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Seems your BM and my BM were seperated at birth. ;)

Well, unfortunately our boys haven't grown the cojones yet, either, but like you said, we just keep telling them we support them 100% and it's OK to speak up for what you think is right.

We've got another test this Friday -- away game at 6:30pm that BM needs to get our youngest to. It's sad because now the coach is saying he's not sure what to do about our son as he can't count on him to be at every game/practice and it's not fair to start him when there are other kids (albeit not as talented) who come to all practices and games. The coach really wants to start him, but he's got to think about the committment to the team.

Nice to know there's someone out there who is going through the same thing. I'll keep you posted on Friday's events...

StepSoccerMom

Ha! Well the only "suggestion" she's made is that the boys play recreational soccer for the local park district "because it's so much more convenient for her". The boys have told her they don't want to do that as it would be like going from the Major Leagues to a Minor League team and pretty embarrassing. My worry is that they'll quit altogether if she continues to make it difficult. Then what are they going to do? Roam around the neighborhood looking for trouble because they're bored? ;)

Hi Erika-

We would be more than happy to handle transportation for the boys, but she won't let us do that as she feels like it would cut into her time. She does take them to practice 2x week (usually) after school as it's fairly close to her house.

We've definitely offered to switch weekends with the BM when there might be an out-of-town tournament so she can have them when it's just a regular-game weekend. We haven't come to that bridge yet, but we will be in a couple weeks for our youngest -- his team is competing in the State Championship tournament. Needless to say we're worried as it falls on her weekend and it's a 2+ hour drive and the rest of the team is staying overnight on a Friday before the Saturday tournament. We'll see what happens....

StepSoccerMom

Hi there-

Thanks for the suggestions! The BM actually started them in soccer at the age of 6. We would be happy to handle all transportation, but she would never do that because she would be giving up control of the situation and she would feel it cuts into her time. We already pay for all the dues for them, including tournament fees, new shoes, etc. Money isn't the issue -- we take care of everything because we know she's struggling financially. All that is on her part is a time comittment that she's not making. Unfortunately it seems she forgets about the boys and is only thinking about how it all affects her.

StepSoccerMom

Thanks, LittleBit! Your words are encouraging. I do think the court will side with us on this for the very reason you stated -- it's what's in the best interest of the children and the parents need to make it work.

I'm interested to know how your son was reacting to the BM when she wouldn't take him to his events? I think our kids downplay it because they don't want to go against their mom, even if they wish she would support them with their soccer. They know how she feels about it and don't want to upset her. My husband feels like he needs to fight for them since they aren't standing up for themselves.

We're waiting for a call from our attorney on how best to proceed. My husband wants to take her back to court. Our youngest has a game on Friday night and it's an away game (40 mins from her house) and it's the BM's responsibility to get him there. We're interested to see what happens.

Thanks again and I'll keep you posted!
StepSoccerMom

She has said, "Family should come first", but in the same breath she says it bothers her that soccer is my husband's thing and not hers. I don't believe the 'family' argument is the real problem.

Like I said in my original note, she signed the agreement that said each parent would support the boys' activities and if there was a scheduling problem then the other parent would be called upon to help. The problem is she doesn't want to admit she has a hard time handling the schedule and simply opts to forgo the commitment that was made rather than ask for help.

Her husband doesn't appear to support soccer (has only been to one game of the many, many they've had) yet when the youngest played football one season he was at every game.

No one is saying it's not hard to have four children, but if we have two sets of parents that are willing to help support the kids, shouldn't we do that rather than the boys miss games?

Thanks so much for the reply!

Hi there-

Boys are only with us for 3 weekends, Sat a.m - Monday a.m. plus two weekdays when Mom has them 1st weekend of every month.
Mom actually started the boys in soccer (recreational) when they were 6.
No other kids for my husband and I. No plans for additional.
I work regular M-F 8-6, my husband works from home, self-employed. Boys' mom is a teacher - only substitute now, hasn't found permanent. Stepdad is a plumber whose work schedule is sporadic, hasn't been working lately.
Currently no other activities for mom's other kids but I would imagine that will start up as they get older -- they're only 6 and 2 now.

I am the step mom to two wonderful boys (ages 13 & 11) and they are involved in a competitive soccer league. They are very talented (yes, I'm biased, but other parents say the same) and have expressed interest in playing in high school and college and dream of being a professional some day. They have each been playing since the age of 6, originally playing recreational soccer, then moving up to a competitive league once recreational was no longer challenging (i.e. 5+ goals every game).

Needless to say, the demands on a family keeping up with children's activities are challenging, especially in the competitive soccer arena. Multiple games each weekend (some can be 1 hr+ away from home) several tournaments (some requiring hotel stays) throughout the year plus practice 2x week after school. It is a commitment the family has to commit to or it will not work.

