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My ex has moved around constantly, I have no idea where she is. I cannot afford a private attorney, her family refuses to tell me where she is, the court system refuses to help, long story short, I have not seen or heard from my children in over 6 years. I do not know what they look like, what they like to do, nothing. I have tried so many avenues, I have sunk into severe depression and simply gave up over the last couple of years. An old ex-friend of hers contacted me via MySpace and told me she doesn't know where they are now, but that she heard my parental rights were terminated, even though I continually contacted the child support office and told them of my plight. They always told me to hire a private attorney, or a detective and try that way, but would not give me any information. I still pay support every month, however I don't know where they are! If my rights were terminated, am I still obligated to pay monthly child support? I cannot afford what they are stealing from my checks, I now live in public housing and have to rely on assistance to get by. I fell behind on payments when I got sick and couldn't work, then 2 months after I got a good paying job, I was arrested for arrears. I lost the job, lost my car, lost my apartment, now my license is suspended and I can't afford to get it back. Any ideas on what I should do, or if I am actually responsible for payments if my rights are terminated? Any help/advice is greatly appreciated!

I live in Indiana, my kids live in California. I have found some forms, but I am not sure what ones I need to fill out. I want to be able to see them, I have no problem whatsoever paying my support. I would pay a million dollars a week if I could. I just want to see them, and my ex has continually moved and now I don't have a clue where they are. I am getting a copy of my divorce decree to find out what was put in it. Once I get that I will know which way to go. I am just not sure which forms I will have to fill out once I find out what the visitation section contains. Once I get the decree I will post the info and see if anyone has any advice. Thanks to all for your comments and suggestions thus far.

Ref,
Thanks for the information!! I have to admit I have been an idiot about some things. I always called the child support office because it was the only thing I knew of. I guess my common sense flew out the window because all I cared about was seeing my children, I never could get calmed down enough to think of obvious alternatives.
I called the recorder's office yesterday and they gave me all the information I needed to obtain a copy of my divorce decree. I am sending the request form to them on Friday, and the very, very kind woman I spoke with even told me she would waive the fee after I explained my situation to her. She even told me she would pray for me. What a beautiful woman!!!
I went to the self-help site and got a promising lead on a legal aid center. I just need to have my local legal aid society send them a referral and they will review my information. No promises for them, they said they might not be able to help a lot since I am in IN and they are in CA, but they will review once I get all required information. I just pray they can do something. I have not seen my kids in 6 years, and I am ready to fight!! This site has invigorated me, and I actually believe there may be hope. Thanks so very much!!

I have only known about this site for about 3 days now, and have spent countless hours perusing the message boards and articles. I have found a wealth of information, but see a discouraging trend. It appears that as a father, you need to have a lot of money on hand if you want to change your situation with your children. I have been completely screwed by the system and my ex simply because I cannot afford a private attorney. When we were finally divorced 2 years ago after 10 years of marriage (almost 8 years of on again/off again separation), she had her side of the case handled by a boyfriend (pronounced bed-buddy #35) working for The Public Law Center in CA. The only paperwork I ever received was sent to an old address in FL where my mother still resided. She had to send me the paperwork to sign and return to the PLC. There was a form letter attached stating to call a number with any questions or for information. I called and they were pretty helpful in walking me through what parts to sign and return. They said they since they were a legal aid center with various attorneys that I could be kept informed of the progress via a separate attorney from the one my ex had, although they could not represent me in the matter. After the paperwork was sent in (it was the initial paperwork) I waited a few weeks and then called them back. They said they would contact me via mail. A few days later I received a letter from them stating that it would be a conflict of interest for them to have further contact.
Our divorce was final on Aug. 10th 2004. I know this because I received another message from my mother stating that she had received a letter at her address from the Lamoreaux Justice Center. I had her open it, it just said that the proceedings would be held on that date (2 days away).
Fast forward to now, don't wanna ramble too much. To this day I have never seen my final divorce decree nor do I have any idea where she has moved to with my children. I never even had a case number for the divorce until I followed the advice of a fellow SPARC member yesterday and called the County Recorder's office. I always called the child support office as it was the only place I knew of. I explained my plight to a very kind and understanding woman named Marie. She explained she could go ahead and give me my case number by searching for my SSN, even though she said she wasn't really allowed to do so. She gave me my case number and all the information I need to send for a copy of the decree. She told me how many pages it was, and said to send the request to her attention and she would send it to me and waive the fee of $19.50. God bless her.
Once I get this in my hands I will be able to see how badly I was screwed. I have not seen my children in 6 years. No phone calls, no letters, no pictures, nothing. I found out my ex's cell # last year and called and left a message. She returned the call and basically told me to f off. She said she and the kids were better off without me and to just go on living as if they don't exist. I told her I wasn't concerned about her, just the children. She hung up after a few minutes of begging on my behalf and had the # changed the next day.
My problem is this...I will have the information I need but I cannot afford an attorney to help with the matter. My credit is in shambles. I cannot get a loan, I have no credit cards. My next option is bankruptcy. All I want is to see my children. I assume my rights have not been terminated because I still pay support every month. So I should have the right to see them. What action can I take myself if the divorce decree states that I am to have no visitation? I really need some advice, I am going insane. I love my children so much, but I don't have the means to pay someone a lot of money. Any suggestions???

