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Sorry, I had to file it today before the court closed, so I just wrote what I could.  I have been using the Michigan Leagal Aid hotline since being served papers a week and a half ago, but it's almost impossible to get through there's always a "high call volume".  I'm hoping that everything goes well tomorrow morning.  

Hello, I have joint Physical/joint legal custody of my 21 mnth old daughter, I pay full support.  I lost my job in July and have been trying to find a new job that pays as much as I was making before.  I took a part time job while I look so atleast I have some income coming in, but what's coming in is barely enough to feed and care for my daughter when she's with me.  I told my ex as soon as I lost my job that I wasn't going to have much money for a little while, and that we'll get caught up as soon as I could make it happen.  But, I need what I'm making to care for our daughter while she's with me.  
She decided to take me to court for it and hold me in contempt of court.  We have an agreement in the court order that states that I would pay her directly, and that we would sign off the friend of the court services.  
I have my daughter every day Mon - Fri from 7:30am to 5:30pm and Overnight on Monday.   This order was to be in effect until she reached the age of 2 1/2 yrs, thus allowing me to petition for Shared Economic Responsibility, removing the support agreement.  I did not plan on losing my job.  

I've got the right forms to fill out, but I'm no lawyer, and I'm not sure how to word it.  I spent everything I had taking her to court for custody in the first place and even had to move into my parents house so that I could afford to pay the "huge sum" agreed to for support.

When I agreed to the amount, it was more than I could really afford to pay in the first place, but it got me Joint Physical custody, and I was willing to pay it for a short time if it meant that I got to be an equal parent.  It was a stupid thing to do (agreeing to pay more than was realistic), but my daughter is worth it.  

I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to get things prepared and filed, so I have to do this myself this time.  

Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.
thank you
jas

All I want to do is give our daughter a great life.  My ex believes or atleast I think she believes that I'm not needed and I know she wishes that I would just go far away and be gone forever.

I've submitted a schedule to my lawyer that I think would work out, I should mention that I would be up for my ex working something out WITH me, but since she gives me the silent treatment, I had to submit something.

I already have our daughter Mon-Fri from 8am to 5:30pm, I know they won't take that away from me, Our daughter needs child care during those hours, and the court would much rather have that child care be one of the parents.

What I submitted in addition to those hours was:
Sunday - Overnight
Monday - Overnight
Tuesday - Overnight

I would then of course, have her
Wed - 8am to 5:30
Thur - 8am to 5:30
Fri - 8am to 5:30


The whole thing about me having to watch her at my ex's house is that for a month, from April to May, my mother was allowed to watch our daughter on Mondays and Fridays, My ex wanted her Grandmother to watch her everyday (out of the convienience of being closer to her home) and decided to say that our daughter was allergic to animals (cats and dogs) She said that she had taken her to her pediatrician and she said she was allergic.  It took me 6 months to obtain our daughters Med records, which I just recently obtained, and there is absolutely no evidence of alllergies......TO ANYTHING.....

I had also researched infant allergies during that time and found that infant can't even be tested for allergies until 18 months (our daughter is only 10 months next week).  

My ex is immature emotionally, she is mature an responsible in every other aspect of her life (financially and career-wise) but cannot maturely interact with others (most importantly myself).

I would much rather keep this out of the courts, but she "forced my hand" and took herself to court.
 Thank you for reading my post, I'm confident that the Judge will make the right call, but in the back of my mind I know that I am not the mother, and atleast from birth moms get everything handed to them, fathers on the other hand, have to prove their worth.
She couldn't prove me unfit to care for our child in consciliation, things have only gotten tougher on my end since then.

Jas

OK, so I've been a member here for a while now, atleast 8 months, and have yet to make a post.  I thought that I would find answers to my own situation by reading other posts and replies, I have no answers as of yet.

The only thing I do know is that we finally go to court on Monday and that as a father, I have no say over the welfare of my child until the court says I do.......  I think that there is something wrong with this picture....

I'm going to start somewhere close to the beginning, so that anyone reading this can understand where I'm coming from.

My ex left me in May 2005, a month later, we get the news that we will be expecting a child.  I never once doubted that this would be my child, since we were both loyal to the relationship.  My ex left, as she put it, because she couldn't handle being in a committed relationship.  Not that she wanted anyone else, but the responsibilities of a committed relationship were more than she could handle. We never had any problems inside the relationship (cheating, abuse, neglect, etc...), actually we had a pretty good relationship, which in her opinion, had to end.  

