Messages

"You have a lawyer -- instruct him/her to fix the problem immediately. Your appear not able to be bothered with a trip to the courthouse. This, frankly indicates a willingness to take a beating and live with it. If that's how you defend your rights, then you will get what you deserve -- nothing."

Touche. I'll try and get a sitter so I can go down there and see for myself today.

Thanks, Soc.

I am off from work today and have my son and baby daughter in my care, so I'd rather not drag them down to the courthouse. I did call the courthouse, and I did find out that the most current paperwork in my file is that for the extended custody hearing on 9/27 which would've been entered at the short hearing in June. I was told that no othe info. could be released over the phone.

I guess this means, as TW suggested, that perhaps the document was indeed provided by my ex's attorney? How can this when we share legal custody of my son? How can a lawyer decide that my rights should be suspended?

Many thanks.

I was out of the country on vacation--one that my ex knew about--last week. When I got back just the other day, I had a few postcards saying that I had certified mail at the PO, but since the sender name was not on the card, I assumed it was just some things I had been waiting for from eBay and a letter for my wife re: another matter.  Can certified mail count be used to serve/notify?

If so, is it possible that I somehow missed this hearing??? Could it have been set that quickly? I called my lawyer and he had no knowledge of anything happening...

My ex and I share joint legal custody of my son. She has primary physical and I have partial. Lately we've been getting into it over medical issues, as she has failed to disclose dr. information and other such info. She recently lied to me repeatedly about important medical issues and now she is hell-bent on keeping me away from my son's doctors.

I finally was able to hunt down my son's eye doctor and after much phone tag, I finally got a call from the office in which I was told that they have a legal document restricting me from having any access to my son's medical records. They wouldn't say what type of document this was. Could she have filed an ex parte motion barring me from medical records? Why would a judge even hear such a motion when there is no reason at all for this type of filing?

My involvement has increased due to the fact that I cannot trust that she is taking care of my son properly, and now that I am trying to get information, she is trying to shut me out. Why would the court support her in this groundless effort when there is zero evidence to support whatever claims she has made?

I didn't think ex parte motions dealt with this kind of issue when there are clearly two sides to the story and I pose no threat to anyone by having medical information. Apparently the paper said something about how we are in a custody battle and because I this I am not to have contact with the doctor until the hearing...can you possibly shed some light?

Thanks!

The first pair was absolutely necessary and I have no issue on that front. It's the second pair, the sunglasses, that I feel was unnecessary. I guess she took the prescription to an optometrist or a Lenscrafter's type place and they goaded her into buying another pair (apparently they told her that kids break glasses a lot and buying a back-up pair that can also be used as sunglasses was useful) that now I have to pay for.

Thanks for your help!

"That would be a "gift," and you would get no leverage from it whatsoever. So, don't do dat!"

It would be a cold day in hell, my friend. Thank you!

One last question--my ex purchased two pairs of glasses for my son--a regular pair and some sunglasses (he's 4...it baffles me as to why a 4-year-old needs prescription sunglasses). If the ophthalmologist (I did some detective work and found out who he is) confirms that the second pair were medically unnecessary, does this mean I am cleared of having to pay for such a frivolous purchase? Each pair cost almost $200 WITH my 30% discount (according to ex).

So is it fair to say that it's next to impossible to ask the court to find X person in contempt for any re: these types of medical issues when the CO only specifies joint legal custody and doesn't actually spell out what that means?

Again yesterday I asked to see my son's prescription and she will not allow me to have it. I am at my wits end, but I guess waiting until the custody hearing on 9/27 (I filed for joint physical) will have to be enough, yes?

Also...according to our CO, I provide medical and she and I are to split OOP medical expenses 50/50 . Since our policy doesn't cover glasses fully, since I was not allowed to be at the appt., she paid in full. I asked her twice for a copy of the receipt so I could pay my half. Finally, yesterday I asked a third time and she told me that I will be getting one big bill for "everything owed" to her at the end of the year.

I do NOT want to be hit with some bill during the holidays for things I have no idea about since she won't disclose any information about my son's dr. appts. or medical issues unless I do my own detective work, and sometimes it's impossible to get all the info. on my own. I want to take care of anything I owe her immediately...how do I go about doing this? Maybe I should just buy a crib for the baby she is conveniently expecting at the same time my "bill" will be coming from her and call it even.

Thanks!!

Hi there--

My ex and I have joint legal custody of my 4-year-old, with her having primary physical and me, partial.

A few weeks ago, she made an appt. for my son to see an eye doctor based on concerns that I had brought to his pediatrician's attention. She refused to disclose the name of the ophthalmologist to me, telling me that I was "not invited" to the appt. and basically threatening me against coming. I couldn't have attended regardless as I had no idea where the appt. was, since she cleverly had several different referrals on file at the ped. office and she didn't refuse me until the last minute.