Ref,
Thanks for the information!! I have to admit I have been an idiot about some things. I always called the child support office because it was the only thing I knew of. I guess my common sense flew out the window because all I cared about was seeing my children, I never could get calmed down enough to think of obvious alternatives.
I called the recorder's office yesterday and they gave me all the information I needed to obtain a copy of my divorce decree. I am sending the request form to them on Friday, and the very, very kind woman I spoke with even told me she would waive the fee after I explained my situation to her. She even told me she would pray for me. What a beautiful woman!!!
I went to the self-help site and got a promising lead on a legal aid center. I just need to have my local legal aid society send them a referral and they will review my information. No promises for them, they said they might not be able to help a lot since I am in IN and they are in CA, but they will review once I get all required information. I just pray they can do something. I have not seen my kids in 6 years, and I am ready to fight!! This site has invigorated me, and I actually believe there may be hope. Thanks so very much!!

I have only known about this site for about 3 days now, and have spent countless hours perusing the message boards and articles. I have found a wealth of information, but see a discouraging trend. It appears that as a father, you need to have a lot of money on hand if you want to change your situation with your children. I have been completely screwed by the system and my ex simply because I cannot afford a private attorney. When we were finally divorced 2 years ago after 10 years of marriage (almost 8 years of on again/off again separation), she had her side of the case handled by a boyfriend (pronounced bed-buddy #35) working for The Public Law Center in CA. The only paperwork I ever received was sent to an old address in FL where my mother still resided. She had to send me the paperwork to sign and return to the PLC. There was a form letter attached stating to call a number with any questions or for information. I called and they were pretty helpful in walking me through what parts to sign and return. They said they since they were a legal aid center with various attorneys that I could be kept informed of the progress via a separate attorney from the one my ex had, although they could not represent me in the matter. After the paperwork was sent in (it was the initial paperwork) I waited a few weeks and then called them back. They said they would contact me via mail. A few days later I received a letter from them stating that it would be a conflict of interest for them to have further contact.
Our divorce was final on Aug. 10th 2004. I know this because I received another message from my mother stating that she had received a letter at her address from the Lamoreaux Justice Center. I had her open it, it just said that the proceedings would be held on that date (2 days away).
Fast forward to now, don't wanna ramble too much. To this day I have never seen my final divorce decree nor do I have any idea where she has moved to with my children. I never even had a case number for the divorce until I followed the advice of a fellow SPARC member yesterday and called the County Recorder's office. I always called the child support office as it was the only place I knew of. I explained my plight to a very kind and understanding woman named Marie. She explained she could go ahead and give me my case number by searching for my SSN, even though she said she wasn't really allowed to do so. She gave me my case number and all the information I need to send for a copy of the decree. She told me how many pages it was, and said to send the request to her attention and she would send it to me and waive the fee of $19.50. God bless her.
Once I get this in my hands I will be able to see how badly I was screwed. I have not seen my children in 6 years. No phone calls, no letters, no pictures, nothing. I found out my ex's cell # last year and called and left a message. She returned the call and basically told me to f off. She said she and the kids were better off without me and to just go on living as if they don't exist. I told her I wasn't concerned about her, just the children. She hung up after a few minutes of begging on my behalf and had the # changed the next day.
My problem is this...I will have the information I need but I cannot afford an attorney to help with the matter. My credit is in shambles. I cannot get a loan, I have no credit cards. My next option is bankruptcy. All I want is to see my children. I assume my rights have not been terminated because I still pay support every month. So I should have the right to see them. What action can I take myself if the divorce decree states that I am to have no visitation? I really need some advice, I am going insane. I love my children so much, but I don't have the means to pay someone a lot of money. Any suggestions???

