Re: Teenage Boys - Contempt Court - Custody Eval

[SFMedic]

Dear Soc,

I'm the NCF of two boys, ages 15 & 16, they live with their Mother in WV
and I'm in MD, court jurisdiction resides with MD.  They have been
coming to MD since the ages of 6 months and 20 months.  Currently,
I've been denied visitation with the children in MD since July 31, 2005.
Both of us have been Pro Se up to this point.

I initially filed petition to "Enforce & Modify" visitation on Aug 24th.  The Mother had continued to deny visitation, and she filed a counter-claim motion to change venue back to WV on Sep 9, 2005.  She continued to deny visitation, and on Oct 25, 2005, I filed Contempt of Court petition. due to the denial of visitation.  

On Nov 2, 2005, the MD Courts denied the Mother's request for a change of venue.  On Nov 3, 2005, because the Mother didn't get what she wanted, she then filed a temp protective order against me, claiming physical child abuse.  On Nov 18, 2005, we attended a hearing, and it was dismissed for "insufficient evidence and the DSS recommendation".

On Jan 20, 2005 we attended a hearing regarding the Contempt motion.
We had a Master and not a Judge, the Master said, "I'm not not going to
find you in contempt at this time" and he ordered a "limited" custody
evaluation.  The Mother openly admitted serval times during questioning how she realizes she's in contempt of court by denying visitation and defying the standing court order.

The Master informed the Mother, if either she or the children did not feel comfortable coming to MD, at the very least she was provide visitation somewhere in WV.  Since the hearing, we have already once made 4hr drive one way, to spend 2hrs at a shopping mall restaurant.  Mother refuses to bring children to designated meeting place in MD.

The Master made a note on the "Report and Recommendation" form which said, "contempt hearing is continued".  Under the block of "referring question" the Master made a note which said, "parental discipline by Father - alienation by Mother".

The Mother stated during the Jan 20th hearing, how the children would be attending counseling.  I've already sent a certified letter two weeks ago to the Mother, and again yesterday, asking for a name and number of the therapist, she continues to not provide any information.  

My current papers specifically state "Plaintiff shall be informed as to all medical and/or psychological or psychiatric care and treatment being received by either child and all medical and/or psychological or psychiatric appointments.  Defendant will authorize Plaintiffs access to all medical and/or psychological or psychiatric records involving either child".

Both Children at this time (9th & 10th grade) have failing grades with school in several classes.  Both have had failing grades for the first half of the school year.  The Mother within the past week, has now just started making them attend after school tutoring, or so I've been told.  Sent certified letter to the school to confirm if this is actually taking place and the status of their failing grades.  I've already been told my youngest will need to attend summer school or another semester in order to just graduate.

On April 25, 2006, we have a pre-trial conference for the petition to "Enforce & Modify".  The Master stated we should know the results of the custody evaluation by that time.

Yesterday, I turned in my custody evaluation questionaire, the clerk was flipping through a folder regarding my case.  A copy of the letter the Mother had me sent a week ago, was at the top of paperwork.  

The letter stated how we could continue meeting the children every other weekend, for 3hrs at the shopping mall, this way the children would still feel safe and we would have a chance at rebuilding our relationship.  That the children would call us every Wednesday evening at 9pm.

1.  Question: If Mother continues making us meet the children at a mall in WV, instead of meeting in MD, would this be considered as her still defying the court order (Contempt), even though it hasn't been modified at this time?

2.  Question:  Regarding question# 1, how would this be looked upon during the custody evaluation?

3.  Question:  Regarding the custody evaluation, I'm assuming I'll be questioned again, about how I discipline the children, even though I've already been through a TPO hearing, which was dismissed?

4.  Question: Assuming it's determined, that I haven't been physically abusing my children, and that it's been more about my discipline style being consistent and more strict, compared to the Mother, how would this figure into the April 25th pre-trial conference?

5.  Question:  Regarding access/copies of information of the children receiving counseling and for what reason, if the Mother and/or the therapist/facility refuses to provide any information, would this be considered or looked upon as Contempt by the Mother?

6.  Question: Regarding question# 3, if I'm still denied access, how would this figure into the Apr 25th "Enforce & Modify" pre-trial conference?

