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"......She was also a verbally, physically and emotionally abusive wife. Now that Will is "gone", she is turning her emotional abuse to the children. The fact of the matter is that Will provided for her to be a stay at home mom and now that is being used against him in court. Men don't have a chance to do what's right. If he bailed out, he would be labeled a "Deadbeat Dad". As he fights for his parental rights, he is labeled angry and abusive. He can't win. He was a devoted husband who was never appreciated by the woman he took care of. He was put down on a daily basis. He was abused too, but she is the only one with the right to scream "abuse"? "


Regardless of anything else in your situation, I wanted to comment on this statement.  This is exactly how my SO feels about his situation.  We have been trying to get his divorce complete for 3 1/2 years now.  There were many times he wanted to just give up.  

Good luck in trying to keep the kids local.  I do not feel that she should be allowed to take them to Alaska.  Unfortunatly, I do not think Dr. Phil or any of us here will open a judges eyes.  Hopefully, you wil have enough reasons / proof / validation to keep the kids here for Will and that will be enough for the judge.

I am not a guy, but have been with one going through a nasty divorce for 3 years and let me tell you, I am as bitter as most men can get about exwives!  That ebay guy was hysterical!

Question 1, do you have an attorney?  If so, see if your attorney can get a copy of the affidavit stating how and when you violated the RO.   If you do not have an attorney,  you have a right to request this document yourself, but the asses in the legal system  believe all Dad's are the guilty parties and the wonderful mothers are saints!  Yeah right! (and by the way, I am a Mom, but my SO has gone through hell because of his X).

There is an article somewhere on this board regarding Restraining Orders - find it and read it.  It says you have a right to request a thorough investigation.

My SO too has been accused of violating an RO - twice - and the courts would not give us the affidavit stating when and how so he could prove himself innocent.  He had to go in front of a Clerk who decided whether or not there would be a trial.  Sure in the tune of $2000 in legal fees - what does the clerk care?????     If you have the proper information, then you can  have all your alibi information!


My advise is - from reading above, you know when you 'supposedly' violated, so have your witnesses lined up, any receipts etc and show up ASAP.  Do not put this off, it will make you look bad.  Then see what you can do to prove that the statements made were lies.

I agree, RO's are tools to keep Dad's from their kids.  If your RO is keeping you from your kids, have it modified so you can see them with a third party picking up and dropping off the kids.  Have your third party bring a witness.

As far as living with a RO over your head - always have an alibi.  Always have people around you.  It sucks to live your life like this, but it is safest.  Keep all receipts from all stores too.  Keep good records of your daily schedules.  Trust me, this will help you in the long run!

Good luck!

find a lawyer that WANTS to represent you and help bring you and your son together.  He is your son too, and you have a right to him too.  You have a right to change your schedule with the court to be every 5th weekend, which would fit your work schedule, work out a Holiday schedule that would rotate every other year, you have a right to your son during school vacations and summer vacations, you have a right to request a court order to call and talk on the phone to your son on X day at X time.   And yes, I do believe that all of this should be in a court order.   Some x's are worth putting the extra time and money into putting these things into a court order!   Hopefully your exwife will move on with her life and stop trying to figure out what you are doing with yours!  You also have a right to Joint Legal Custody.  Do you have this?  This will allow you access and joint decision making with your son's schooling and medical care.  Then you can request his medical records, prescription records, school report card, copies of school work - all without going through your exwife!  Much better this way!!!!   I am happy to share this stuff with my ex-husband, but my SO's ex-wife is a manic depressive from Hell!  So we go direct to the doctors and school.  It works out much better!

Keep looking for that attorney, and good luck!!!!

I have been with a wonderful man for 3 years, he has been going through the divorce from hell for over 3 years - severe PAS, false allegations of abuse on her, false sexual abuse allegations with the kids-even mentioning me, CPS was involved for over a year, false criminal charges for over a year, 2 restraining orders because of her lies, almost a third, 2 GAL's, and the BS still has not stopped.  Slowed down, yes, but stopped no!  We have put out $30,000 and have done nothing wrong.  We fell in love AFTER the seperation - she cheated on him, we have email proof of this.   As with all divorces, the marriage was bad before the seperation.   He is a very good man.  She is a very hateful, angry, unethical person who puts herself before the kids.  We were fighting for physical custody be/c we could proove everything she did was lie - but she started putting the kids in the middle even more than before.  The kids started getting hurt, really hurt from her emotional instability.  So we stopped.

If you go for physical custody - joint or otherwise, you are in for a very long road.  He may be better off just trying to get a better visitation schedule.  Keep the mother less defensive.  Then when the kids are older let them decide if they want to live with you.  This will be much cheaper too.

and let me say that I did not read all of the responses.

We have the same EXACT problem!  What we do is provide the school with self addressed stamped envelopes and extra stamps.  We have one teacher that will send copies of everything to us.  And we have another teacher who is a Pain in the Ass, who claims she either forgets or feels she doesn;'t need to, or whatever.  Then she says that YSD needs to stay back be/c she is not reading well enough - Excuse me??????    Needless to say, that is a war that will be fought!

Get your principal involved.  Make him aware of the situation as well as the law stating you have a right to this information.  You will find that your teachers (the normal ones) want your child to succeed and will do what is necessary.

you have a snow balls chance in hell unless the mother is willing to give 50/50 physical to dad.   Not to discourage you, but to be truthful.    You may want to read up on "shared" custody plans.  I believe this will allow the mother to have physical custody, but this gives more visitation to the father - the joint legal allows him the voice he needs with school and medical.  I am in another state, and do not know PA laws, but a change in custody can be very expensive - especially where PAS is involved!    The mother may see this as a way to get a reduction in her precious child support also, and get very protective and defensive.   Be careful and research before you jump into the water.

your state for starters.  You may even want to sit in Probate Court for a morning or two to see and hear what goes on.  The more you can learn, the more you can do yourself and you will not need a lawyer.  A lawyer is the best route to go, but sometimes can be expensive.

What I would do is open a case with the Probate & Family Court in your area.  Take it upon yourselves to have the Child Support and Visitation Orders set in stone in this court.  At the same time, file a Motion that she can not move out of a certain amount of area from where she is.  (We have 20 mile radius from where XW currently is now, and not out of state.)  You should also file that your husband at least has Joint Legal Custody.  Physical Custody is hard to get - and can get expensive.  But start small and at least accomplish the above.

Again, I highly recommend you do your research in the court room and through case law on line.  

when you said you never authorized him to talk to her.  I am really questioning why he would speak to the other side when the other side is represented by an attorney.  Very unethical!

I would not say anything until your hearing - you only have a week.  Don't be hasty and fire him, that would not be smart.  I was once told to not act out of emotion - very good advice IMO.

No, I don't think he could charge your X or your X's mother - as they are not his clients.  Again,  IMO, it was poor judgement on his part to take the phone call.  He should have told her to direct her questions to her daughters attorney. Period.

If you need to pay your bill before the hearing, pay the amount less the $50.  When he questions you at the hearing, verbally state why.  If you can wait to pay your bill until after your hearing, then do so and send a letter with your payment that it was poor judgement on his behalf to take that phone call, it was a conflict of interest and you do not feel that you should have to pay for that conversation. Reiterate to him that it is your wishes as his client to not speak to the 'other side' without consulting you first - especially if he is going to bill you for it.   Again, keep emotion out of it - keep it business.

Good luck at your hearing.