I think the amount of visitation you are getting is more than I have seen in most states for a child so young. Whether or not you like the mother or she is insanely jealous. The baby needs her most of the time. Her reaction and jealousy to you does not make her an unfit mother. Is she doing anything blantently wrong that is endangering the child? Emotions tend to be high with a new baby. Calm down til the baby is 2 1/2 or 3 years old. From a child developement point of view the child is still identifying more so with the mother which is natural and right. I can understand why she doesn't like you, you are pushing the father to attack her legally. I don't think you are innocent or being very understanding. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment - if you can. The father is right to be good to the mother and not push her for more.
- Welcome to SPARC Forums.
This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.
Pages1
#2
Visitation Issues / RE: Any advice for a mom locked in a custody battle?
Apr 20, 2006, 02:53:49 PM
Your situation sounds exactly like mine.I have a one 1/2 baby girl with a very emotionally abusive ex who has an aggressive lawyer. Its killing me financially. I have two other children to support alone. Did you get any good advise you could share? I have done a lot of work trying to address the abuse aspect and get it heard by the court and it is not easy. If you share more about your situation maybe we could collectively assist each other. I have visitation 3 times a week supervised for one hour which I understand is pretty good even though the baby hates it and is being hurt by it terribly. Supervision susposedly is going away next week and I'm scared of this man.
#3
Father's Issues / RE: Update..court in three weeks, can she do this
Apr 22, 2006, 12:23:57 PM
You did not have this child in a committed relationship and I assume that you are educated enough to know the consequences of sex.
Every other weekend and Wednesday night is more than you deserve from what I can tell by your bad attitude toward this child's mother. Your child is growing up and you are getting time with her weekly so what is your problem.
I'm sorry but you are not the mother and never will be her mother. You did not carry this child in your womb. The mother/child bond that formed from this experience you and your girlfriend will never be able to have with this daughter. But be patient because she will grow up and the people around her will become more and more important to her development. You are getting time with her so why are you crying? If you study child development check out what happens at 18 months how the baby emotionally needs to reconnect with her MOTHER (the person she has not yet individuated with yet since conception).
I'm not saying that time away from mother can not happen but it needs to be handled very delicately not to serve your ego but to serve the child. Watch and listen to the child because she will let you know when it is easy to be away from mom and her familiar emotionally grounding environment. I have 3 children and I experienced the same thing with all of them and it didn't happen before 1 1/2 years old. The child I'm sure recognizes who you are and your role and it isn't as big as you would like it to be because you are not married to her mother. Very simple. To be a real dad you must be serving the mother not just donating some sperm one night. And I am not just talking a small amount of money that the state says you should pay. And I don't really care if you do pay especially with all the strings you have attached to your blessed money. I would almost bet that the mother would love to give up the child support for you to stop hassling her. Wonder what the answer to that question would be?
Go have a baby with your new girlfriend and stop legally harrassing your one night stand. You are hurting your child by causing her stress with legal threats against her mother. Can you put your hugh ego aside and consider the reprecusions you are having on your daughter's home life by forcing her mother into court action? No it is more important for you to get more time with her right NOW. Please stop fighting with the mother and I bet you will get more time. Do it for the child's sake?
Every other weekend and Wednesday night is more than you deserve from what I can tell by your bad attitude toward this child's mother. Your child is growing up and you are getting time with her weekly so what is your problem.
I'm sorry but you are not the mother and never will be her mother. You did not carry this child in your womb. The mother/child bond that formed from this experience you and your girlfriend will never be able to have with this daughter. But be patient because she will grow up and the people around her will become more and more important to her development. You are getting time with her so why are you crying? If you study child development check out what happens at 18 months how the baby emotionally needs to reconnect with her MOTHER (the person she has not yet individuated with yet since conception).
