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I am CP of son in AL.  BM's visitation is alternate weekends, Mother's day, 5 weeks in Summer, and some holidays.  We have differing opinions on how the alternating weekends should work.  Please clarify.

Assuming that BM's weekends start on week 1, and then on week 3, 5, etc.:

1)  If BM chooses to not exercise her visitation on week 1, should she have visitation on weeks 2, 4, 6, etc?  Or on weeks 3, 5, 7, etc?

2)  If BM misses week 1 visitation due to BD's fault, what weeks would the visits become on?

3)  If BM exersices visitation on week 1, then also on week 2 due to Mother's Day, should the next visit be on week 3 or week 4?

Thanks for the help!!
LittleBitt

First, a quick thanks for all your help!  You are part of the reason that me and my son are in this great position right now!  Many thanks are just not enough!!

Background:  Divorced in 1999 in Alabama, Father (me) retained custody.  Mother gains custody in 2001 due to her not working, and Father must use daycare 40 hrs per week for child.  Father has enlarged visitation.

In 2002, Mother refuses to take child to court ordered physchologist;  refuses many of Father's visitaitons, allows no phone contact;  attempts to exclude Father from school functions and information;  many PAS issues;  

In 2003, Mother arrested for disorderly conduct (against Father) at child's church program;  Child misses 43 days of school;  Mother withdraws child from school and begins "home-schooling";  Father files for custody.

In 2004, Mother files for RO;  RO denied and Father is granted weekly phone calls with child!  GAL report favors Father for custody!

Court has been re-scheduled 4 times.  On the forth time, judge said that Mother can go to the scheduled court date and lose, or she can have her continuance and give Father temporary custody in the mean time.  This is what happened...Here is the exact wording of the court order:

It is hereby ordered by the court, by agreement of the parties:

1.  The case is continued by agreement of the parties.

2.  That the Plantiff-Father is hereby awarded temporary custody of the minor child, son, until a hearing upon the merits.

3.  The Defendant-Mother shall have visitaion with son every 1st, 2nd, & 4th weekend from 4pm on Friday until 6pm on Sunday.  

4  The mother shall be allowed telephone conversations with son on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and all other times agreeable to the parties.

5.  The mother shall have contact with school and teachers to check on the monor child's progress.

6.  The mother shall have the ability to attend all school funcitons.

7.  The mother shall pick up and return the minor child from visitation.

8.  The above styled cause is reset for trial for January 12, 2006 at 10:00 am.

QUESTIONS
1) Am I obligated to allow Mother the same Thanksgiving and Christmas visitations that I have had in the past, although the temporary order does not specify that?

2) Stratigically, is it in my best interest to allow Mother the extra holiday times?

3) I have provided Mother with pertinent school information so far.  Should I inform her of every PTA meeting, field trip, grades, etc.?  Or let her make the inquiries from the school?

4) Should I ask for continuances in order to establish status-quo as long as possible?

THANKS,
LittleBitt's Dad

>>>I'm interested to know how your son was reacting to the BM when she wouldn't take him to his events? I think our kids downplay it because they don't want to go against their mom, even if they wish she would support them with their soccer. They know how she feels about it and don't want to upset her. My husband feels like he needs to fight for them since they aren't standing up for themselves.

Exactly!  Son would be very disappointed about missing the events, but never blame BM for it.  Once she told him she had a stomach ache and couldn't take him to practice, another time he missed his game because of his half-brother's B-day party.  The party was at BM's house, with NO guests; but she couldn't have cake and ice cream at any other time than his game time!   ARGHH!!!

I made it a point to speak to BM in front of son, and offer to get him to and from any event that she was unable to.  No matter the reason, no problem, I don't mind.  Also mad sure to say that her and her family always welcome to attend his events, etc.  Really laid on the niceness.

Son is just now starting to speak up for himself to BM (he is 12).  But it is still in very small ways, and more times than not, he doesn't.  That's were I come in.  One wknd, Son told me he wanted to stay here so I could get him to game.  I said OK, just make sure it's OK with your Mom.  He said (and I quote) "I just don't have big enough balls yet to tell her that."   So I told him I would handle it until his grew some more, and all was well.

BM is a great big drama queen, and more.  She tries to make son feel guilty about not seeing or talking to her more.  The more he ages, the more he is seeing the real picture, and tries to avoid any incidences.

Always take the high road and do the right thing.  Time will take care of the rest!

LittleBitt

Thanks for the response.  I actually agree with most all you've said.  

A neutral location is used for exchanges even though it is not court ordered.  It is a mile from our house.

SM definately stays out of the middle.  We did not expect BM to show up or call that day.  That's one reason SM did not answer door or phone when she showed up.  Just trying to avoid any conflict.  

Me and BM had words earlier in the week about visitation.  
Son had been staying after school 3 days a week for 7 weeks, as a member of the Math-Team.  (He's in 5th grade)  The 7 weeks of practice is for ONE competition that happened to fall on her Saturday.  She said that was HER weekend and she would not be bringing him to the school for the math competition.  So I told her to pick him up from the school on Saturday after it was over, instead of the usual time and place on Friday.

