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If my son moves back to ex when he is 18 and has 1 year left of school (maybe 2 if he doesn't do summer school while he is with her) Can I still keep the physical custody(the way the court order is now) just in case he doesn't like it there? What if she fights for a official custody change complete with child support ordered against me again?  Also can I just call child support and have them suspend her paying me child support but leave the case open? or would she be able to come after me right away for child support?

She has told him since I got custody at age 10 that when he turned 15 or 16 he could go to court and tell the judge he wants to live with mom...lots of pain along the way the last 8 years and I want to be done with this. I don't want him to move but if he is 18 what choice do I really have? Then there is the thing of if he is 18 and wants to move out, even if it is with his mom, who lost custody to me, isn't that an "adult" decision and he should be emancipated?

This is in MN also.

I am unwilling to give this B--ch one more cent for all the pain over the years...and I can't really afford it right now also.

To jgaff78,

Good grief...what are we doing to our kids??...personal phones when they are 8 years old or younger!!?? Calls every day to "check up on them". Is that excessive...no that is disturbing.

There is no reason a parent needs to call their child EVERY day during a visit with the other parent...PERIOD! It is intrusive, unnecessary, rude, disruptive and shows the lack of respect for their own child's development.

When you pick up your child simply leave the phone with the BM and tell her that if you want to talk to her call her on your phone instead. Tell BM you don't feel it is necessary for a child that young to have a phone and that is your rules at your house, period. Leave it at that.

Then let her take you to court and have her try to explain to the judge that she needs to talk to her daughter every day she is with you. Judge will laugh her out of the courthouse.

Cell phones will become a problem later as kids network and text each other without there parents knowing what is going on. 8 years old and BM is already engraving into her child that she NEEDS a cell phone to survive day to day life. Is that were your CS $'s should go? To a cell phone for your child that your ex is using to "spy" into your lives and home??

These are petty little things that get throw up into big deals and court hearing that waste time and make your lawyer richer. LEAVE THAT PHONE AT BM'S HOUSE!!

Can a NCP mother that just moved to Texas that owes CS to MN get on welfare? Does Texas welfare check for owed CS on both sexes??

Or should I saw lack of child support...I know this is a touchy subject with some, but dang it...I wish I would receive some now.

In short, I got custody of my son from his mother after 10 long years of struggling to remain part of my son's life. I endured restraining orders, police calls, long move always and finally accusations of sexual abuse against my son. That was the last straw...after she moved to Iowa and I lost the court fight judge warned her not to screw with my visitation or it would be grounds for a custody switch.
One year later the accusations came and I went a month and a half without seeing my son. After jumping through the hoops to clear my name and get visitation back I went to court for custody. 9 months later of court crap the judge made good on her threat and I won custody.

That about 2 years ago, my son is doing excellent in school now, missed 3 days last year, none this year and been tardy twice. Lowest grade is a C with 3 A's and rest B's.  Down from with her missing 7-12 days a year and tardy 14+ times a year!!!

My home is very busy, girlfriend has 4 kids herself plus one that we just "got out of the house" and is having a baby herself. I work nights, girlfriend works days...bills are piling up, food is going up, heat is going up, gas for the 800 plus miles I drive to let him see his mother is going up!

I am starting to get pissed now that I haven't got anything of support from that (I'll use it this time) DEADBEAT MOTHER.

I always paid on time and NEVER missed and was NEVER without a job while she had him. Now I am getting nothing while on the "other side." That brings me to mixed emotions. I now how hard it is to struggle while paying CS...I did that for 10 years, I went to the capital in MN and testified in front of the Senators in MN for fairer CS laws. Fairer enforcement. (I felt CS was too high and enforcent to strict for most) Now I feel like I am getting screwed.

I don't know, but it would be nice to get some help from her. I don't want her to have to struggle like I did...I don't hate her like that. But come on now I think. It's been 2 years and now help. She's only $4000 behind...not some $20,000 like other I her about in the news. But a couple hundred a month would help right about now.

I would think some women would make house payments on CS, buy cars, clothes etc etc....Well some do...my ex lost her 2005 Mazda 6 when CS stopped from me...

I had a 90 Beretta with 250,000 miles on it...guess what. 2 months after I got custody I got nailed in the side and they totaled the car, I got $1200 for it. Out a vehicle that ran great, was paid off and I am back to making payments. Oh yeh, no 2005 for me...I got a cheap '99 grand pix...which is now racking up tons of miles driving back and forth for visitation. I spend almost about what I "saved" by not having to pay CS in gas now.

I've called CS and they keep giving the run around...Iowa is suppose to handle it...call Iowa and they haven't entered it in the system yet. Call MN and they sent everything down...Iowa is suppose to handle it don't call Iowa call MN they say.

I am beginning to think there is enforcement difference between sexes. MN just did a study and found differences in enforcement by county and wondered why that is. DUH...everybody knows it difference with the judges...just like with visitation cases, custody cases...its the judge's not the counties.

What can a person do to get some action if you're a guy that is owed CS? I know that sounds sexist or bad but that is what I am feeling now. I wasn't mad before but after 2 years my patience is running thinner now.

Any ideas? Any thoughts? Am I thinking right? or am I just thinking vindictively now?

Please tell me that it is still based on custody as far as who pays who. Example...if a dad makes more than mom but child lives with dad, they aren't going to  make dad pay mom are they??

Maybe I'm up to late but that is the way is sounded on your page with the Gross income percentage.

You said you work part time? If this is true and assumming that you are behind in CS (you said back CS) I would be suprised if they didn't withhold from a second job.

The reason...CS is based on a 40 hour week, even if you work part time.

