Messages

It is never OK to enter someone's residence without their explicit permission. That will get you charged.
I would speak with another attorney and see if you can get the felony reduced to a misdemeanor.
I also don't know what the battery charges of the ex were for, but if it was against you, you may use it as a bargaining chip; you both drop the charges, and this all goes away.

Couldn't agree more, Waylon.
There are abusers on both sides of the spectrum.

Another way to build at least somewhat of a support system is to join Parents without Partners. Also if you are near a major city there is likely a local expat organization from your home country.
I am from Europe and was in a very similar situation, I know how difficult it is to have no support system. I joined PWP, the Holland-Atlanta club, and the Dutch-Atlanta chamber of commerce. It's not like having family, but when it's all you have it's invaluable.

Where are you from, and which state are you in now?

You can file it without an attorney.
If you both can agree to put that in writing, then great.
I do have to caution you though, in most cases when you start talking about putting it in writing, that is when the stuff hits the fan.

I would look for a sample plan (there should be some on this site free of charge) that lines out that:
1) Physical custody is shared on a week-on week-off basis as you are doing now, but you retain sole legal custody.
(That way you both have equal access, but final say in all decisions rests with you)
2) If either parent moves more than X miles away from their current location, that parent automatically forfeits custody to the other parent and a more traditional parenting plan (every other weekend) needs to be developed. This is to maintain the trusted environment for the child.

You can file this yourself without her consent / knowledge.
Keep in mind that if believe you can afford to pay child support later, you can afford an attorney now.
If you cannot afford to pay child support, then you definitely cannot afford to not hire an attorney now.
Good luck.

If she agrees to meet, try and scope out a location that has a CCTV. Just for your protection, so she can't claim after the visit that you behaved inappropriately.
Kent!

Have you attorney put emphasis on requesting that the departing parent (or representative) needs to drop of the child with the receiving parent.
It will prevent her from promising the child ice cream and a movie just before you get there to pick up the child. It's not an issue yet, but it will be once the child gets a little older.
Good luck.

Kent!

MSME,

Replying to your post about PBFH trashing gr8dad and him not saying anything.
I know from experience that is the wrong approach.
Now, there is a big difference between trashing PBFH and informing the kids of the truth.

If PBFH tells lies, and you say nothing, then the child has no option but to believe what the PBFH says.
No need to go out of your way to tell the kids what all happened (or is happening), but you should rebuke the lies and inform the kids of what happened. Otherwise the kids WILL believe every word she ways, and you're losing the war without putting up a fight.
You owe your children more than that.

Kent!

I assume your child is still living in NY.
So you will need to file for a modification in CS in NY, in the jurisdiction where the child lives.
If you are looking at a downward modification, you will have an uphill battle.

Besides the amount modification, how are you currently paying? Why not continue to utilize that same method?

Kent!

Scott,

As a general rule, courts want to see each child to have their own bedroom, i.e. ideally you would need a 4-bedroom place. Since you appear to be the one in a custody dispute, the court may only look at your son having his own room, but it's a risk you're taking.

However, the bigger risk is that you are planning on co-habitation with a woman you are not married to. Courts seriously frown upon that (especially if your divorce is not yet final). To put yourself in the best position, get a 2 bedroom place for you and your son. Once you are ready to make a commitment for life to your new girlfriend, go for it and then move in together.

Kent!