I came here with a question about whether or not I should bring this into court as a contempt filing, as I am at the end of my rope with her lying to me about many matters concerning my son, most disturbingly, the medical issues. You advised that although she cannot keep me from attending appts., she cannot be forced to tell me where and when the appt. is.

Since the appt., my son is now wearing VERY thick glasses as well as an eye patch two hours a day to correct a slightly lazy right eye. I have about a million questions about the diagnosis, but my ex still will not tell me the name of the ophthalmologist so that I may call and speak to him/her about my son's condition.

Ex has told me that my involvement is unnecessary andthat she is the primary custodial parent and that I am just making trouble. Her short summary of what the diagnosis is does not nearly address my concerns about this condition. She told me that I need to tell her what questions I have and that if she can't answer them, she will try and get the answers from the doctor but that I am not to speak directly to him/her.

I want to be afforded the opportunity to have an open dialogue with the Dr. because I'm sure there are things I should know that I wouldn't think to even ask at this point.

I have asked her about five times for the practice information and each time she refuses. My lawyer has sent her lawyer a letter asking that she recognize my rights in having joint legal custody, but still she will not disclose the information I have asked for despite my pleadings with her, despite the fact that I have asked her questions about my son's diagnosis that she cannot answer herself.

She told me that I should go and have him see a doctor on my own time if I am so concerned. Such a redundancy seems unnecessary and frankly a waste of time, not to mention that my son was apparently upset at the appt. and I don't want to put him through it again unless medically necessary.

I asked her for at least a copy of the prescription and also a receipt for the glasses as we are to share OOP medical expenses, but that was also a request that went ungranted. We are going to court next month as I filed for joint physical in June, and I am sure that she's just keeping info. from me to be able to say that I am uninvolved...and that I am a deadbeat for not helping her pay for the glasses.

What are the odds of the court finding my ex in contempt of the court order? I am beyond tired of the endless arguing and I just want her to be held to the terms of our legal agreement.

Thank you much!

"Doesn't matter where you sent your emails from, because you are trying to prove the contents of emails received by you, not sent to someone else. What matters is where you received the other party's emails from and whether or not the inbox on the system you received them on is beyond your capacity to modify. That way, you can show that what you received is stored in a place where you have no control over thee email contant and that the emails remain in substantially the same form as originally sent."

Both CP and I have msn (hotmail) accounts. I don't believe that I can edit the e-mails other than when replying and then going to the body to change them. But, if I open the e-mail, I cannot edit it unless I forward or reply. So the originals cannot be changed if that isn't done...you're right though, if she won't try to deny any of it, no problems.

I have another issue--just about a half hour ago, she called to say goodnight to my son and I asked her the please let me know where his eye doctor appt. is tomorrow. She told me that she called her lawyer and he told her that she does not have to tell me anything. She said that I am not invited and if I show up, I will be sorry.

Our insurance requires that we obtain referrals for specialist appts., like the one tomorrow. She hasn't gotten one according to the primary provider, and if she doesn't, that means I will get a bill for about $700 for the appt vs. a $10 copay. I need for her to follow the instructions that she was provided with but she is not cooperating and I'm not sure what to do.

To reiterate, we have joint legal custody, clearly specified in the court order. Doesn't this mean that I don't have to be "invited" by her or have her permission to attend his doctor's appointments? She accused me of getting too involved with his medical issues and told me that I need to stay out of them "or else." I know that she is angry that I caught her lying about getting my son the Lyme Disease test, and she's VERY angry that I took him myself when I found out that it was never done.

I am about to rip my hair out here. Is this grounds for me to file a contempt motion against her? I understood that in sharing legal custody I have every right to be involved with medical, religious, and education issues...I am not trying to thwart her control, I just want to be involved. Am I wrong about this? And if she refuses to follow the insurance policy guidelines, can I be held responsible for the financial implications?

Thanks very much!

"If you suspect lyme disease, take the kid and have his blood drawn yourself and follow up yourself. If the physician can testify that he/she ordered such a test because of concern of a serious disease, and the blood test comes back positive, then I would file for an emergency order for custody, based on the evidence that the other parent has failed to act in the child's best interests when it is clearly an convincingly necessary that she do so."

Right. I did take him myself to get the bloodwork done this morning when the office told me that she hadn't done it despite her numerous lies that she did. As much as I'd love to find solid evidence that will turn the custody hearing to my favor, of course I am crossing my fingers that the results are negative. If theyare not, I will fight tooth and nail to get full custody.

"Also, unless the emails are stored on a commercial mail server, like yahoo.com, where it is impossible for the recipient to alter the emails, I doubt that they will be admissible if the other parent testifies that she didn't write them, because there's simply no way to authenticate them as actually being from the other parent, absent her admission that they are hers."

All of the e-mails were sent from msn.com. I blind-copied my wife on several of the e-mails, which included the history of her responses, some of which went to her yahoo acount, some to her private work e-mail. I doubt that she would lie about having written the e-mails...and she has already lied in front of the pediatrician, but who knows if the pediatrician would even remember....perhaps we can trace through IP address?