Update..court in three weeks, can she do this

[ocean]

When the daycare issue is brought up, I would have him state that he will pay half of a certified daycare. If she states that the "grandparents" are watching the child, then say fine but grandparents do it for free :) If  it is not court ordered now, I would be careful paying that bill because then you are saying you agree to that set up. Do you have a lawyer? I really think you have a good chance with this battle but half of the cost of a daycare place vs the amount you are paying now is what? Here, daycare has to be when the CP works and not just because CP feels like it. Good Luck!

[Genie]

hate to say it but only the custodial parent is entitled to claim any child care paid on taxes.  Even if the NCP is paying 1/2, the NCP can't claim any of what is being paid.  This is tax guidelines.  That is how it is even if it stinks and isn't fair.

As for who is watching my children, I would much rather have it be someone they know and love (like the BF's parents in this case) than a day care center with people who don't care for my child as well.  At BF's parent's house, she is getting tons of attention and love. Any place else, that won't happen.

Also at her age, there is a huge adjustment to changing child care places.  Many children have a hard time at drop offs and staying with someone new for several weeks. Some may take alot longer to get used to it. Some adjust quickly.

You mentioned paying $125. Not sure if this is your 1/2 or the total per week. If only your 1/2, that is alot ($250per wk) to be paying them a week for 1 child.  I would question that. If $125 is the total per week, I would say that is OK then.

My point is to pick your battles wisely.  I think the child is in a good place and would keep her there. I think the time you get to spend with her is more important.  As long as they can physically take care of her, I say let her go there. My SIL's parents are in their middle to later 70's and I would not hesitate to have them watch my girls. They are in great shape body and mind for their age.

Good luck at court. Let us know how it ends up.

[ocean]

Not true and NCP can claim especially if it is in your separation or divorce papers....This is from the IRS site...

Child of divorced or separated parents.   Even if you cannot claim your child as a dependent, he or she is treated as your qualifying person if:


      The child was under age 13 or was physically or mentally not able to care for himself or herself,


      You were the child's custodial parent (the parent with whom the child lived for the greater part of 2005), and

      The noncustodial parent is entitled to claim the child as a dependent under the special rules for a child of divorced or separated parents.

[Ref]

A noncustodial parent can claim the child as a dependent for certain purposes. The most common, and in my opinion, the most useful is the dependency exemption. A noncustodial has the right also to receive the child tax credit.

Two items that people get the most confused over is the Child and Dependent Care Credit and the Earned Income Credit. Both of those get to be claimed by the custodial parent ALWAYS.  People assume because you have the dependency exemption you are entitled to all of it. This is not the case.

IRS PUB 503 talks about the Child and Dependent Care Credit. I admit, the wording is confusing, but it basically states that if the items listed by the prior poster are true, then you get the credit. Then they throw in that the last part "If this applies, the noncustodial parent cannot treat the child as a qualifying person." This means if you are NCP, you lose the credit.

Turbo Tax also has a FAQ 32.23.

The question is  something to the effect that "my ex has dependency exemption for this year according to our papers, can he also get child care credit?" The answer is that only the custodial may get this credit.

Now, it is crap and unfair but this is the tax law.

Hope I clarified.

BTW... I am a public accountant with some tax experience.

Ref

[ocean]

I guess I was being fair....can you legally put it into your child support papers that the NCP can claim the amount they pay? I guess as long both parents don't claim the IRS will not investigate it because we both have been doing it but splitting the amount so it adds up to what the childcare center gets. Thanks for clarifying!

[Ref]

Only the custodial can claim the credit. I guess it would be a conflict between the Family Court and the IRS.

I guess this is the best way to look at it. If your court papers said that you could teach your child to drive at 14, but your state requires that they are 16 to drive, you wouldn't get in trouble in family court if you let them drive at 14 but you would get in trouble through the DMV. Most judges know the state driving age, so they probably wouldn't put that in the papers, but I bet most judges aren't familiar with IRS rules.

Ultimately, I don't think the IRS is running around looking for this type of thing, so as long as the custodial doesn't call you on it, you are probably going to be ok.

Good Luck
Ref

[flagmom]

You are asking a lot from a mother of such a young child. Wait another year or so then the child will be more ready for more time away from Mom. Developmently it is not right.

[b1798]

We are asking a lot? we have been treated like crap from the get go...the message people like you send is "don't be a dead beat dad and pay up, but don't think you deserve much in return". For us dad's who are out there busting our butts to prove our love all we get is "Just wait, give it more time" and all the while our children are growing up and we are missing out. I think the situation of seperated parents sucks all around if you can start younger the better, then the child wont remember all the crap in between. You are telling me that her mother's boyfriend and his parents should have more rights than me and my family (atleast for one more year). I have been fighting tooth and nail since the day my daughter is born and yet I continualy get punished, this is the reason for dead beat dad's. How about asking a lot from the father of such a young child, I wasn't allowed to see her taked her first step or say her first words so excuse me if I become extremely offended. I have gathered from your post that a child can not handle time away fromt he mother but is okay with out a father...I completely disagree.

[flagmom]

You did not have this child in a committed relationship and I assume that you are educated enough to know the consequences of sex.

Every other weekend and Wednesday night is more than you deserve from what I can tell by your bad attitude toward this child's mother. Your child is growing up and you are getting time with her weekly so what is your problem.

I'm sorry but you are not the mother and never will be her mother. You did not carry this child in your womb. The mother/child bond that formed from this experience you and your girlfriend will never be able to have with this daughter. But be patient because she will grow up and the people around her will become more and more important to her development. You are getting time with her so why are you crying? If you study child development check out what happens at 18 months how the baby emotionally needs to reconnect with her MOTHER (the person she has not yet individuated with yet since conception).

I'm not saying that time away from mother can not happen but it needs to be handled very delicately not to serve your ego but to serve the child. Watch and listen to the child because she will let you know when it is easy to be away from mom and her familiar emotionally grounding environment. I have 3 children and I experienced the same thing with all of them and it didn't happen before 1 1/2 years old. The child I'm sure recognizes who you are and your role and it isn't as big as you would like it to be because you are not married to her mother. Very simple. To be a real dad you must be serving the mother not just donating some sperm one night. And I am not just talking a small amount of money that the state says you should pay. And I don't really care if you do pay especially with all the strings you have attached to your blessed money. I would almost bet that the mother would love to give up the child support for you to stop hassling her. Wonder what the answer to that question would be?

Go have a baby with your new girlfriend and stop legally harrassing your one night stand. You are hurting your child by causing her stress with legal threats against her mother. Can you put your hugh ego aside and consider the reprecusions you are having on your daughter's home life by forcing her mother into court action? No it is more important for you to get more time with her right NOW. Please stop fighting with the mother and I bet you will get more time. Do it for the child's sake?

[lucky]

[em]"I'm sorry but you are not the mother and never will be her mother. You did not carry this child in your womb. ...To be a real dad you must be serving the mother not just donating some sperm one night. "[/em]

What the hell is this?!?  All children need BOTH parents from day one unless one of them is provably abusive (i.e. not just because "mom says") TO THE CHILD.  And I'm a mother who was CP from day 1 through 13 yo of a daughter who STILL remembers what it was like (NOT GOOD) to not have daddy in her life for the first 6 years - she's now 19 yo.  In my case, it was his choice.

In any case, Mom is NOT automatically the best parent just because she carried the child and gave birth.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]