When she told me a month later that she was pregnant, I had two choices: A. Man-Up to my responsibilities or B. Run away and leave everything behind.

I chose to Man-Up, I wanted to be everything to this child that my ex and I never had in our lives growing up a father, and since I'm going this far why not be the best one I can be....

So, the next week was good, the ex and I talked alot, but she still was set on the fact that the relationship was over, and furthermore, there was nothing I could do for 9 months or so.  The entire pregnancy I attempted to be a part of it, but she wanted me to have nothing to do with it.  I begged and got to be there for THE ultrasound, and again when our daughter was born, and those 4 days in the hospital were great I was there the whole time, we got along great.  After she went home, everthing went back to the way it had been for the previous 9 months.  Although she said I would be able to see our daughter anytime I wanted to, that once she was here we would do what was best in order to be good parents.....  what that translated to was: 3 hrs a week at best!   In order for me to be involved in our daughters life, 3 hrs a week wasn't going to cut it, I pleaded with my ex, and she said basically she's too young yet, there's nothing you can do.

Excuse me?

ANyway our daughter was 4 months old and I had been seeing her as much as my ex would let me, not much, at times, I wouldn't see our daughter for 5 days, I couldn't take it anymore.....  I hired myself a lawyer and filed papers for a custody hearing.  I never wanted it to come to this, I would think that two adults who want only what's best for their child, to be able to come to a working agreement and not allow an entity like the State of Michigan tell them what the best interest of the child is, but she wasn't budging and valuable time was ticking away.

Our child didn't even know who I was at this point and the longer I waited to act the harder it would be to prove to anyone that our daughter DID infact need me in her life.


My ex cutoff all comunication with me after she got served; I would call three times a day and she would not answer or call me back.  Finally in June a month later, we had an appointment with the consciliator at the friend of the court, we came to an agreement that would allow me to watch our daughter during the day, at her house, mon - fri, while my ex was at work.

I want to mention that since our daughter was born I had been giving my ex no less than $100/wk most of the time I gave her $150 - $200
(and yes I documented every payment)

I lost my job the same day we met at the friend of the court and came up with the agreement, the restaraunt went out of business.
I no longer made the money I was making only a week before, yet I made sure I gave my ex $150/wk still, I even moved out of my apartment and into my parents house so I could keep giving her money.

I want to make sure that our daughter is taken care of she the only thing that is important in my life

My ex didn't start going by our agreement until 2 months later, August 3rd.

I thought that seeing each other everday, 3 times a day, would open up the lines of communication, force her to atlest enter small-talk, but no , 4 months have gone by and she has maybe said 20 words to me.

We go to court on Monday, I am seeking Joint Physical Custody.
I'm not trying to say that my ex is a bad mother, because she's not. SHe's a bad ex.  I am however trying to prove that I can be everything that she is to our daughter, I can provide everything that she can for our daughter, She didn't want to be in the relationship, not me.  Why should our daughter have to pay for that?  

I would love to share more, but my daughter is waking up, I've got to go.

If anyone is interested in hearing more about my story, I'd be glad to share anypart of it or anything I've learned from it.
Jas

I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I was (and still am, sortof) in a situation similar to what you're experiencing.
I'll speed through it as to not have such a long story.

Ex and I split last May, in June we found out she was preggers.  She did not want to entertain the idea of getting back together.
I stood mute for a few months because she just wouldn't talk to me, but I would do alot of the niceties that others were recommending (trying to be supportive, sending small care packages, dropping an email from time to time to show how important this was to me) and NOTHING, she still did not respond.  I eventually made the wrong move by asking if it was even mine (big mistake because she was not unfaithful and I knew that).  eventually after asking and asking she did allow me to be in the delivery room while my daughter was born (3 days of pure bliss) but, after she went home from the hospital, back to normal she went, and now I'm fighting for my paternal rights (just because you sign the affidavit of parentage or the Birth Certificate does not mean you have rights, only the you have the justification to fight for those rights)

Don't give up man, fight for every bit of your childs life, just be VERY certain that you're doing it for the better of the child, and NOT to re-establish a relationship with the mother.

like others posted, don't beg, just do your part when it pertains to the child, and FIGHT! give your boy the chance to have a loving father.

It's a fight that's worth the struggle.
As I'm writing this I still have not been granted my parenting time by the courts, but our day in court is only weeks away, we have a meeting with the Friend of the Court next week to set up a temporary parenting schedule and I have every faith that the courts will rule in favor of both the parents.

please feel free to write back if you ever just want to talk with someone who has went or is going through the same thing.

[email protected]

Jason