, get the paper trail in order. Let them use what they see fit.

[T0052SC]

What Happened with your PI?  I now have become real close friend with my PI,  so I may be able to ask her opinion on what to do.  Just remember a PI is not stalking and if the STBX goes into court claiming she is in fear for her life because this professional is watching her the judge is going to think something is up with your STBX.

One big thing is know your strategy.  There are a few big points that you want to make; involvement in kids life, involving kids in disputes, neglect, abuse, new sexual relations are just a few that people may have.  You want to only focus on those things in your strategy.  My attorney always said only focus on the big straegy otherwise two things happen; 1. the judge will loose sight of the big problems through the little problems 2. you will look vandictive and nit picky to the judge which will upset the judge.  So once you have your strategy and you know your big points only focus on getting the evidence to prove the big stuff.  The hard thing is letting the small stuff roll off your back so you don't get distracted.

My ex played a lot of games with the kids to try to get me distracted.  Some times it would work and I would have to regroup and get back on track, but what kept discouraging her was that I was always a step ahead and had the evidence to prove it.  I think this was one factor that lead to her being so complient at mediation.  She knew that I had my I dotted and my T crossed and court would be a bloody mess for her.

[MYSONSDAD]

My ex was the one stalking the PI.

I am sure that will come up in their testimony.

"Children learn what they live"