Messages

Dear Soc,

Long time no chat..!  I'm sure you remember my case, jurisdiction is in MD, two boys live with Mom in WV.  No visitation for 11 months straight had went to court back in June 06 for custody, judge had visitation resume/reinforced.  Boys are 15 & 17, oldest just had birthday last week.

Had visitation during Thanksgiving per court order, youngest of the two started acting up midway during 10 visitation, and on return road trip back to Mom.  

Had discussed with the children the evening before Thanksgiving for it to be their option if they wanted to return back early to their Mom.  Trying to keep the peace if you will.

During a family visit I mentioned to the boys about the possibility how if they wanted, they could return back early to their Mom.

When we arrived back home, I asked what they wanted to do, they said they wanted to go back home early.  I said no problem.

Little did I know, prior to us returning home, they had already spoke to their Mom about this on their cell phones.  She told them she would only come and pick them up if I provided a note/letter stating it would be okay.

Ultimately the Mother refused to come pick up the children because I wouldn't put something in writing saying it was okay for them to leave early.  I even suggested she bring a video camera, to actually film my expressed permission to leave with the children without fear of any reprisals or adverse action from my end.

In the end, it appeared to be nothing more than just a PR game, so that I was made out to be the "bad" guy when all was said and done.  

The other day, I called and spoke with the Mom, asking her to have both of them call me back, to discuss X-mas with them, no response as of yet.  This is not how I expected to be spending the last X-mas with my oldest son, but I'm trying to do the right thing.

I'm really trying to give them the option, and not wind up back in court, knowing it would be just a waste of time at this point.

Question 1:  I'm well aware a note/letter is not legally binding, and that a Judge is the only one who can "modify" court ordered visitation.  With that said, what would you recommend as a statement in terms how best to word the letter in order to show good faith from my end?

Question 2:  If I give the children the option of not coming down for X-mas this year, and say they don't.  Will this put me in bad position in anyway, should the Mom/Boys refuse court ordered visitation when it's time to come down in April and June 07?


Thanks...

 

Dear Soc,

CP: WV  NCP: MD   CASE HEARD IN: MD  Boys: 16 & 15 y/o

I wanted to share with you and the others who post to this site, how there was some resolution today provided by a retired judge.

I was scheduled to appear in court all day today, starting at 9 am to continue up until 4 pm.

Surprisingly the Judge first called the attorney to chambers for a few minutes, to inform both of them how he would be questioning the boys together in chambers.  This lasted for about 35 minutes.

Then the Judge briefly spoke with the attorneys again, to inform them of how he wanted to speak with both of the parents in chambers.  We spoke for about 45 minutes with the Judge, where he was trying to figure out blocks of time for my visitation to resume, much to the Mothers dismay and disapproval.  

The Judge called the attorneys back in again to confirm our agreed upon times for visitation.  The end result was visitation to resume for the entire month of July, to include Thanksgiving this year, the day after X-mas until school starts again and Easter Break next year.  So they will have the entire school year, except for these scheduled holiday breaks.

He also gave a very stern warning to the Mother and our Boys how he puts a lot of time into making his orders, and should either of them choose to disobey this order, they would not like what would happen next, as he's been assigned our case until such time they turn 18.

Such as him reviewing some form of punitive action taking place, to include revisiting issues of custody.  He also addressed how he doesn't believe there is any concern for violence to take place, but in the unlikely event they can call the court custody evaluator or protective services at anytime.  We never went thru an actual court hearing, other
then the reading of the court order being modified for the record.

More importantly, I look at this verdict as another chance at having our family back together again, along with participating in some family therapy, so we start off in the right direction and deal with various issues as they're bound to come up as a result of today's court results.
I can only hope and wish other parents can be as fortunate, to actually
have a judge who can cut thru all the drama and work out a deal that
keeps both parents in their childrens lives.