7.  Question: I have over a dozen photo albums of pictures going back to when they were infants, and over 80 certified letters mailed to the Mother from over the years.  Would this be anything of interest or value during the custody evaluation?

8.  Question: Regarding question# 8, what would be the best way to present this information to the evaluator, so that it would be taken into consideration?

9.  Question: My current court order states we are to have the children for Easter Spring Break for this year, which of course, will take place before the April 25th pre-trial conference.  If we are denied this visitation time, which I'm assuming we will be, how would this effect the custody evaluation / pre-trial conference?

thanks....

[socrateaser]

>1.  Question: If Mother continues making us meet the children
>at a mall in WV, instead of meeting in MD, would this be
>considered as her still defying the court order (Contempt),
>even though it hasn't been modified at this time?

The mother can use the master's comments from the bench as justification for not being found in contempt for her actions during the pendancy of this custody eval, even though the prior visitation orders have not been formally modified by the court's further orders.

So, you're pretty much screwed, unless the mother absolutely refuses visitation. Thus, I suggest that you suffer the drive because it shows you are willing to rise above the mother's clear alienation, as acknowledged by the court records.

>2.  Question:  Regarding question# 1, how would this be looked
>upon during the custody evaluation?

See above.

>
>3.  Question:  Regarding the custody evaluation, I'm assuming
>I'll be questioned again, about how I discipline the children,
>even though I've already been through a TPO hearing, which was
>dismissed?

I don't know. Ask the evaluator.

>
>4.  Question: Assuming it's determined, that I haven't been
>physically abusing my children, and that it's been more about
>my discipline style being consistent and more strict, compared
>to the Mother, how would this figure into the April 25th
>pre-trial conference?

I think this is all just a show for the purposes of satisfying due process. You know exactly how this is all going to turn out, absent some spectacularly stupid move by the mother completely cutting you off from the kids for no reason other than that she feels like it.

As I recall, the master acknowleged in the recordings of the interview with the kids that the situation was beyond hope. There won't be any reversal of custody, unless, as I just said, the mother blows her leg off (a foot won't be enough -- she needs to do something that will really piss off the master to the point where he won't care how the kids are affected anymore).

>5.  Question:  Regarding access/copies of information of the
>children receiving counseling and for what reason, if the
>Mother and/or the therapist/facility refuses to provide any
>information, would this be considered or looked upon as
>Contempt by the Mother?

It's contempt, but I have no idea if it will be treated as such. The master can do what he wants, and your option is an appeal to the judge, and then to the appellate court -- all of which will make it considerably more difficult for you to prevail without hiring legal representation -- which will destroy you financially.

>
>6.  Question: Regarding question# 3, if I'm still denied
>access, how would this figure into the Apr 25th "Enforce &
>Modify" pre-trial conference?

See above.

>7.  Question: I have over a dozen photo albums of pictures
>going back to when they were infants, and over 80 certified
>letters mailed to the Mother from over the years.  Would this
>be anything of interest or value during the custody
>evaluation?

I don't know. Ask the evaluator.

>
>8.  Question: Regarding question# 8, what would be the best
>way to present this information to the evaluator, so that it
>would be taken into consideration?

I don't know what you think you will prove with this stuff, but you need to consider how you will appear, if you seem too meticulous about compiling evidence to thwart the other parent's custody rights, because you apparently have been doing so for a very long time. This could indicate that you have been less than cooperative, and more than controlling than you would like to be perceived.

>
>9.  Question: My current court order states we are to have the
>children for Easter Spring Break for this year, which of
>course, will take place before the April 25th pre-trial
>conference.  If we are denied this visitation time, which I'm
>assuming we will be, how would this effect the custody
>evaluation / pre-trial conference?

See above.

I have a general comment. You are WAY too methodical for your own good. There's nothing wrong with defending your rights, but your posts suggest that you have nothing else on your mind other than winning this battle, and that isn't healthy -- it's obsessive.

If you think that your annoyance at not being able to get what you want from the system is not "felt" by your kids, you're wrong to think so.

I realize that you view the other parent as a lousy caretaker. And, it's very likely that she is too undisciplined for the children's long term good. Regrettably, however, the family laws of this nation have been developed to emphasize the children's environmental stability in preference to active problem management. And, the reason for this should be obvious: courts simply are not designed to actively manage parent-child relationships. Neither is government in general.

