Messages

hey...

thanks for the kick in the ass. i really needed that.

a few corrections...

1. i wasn't a heavy drinker. hell, most times i'd get drunk off of 3 beers. but i'd only drink about once every 3-4 months. i stopped all that when they were born, because i wanted to be a good example to my boys. call it getting ready.

2. when i said i was being seduced by one mother, every time i went to see my oldest son she show up to the door naked. i'd tell her what i came for (my son) and she want sex. i'd tell her no, and she'd go into the "you don't care about him" thing.

3. the other mother ignored me by basically not being around. go to her dad's house, i couldn't find her. but, as soon as she needed money or diapers, wow she could find then.

i thank you bol, for letting me know that the world isn't gonna kiss my butt and feeling sorry for myself is pointless. time to man the f*** up and fight. thank you, master jedi.
My blood...My babies...My life.

ok, so where do i fit in?

i admit fully that at the time i fathered my sons with these women i had no intention to be with them. i told them so. my father walked out on me when i was 12, and i vowed that i would never do the same thing. my sons don't carry my last name, i wasn't included on the birth certificates, and my sons don't even know my side of their family. i have, since the moment of their birth, tried to be the best father i could be. i stopped drinking, have worked long before they were born, and was willing to do anything to raise them right. but, i wasn't allowed to. if i wasn't being seduced by one mother, i was ignored by the other. i have had my soul crushed because of all this, and yet i press on. my hatred of women grew, only because every woman i talked to spoke of working and paying cs, but never of fighting for what is mine. it all seemed to favor the mothers, no matter how i sliced it. i didn't know about the incentives that the states get to break someone like me, and i thank you all for the info, but it doesn't make me feel any better. i want my sons more than i want to live, and without them i'm not really living anyway. i hear all the divorce horror stories, and i cringe. but my situation is different. i never married these women, and i never will. i contemplated it, just to be near my sons, but i knew to be a slave to the state was one thing, a slave to their mothers something else. my youngest son calls another man daddy, and it breaks my heart when he said it. this isn't life. this isn't what i wanted my family life to be like. i have no hope except what my girlfriend and her kids give me. when i asked the initial question, i did it to voice what has been in my heart for 5 years now. when do i get a break? when is it my time to finally get to be the father i know i can be? i filled out an income form for my lawyer today, and it was the most depressing thing i had ever seen. i had done one years ago, and the states ignored it. this time, my lawyer helped me. i have nothing. if i died today, i don't even have enough money to bury myself. and all i keep seeing in my head is these women enjoying both my money and my kids. grinning at me with hate in their eyes, my sons calling some other men daddy. that's my title! and i come here, and i know i'm not alone. yeah, this is a real pity party, but i can't vent to my girl. she doesn't understand. no one in my family does.  i swallow the pain of not being the father i want to be, swallow the fact that i can't even afford to take care  of myself, and i smile to hide the tears in my heart. should i hate these women? the state of kansas and missouri? the federal government? NOW? any woman i see? are they all the enemies? i don't know and i don't have answers. maybe some of you do. i guess in the end, what i am asking for is hope. can anyone here give me a glimmer of hope? tell me it'll be ok? tell me i'll get my babies soon? or just a prayer?
My blood...My babies...My life.

but, that's my point...
the image of fathers is either a toothless, shirtless, shoeless, thug or crackhead living with some woman and ducking cs, or some superrich man with a younger bimbo stuck to his arm, a benz in the drive, and ducking cs.. i am not near those images, yet i am in that boat. to me, it seems like the father is a walking atm that's good enough to pay but should have 0 to do with the child. remember 1-800-support? all those women with their kids in the background, talking about the deadbeat that didn't pay and these people went and found him and got the money? where's ours with the father holding his child, speaking on the evil-as-hell woman that kept the kids from dad and 1-800-get-kids got her ass? it is our image that is part of the problem. i do believe that there are deadbeats out there. hell, my girlfriend was married to one. but him and i are two different people. i'm going broke over here, and i'm still nowhere close to having my boys. but, to let mainstream america tell it, every man that has bore kids and couldn't work it out with the mother is/was/will be a deadbeat. we have to change that perception. and that is where SPARC and organizations like them have to step up. if NOW wants to defend the woman, fine. but, for every deadbeat dad story they bring, they got several women that are screwing the father over royally and draping themselves in the single mother flag. it's way past time the father gets his say. like i said, i will gladly be the face and the spokesman for it. i know i'm not the only one going through this, and i wouldn't do it to further myself. i want the playing field leveled, even if some woman's feelings get hurt and some women come out if it looking like pure evil. in the end, all any real father wants is the chance to give his children the best that he has. he wants his kids, and it's high time the world knew it.
My blood...My babies...My life.