Take Care,

SFMedic

Dear Soc,

I would appreciate it if you could set me straight regarding the following:

1. Question:  In order to be awarded any type of financial sanctions against the Mother, such as attorney / court cost, would a contempt motion have to be filed stating this or is this something that could be brought up during closing arguments?

I'm being told not to worry about filing another contempt motion, as this
will be something that will probably not be addressed by the court.

thanks...

Dear Soc,

I have a few follow-up questions

1. Question: Is it possible to challenge the results of the Custody Evaluation thru filing an exception brief / motion prior to my trial court date?  

2. Question:  Is it possible to request the current Custody Eval dismissed due to blatant omission of critical facts / and the abscence of any "checks and balances" or am I just stuck with what I have now and will have settle for just arguing these points during trial?

3. Question:  Any information that the Custody Evaluator has at this time, is it correct to assume that my attorney should have access to that same information, in terms of obtaining copies of those documents prior to trial?

4. Question:  If privilege has been waived regarding the mental health records for the children, by a court appointed attorney, shouldn't the attorney's for both parties have access to that information and not just the CE?

5. Question:  Knowing the Therapist is listed as a witness to testify, there shouldn't be an issue with my attorney having access to this information or am I wrong with assuming this?

6. Question:  Will my attorney just have to settle for an amended report from the CE regarding the findings and supplemental information from the Therapist?

I ask this question, because I'm being told by someone from the mental health clinic, they will only be releasing this information to the CE and no one else, which I thought was odd.  I was under the impression that if privilege is being waived, it would be waived straight across the board for all parties concerned.

As always thanks...

Dear Soc,

Long time no chat.  As you may remember, I have two teenage boys
who reside with their Mother in WV and I live in MD.  Mother has refused to bring children to court ordered meeting place, which is in MD, since July 31, 2005.  MD of course has jurisdiction.

Since then, we have already been through a TPO case, which was dismissed (Nov 05), a Contempt petition, which was continued (Jan 06),
a custody evaluation (Apr 06), a pre-trial conference (Apr 06), which the Mother refused to agree to anything, and now we're set for an all day trial (June 06).

During the pre-trial, the Mother was asked by the Judge would there be a problem with my having visitation with them for the entire upcoming summer?  The Judge during

Her response, "it's not something she could agree to do in good conscious and then have to go back and tell the children how they'll be spending the summer with their father.  How she doesn't want to agree to something, just to find herself once again with being in contempt".

The Judge during the pre-trial had actually considered the idea of
the entire summer as a good middle of the road solution.

Mind you, the children have been pulling out all the stops, in terms of every dirty trick in the book.  The four times we've driven all the way up, just to spend 3 hrs with them at a restaurant, resulted with nothing more than disrespecting us.

Regarding their therapist, which they've been seeing since Dec 05, I asked how that's coming along.  They responded, "it's not doing anything for them, they don't like being told by the therapist how they should try and look at me in a different way to work something out".  They stated to me, the only reason they're doing it in the first place, is because it's court ordered, even though I've told them that's not the case.  I still haven't been contacted in any way.

Regarding the Custody Eval, the person interviewing them, bought everything they said "hook, line and sinker".  They never bothered speaking to anyone else outside of the Mother, Children and myself,
so that their claims could be verified or disproven.  They obviously
took the path of least resistance in this regard.

The Children have told the CE, how this is all they think about, and is the reason why their grades have been so bad this year.  My youngest even went so far to tell the Therapist and CE how he had an emotional melt down while at school.  Via e-mail I contacted the school counselor, who confirmed this never took place.  

My youngest is looking at having to attend summer school, due to his
failing grades in math class.  The first time this has ever happened
since he's been in school.

The Children claim and stated to the CE, which was reflected in their report, how they are concerned about their Mother being put in jail.  
They've been told numerous times how this is something that would
not be taking place.

Yet another "smoke" screen, during the times I've met them in WV,
they've talked about their friends coming over, going to the mall,
the school weight room, like nothings wrong and their doing just fine.