The order is from the Lamoreaux Justice Center in Orange County, CA. As far as a hearing or mediation, there were never any notifications of either. All I got was a form stating that on Aug. 19th there was a proceeding finalizing the divorce. It was a Thursday, and I got the letter on that Tuesday. There was no way I could make it to California in two days, plus I couldn't afford it. I tried my local legal aid office, they said since the case was in CA, I would have to try and find a pro bono atty in CA to represent me, but there was not enough notice, and not enough information. It only said the room the proceedings would take place in, there was no phone number, just the names of the parties. I would have gladly attended mediation telephonically if ever given the opportunity, which I finally did last year when I filed for modification of the support order. That was a joke, they put me on hold while her lawyer talked to the judge, then they came back on the line. The judge was very cocky, he said, and I quote, "Dad, you got anything to add?". I asked why I was not able to see my children, he said they would take it into consideration, then said thanks for calling and hung up on me. It was two weeks before I was even notified what the change in the order was, the drop of $30. I guess I have just been so distraught I never thought about just calling public records and asking for the order. I have been going through the child support office, and they have never been anything less than nasty with me, refusing to offer any advice whatsover. Thanks for the info. Any other information is greatly appreciated!!

I am a divorced father of 2 children. My ex and I were separated before our 2nd child was born. She was unfaithful to me 6 times while I was stationed overseas, and the marriage just didn't work. She lives in CA with the kids, I currently reside in IN. When we first split, I tried to stay in CA to be near my children, but it became too expensive to live there and continue to give her money every payday, so I moved to FL to be near family that would help me out. Once I moved to FL, the contact between myself and my children unfortunately declined. She moved from the known address I had, changed phone numbers, and for a while was MIA. Her family was no help, because she bad mouthed me to them, and they wanted nothing to do with me. I was sending her money orders every payday since we did not have a support order set. Once she moved, they were initially returned, and with no assistance in locating her I stopped sending them. I then moved out of the family home and got my own place, but left my mother's number with her family in case she needed to contact me. Long story short, I lost almost all contact for almost a year, and the courts were no help. We had not started divorce proceedings and nothing was set in child support.
Time went by, she filed for support, and the paperwork was delivered. I started to pay, then lost my job due to illness, I was young and didn't know what to do, so I fell behind in payments.
I got back in touch with her in '99 after being alienated from the kids since '96. In Dec. '99 I moved back to CA, and we started living together again. She told me she had gone to the court and dropped the CS case since we were back together. I stopped paying obviously since we were together and I was taking care of the family. After 5 months of being together, she became pregnant. I was ecstatic until I caught her cheating AGAIN, and she told me that it was probably the other guys child. I then said enough was enough and decided to leave and head back to FL to accept a previous job offer, with the promise to my children that they would come and see me. I went back to FL in May 2000, that was the last time I saw my children. When I got to FL, 2 days later I called the house to find the # was disconnected. I tried the family route, and they again refused to help, blaming me for "abandoning" her and the kids "again". She obviously never told them about her affairs. I contacted the local police, they refused to help stating I should wait until she contacted me, citing that maybe she couldn't pay the phone bill and that it was temporary. I waited 6 months, contacted the courts who refused to help. All they advised was to go to the famlily law mediator to discuss the issues, told them I was out of state, they basically said too bad, get a lawyer (cannot afford). She picked up the CS case again, and filed for arrears back to before we got together, plus the time I sent money orders, and was awarded. So now my IRS refunds are taken, plus monthly arrears plus the amount from my paycheck. I went to jail over a technicality in the arrears owed, lost my job, got evicted, lost my car, and had to move to IN. I still pay arrears and the monthly amount, but they have now suspended my FL license, blocking me from getting an IN license, which is keeping me from getting a good job. I got a cell # for her last year due to a mix up with the divorce papers, they didn't black out her info. I called and she was furious. Told me to never call again, they were better without me, even though she admitted that the kids still ask for me. The next day the # was disconnected, I contacted the court, same BS response. I filed for modification last year, my fiance and I have a daughter, my income is significantly decreased, the court and her slick lawyer paid for by rich daddy managed to drop my amount by a measly $30. I am now in public housing due to paying a high amount, my credit is ruined, and I still cannot see my kids. That's all I want. I don't even know what they look like now, they are going to be 11 and 10 this year. They have a little sister and a little brother is due in October. I just want to be a father to them, and prove to them that I have always loved them, and want my family to see them (they have NEVER seen them). What can I do?? I cannot afford a high priced lawyer, if I could, I would not even be in this pickle. Please, someone out there has to know what I should do. Thanks for reading this, God bless you for taking the time to assist, whomever you are!!

BTW I should also mention that we were finally divorced last year after 11 years of "marriage". I have repeatedly asked everyone for a copy of the decree, to no avail. I have heard that she may have filed abandonment, and that I may not ever get to see the kids again, because it may entail termination of my parental rights. She filed through a legal aid service, which sent me some initial paperwork to sign, stating I would be kept informed of the progress. When I called them, they stated they would send me information pertaining to the divorce and that I would know exactly what was going on since I had no legal representation. What they sent was a letter stating that it would be a conflict of interest for them to provide me with any information whatsoever, they wouldn't even give me a case number. I got a letter from the court last year stating that it would be finalized on Aug. 19th. Now the court keeps bouncing me around from one person to another since I have no lawyer.