Joint legal & medical issues

[krissy2356]

Hi there--

My ex and I have joint legal custody of my 4-year-old, with her having primary physical and me, partial.

A few weeks ago, she made an appt. for my son to see an eye doctor based on concerns that I had brought to his pediatrician's attention. She refused to disclose the name of the ophthalmologist to me, telling me that I was "not invited" to the appt. and basically threatening me against coming. I couldn't have attended regardless as I had no idea where the appt. was, since she cleverly had several different referrals on file at the ped. office and she didn't refuse me until the last minute.

I came here with a question about whether or not I should bring this into court as a contempt filing, as I am at the end of my rope with her lying to me about many matters concerning my son, most disturbingly, the medical issues. You advised that although she cannot keep me from attending appts., she cannot be forced to tell me where and when the appt. is.

Since the appt., my son is now wearing VERY thick glasses as well as an eye patch two hours a day to correct a slightly lazy right eye. I have about a million questions about the diagnosis, but my ex still will not tell me the name of the ophthalmologist so that I may call and speak to him/her about my son's condition.

Ex has told me that my involvement is unnecessary andthat she is the primary custodial parent and that I am just making trouble. Her short summary of what the diagnosis is does not nearly address my concerns about this condition. She told me that I need to tell her what questions I have and that if she can't answer them, she will try and get the answers from the doctor but that I am not to speak directly to him/her.

I want to be afforded the opportunity to have an open dialogue with the Dr. because I'm sure there are things I should know that I wouldn't think to even ask at this point.

I have asked her about five times for the practice information and each time she refuses. My lawyer has sent her lawyer a letter asking that she recognize my rights in having joint legal custody, but still she will not disclose the information I have asked for despite my pleadings with her, despite the fact that I have asked her questions about my son's diagnosis that she cannot answer herself.

She told me that I should go and have him see a doctor on my own time if I am so concerned. Such a redundancy seems unnecessary and frankly a waste of time, not to mention that my son was apparently upset at the appt. and I don't want to put him through it again unless medically necessary.

I asked her for at least a copy of the prescription and also a receipt for the glasses as we are to share OOP medical expenses, but that was also a request that went ungranted. We are going to court next month as I filed for joint physical in June, and I am sure that she's just keeping info. from me to be able to say that I am uninvolved...and that I am a deadbeat for not helping her pay for the glasses.

What are the odds of the court finding my ex in contempt of the court order? I am beyond tired of the endless arguing and I just want her to be held to the terms of our legal agreement.

Thank you much!

[socrateaser]

>What are the odds of the court finding my ex in contempt of
>the court order? I am beyond tired of the endless arguing and
>I just want her to be held to the terms of our legal
>agreement.

Unless there is an express statement in the existing orders requiring her to share all information regarding the child's healthcare information, then the odds are zero, and you will need to ask the court to first clarify the existing orders such that each parent understands his/her rights and responsibilities in this area. Then if the other parent continues to refuse to share the information, then you have a contempt.

If there is such an order already in place, then the odds are 100% that she will be found in contempt, because she is wilfully and with conscious disregard, violated a valid, enforceable court order (which is the definition of contempt of court).

[krissy2356]

So is it fair to say that it's next to impossible to ask the court to find X person in contempt for any re: these types of medical issues when the CO only specifies joint legal custody and doesn't actually spell out what that means?

Again yesterday I asked to see my son's prescription and she will not allow me to have it. I am at my wits end, but I guess waiting until the custody hearing on 9/27 (I filed for joint physical) will have to be enough, yes?

Also...according to our CO, I provide medical and she and I are to split OOP medical expenses 50/50 . Since our policy doesn't cover glasses fully, since I was not allowed to be at the appt., she paid in full. I asked her twice for a copy of the receipt so I could pay my half. Finally, yesterday I asked a third time and she told me that I will be getting one big bill for "everything owed" to her at the end of the year.

I do NOT want to be hit with some bill during the holidays for things I have no idea about since she won't disclose any information about my son's dr. appts. or medical issues unless I do my own detective work, and sometimes it's impossible to get all the info. on my own. I want to take care of anything I owe her immediately...how do I go about doing this? Maybe I should just buy a crib for the baby she is conveniently expecting at the same time my "bill" will be coming from her and call it even.