The CE will be the only "expert" present during trial.  The childrens
Therapist info I've just been told has been waived, regarding privlege
being decided, I'm still not sure if this person will be present, as they
are situated in WV.

1. Question:  I realize this is something usually frowned upon in most
cases, would it make sense to have the children placed on the witness stand?  So that they would have to explain themselves, and could be
questioned in the process.

2. Question:  Contempt motion has still been continued going into the
(Jun 06) trial date, will this figure into the verdict in anyway, such as
having to pay court cost - attorney fees if found in contempt?

3. Question:  Given that the Mother refused to come to some type of
agreement prior to trial, would this make a difference at all?

4. Question: Given that the CE did not bother to verify any of the
children's claims, thru other individuals, neighbors, relatives, does
this makes a difference at all?

5. Question: Given that the Therapist privlege has been waived, I take
it this is just procedure, so that the summary session notes can be
admitted as some form of evidence?

6. Question:  Given my overall circumstances, what would be your
"tea leaf" opinion of possible outcomes to expect?
 
7. Question:  Any other suggestions?


Thanks....

Army Dad,

I went through the same situation years ago, back when both of my children were enrolled in headstart and kindergarten.  The following website http://www.jesbeard.com/6l.htm should provide you another avenue of approach.

(text deleted, per forum guidelines)

Dear Soc,

As I mentioned to 4honor, we met with a family therapist yesterday.  He's willing to make the 4 hr drive if necessary to do a face to face with the children's therapist.

He's was just as shocked as I've been, regarding not being contacted more so by the therapist, to include the Mother as well.  His thought is that I should make an attempt with contacting the children's therapist, and see what type of response I get, regarding the children either coming to MD or myself coming to WV, with our therapist.

1.  Question: Upon contacting the children's therapist/Mother, and if I'm told the children refuse to come to MD, and if my offer to come to WV with our therapist is refused, how does or would this look to the Judge?

2.  Question:  If our therapist never has an oppurtunity to meet with the children, would his testimony carry any weight when we go trial for the "Enforce & Modify" motion, regarding him being denied access to the children as well?

I realize question #2 may seem strange to ask, my thought is, by us having a therapist, we may have a chance to "reach" the children in someway that's not perceived as hostile or confrontational.

thanks....

4honor,

Your right about being set up by the Mother and her making things difficult, if not, almost impossible to maintain a relationship.  Just yesterday my wife and I met with a family therapist, who specializes in dealing with teenagers and Parental Alienation Syndrome.  Just the same, I appreciate your concern.

Since our Jan 20th Contempt of Court date, we have had 2 visits with the children at a shopping mall, the first time for 2 hrs, the second for almost 3 hrs.  Of course, this is suppose to be beneficial towards us rebuilding our relationship according to the Mother, knowing it's all just a farse if you will, until we both appear for the "Enforce & Modify" hearing.

We have a total of 4 more visits before we have our Apr 25th pre-trial conference.  We're hoping the boys can be convinced to meet with our therapist in MD, if not, then we may end making a trip to WV, to meet and speak with their therapist for the first time.  Both of them are to have another therapy session scheduled for 1 March 06.

1. Question:  You mention and referenced below "certain threshholds",
having to be met, what exactly were you talking about?  Just asking for clarification purposes.

thanks...

>The mental power a strong willed parent exerts over their
>child is intense. The possibility for extreme mental abuse is
>also great when a strong willed parent is vindictive.
>
>The judge really was doing the best he could under the
>guidelines he has. Certain threshholds must be met (different
>for each state) and the facts are, that BM is playing on this
>side of the threshold. The judge/master has to play within the
>law - it doesn't make it right, or fair, or close to what is
>best for your kids -- but that is just the way it is.

Dear Soc,

From the quote below, you made a reference about the Mother having to doing something vindictive, well here's an example, not sure if it really means anything?

On Feb 23, 2006, I received in the mail, a response that I sent to a  mental health facility in the local area of where the children live.  I was trying to confirm if the children were actually receiving any type of treatment, and for what purpose.  Due to the Mother not having any contact with me or providing any type of written response since our court date of Jan 20th.