If your CS order was based on a 40 hour week and they are taking it all from you 1st job how did you get behind? Judgement enter as back dated? Where you working full time before? How much are you behind?

All of these will play into a judges ruling if you fight CPS. The judge may order you to pay from the 2nd job only until you are caught up. CPS may not do anything also. If they do it will be hard to change I believe.

In my case I was working full time and got a second job part-time. I was never behind. I called the case worker and asked if they would take from my second job. She told me no and that they may consider it as income for with holding after a year or 2. I worked my part time job for 4 years and even through a raise in CS my ex brought on me. In that case the judge said she wouldn't take into account my part time job.

It all depends on how money hungery you ex is and what judge you have. If it was me...I would try and find a full time job...get caught up and then work a part time job for awhile. Then quit the part time job for awhile and start over.

 Probably easier said than done with the economy now...but you really need a full time job. (Not meant as a slam!)

I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After ten years I get my son FULL TIME starting Sep. 1st.  

She has visitation + the judge ruled she MUST pay CS!!!!!!

If you missed that.......WE WON!!!!!!!!


THANKS THANKS THANKS THANKS to all those that helped......God Bess

And to advise others...Document Document Document....Judge refurred back to Doctor records that I filed with my Motion for custody that dated back to 1994 to create a clear patten of interferace and accussing me of things I never did.

There is hope.........THANKS TO EVERBODY!!!!!!!

THANKS

signed,

Hatewelfare

No good news yet...court is at the end of the month.

My ex Mom wrote a lengthy letter to the judge about this case. A bunch of crap...3 pages of crap. Everything from how I am alienating my son from his mom (How???) to how it isn't fair that I got summer visitation time last time in court. How the GAL is wrong and my be violating some constitional statue. Also she states I am behind $24,000 in CS. HA!!! I'd like them to prove that one! I get statements every month and I am behind ziltch.  
In the letter she state that my ex is going to be submitting "corrected" copies of all the "misinformation" from the GAL and me.

This is getting really ugly...the mud is starting to fly now.

I'm sure m son will get drilled on everything he did and saw here this summer with me, he goes back Sat.

Me and the girlfriend have been under tons of stress...and it shows at times with the kids...worries me for court.

I am thinking of if I don't win I may call it quits...this is just too hard on me and my son...for something that started 6 months ago and was suppose to have reports and court in 30 days it has been over 3 months from that.

I can't figure out how they can lie and lie and lie and think they are right...I have police reports, video & sound tapes, records everthing to prove my side...they have nothing but what they lie about and say they have or heard.

I HATE THIS COURT SYSTEM!!!

The kid lose's no matter what and suffers because of onw parent that can't or won't allow the other to visit with their child.

end of vent....

I would highly doubt that it is written in MN state statues  that they must send these out. Therefore I would think that they are spending money (paper costs, printing, envelope stuffing and mailing costs) that the state doesn't have right now.

It's clear they are only trying to raise the amount of CS coming in, in order to raise the matching funds from the Feds. We all know how many times we can get a reduction vs. a increase in CS.

Proving it to who and how is another story. Just another costly legal battle...unless you could go public with it like on TV or something...even then you'd have people saying we're only whinning and at the same time informing the entire state full of CS receivers that they can at anytime request a review.

Yes, I believe they are screwing us again and know it...they also know there is little that can be done about it. That is why they do it.

God help us...

The following was mailed to me yesterday. It is a letter that my son's therapist mailed to the Guardain Ad Litem in this case...

June 29, 2004

KXXXXXX
Guardian Ad Litem
MN

p.c: (My son)

Dear (Guardian),

This letter is to serve as a summary of services that (My son)has received from this office. I first meet (My son)in January of this year when his mother, (My ex), brought him to this office. Hank MXXXX ,a local DHS worker, bad referred her to me. (My ex) stated at that time that (My son)had told her that his father had "touched him in a bad way." (My ex) indicated that the Child Advocacy Center had interviewed (My son)on January 8th and that (My son)'s weekend visits with his father had been suspended pending further investigation. (My ex) also indicated during that initial visit that (My son)had been having problems with "bedwetting. nightmares, and rageful behaviors." (My ex) stated that she wanted therapy for (My son)to "get to the bottom of this abuse."

During the first visit (My son)drew a picture of his family for me. He drew himself between his two parents and staled that be missed his father and hoped that his visits would resume soon. It was following this visit that I told (My ex) I could not provide any recommendations regarding (My son)'s visits with his father. I had met alone with (my son) only one time and he had not given me any indication of any problems. Following this January 30th session I also encouraged (My ex) to get therapy for herselt During the following three visits (My son) played with the sand tray, re-enacting battle scenes.

On February 4th of this year I met with (My son) and (My ex) informed me that (My son) was to have visitation with his father that coming weekend. (My ex) cried and stated I feel like "I'm putting a child into a burning building." I encouraged (My ex) to abide by the court's ruling and again seek therapy for herself.

Since then I have seen (My son) eight times, the most recent being June 11th of this year. Many of these sessions followed (My son)'s weekend visits with his father. He played war games in the sand tray a great deal and I suspect this to represent his feelings about the discord between his parents. (My ex) has shared that (My son) "has an attitude" when he returns from his father's visits. I have indicated to her that this is quite normal and explored ways in which she could manage this. I have not bad any contact with (My son)'s father.

(My son) has never provided any information either in play therapy or talk that points to issues mentioned above. I do believe that he struggles with the parental conflicts in
which be frequently finds himself. I have encouraged his mother to begin therapy for herself but I do not know if she has followed through with this recommendation.

If I can be of further assistance, please feel free to contact me at this office.