My husband and I are fully committed to it, the BM, however, is not. She is remarried with two additional children (ages 6 & 2) and has said that the boys soccer schedule isn't "convenient" for her and that she wishes they would go back to recreational soccer. She convinced the youngest not to go to his Olympic Development Camp this summer because she said she wasn't going to see him that much. Mind you, that word Olympic is used just as you would expect -- it's a training ground for possible Olympic athletes and you have to be invited to participate. By him not going to the camp (5 days, overnight) he *will not* be invited. She uses guilt in her approach -- "Don't you want to spend time with family?" How is an 11-yo boy supposed to respond to that?

The boys don't feel comfortable standing up to their mother and saying they want to go to their game, because they've seen her lose her cool (cops were almost called) and they'll avoid that at all costs. My husband and I just don't think what she's doing is fair or in the best interest of the boys.

She has told my husband in the past that she feels like soccer is "his thing" and she doesn't have a "thing" with the boys. He's tried to tell her that since she is a teacher that school is her thing and she's just not realizing it -- and that she should try to be more involved with the boys and their sports. It would be good for her and the boys.

We have gone through mediation before and she signed a document that stated the boys "will continue to participate in the extracurricular activities of their choice so long as it is in the best interest of the children.  Each parent will do everything in their power to promote the children's commitment to these activities.  Whichever parent has visitation of the children during one of their scheduled activities will bring that child to their activity according to the predetermined and scheduled time(s).  If the visiting parent cannot bring the child to the activity, the other parent should be utilized as the first alternative. "

Do we have grounds to take her to court and mandate that she call us if she can't get the boys to their sports commitments? We're not unreasonable -- her brother recently got married and the boys went to the wedding and missed games which is understandable. But just because it's inconvenient doesn't make it ok for you to hurt the boys when there is a parent that's available to take them.

I would love any thoughts/advice on this topic -- our hearts are breaking for the boys.

Thanks-

StepSoccerMom

Hi there-

Boys are only with us for 3 weekends, Sat a.m - Monday a.m. plus two weekdays when Mom has them 1st weekend of every month.
Mom actually started the boys in soccer (recreational) when they were 6.
No other kids for my husband and I. No plans for additional.
I work regular M-F 8-6, my husband works from home, self-employed. Boys' mom is a teacher - only substitute now, hasn't found permanent. Stepdad is a plumber whose work schedule is sporadic, hasn't been working lately.
Currently no other activities for mom's other kids but I would imagine that will start up as they get older -- they're only 6 and 2 now.

I am the step mom to two wonderful boys (ages 13 & 11) and they are involved in a competitive soccer league. They are very talented (yes, I'm biased, but other parents say the same) and have expressed interest in playing in high school and college and dream of being a professional some day. They have each been playing since the age of 6, originally playing recreational soccer, then moving up to a competitive league once recreational was no longer challenging (i.e. 5+ goals every game).

Needless to say, the demands on a family keeping up with children's activities are challenging, especially in the competitive soccer arena. Multiple games each weekend (some can be 1 hr+ away from home) several tournaments (some requiring hotel stays) throughout the year plus practice 2x week after school. It is a commitment the family has to commit to or it will not work.

My husband and I are fully committed to it, the BM, however, is not. She is remarried with two additional children (ages 6 & 2) and has said that the boys soccer schedule isn't "convenient" for her and that she wishes they would go back to recreational soccer. She convinced the youngest not to go to his Olympic Development Camp this summer because she said she wasn't going to see him that much. Mind you, that word Olympic is used just as you would expect -- it's a training ground for possible Olympic athletes and you have to be invited to participate. By him not going to the camp (5 days, overnight) he *will not* be invited. She uses guilt in her approach -- "Don't you want to spend time with family?" How is an 11-yo boy supposed to respond to that?

The boys don't feel comfortable standing up to their mother and saying they want to go to their game, because they've seen her lose her cool (cops were almost called) and they'll avoid that at all costs. My husband and I just don't think what she's doing is fair or in the best interest of the boys.

She has told my husband in the past that she feels like soccer is "his thing" and she doesn't have a "thing" with the boys. He's tried to tell her that since she is a teacher that school is her thing and she's just not realizing it -- and that she should try to be more involved with the boys and their sports. It would be good for her and the boys.

We have gone through mediation before and she signed a document that stated the boys "will continue to participate in the extracurricular activities of their choice so long as it is in the best interest of the children.  Each parent will do everything in their power to promote the children's commitment to these activities.  Whichever parent has visitation of the children during one of their scheduled activities will bring that child to their activity according to the predetermined and scheduled time(s).  If the visiting parent cannot bring the child to the activity, the other parent should be utilized as the first alternative. "

Do we have grounds to take her to court and mandate that she call us if she can't get the boys to their sports commitments? We're not unreasonable -- her brother recently got married and the boys went to the wedding and missed games which is understandable. But just because it's inconvenient doesn't make it ok for you to hurt the boys when there is a parent that's available to take them.

I would love any thoughts/advice on this topic -- our hearts are breaking for the boys.

Thanks-

StepSoccerMom