he just has to fight. his son is angry right now, and they only way to reach him is to try. now, the mother is going to be a problem, and your husband has to mentally be ready for that, but the end result is his children. tell him to tell his son that gangstas don't  live that long. it's worth it in the end. if he's needs a hand or someone to vent to, tell him i'm here for you both.
My blood...My babies...My life.

i was wondering, is it possible to change the federal laws regarding child support and child custody? i mean, we as americans have the right to address the government about grievances, why not this? SPARC and other organizations like it could easily do this. hell, i'd be happy to testify. i think 1. that if a woman lies on her welfare form as to the whereabouts of the father(as my oldest son's mother did) in order to recieve welfare benefits, then she should automatically be arrested for fraud once she "reveals" where the father is in order to get child support money, 2. that child support and child custody should be automatically determined once the child support order is put in. no man should be broke and have to try to get a lawyer just to get his parental rights when she didn't have to hire a lawyer to get money from him. 3. child support should be a 50/50 thing, not just based on what he makes. if i have to pay for my children, so should they. dollar for dollar, and if i pay the state, should should they. make them get a job and keep a job, have their wages garnished like i have, since they got welfare benefits in the first place. 4. take every child support case as case by case. if the father isn't a deadbeat, why treat him like one? as far as pay and custody, my case may be different from yours, so why treat both of us the same? make the case workers actually WORK and treat each case as individuals and act accordingly. i can't see any women's group argue these ideas, unless they are totally against the fathers (which alot of them are.) i know this seems naive, but i'm just asking. any thoughts?
My blood...My babies...My life.

tell him to stay and fight. he has as much right to be there as she does, and tell him to start carrying a mini tape recorder. tell him to tell her that, from now on, he'll be taping all their conversations. i know this sounds extreme, and SPARC isn' t the one giving this advice, i am.  those are his kids too, and he has to remember that.


My blood...My babies...My life.

hello. i just wanted to say hi and thank you. i have searched for a place with people who understand what i'm going through. i love my children more than my life, and yet i am being punished both financially and mentally for not kissing butt to the women i had them by. i just wanted to say that. thanks.

hey, brother, no matter what, your son loves you.

i guess i should tell my story. i am the father of two beautiful boys. they are by two different women and they are a month apart. i have been dealing with the child support beast for three years now. i was never a deadbeat father. I WAS NEVER A DEADBEAT FATHER! i was there for these women every chance i got, gave money even when i hardly had any, and couldn't wait until my boys grew so i could do all the things my father never did with me. but it wasn't meant to be. since both of these women went on welfare, the state charged me with everything they gave them. i am over $6,000 in the hole, and i didn't even know anything. but, the part that hurts me to my soul is, there was never a custody plan made up. so these women have my kids. and, since i don't kiss butt, i don't see them. i have been humiliated by these women on several occassions. either i was being harassed for sex (with my first child's mother) and told i didn't care when i refused, or i had to hunt for my second son's mom (which i never could catch up with.) i felt like i was the bad guy, and these women made sure it stayed that way. i would buy christmas presents and never get a chance to give them to my boys because i wouldn't  do what they said. i brought birthday presents and never saw then being opened. i brought easter baskets, clothes, toys, books, and the whole nine yards, all in an attempt to show my sons how much i loved them. i never got a thank you, a call, nothing. i would buy these women mother's day cards and sign them for my boys. father's day came and i got nothing. then, child support came. and i was broke. i couldn't pay my rent, fix my car, or do anything for myself. my whole manhood was crushed, and yet the cards were still in their hands and i had to eat it. if i took my oldest son out to the movies, his mother had to come along "to make sure he was ok." like i'd hurt my own son. if i finally chased down my youngest son and took him to the park, his mother would follow and tell me all the crap i WASN'T doing for him. i started to hate women, all women. my mother said "just keep paying and wait until the boys are grown up." i became depressed, and often thought of suicide. i still do, and i really can't see why not. i have a lawyer now (paid for by my girlfriend) and a job that pays jack, but the child support is still going out. i have a little hope that one day soon me and my sons will be together, but that's all it is. i really want you to know that you are on the right track, and that you have my support and respect for just fighting for your rights. i'm new here, and right now, i just wanted someone who was going through what i was going through to talk to.