As for a witness, none.  We did ask around at the neighbors, but no luck.  It is tough just to drop charges and walk away.  Especialy when she is being so brazen as to gloat about it and just laugh.  But maybe I have no alternative?

thanks for the advice
LittleBitt

unless BM can come up with some really good explanations of why the events are NOT in the best interest of the children.
Forget about your schedule, thier schedule, family time, etc.  That is just clouding the point.  

Ask yourself, What would the boys be doing if Mom and Dad had stayed together and had a healthy family relationship?  Well of course, they would be doing practices, camps, etc, and they would progress up the ranks as much as possible.  Mom & Dad would not be bickering over who's "thing" it is, or how inconvenient the schedule is.  THAT'S JUST WHAT PARENTS DO!!!!

Soooo, that is what the court wants the kids' life to be like as much as possible.  Not concerned with Mom & Dad's life, it's the kids' life that is the issue!

....We went through the same thing with son's football.  BM actually wanted the court order to state that she did NOT have to take him to his events!  (Needless to say, that didn't happen)  I did have more leverage than you though, because I am son's primary residence.  

But BM did not take him to practice once, so I would not let him go with her the next time.  When she ran to her attorney, the attorney actually scolded her and said she had better start getting son to his events in the future!  Another time, she scheduled a siblings birthday party on top of his football game, and again, she could not pick him up until after the next game was over.  Both attorneys and the GAL supported my position.

Good Luck to you!
LittleBit

I am CP of 12 yo.  BM has visitation.  She does the trasportations but we meet at nutral location.  BM called the house to say she is waiting for us to bring son.  SM tells her that son is not going there this weekend (another story in itself), and BM starts yelling that "I AM going to get my son!"

Minutes later BM is at our house.  SM is there alone, calls police for assistance, does not go to door or answer phone.  BM finally goes away.  SM calls police to say its OK, no need to come.

An hour later SM get's in car to leave and finds that both back tires are flat.  They have been cut.  Police come out and do a report.

SM had BM arrested and court date has been set.

The policeman who came out for the report basically told us, yeah of course she did it, but no way you can win in court if no one saw it.  The clerk who did the arrest warrant even tried to talk us out of it for the same reason.  She even added that when BM is found not guilty, she can file charges  against US for false arrest!

A side note...this is not the first incident we've had.  BM was arrested in 2003 for disorderly conduct against us, and was given a no-contact order for 6 months.

Does anyone have suggestions on what would give us better chances in court?  

It is true that no-one saw her, and she is claiming that her sister was with her and is her witness.  On the phone, she actually laughed and said there is nothing we can do because no one saw her do it, and so we can't prove it was her!

Any ideas?

Thanks for the help!
LittleBit

(My former sign-on name is littlebit, but computer issues wont allow me to use it right now)  

First, thanks for all of your help!  Especially gypsy, MYSONSDAD, wendl, Kitty C, and many others you have given some priceless advice.

Background:  Divorced in 1999 in Alabama, Father (me) retained custody.  In 2001, Mother alledges sexual, physical, emotional abuse against child.  Judge acknowledged me as a fine Father, but Mother gains custody due to her not working, and I must use daycare 40 hrs per week for child. I am granted enlarged visitation.

In 2002, Mother refuses to take child to court ordered physchologist;  refuses many of Father's visitaitons, allows no phone contact;  attempts to exclude Father from school functions and information;  many PAS issues;  

In 2003, Mother arrested for disorderly conduct (against me & family) at child's church program;  Child misses 43 days of school;  Mother withdraws child from school and begins "home-schooling";  Father files for custody.

In 2004, Mother files for RO;  RO denied and Father is granted weekly phone calls with child!  GAL report favors me for custody!

In 2004, I had to stop posting on SPARC because I was becoming consumed and overwhelmed with custody court.  Marriage, sanity, and my other children were in jeapordy.

Court has been re-scheduled 4 times.  On the forth time, judge said that Mother can go to the scheduled court date and lose, or she can have her continuance and give Father temporary custody in the mean time.  So this is what happened...

I am awarded temporary custody of son until the court date !!!!!!!!

This is what his Mother asked for in the temporary agreement:

contact with school and teachers to check on the monor child's progress--OK, no problem

the ability to attend all school funcitons
--OK, no problem

Three weekends a month, just like I had
--OK, no problem

We meet half-way for pick-ups and drop offs
--GO FAX YOURSELF!! was my response to that one....I have been driving 100 miles 3 weekends a month for years and now YOU decide that is TOO MUCH for you??  I'll see you in HELL (I mean court) first!!(thanks for the balls gypsy!)

So guess what, she ducked her tail on that one and started driving!

My Attorney says there is no way in hell the judge will remove son from school and send him back to his Mother now.  The court date is just a formality we have to go through.  Mom's request for continuance only gave judge a perfect opportunity to place son with me without a formal hearing!

Thank you is not enough to say to all of you for your guidance!!  How can a Father possiblly show gratitude for having his son tell him goodnight FIVE nights a week instead of ONE!?  How do I express on a keypad what it means to see my son sit across the dinner table and say the blessing every day?

I've done the right things for years.  I've taken the high roads.  I've put up with shit a lot of people could not understand.  I've put myself second.  I've put my wife second (sorry love!)  I've cried myself to sleep.  I've given up many times.  I've prayed to God, and I've cursed God.  But in the end I always did what was right for my son!

I'm crying now so I have to stop.

THANK YOU , THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

LittleBitt's Dad