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>Looking for texas father's to chat with about getting 50/50
>custody

I'm looking for that as well. How involved are you in raising your kids? I am involved in caring for mine as much as I can be, but my wife was a stay at home mom. I went for a consultation with a couple of lawyers and gleened the initial strategy to keep a journal of how involved I am in various parenting rolls, and also to get my wife back to work, so that by the time I fight this, the fact that she's a stay at home mom will be in the past and I'll be more involved with the kids. I have been keeping a journal, and so far, found that for meals, meeting with kids teachers, and assisting with homework, I'm at about 2/3 involvement. For bathing it's 50/50. Taking them to school and disciplining (no not beating, I rarely spank) is 100% me.

As you know, Texas has joint custody, but it's not 50/50. Normally the mother gets physical custody though, and the father gets around 35-40% visitation. The lawyers I saw said that the courts are not biased towards the mother as far as custody goes. It's just that the facts show that typically the mother has more involvement with the kids. In my case though, I think I can show that I am more involved with them, so I should get physical custody right?

The mother is not abusive to the kids either. I know this would be a fight, and that means expensive. I cannot afford this, and I'm hoping my wife would agree to mediation rather than resort to spending thousands on lawyers. I'm hoping that if I present her with a fair 50/50 split of assets and 50/50 custody that she will accept that - and if not show her that I have the facts on my side. Although this might prompt her to run to a lawyer.

Does anyone have any experience with this when the father is involved with child rearing as much as I am?

We have nothing in common. She knows that. The only thing we have in common is our children. After the children are gone, we have nothing that we can both look forward to in the future. For every thing I want I get bombarded with reasons why I shouldn't get what I want - from what TV shows I want to watch to how to raise the kids to where we should live. She will not even discuss the things I care about. I do not have the feeling of love for her anymore, and thinking back, maybe I never did. Deep down we are fundamentally different people.

Counseling might make one of those things better, but for it to work, it's going to have to change who one, or both of us is. And I don't see that happening.

She is not the devil incarnate. We're just different people. I want to divorce her, not my children, which is why I want to make sure I can continue to be there for them as much as possible.

No, we are not separated yet. I was planning on waiting a couple of years so that the time she was a stay at home mom would be in the past, and that would give me time to build up more recorded time showing that I am more involved as a parent.

If we divorce I plan on staying in the same school district to garantee that I'll have more time with them.

>How is she going to pay bills?

She is capable of making enough money (she has the skills and experience), she just doesn't like the work.

Thanks.

I am involved in caring for mine as much as I can be, but my wife was a stay at home mom. I went for a consultation with a couple of lawyers and gleened the initial strategy to keep a journal of how involved I am in various parenting rolls, and also to get my wife back to work, so that by the time I fight this, the fact that she's a stay at home mom will be in the past and I'll be more involved with the kids. I have been keeping a journal, and so far, found that for meals, meeting with kids teachers, and assisting with homework, I'm at about 2/3 involvement. For bathing it's 50/50. Taking them to school and disciplining (no not beating, I rarely spank) is 100% me.

Texas has joint custody, but it's not 50/50. Normally the mother gets physical custody though, and the father gets around 35-40% visitation. The lawyers I saw said that the courts are not biased towards the mother as far as custody goes. It's just that the facts show that typically the mother has more involvement with the kids. In my case though, I think I can show that I am more involved with them, so I should get physical custody right?

The mother is not abusive to the kids either. I know this would be a fight, and that means expensive. I cannot afford this, and I'm hoping my wife would agree to mediation rather than resort to spending thousands on lawyers. I'm hoping that if I present her with a fair 50/50 split of assets and 50/50 custody that she will accept that - and if not show her that I have the facts on my side. Although this might prompt her to run to a lawyer.

Does anyone have any experience with this when the father is involved with child rearing as much as I am and wants at least 50/50 custody?

>Why not just go for custody? I too live in Texas and have won
>this battle. If you go for custody, then maybe she will settle
>for 50/50. How close to you live near each other? If I were
>you, I wouldn't show her anything about the facts on your
>side, just let it come out in court.