Thanks!!

[socrateaser]

>So is it fair to say that it's next to impossible to ask the
>court to find X person in contempt for any re: these types of
>medical issues when the CO only specifies joint legal custody
>and doesn't actually spell out what that means?

Correct. If you want to resolve the matter early, go to court on an emergency ex parte motion to clarify the orders now and order your ex to start sharing all information, on grounds that your ex, by keeping everything secret, will cause you irreparable harm, as she has stated that you will receive one big bill at the end of the year, but you have no idea how big a bill, whether or not any of the costs could have been mitigated in advance by using alternative service providers.

That's an easy solution, thanks to your ex's statement that she intends to injure you with the game playing.

Once the court orders cooperation/sharing, failure will be contempt.

>
>Again yesterday I asked to see my son's prescription and she
>will not allow me to have it. I am at my wits end, but I guess
>waiting until the custody hearing on 9/27 (I filed for joint
>physical) will have to be enough, yes?

See above.

>
>Also...according to our CO, I provide medical and she and I
>are to split OOP medical expenses 50/50 . Since our policy
>doesn't cover glasses fully, since I was not allowed to be at
>the appt., she paid in full. I asked her twice for a copy of
>the receipt so I could pay my half. Finally, yesterday I asked
>a third time and she told me that I will be getting one big
>bill for "everything owed" to her at the end of the year.

This isn't a question, so I have no anwer.

>
>I do NOT want to be hit with some bill during the holidays for
>things I have no idea about since she won't disclose any
>information about my son's dr. appts. or medical issues unless
>I do my own detective work, and sometimes it's impossible to
>get all the info. on my own. I want to take care of anything I
>owe her immediately...how do I go about doing this?

See above.

>Maybe I
>should just buy a crib for the baby she is conveniently
>expecting at the same time my "bill" will be coming from her
>and call it even.

That would be a "gift," and you would get no leverage from it whatsoever. So, don't do dat!

[krissy2356]

"That would be a "gift," and you would get no leverage from it whatsoever. So, don't do dat!"

It would be a cold day in hell, my friend. Thank you!

One last question--my ex purchased two pairs of glasses for my son--a regular pair and some sunglasses (he's 4...it baffles me as to why a 4-year-old needs prescription sunglasses). If the ophthalmologist (I did some detective work and found out who he is) confirms that the second pair were medically unnecessary, does this mean I am cleared of having to pay for such a frivolous purchase? Each pair cost almost $200 WITH my 30% discount (according to ex).

[socrateaser]

>"That would be a "gift," and you would get no leverage from
>it whatsoever. So, don't do dat!"
>
>It would be a cold day in hell, my friend. Thank you!
>
>One last question--my ex purchased two pairs of glasses for my
>son--a regular pair and some sunglasses (he's 4...it baffles
>me as to why a 4-year-old needs prescription sunglasses). If
>the ophthalmologist (I did some detective work and found out
>who he is) confirms that the second pair were medically
>unnecessary, does this mean I am cleared of having to pay for
>such a frivolous purchase? Each pair cost almost $200 WITH my
>30% discount (according to ex).

Depends on State law. Some courts/states expand the term "medically necessary" to include any reasonably necessary healthcare (including asprin, ace bandages, orthodontia that will improve the child's self esteem, etc.). Others may be more restrictive. It's difficult, but not impossible to get a physician to state that something suggested is not medically necessary (unless the physician is a plastic surgeon), however, if you can get written confirmation that the glasses are merely cosmetic, then you could avoid payment.

But, if the glasses are the result of an exam and an actual corrective lens prescription, then you're on the hook for one half of the bill, UNLESS you can show that the amount paid was unreasonable. Certainly, a second pair of glasses purchased just because the parent felt like buying them, would not be a reasonable healthcare cost, regardless of whether or not the first pair were prescribed.

[krissy2356]

The first pair was absolutely necessary and I have no issue on that front. It's the second pair, the sunglasses, that I feel was unnecessary. I guess she took the prescription to an optometrist or a Lenscrafter's type place and they goaded her into buying another pair (apparently they told her that kids break glasses a lot and buying a back-up pair that can also be used as sunglasses was useful) that now I have to pay for.

Thanks for your help!