My only clue was the Mother making a comment during our Jan 20th Contempt of Court motion, the following is an excerpt from the court transcript I received this past Saturday, directly from the Mother stated "I'm stetting up meetings to get them into counseling, Court: Have you advised Mr. XXxx of that, Mother: No. I have just now started the process, Father: I have not been contacted at any time your Honor, Mother: They haven't even went for a first appointment yet, Court: Do a custody evaluation Madam clerk"

The written response from the mental health clinic, showed the children receiving two counseling sessions each.  The first one starting with my youngest, whose date of service was on 29 Dec 2005, this is a total contradiction (lie) on the part of the Mother, regarding her testimony. Again at no time have I been contacted by the Mother regarding this, to date nor have I been contacted by the clinic / therapist.

The following is an excerpt from the summary assessment: Client is an 14 y/o, white male, neatly dressed and groomed, accompanied by his Mother for an intake evaluation with compliant of emotional distress due to current situation with father who resides in Maryland.  Client and his older brother have refused to visit father since this past July due to alledged abuse.  Client reports father to be very controlling and will frequently hit client and his brother for "any little thing" Client states father last beat his brother for not eating his spinach and that father has thrown client into the TV and across the room.  Mother also states that father is very controlling, is a strict disciplinarian and is in the military with a black belt in karate.  Mother states her divorce, due to physical and mental abuse toward her, took place in Maryland where corporal punishment is permitted.  Mother states that the State of WV is on the boys side and she is attempting to fight the courts to change visitation rights.  The State of Maryland stated that if she cannot get the boys to visit their father, then the boys might be "better off in foster care".  Client states that he and his brother will run away if this happens.

For the record, the above situations reported by the children "never" took place, and the Mother is now bringing up our past relationship, as fuel for the fire, where "nothing" was ever mentioned or referenced in the current court order, about abuse ever taking place!  Just a reminder, we've already have had a TPO hearing back on Nov 18th, that was dismissed by the Judge, due to recommendations from the DSS worker and insufficient evidence.  From Jan 20th, the Master's "Report and Recommendations" stated, "contempt hearing is continued".


1. Question: Would this be another example of the Mother being found in contempt, regarding her testimony of when counseling actually started with the children?

2.  Question: Regarding the comments from the children to the therapist, how would this figure into the upcoming "Enforce and Modify" pre-trial conference scheduled for April 25th?

3.  Question: Would the summary assessments form the mental health clinic have any impact by themselves with the upcoming custody evaluation or in court?

4.  Question: Would the therapist have to be physically present in court vs the summary assessments by themselves in order for them to be used as some type of evidence?  

5.  Question: If the therapist continues to not contact me regarding the counseling the children are receiving, without having any input from myself, would it be beneficial in some way for me to contact the therapist?

thanks...



>>2.  Question:  I'm under the assumption, the Mother will at
>>some point, have to come down to give a deposition(s),
>>regarding her denial of visitation in MD, access to the
>>Psych/Psychological records, would this figure into the
>>upcoming pre-trial conference at all or not until there is
>an actual hearing scheduled?
>
>It won't figure in at all. The reality is simply that this has
>been going on for a very long time, and that the mother
>basically hates your guts, and that's all there is to it, and
>the kids are pretty much damaged against you at this point.
>
>What you need is for the mother to do something incredibly
>vindictive. Refusing all visitation would probably be good,
>but probably not enough, believe it or not. I certainly would
>depose the mother, and I would try to get her to admit that
>she hates you and that she has done all she can to turn your
>kids against you.
>
>That would probably force the Master's hand to reverse
>custody. Otherwise, you're likely gonna lose, unless Mom
>starts beating the kids with a whip in front of the police
>station.

Dear Soc,

The reason for some of the questions listed below, is because I very
much want to put my best foot forward.  I also felt that the "Master"
in question, really put the screws to me, and didn't really deal with
the Mother denying me visitation for 6 months straight, with not even
so much as giving her a slap on the wrist if you will...!