There is no solution to the problem that you seek to solve, short of a wholesale redrafting of the Constitution (something that I don't wish to get into, because many of my preferred modifications would be considered unusually extreme, in ways that most people could not possibly understand).

Anyway, you need to realize that you are Don Quiote in all of this and that the windmills are very unlikely to yield, no matter how hard and long you tilt with them.

[SFMedic]

Dear Soc,

The reason for some of the questions listed below, is because I very
much want to put my best foot forward.  I also felt that the "Master"
in question, really put the screws to me, and didn't really deal with
the Mother denying me visitation for 6 months straight, with not even
so much as giving her a slap on the wrist if you will...!


>>4.  Question: Assuming it's determined, that I haven't been
>>physically abusing my children, and that it's been more
>about my discipline style being consistent and more strict,
>compared to the Mother, how would this figure into the April 25th
>>pre-trial conference?
>
>I think this is all just a show for the purposes of satisfying
>due process. You know exactly how this is all going to turn
>out, absent some spectacularly stupid move by the mother
>completely cutting you off from the kids for no reason other
>than that she feels like it.
>
>As I recall, the master acknowleged in the recordings of the
>interview with the kids that the situation was beyond hope.
>There won't be any reversal of custody, unless, as I just
>said, the mother blows her leg off (a foot won't be enough --
>she needs to do something that will really piss off the master
>to the point where he won't care how the kids are affected
>anymore).

>>8.  Question: Regarding question# 8, what would be the best
>>way to present this information to the evaluator, so that it
>>would be taken into consideration?


Regarding Questions #4 & #8 above, I was asking, because this same information I was not allowed to present as evidence, the photo albums, the letters to the Mom, prior to the visitation being denied and since then.  Essentially to show the custody evaluator, that I very much have had and played a significant role in the lives of my children, since they were infants, especially in light of their comments to the Master, which how it was told to him as being the complete opposite taking place.


>I don't know what you think you will prove with this stuff,
>but you need to consider how you will appear, if you seem too
>meticulous about compiling evidence to thwart the other
>parent's custody rights, because you apparently have been
>doing so for a very long time. This could indicate that you
>have been less than cooperative, and more than controlling
>than you would like to be perceived.


The way that I want to appear, and it wont be hard to show, is that "I'm devastated" not having them come down anymore, especially where the holidays are concerned.  Already being denied for Thanksgiving and X-mas, their now, 7 month old, younger Sisters baptism, which also was Nov 05.


>I have a general comment. You are WAY too methodical for your
>own good. There's nothing wrong with defending your rights,
>but your posts suggest that you have nothing else on your mind
>other than winning this battle, and that isn't healthy -- it's
>obsessive.


Soc, your right about the above comment, it really has been a "battle", ever since day one, of my being able to have visitation with my children in MD, instead of WV.  The Mother has resented me for this non-stop.  Prior to her being served papers to appear in MD, for the final divorce decree, she prevented me from spending time with my oldest Son for 6 months, doing this, while she was still pregnant with our second Son at the time.  Back then, she wanted me to sign and notorize papers, which would only give me visitation at times and places only within the State of WV, and wouldn't you know it, her we are again, years later.  I refused to sign, and she kept me from seeing my oldest Son, who was then 14 months old at the time, until the time of our court date.

The reason I have so many letters from over the years, is because the Mother would play, like she is now, the "he said, she said" game with the boys.  Of course, they take "everything" she says as the gospel, and she is never questioned, unlike myself.  

Perfect example, I'm Active Duty Military, and work on weekends, at least once a month, sometimes more, my current court order, allows me make-up time without fail, the weekend before or after, I have a military committment.  The boys have already said, since we've been to court, all those times of make-up weekends, was me just making things up, so I would have more weekends with them, instead of their Mother.
This is the kind of crap and spin control, I've had to deal with, year after year, especially during the summer months of visitation.

1.  Question:  I should have an Attorney retained, prior to the Apr 25th pre-trial conference regarding the "Enforce & Modify" petition that I filed. Can the attorney request to have the Master recuse himself, because of the raw deal I was given, and his comments and antics from the bench?

