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PLEASE ... rethink your decision.  Your kids need you!!  I read the long response that 4honor posted.  She is right ... all it takes is a good man to do nothing in order for evil to triumph (I love this quote.)  Take the anger past the ex.  Yes, it's hard.  But don't get caught in her great big web of lies.  That's exactly what she wants ... I cannot say it enough:  look past her tricks and her pushing your buttons, and Think. About. Your. Children.  Your children will never forget all you are doing for them.  You and your children have many years ahead, and that's the goal you need to stay focused on.

Don't let evil triumph ...

I'm in Arizona too.  We had a court-appointed "family court advisor" who claims to specialize in child custody evaluations as well as being a parenting coordinator.  I think the guy is off his rocker.  After one session with him I called my attorney and said there was no way I was going to return to that quack.  I've stood my grounds.  The "doctor" claims he feels it would be unethical for him to conduct a custody evaluation and that it would also be unethical for him to be the parenting coordinator.  Huh?  How can it be unethical for him to do what he specializes in and has been clearly appointed by the court to do?  He's refusing to to address issues I have regarding abuse my son has received from his father.  Personally I think the "doctor" is acting unethically by choosing to overlook these issues, never mind lacks integrity and a conscience.  I wrote a letter to him explaining exactly how I felt (copying both attorney as required), and it appears he no longer wants to be on this case and has written to the judge "suggesting" that my case be assigned to another mental health professional who doesn't feel it would be unethical to address the abuse issues.  Good for me.

The point is, just because this counselor has been appointed and is a "professional" doesn't mean you have to suffer at the hands of their incompetence (or hungry stomach?).  If you and the ex can work things out without the counselor, by all means do so.  You have the right to work out a visitation schedule on your own and present it to the court.

Regarding the school ... there should only be one.  I agree with the previous response.  You need to run a report card and decide which school is in your son's best interest.  Stability is key.

Regarding the fact that you feel you should be given the first opportunity to have your son instead of him being placed in a daycare, it's pretty standard practice that if you're talking about 4+ hours, you should be given the first chance for having him ... and daycare or a babysitter should only be used if you cannot take care of him.

Regarding the distance ... what's an hour's drive?  This is a big city, and it's not as if anyone is being asked to make that drive twice a day five days a week.  Put on a good radio station and enjoy the drive!

Take control of the situation and don't let them take control of you, and remember:  

All it takes for evil to triumph is for a good man (or woman) to take no action.

First, don't worry that it's not a judge.  It's not important.  Next, when my ex and I were calculating the child support, the issue of my son's private school education came up.  He didn't want to pay, and flat said no.  Since sending my son to the private school was a priority to me, I agreed to finance it on my own.  Dad has the right to refuse to pay for private school tuition.  If the kids are going to public school now, all the better to support your case (but not necessary).  Most importantly, it sounds like Dad is a great guy who is very involved in his children's lives.  You are a lucky woman!  Breathe deep and GOOD LUCK!!