And there weren't any big problems with your ex as a mother? I thought if the mother was at least a decent parent that it would be very expensive to fight that. I would like full custody... How much does fighting a case like that cost?

Thanks futureuslesseater and Davy. Your posts were encouraging. So it sounds like joint posession with full standard is what I could easily get if my wife wants to fight it rather than go through mediation.

Davy, if I told my wife I wanted them 70% of the time, she would likely want to fight it, and neither one of us could afford that. Her attourneys would probably tell her they would get their fee from me. That's interesting though in the case you cited that no CS was awarded. Was that because it was full standard possession?

BTW, I'm reading a book called "Getting Divorced without Ruining Your Life". It's about how to get divorced while avoiding lawyers as much as possible, and using mediation. That part I like about it. But what I don't like about it is that in not one of their examples is the father the most fit parent. The book never gives any credit to the possibility that the father should get more than full standard possession.

>It is always possible and you should definately try to get
>50/50 if that si what you want, but in Texas most of the time
>they go by the standard possession oder in almost all cases.

Actually, I'd like 100%, but I don't see that happening. The mother is not abusive or doing drugs/alchohol or anything like that. In the standard possession order, only one of the parents is given physical custody right?

The law doesn't specify if the mother or father should get the physical custody. Isn't it usually decided by who does more of the parental duties?

>If you do end up with standard ask for the full amount of
>standard possession which is 1,3,5th weekend from Friday pm at
>6pm- Monday morning where you may take them to school.  Than
>get one overnight per week which I believe that night to be
>Thursday under the standard order.  So, EOW you could have the
>kids Thursday night, take them to school on Friday, than have
>them for the weekend and return them to the school Monday
>morning.

Is that referred to as 'extended standard possession'?

>
>I believe Texas has done well giving the NCP more time and
>that is why they go with standard more rather than 50/50.  It
>may not be fair, but it is better than what it used to be when
>there were no overnights during the week and the weekends
>ended on Sunday.  

True... although 1 weeknight/week still doesn't sound like much.

>So, go for the 50/50 and if you don't get it than hopefully
>you will get the full standard schedule as it is a fair
>schedule to work with.

Do you know what determines if the father can get the full standard schedule? If the mother objects is it going to be an expensive fight to get that?

I am involved in caring for children as much as I can be, but my wife was a stay at home mom. I went for a consultation with a couple of lawyers and gleened the initial strategy to keep a journal of how involved I am in various parenting rolls, and also to get my wife back to work, so that by the time I fight this, the fact that she's a stay at home mom will be in the past and I'll be more involved with the kids. She has gone back to work part time, not because I urged her, but because the kids are now school age. I have been keeping a journal, and so far, found that for meals, meeting with kids teachers, and assisting with homework, I'm at about 2/3 involvement. For bathing it's 50/50. Taking them to school and disciplining (no not beating, I rarely spank) is 100% me. I haven't just suddenly become so involved because I'm keeping a journal. I always have been. I know keeping a journal is tacky, but if it comes down to it, it won't just be me saying "I'm really involved with the kids". I can show them. In the meantime I won't make comments to my wife about me doing things more than her. I don't mind being involved, it's part of being a father.

Texas has joint custody, but it's not 50/50. Normally the mother gets physical custody though, and the father gets around 35-40% visitation. The lawyers I saw said that the courts are not biased towards the mother as far as custody goes. It's just that the facts show that typically the mother has more involvement with the kids. In my case though, I think I can show that I am more involved with them, so I should get physical custody right?

The mother is not abusive to the kids either. I know this would be a fight, and that means expensive. I cannot afford this, and I'm hoping my wife would agree to mediation rather than resort to spending thousands on lawyers. I'm hoping that if I present her with a fair 50/50 split of assets and 50/50 custody that she will accept that - and if not show her that I have the facts on my side. Although this might prompt her to run to a lawyer.

Does anyone have any experience with this when the father is involved with child rearing as much as I am and wants at least 50/50 custody?