I remember from an earlier post, how you mentioned an Attorney is able to call "bullshit" against a Master/Judge, where I really can't as a Pro Se litigant?

2.  Question:  I'm under the assumption, the Mother will at some point, have to come down to give a deposition(s), regarding her denial of visitation in MD, access to the Psych/Psychological records, would this figure into the upcoming pre-trial conference at all or not until there is an actual hearing scheduled?

thanks...

[socrateaser]

>1.  Question:  I should have an Attorney retained, prior to
>the Apr 25th pre-trial conference regarding the "Enforce &
>Modify" petition that I filed. Can the attorney request to
>have the Master recuse himself, because of the raw deal I was
>given, and his comments and antics from the bench?

I have to tell you that I have not read anything that suggests that the Master is biased or has acted improperly, so you don't have cause for a recusal. The Master has actually tried to keep the mother operating as close to the orders as possible, while realizing the the kids have already been almost completely alienated and that short of a reversal of custody on a really blatant showing of contempt by the Mom, that the Master will be forced to leave the status quo, because the children do not appear in any serious danger, except that they're being denied a real opportunity to have a father figure in their lives.

>2.  Question:  I'm under the assumption, the Mother will at
>some point, have to come down to give a deposition(s),
>regarding her denial of visitation in MD, access to the
>Psych/Psychological records, would this figure into the
>upcoming pre-trial conference at all or not until there is an
>actual hearing scheduled?

It won't figure in at all. The reality is simply that this has been going on for a very long time, and that the mother basically hates your guts, and that's all there is to it, and the kids are pretty much damaged against you at this point.

What you need is for the mother to do something incredibly vindictive. Refusing all visitation would probably be good, but probably not enough, believe it or not. I certainly would depose the mother, and I would try to get her to admit that she hates you and that she has done all she can to turn your kids against you.

That would probably force the Master's hand to reverse custody. Otherwise, you're likely gonna lose, unless Mom starts beating the kids with a whip in front of the police station.

[SFMedic]

Dear Soc,

From the quote below, you made a reference about the Mother having to doing something vindictive, well here's an example, not sure if it really means anything?

On Feb 23, 2006, I received in the mail, a response that I sent to a  mental health facility in the local area of where the children live.  I was trying to confirm if the children were actually receiving any type of treatment, and for what purpose.  Due to the Mother not having any contact with me or providing any type of written response since our court date of Jan 20th.

My only clue was the Mother making a comment during our Jan 20th Contempt of Court motion, the following is an excerpt from the court transcript I received this past Saturday, directly from the Mother stated "I'm stetting up meetings to get them into counseling, Court: Have you advised Mr. XXxx of that, Mother: No. I have just now started the process, Father: I have not been contacted at any time your Honor, Mother: They haven't even went for a first appointment yet, Court: Do a custody evaluation Madam clerk"

The written response from the mental health clinic, showed the children receiving two counseling sessions each.  The first one starting with my youngest, whose date of service was on 29 Dec 2005, this is a total contradiction (lie) on the part of the Mother, regarding her testimony. Again at no time have I been contacted by the Mother regarding this, to date nor have I been contacted by the clinic / therapist.

The following is an excerpt from the summary assessment: Client is an 14 y/o, white male, neatly dressed and groomed, accompanied by his Mother for an intake evaluation with compliant of emotional distress due to current situation with father who resides in Maryland.  Client and his older brother have refused to visit father since this past July due to alledged abuse.  Client reports father to be very controlling and will frequently hit client and his brother for "any little thing" Client states father last beat his brother for not eating his spinach and that father has thrown client into the TV and across the room.  Mother also states that father is very controlling, is a strict disciplinarian and is in the military with a black belt in karate.  Mother states her divorce, due to physical and mental abuse toward her, took place in Maryland where corporal punishment is permitted.  Mother states that the State of WV is on the boys side and she is attempting to fight the courts to change visitation rights.  The State of Maryland stated that if she cannot get the boys to visit their father, then the boys might be "better off in foster care".  Client states that he and his brother will run away if this happens.

