Father's chance of Joint Physical

[bozisonfamily]

Hi - myhusband has joint legal custody of his four children - he did not fight for joint physical at the time of the divorce because they both lived far apart.  He has had consistenet and on-going cvisits and relationships over and above his normal visitation for the last 3.5 years.  We, 6 months ago, moved to the same school district to be closer to the kids and be more involved.  He wouls like to have joint physical so he can have more time with the kids and not just when his ex feels like it.  What are our chances???  We do have a lawyer who stopped her from moving to CA a year ago and will return to him but want to be realistic - please help with any advice you have!  We are in Schulykill County PA

Thanks!

[bozisonfamily]

Just to let you know - she, the ex - has engaged in extensive PAS with his oldest (16) who hardly speaks to him - and is trying desperately to wedge a gap between him and his youngest and only son - by telling him court thingsa and such - he is 8.... she allows the oldest and has for 2 years - to sleep (practically live) at her boyfriends house and let the younger ones know about it and that she sleeps in the same bed as him - and they have no curfews or rules in her house.

Thanks!

[Brent]

>What are our chances???  We do have a lawyer who stopped
>her from moving to CA a year ago and will return to him but
>want to be realistic - please help with any advice you have!

To successfully request a court-ordered change in custody, one of the requirements is that the court must find that a "substantial change in circumstances" has taken place since the initial (or previous) custody determination was made.

Defining ''Substantial Change In Circumstances''
http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/circumstances.htm

[bozisonfamily]

We have a few of those - moving within the same school district vs out of state as when the order was put into place - would be the dominant one and most obvious without dragging out her inept parenting skills

[takingitallin]

you have a snow balls chance in hell unless the mother is willing to give 50/50 physical to dad.   Not to discourage you, but to be truthful.    You may want to read up on "shared" custody plans.  I believe this will allow the mother to have physical custody, but this gives more visitation to the father - the joint legal allows him the voice he needs with school and medical.  I am in another state, and do not know PA laws, but a change in custody can be very expensive - especially where PAS is involved!    The mother may see this as a way to get a reduction in her precious child support also, and get very protective and defensive.   Be careful and research before you jump into the water.

[bozisonfamily]

Wow - I thought it would have been better than that - we were afraid of this.  In PA we go to mediation first - I am doing a lot of research so far with cases backing up the positive statistics ans such of joitn physical -  thanks!

[takingitallin]

I have been with a wonderful man for 3 years, he has been going through the divorce from hell for over 3 years - severe PAS, false allegations of abuse on her, false sexual abuse allegations with the kids-even mentioning me, CPS was involved for over a year, false criminal charges for over a year, 2 restraining orders because of her lies, almost a third, 2 GAL's, and the BS still has not stopped.  Slowed down, yes, but stopped no!  We have put out $30,000 and have done nothing wrong.  We fell in love AFTER the seperation - she cheated on him, we have email proof of this.   As with all divorces, the marriage was bad before the seperation.   He is a very good man.  She is a very hateful, angry, unethical person who puts herself before the kids.  We were fighting for physical custody be/c we could proove everything she did was lie - but she started putting the kids in the middle even more than before.  The kids started getting hurt, really hurt from her emotional instability.  So we stopped.

If you go for physical custody - joint or otherwise, you are in for a very long road.  He may be better off just trying to get a better visitation schedule.  Keep the mother less defensive.  Then when the kids are older let them decide if they want to live with you.  This will be much cheaper too.

[bozisonfamily]

Thank you - from the sounds of it - we are in for a battle and we don't want this to influence the kids or make them harbor anymore anger that she has perpetuated.  Perhaps more visitation would be the place to start....

Thank you and good luck with all you are doing!

[my3sons]

I'm not so sure that your chances are so horrible.  I'm in a similar situation.  I live in Maryland, and currently have "shared" custody of my 3 boys.  I was living out of state for a while, but relocated to be closer to them.  The judges down here like that.  We live in the same school district, and I have the kids for a minimum of 172 overnights each year.  My advice, first of all, develop what you think is a reasonable plan and be specific (dates, times, pick-up, drop-off, etc.) and present it to the ex.  Get an initial reaction before deciding what to do.  My ex was opposed at first, but the idea grew on her.  Also, get HEAVILY involved in the children's school and medical care.  Go to all parent-teacher conferences, all shows, special events for your child, etc.  Talk to the teachers (more than just once!) and the staff at the school too.  STAY involved in their education, I can't stress this enough.

If necessary, try a better visitation agreement for 6 months or so, if that works out, bring up the shared arrangement again.  I've learned through too much experience in dealing with my ex, letting her win some of the small battles and satisfying her power trip has enabled me to get much more time and a better relationship with my kids in the long run.  With some patience and planning, there is hope.

[wendl]

the ideal thing would be 50/50, what you could do is aks for 50/50 and settle for the 1st, 3rd, 4th & 5th weekends of the month, with alternating holidays, spring breaks, spilt xmas break equally, remember all school vacations, presidents day, labor day etc.

Then document like hell, ask mom maybe for a mid-week visit, out of court try to get mom to agree with more time during the week and document all the times and dates you have them in your care.

Its a long road, and just becuase you live close doesn't mean they will grant 50/50 custody.

Good luck