First post. First time dad baby due Aug. Heartbroken. Please help/

[newdad73]

 Well, she was in town last weekend and I had a chance to see her. I took her to lunch and tried to play it cool. I just got a great job here in Arizona (finally!) and have been staying clean. Anyhow, she was cold and bitter still and we parted with a bad taste in my mouth. She lost her job and is going to move in with her mother until the baby is born in August. I agreed to send her $500 a month until the baby is born so she can pay her bills and not stress about getting a job while she's pregnant. I'll have to keep living where I'm at (it's transitional housing for homeless veterans) and riding the bus for a while but it's worth it I think. She says she's not going to move. It hurts that I won't get to see my son very much for the first year but there's no future for me. financially in Colorado. I hope I'm doing the right thing by staying but I'll be able to provide for him better here. Perhaps she'll come around and see there's no future in a dying rural town. It broke my heart when she told me she didn't want me to be in the delivery room. I don't get to see my first born son being born??? I can't bear that thought.  Maybe she'll soften up after a few payments go her way. She sent me an email a few days ago apologizing for the way she treated me last weekend and that she thinks we may be able to get along. I know some of you may see her as heartless, etc but understand this. From her point of view I was a drug addicted loser who couldn't be trusted to keep his word. It's not about the money for me. It's about proving I'm not that guy anymore.(over 3 months clean!)

[Mully]

I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I was (and still am, sortof) in a situation similar to what you're experiencing.
I'll speed through it as to not have such a long story.

Ex and I split last May, in June we found out she was preggers.  She did not want to entertain the idea of getting back together.
I stood mute for a few months because she just wouldn't talk to me, but I would do alot of the niceties that others were recommending (trying to be supportive, sending small care packages, dropping an email from time to time to show how important this was to me) and NOTHING, she still did not respond.  I eventually made the wrong move by asking if it was even mine (big mistake because she was not unfaithful and I knew that).  eventually after asking and asking she did allow me to be in the delivery room while my daughter was born (3 days of pure bliss) but, after she went home from the hospital, back to normal she went, and now I'm fighting for my paternal rights (just because you sign the affidavit of parentage or the Birth Certificate does not mean you have rights, only the you have the justification to fight for those rights)

Don't give up man, fight for every bit of your childs life, just be VERY certain that you're doing it for the better of the child, and NOT to re-establish a relationship with the mother.

like others posted, don't beg, just do your part when it pertains to the child, and FIGHT! give your boy the chance to have a loving father.

It's a fight that's worth the struggle.
As I'm writing this I still have not been granted my parenting time by the courts, but our day in court is only weeks away, we have a meeting with the Friend of the Court next week to set up a temporary parenting schedule and I have every faith that the courts will rule in favor of both the parents.

please feel free to write back if you ever just want to talk with someone who has went or is going through the same thing.

[email protected]

Jason