For the record, the above situations reported by the children "never" took place, and the Mother is now bringing up our past relationship, as fuel for the fire, where "nothing" was ever mentioned or referenced in the current court order, about abuse ever taking place!  Just a reminder, we've already have had a TPO hearing back on Nov 18th, that was dismissed by the Judge, due to recommendations from the DSS worker and insufficient evidence.  From Jan 20th, the Master's "Report and Recommendations" stated, "contempt hearing is continued".


1. Question: Would this be another example of the Mother being found in contempt, regarding her testimony of when counseling actually started with the children?

2.  Question: Regarding the comments from the children to the therapist, how would this figure into the upcoming "Enforce and Modify" pre-trial conference scheduled for April 25th?

3.  Question: Would the summary assessments form the mental health clinic have any impact by themselves with the upcoming custody evaluation or in court?

4.  Question: Would the therapist have to be physically present in court vs the summary assessments by themselves in order for them to be used as some type of evidence?  

5.  Question: If the therapist continues to not contact me regarding the counseling the children are receiving, without having any input from myself, would it be beneficial in some way for me to contact the therapist?

thanks...



>>2.  Question:  I'm under the assumption, the Mother will at
>>some point, have to come down to give a deposition(s),
>>regarding her denial of visitation in MD, access to the
>>Psych/Psychological records, would this figure into the
>>upcoming pre-trial conference at all or not until there is
>an actual hearing scheduled?
>
>It won't figure in at all. The reality is simply that this has
>been going on for a very long time, and that the mother
>basically hates your guts, and that's all there is to it, and
>the kids are pretty much damaged against you at this point.
>
>What you need is for the mother to do something incredibly
>vindictive. Refusing all visitation would probably be good,
>but probably not enough, believe it or not. I certainly would
>depose the mother, and I would try to get her to admit that
>she hates you and that she has done all she can to turn your
>kids against you.
>
>That would probably force the Master's hand to reverse
>custody. Otherwise, you're likely gonna lose, unless Mom
>starts beating the kids with a whip in front of the police
>station.

[4honor]

You have proof this woman is about to set you up for some TERRIBLY expensive defense costs. RUN FAR, RUN FAST!

She is making your children's lives impossible where you are concerned. They will say or do whatever it takes to survive in the atmosphere they live in. From their point of view, you have failed thus far to rescue them, so they are making it possible to survive until they can successfully leave.

Trust me when I say from experience that your Ex punishes them emotionally for loving you and wanting to spend any time with you. They suffer directly when you don't play by HER rules. Could they stand up to her and stop this? Quite probably. But I doubt she has left them sufficient self esteem to gather the strength and courage to do that.

I was a child of PAS (not just Parental Alienation) and I have a SS that is the product of severe alienation. I treated my father horribly for many years. My SS has a criminal record that will never go away because he did what he thought necessary to survive in his mother's home -- to the point of harming DH & I's 2 younger sons, whom BM hates.

The mental power a strong willed parent exerts over their child is intense. The possibility for extreme mental abuse is also great when a strong willed parent is vindictive.

The judge really was doing the best he could under the guidelines he has. Certain threshholds must be met (different for each state) and the facts are, that BM is playing on this side of the threshold. The judge/master has to play within the law - it doesn't make it right, or fair, or close to what is best for your kids -- but that is just the way it is.

[socrateaser]

>1. Question: Would this be another example of the Mother being
>found in contempt, regarding her testimony of when counseling
>actually started with the children?

Maybe, but by itself, it's pretty de minimis, and if you were to raise it as an isolated incident, the court would start to believe that you are pretty obsessive/controlling.

>2.  Question: Regarding the comments from the children to the
>therapist, how would this figure into the upcoming "Enforce
>and Modify" pre-trial conference scheduled for April 25th?

The comments are irrelevant. What matters is the evaluator's conclusions as to the credibility of the complaints.

>3.  Question: Would the summary assessments form the mental
>health clinic have any impact by themselves with the upcoming
>custody evaluation or in court?

If they state the findings and conclusions of the therapist, then you betcha.
>
>4.  Question: Would the therapist have to be physically
>present in court vs the summary assessments by themselves in
>order for them to be used as some type of evidence?  

Generally, yes. These are expert opinion, and require the presence of the expert to explain them.

