Strategy for 50/50 custody

[Yoda]

I am involved in caring for mine as much as I can be, but my wife was a stay at home mom. I went for a consultation with a couple of lawyers and gleened the initial strategy to keep a journal of how involved I am in various parenting rolls, and also to get my wife back to work, so that by the time I fight this, the fact that she's a stay at home mom will be in the past and I'll be more involved with the kids. I have been keeping a journal, and so far, found that for meals, meeting with kids teachers, and assisting with homework, I'm at about 2/3 involvement. For bathing it's 50/50. Taking them to school and disciplining (no not beating, I rarely spank) is 100% me.

Texas has joint custody, but it's not 50/50. Normally the mother gets physical custody though, and the father gets around 35-40% visitation. The lawyers I saw said that the courts are not biased towards the mother as far as custody goes. It's just that the facts show that typically the mother has more involvement with the kids. In my case though, I think I can show that I am more involved with them, so I should get physical custody right?

The mother is not abusive to the kids either. I know this would be a fight, and that means expensive. I cannot afford this, and I'm hoping my wife would agree to mediation rather than resort to spending thousands on lawyers. I'm hoping that if I present her with a fair 50/50 split of assets and 50/50 custody that she will accept that - and if not show her that I have the facts on my side. Although this might prompt her to run to a lawyer.

Does anyone have any experience with this when the father is involved with child rearing as much as I am and wants at least 50/50 custody?

[mishelle2]

Are you guys all ready seperated? The courts may view her decision to go to work,as a forced issue, due to the seperation, as she has always been a stay at home mom, What are the ages of  your kids? I do not know how TX law works, but I know here in CA whoever has the most time to spend with the child the better off the child will be and that is how my county rules..

[ocean]

If the kids are school age, are you in the same school district? If you can get kids on/off bus with minimal child-care that would be good too. What is your current visitation? Get all the time you can get for as long as possible so you can show how much and for how long. Once she goes to a lawyer, she will probbaly pull them from you to what the court order states or until a court order is put in place so have everything ready to go. Will she rely on the child support money if she is primary? How is she going to pay the bills? Good luck!

[Yoda]

No, we are not separated yet. I was planning on waiting a couple of years so that the time she was a stay at home mom would be in the past, and that would give me time to build up more recorded time showing that I am more involved as a parent.

If we divorce I plan on staying in the same school district to garantee that I'll have more time with them.

>How is she going to pay bills?

She is capable of making enough money (she has the skills and experience), she just doesn't like the work.

Thanks.

[mishelle2]

I am sooo confused here.. so you are still living together, and does she even know there is a problem? Maybe you should try counseling, Ill be honest, and this is just my opinion, I think sometimes a divorce is easier to do than fix whats wrong in your marriage,(at least that is what we think.. until lawyers and courts get involved then.. as we all know.. your life changes and what you thought you knew.. you dont.. and what you want is rarely what you get.. )  
what you are saying in my opinion is.. I dont want to work this marriage out, I want to be done, but I want to put on a mask that everything is fine until it is convienient for me, and until I  get what I want out of the relationship, I personally think this is a terrible thing to do..so unfair to your children, and to yourself,  if you are done with the marriage, end it, otherwise you may cause hurt and resentment that is beyond words.. How long have you been married? Is she the devil reincarnated?  Now I realize there are probably a lot of people that are not gonig to agree with what I said, but its just my opinion..

[Yoda]

We have nothing in common. She knows that. The only thing we have in common is our children. After the children are gone, we have nothing that we can both look forward to in the future. For every thing I want I get bombarded with reasons why I shouldn't get what I want - from what TV shows I want to watch to how to raise the kids to where we should live. She will not even discuss the things I care about. I do not have the feeling of love for her anymore, and thinking back, maybe I never did. Deep down we are fundamentally different people.

Counseling might make one of those things better, but for it to work, it's going to have to change who one, or both of us is. And I don't see that happening.

She is not the devil incarnate. We're just different people. I want to divorce her, not my children, which is why I want to make sure I can continue to be there for them as much as possible.

[missinmygirls]

I am going thru a similar situation but a little furhter done the path. Me and my soon to be ex where married for 9 years, we had nothing in common but our two daughters. Since we have seperated she has accussed my of be abusive and not taking care of my child support obligation (I have been giving her 2500/mth since April of last year for 2 kids) . I love my girls and want to stay actively involved in their lives. Their mother is trying to do everything legally and illegally to stop that. My oldest a nine year old says she wants to live with me but her mother says that if she does she will kill herself. I want to know if I can go to the court with this. I feel that she is emotionally and psychologically damaging our girls up by saying this so they feel trapped. Any advice would be greatly appericated.

[seansmom]

My STBX wanted 50/50 custody and he was shut down real fast by the custody evaluator. But then again I (his mom) was his primary caretaker and I was able to prove it with school records, medical records, letters from teachers ect. If you can prove you were the primary caretaker you might have a chance. Good Luck.

[Nesto]

>what you are saying in my opinion is.. I dont want to work
>this marriage out, I want to be done, but I want to put on a
>mask that everything is fine until it is convienient for me,
>and until I  get what I want out of the relationship, I
>personally think this is a terrible thing to do..so unfair to
>your children, and to yourself,  if you are done with the
>marriage, end it, otherwise you may cause hurt and resentment
>that is beyond words.. How long have you been married? Is she
>the devil reincarnated?  Now I realize there are probably a
>lot of people that are not gonig to agree with what I said,
>but its just my opinion..

I do disagree. When I first read what Yoda wrote, I was thinking along your lines, but in reading his follow-ups I've changed my mind.  Fathers so often get screwed with custody.  This guy is trying to get 50/50, not pull a stunt to get full custody.  If this is what he has to do to remain strongly involved in his  kids' lives, I say good luck.