I'm not saying that time away from mother can not happen but it needs to be handled very delicately not to serve your ego but to serve the child. Watch and listen to the child because she will let you know when it is easy to be away from mom and her familiar emotionally grounding environment. I have 3 children and I experienced the same thing with all of them and it didn't happen before 1 1/2 years old. The child I'm sure recognizes who you are and your role and it isn't as big as you would like it to be because you are not married to her mother. Very simple. To be a real dad you must be serving the mother not just donating some sperm one night. And I am not just talking a small amount of money that the state says you should pay. And I don't really care if you do pay especially with all the strings you have attached to your blessed money. I would almost bet that the mother would love to give up the child support for you to stop hassling her. Wonder what the answer to that question would be?
Go have a baby with your new girlfriend and stop legally harrassing your one night stand. You are hurting your child by causing her stress with legal threats against her mother. Can you put your hugh ego aside and consider the reprecusions you are having on your daughter's home life by forcing her mother into court action? No it is more important for you to get more time with her right NOW. Please stop fighting with the mother and I bet you will get more time. Do it for the child's sake?
#4
Father's Issues / RE: First post. First time dad baby due Aug. Heartbroken. Please help/
Apr 22, 2006, 11:52:19 AM
I'm a little naive I guess. I was very drawn to my babies fathers (all three of them during my pregnancy despite trying to date (not f$%k) other men.
Your right that she will get really turned off if you beg. Ask her what she wants? How she is feeling? Ask to feel the baby kick? Pay attention to her. Keep her well fed. Have nuts and snacky things around for her to munch on. Nothing worse than low blood sugar when you are pregnant. Don't talk about yourself unless she asks. Don't push her with you moving to where she is. Tell her how beautiful she looks which I'm sure she does and how lucky her baby is to have her for a mommy. Bring her some little booties and a pack of newborn onesies. It'll cost you less than $10 and provide both of you will anticipation. Get the tiniest socks they have for babies. Maybe you both can awe at how small they are.
I things go well. Remember to listen.
Your right that she will get really turned off if you beg. Ask her what she wants? How she is feeling? Ask to feel the baby kick? Pay attention to her. Keep her well fed. Have nuts and snacky things around for her to munch on. Nothing worse than low blood sugar when you are pregnant. Don't talk about yourself unless she asks. Don't push her with you moving to where she is. Tell her how beautiful she looks which I'm sure she does and how lucky her baby is to have her for a mommy. Bring her some little booties and a pack of newborn onesies. It'll cost you less than $10 and provide both of you will anticipation. Get the tiniest socks they have for babies. Maybe you both can awe at how small they are.
I things go well. Remember to listen.
#5
Father's Issues / RE: Update..court in three weeks, can she do this
Apr 20, 2006, 02:41:40 PM
You are asking a lot from a mother of such a young child. Wait another year or so then the child will be more ready for more time away from Mom. Developmently it is not right.
#6
Father's Issues / RE: First post. First time dad baby due Aug. Heartbroken. Please help/
Apr 20, 2006, 02:23:14 PM
Hi,
I have a one year old with a abuser/drug addict and went through a very similar sounding situation that you are going through with your former girlfriend but a bit stickier due to the abuse aspect.
If you love this woman and want to assist her financially then do it. There is no bad that can come from helping her especially if you have the extra funds (even if it is a small amount). A pregnancy is a very demanding time on a woman physically, emotionally and financially. No bad karma can come from this only good. It will be a very grand gesture that will only serve you, her and the unborn child (whether it is biologically yours or not).
Write to her your feelings. Don't expect her to just believe you. Demonstrate. Demonstrate your wellness. Be patient and understanding and you will be a victor. Don't follow the advice that comes from fear but that which comes from love. Rehabilitation from addictions take time and I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for her to deal with your addictions. The fact that you have been clean for such a short period of time means that you have more work to do to become the best father ever. I'm sure she has fears because of your addictions on how this could negatively affect this child.
The child will come and the more you have supported her unconditionally the greater positive impact you will have on her and this child. If it is a lie you have lost nothing because you demonstrated love.