>5.  Question: If the therapist continues to not contact me
>regarding the counseling the children are receiving, without
>having any input from myself, would it be beneficial in some
>way for me to contact the therapist?

I would certainly contact the therapist and tell them that you are dismayed by the children's comments, and that if you can be of any assistance, that the therapist should fee free to contact you.

If you start denying to the therapist, however, you will appear to be manipulative and controlling, rather than merely concerned...so don't.

[SFMedic]

4honor,

Your right about being set up by the Mother and her making things difficult, if not, almost impossible to maintain a relationship.  Just yesterday my wife and I met with a family therapist, who specializes in dealing with teenagers and Parental Alienation Syndrome.  Just the same, I appreciate your concern.

Since our Jan 20th Contempt of Court date, we have had 2 visits with the children at a shopping mall, the first time for 2 hrs, the second for almost 3 hrs.  Of course, this is suppose to be beneficial towards us rebuilding our relationship according to the Mother, knowing it's all just a farse if you will, until we both appear for the "Enforce & Modify" hearing.

We have a total of 4 more visits before we have our Apr 25th pre-trial conference.  We're hoping the boys can be convinced to meet with our therapist in MD, if not, then we may end making a trip to WV, to meet and speak with their therapist for the first time.  Both of them are to have another therapy session scheduled for 1 March 06.

1. Question:  You mention and referenced below "certain threshholds",
having to be met, what exactly were you talking about?  Just asking for clarification purposes.

thanks...

>The mental power a strong willed parent exerts over their
>child is intense. The possibility for extreme mental abuse is
>also great when a strong willed parent is vindictive.
>
>The judge really was doing the best he could under the
>guidelines he has. Certain threshholds must be met (different
>for each state) and the facts are, that BM is playing on this
>side of the threshold. The judge/master has to play within the
>law - it doesn't make it right, or fair, or close to what is
>best for your kids -- but that is just the way it is.

[SFMedic]

Dear Soc,

As I mentioned to 4honor, we met with a family therapist yesterday.  He's willing to make the 4 hr drive if necessary to do a face to face with the children's therapist.

He's was just as shocked as I've been, regarding not being contacted more so by the therapist, to include the Mother as well.  His thought is that I should make an attempt with contacting the children's therapist, and see what type of response I get, regarding the children either coming to MD or myself coming to WV, with our therapist.

1.  Question: Upon contacting the children's therapist/Mother, and if I'm told the children refuse to come to MD, and if my offer to come to WV with our therapist is refused, how does or would this look to the Judge?

2.  Question:  If our therapist never has an oppurtunity to meet with the children, would his testimony carry any weight when we go trial for the "Enforce & Modify" motion, regarding him being denied access to the children as well?

I realize question #2 may seem strange to ask, my thought is, by us having a therapist, we may have a chance to "reach" the children in someway that's not perceived as hostile or confrontational.

thanks....

[socrateaser]

>1.  Question: Upon contacting the children's therapist/Mother,
>and if I'm told the children refuse to come to MD, and if my
>offer to come to WV with our therapist is refused, how does or
>would this look to the Judge?

It will look to the judge like you're trying to control everything in the children's lives from a distance -- including the choice of therapist.

>2.  Question:  If our therapist never has an oppurtunity to
>meet with the children, would his testimony carry any weight
>when we go trial for the "Enforce & Modify" motion, regarding
>him being denied access to the children as well?

Why would his testimony carry any weight if he's never met with the kids, unless you have an express order requiring the kids to meet with this other therapist. Then, it would carry weight, because it would prove contempt. Otherwise, it's irrelevant.

>I realize question #2 may seem strange to ask, my thought is,
>by us having a therapist, we may have a chance to "reach" the
>children in someway that's not perceived as hostile or
>confrontational.

It doesn't seem strange that you ask the question. It's highly revealing. You're not trying to reach the kids -- you're trying to win the case. That is, from your perspective, the kids are "wrong" to not want to be with you.

Well, the kids aren't "wrong." They're human beings with separate minds and if they don't want to be with you, that's their option, absent proof that the mother is committing some horrible abuse against them that is removing all voluntary will from the kids' statements and conduct.

So, I suggest that you try to work with the existing counselor, because you are wasting your time trying to interpose another one.