>>4.  Question: Assuming it's determined, that I haven't been
>>physically abusing my children, and that it's been more
>about my discipline style being consistent and more strict,
>compared to the Mother, how would this figure into the April 25th
>>pre-trial conference?
>
>I think this is all just a show for the purposes of satisfying
>due process. You know exactly how this is all going to turn
>out, absent some spectacularly stupid move by the mother
>completely cutting you off from the kids for no reason other
>than that she feels like it.
>
>As I recall, the master acknowleged in the recordings of the
>interview with the kids that the situation was beyond hope.
>There won't be any reversal of custody, unless, as I just
>said, the mother blows her leg off (a foot won't be enough --
>she needs to do something that will really piss off the master
>to the point where he won't care how the kids are affected
>anymore).

>>8.  Question: Regarding question# 8, what would be the best
>>way to present this information to the evaluator, so that it
>>would be taken into consideration?


Regarding Questions #4 & #8 above, I was asking, because this same information I was not allowed to present as evidence, the photo albums, the letters to the Mom, prior to the visitation being denied and since then.  Essentially to show the custody evaluator, that I very much have had and played a significant role in the lives of my children, since they were infants, especially in light of their comments to the Master, which how it was told to him as being the complete opposite taking place.


>I don't know what you think you will prove with this stuff,
>but you need to consider how you will appear, if you seem too
>meticulous about compiling evidence to thwart the other
>parent's custody rights, because you apparently have been
>doing so for a very long time. This could indicate that you
>have been less than cooperative, and more than controlling
>than you would like to be perceived.


The way that I want to appear, and it wont be hard to show, is that "I'm devastated" not having them come down anymore, especially where the holidays are concerned.  Already being denied for Thanksgiving and X-mas, their now, 7 month old, younger Sisters baptism, which also was Nov 05.


>I have a general comment. You are WAY too methodical for your
>own good. There's nothing wrong with defending your rights,
>but your posts suggest that you have nothing else on your mind
>other than winning this battle, and that isn't healthy -- it's
>obsessive.


Soc, your right about the above comment, it really has been a "battle", ever since day one, of my being able to have visitation with my children in MD, instead of WV.  The Mother has resented me for this non-stop.  Prior to her being served papers to appear in MD, for the final divorce decree, she prevented me from spending time with my oldest Son for 6 months, doing this, while she was still pregnant with our second Son at the time.  Back then, she wanted me to sign and notorize papers, which would only give me visitation at times and places only within the State of WV, and wouldn't you know it, her we are again, years later.  I refused to sign, and she kept me from seeing my oldest Son, who was then 14 months old at the time, until the time of our court date.

The reason I have so many letters from over the years, is because the Mother would play, like she is now, the "he said, she said" game with the boys.  Of course, they take "everything" she says as the gospel, and she is never questioned, unlike myself.  

Perfect example, I'm Active Duty Military, and work on weekends, at least once a month, sometimes more, my current court order, allows me make-up time without fail, the weekend before or after, I have a military committment.  The boys have already said, since we've been to court, all those times of make-up weekends, was me just making things up, so I would have more weekends with them, instead of their Mother.
This is the kind of crap and spin control, I've had to deal with, year after year, especially during the summer months of visitation.

1.  Question:  I should have an Attorney retained, prior to the Apr 25th pre-trial conference regarding the "Enforce & Modify" petition that I filed. Can the attorney request to have the Master recuse himself, because of the raw deal I was given, and his comments and antics from the bench?

I remember from an earlier post, how you mentioned an Attorney is able to call "bullshit" against a Master/Judge, where I really can't as a Pro Se litigant?

2.  Question:  I'm under the assumption, the Mother will at some point, have to come down to give a deposition(s), regarding her denial of visitation in MD, access to the Psych/Psychological records, would this figure into the upcoming pre-trial conference at all or not until there is an actual hearing scheduled?

thanks...