My former boyfriend behaved the way you were told to behave by the other replies I read and the baby has suffered and continues to suffer by this awful, cruel legal system which he has gained very little from and lost heaps by putting me and the baby in the legal battle forum. His demands for DNA testing and denial of financial support has only made our child suffer unnecessarily. He stopped using when I was three months pregnant but so much damage was done and no repair before he wanted his rights as a father. Father's rights are tricky with a pregnant and new mother because the baby and mommy are one in so many ways. Doing right by the mother now and for the first 3 years of this child's life will earn you a high place in the child's life.
As far as her dating on the internet. Don't judge her so harshly. Pregnancy for me stirred up alot of feelings of loneliness by not having a partner. Men who are willing to date pregnant women should be rewarded. Because the kindness they are giving her they are giving to her and the unborn child. Pregnant women more so than anyone deserve to be taken out to dinner and treated well. It is not natural for a pregnant woman to not have a man in her life but it is not healthy for her to have a drug addict either. At least she isn't going out to bars with the internet she can screen more throughly who she allows into her life.
Work on yourself. Work deeply. Uncover the causes of your addictions. Heal your wounds. Focus on making yourself the best possible father if you want to endeavor to become one. Support mothers and babies. You have fought cancer continue the fight for what you want. Don't get caught up in fear.
I hope I was helpful. I live in Arizona and can tell you all about the laws and what is involved with the legal system. And if you are the father and you attack her legally then you will lose because the expense and the very little visitations my ex was given is far less than what he would have received if he was kind to me.
I have a one year old with a abuser/drug addict and went through a very similar sounding situation that you are going through with your former girlfriend but a bit stickier due to the abuse aspect.
If you love this woman and want to assist her financially then do it. There is no bad that can come from helping her especially if you have the extra funds (even if it is a small amount). A pregnancy is a very demanding time on a woman physically, emotionally and financially. No bad karma can come from this only good. It will be a very grand gesture that will only serve you, her and the unborn child (whether it is biologically yours or not).
Write to her your feelings. Don't expect her to just believe you. Demonstrate. Demonstrate your wellness. Be patient and understanding and you will be a victor. Don't follow the advice that comes from fear but that which comes from love. Rehabilitation from addictions take time and I'm sure it wasn't pleasant for her to deal with your addictions. The fact that you have been clean for such a short period of time means that you have more work to do to become the best father ever. I'm sure she has fears because of your addictions on how this could negatively affect this child.
The child will come and the more you have supported her unconditionally the greater positive impact you will have on her and this child. If it is a lie you have lost nothing because you demonstrated love.
My former boyfriend behaved the way you were told to behave by the other replies I read and the baby has suffered and continues to suffer by this awful, cruel legal system which he has gained very little from and lost heaps by putting me and the baby in the legal battle forum. His demands for DNA testing and denial of financial support has only made our child suffer unnecessarily. He stopped using when I was three months pregnant but so much damage was done and no repair before he wanted his rights as a father. Father's rights are tricky with a pregnant and new mother because the baby and mommy are one in so many ways. Doing right by the mother now and for the first 3 years of this child's life will earn you a high place in the child's life.
As far as her dating on the internet. Don't judge her so harshly. Pregnancy for me stirred up alot of feelings of loneliness by not having a partner. Men who are willing to date pregnant women should be rewarded. Because the kindness they are giving her they are giving to her and the unborn child. Pregnant women more so than anyone deserve to be taken out to dinner and treated well. It is not natural for a pregnant woman to not have a man in her life but it is not healthy for her to have a drug addict either. At least she isn't going out to bars with the internet she can screen more throughly who she allows into her life.
Work on yourself. Work deeply. Uncover the causes of your addictions. Heal your wounds. Focus on making yourself the best possible father if you want to endeavor to become one. Support mothers and babies. You have fought cancer continue the fight for what you want. Don't get caught up in fear.
I hope I was helpful. I live in Arizona and can tell you all about the laws and what is involved with the legal system. And if you are the father and you attack her legally then you will lose because the expense and the very little visitations my ex was given is far less than what he would have received if he was kind to me.
Pages1