I have found information on custodial parents moving, but not non-custodial parents who wish to move out of state.
I live in NJ and have been separated since July 2006. Divorce is progressing. I have 2 children ages 2 & 5. My soon to be ex, moved in July and entered into another relationship with a woman and has been with her ever since. We went to court pro se and I filed for child support. That comes out of his check, no issues there. We also agreed to joint legal custody by consent, and I am the primary physical custodian. We had a visitation plan aready of every other weekend, friday evening to sunday evening. He moved 5 mins. away so if ever I got stuck at work or he had a business trip, we were able to easily accommodate day care pick ups, etc. I knew about the new girlfriend and we had agreed since he's barely been with her a year, not to introduce her to the kids yet. 3 weeks ago he asked if he could take the kids to a local amusement park with his girlfriend and her 2 children ages 8 and 11. I finally consented, even though I never met the girlfriend.
My custody and support papers from our court date in Sept 2006 indicated that "visitation was not an issue at this time". We were merely asked by the court officer and both told him that we had a parenting plan worked out already. Nothing was ever given to the court in writing regarding the visitation schedule, although my ex and I had a copy we worked out. We even managed to add to the original visitation with him taking the kids alternate weekends that began on thursday evenings with him picking them up from daycare and taking them to daycare on friday and then having them on his normal weekends. On his off weeks, he picks the children up each thursday for dinner.
My ex has threatened me in the past with not taking the children for his weekends in an attempt to block ME from going out and having a social life. He is often late in pick ups and drop offs.
He informed me last week by email that he is moving out of his apartment 30 miles away at the end of april to NY to live with his girlfriend. I did remind him that he had to let the family court know as well as probation because in NJ, support is handled by the probation division. He said to me "I don't have to do anything because I don't have custody". Duh...his papers show joint legal custody by consent.
So, I am realistic...I obviously can't do anything about him moving or having a girlfriend. BUT, the current visitation schedule is going to have to change. The thursday overnights would have to stop because the commute to take the children from NY to NJ where their daycare is located is over an hour in rush hour traffic. He has to be in work by 8:30 and the daycare is 40 miles from his job in NJ. He'd have to be on the road by 6:30 am with them to make it to work on time...they would have to get up at 5:30 am at least! The children currently get up at 7 and get to school by 8. I think it is ridiculous to have the children commute an hour to daycare when I live 5 mins from their daycare. I asked him to reconsider the visitation schedule. Further, I have some very specific questions about the accommodations my children will have in this new house. I know nothing about the girlfriend, she is very nasty to me and tells me I am delusional because I want all the specifics on where my children will sleep, play etc. Excuse me? She could live in crackhouse for all I know. Why shouldn't I be able to know what my children will be exposed to. I have asked to meet the girlfriend but they both refuse.
In addition, we had originally agreed to one phone call with my ex and the children each evening. Over the last several weeks since my daughter met the new girlfriend my daughter becomes very distraught after speaking to my ex. She cries for hours afterwards and asks when her daddy is coming home. I have tried to explain this in terms a 5 year old would understand that her mommy and daddy love her very much but sometimes mommy's and daddy's cant live together anymore but that we still love her very much and she can both of us and it's okay. My ex filled her head will illusions of gradeur over the summer and kept telling her daddy would be back home someday.
I told my ex that I did not think nightly calls were a good idea anymore and we should consider cutting them to 1 or 2 a week. Of course he freaked out. I also told him I think we need to acclimate the children slowly when he moves instead just bringing them there and saying "okay, this is where daddy lives now and here's my new girlfriend". They have met her ONCE!!!!!!
I have never denied him any visitation, but have told him if he does not inform the courts and probation of his move out of state, visitation is going to be an issue unless we can discuss it. He wants no change to the schedule and I am not comfortable sending my children somewhere that I have no clue what they will be exposed to.
Am I crazy and asking for too much here? Don't I have the right to know what kind of accommodations my children will have? My children have undergone a significant change with their dad moving out. He now wants a second significant change which will upset their lives and routines by shacking up with a new woman.
Pls, someone talk me off the ledge here.
I live in NJ and have been separated since July 2006. Divorce is progressing. I have 2 children ages 2 & 5. My soon to be ex, moved in July and entered into another relationship with a woman and has been with her ever since. We went to court pro se and I filed for child support. That comes out of his check, no issues there. We also agreed to joint legal custody by consent, and I am the primary physical custodian. We had a visitation plan aready of every other weekend, friday evening to sunday evening. He moved 5 mins. away so if ever I got stuck at work or he had a business trip, we were able to easily accommodate day care pick ups, etc. I knew about the new girlfriend and we had agreed since he's barely been with her a year, not to introduce her to the kids yet. 3 weeks ago he asked if he could take the kids to a local amusement park with his girlfriend and her 2 children ages 8 and 11. I finally consented, even though I never met the girlfriend.
My custody and support papers from our court date in Sept 2006 indicated that "visitation was not an issue at this time". We were merely asked by the court officer and both told him that we had a parenting plan worked out already. Nothing was ever given to the court in writing regarding the visitation schedule, although my ex and I had a copy we worked out. We even managed to add to the original visitation with him taking the kids alternate weekends that began on thursday evenings with him picking them up from daycare and taking them to daycare on friday and then having them on his normal weekends. On his off weeks, he picks the children up each thursday for dinner.
My ex has threatened me in the past with not taking the children for his weekends in an attempt to block ME from going out and having a social life. He is often late in pick ups and drop offs.
He informed me last week by email that he is moving out of his apartment 30 miles away at the end of april to NY to live with his girlfriend. I did remind him that he had to let the family court know as well as probation because in NJ, support is handled by the probation division. He said to me "I don't have to do anything because I don't have custody". Duh...his papers show joint legal custody by consent.
So, I am realistic...I obviously can't do anything about him moving or having a girlfriend. BUT, the current visitation schedule is going to have to change. The thursday overnights would have to stop because the commute to take the children from NY to NJ where their daycare is located is over an hour in rush hour traffic. He has to be in work by 8:30 and the daycare is 40 miles from his job in NJ. He'd have to be on the road by 6:30 am with them to make it to work on time...they would have to get up at 5:30 am at least! The children currently get up at 7 and get to school by 8. I think it is ridiculous to have the children commute an hour to daycare when I live 5 mins from their daycare. I asked him to reconsider the visitation schedule. Further, I have some very specific questions about the accommodations my children will have in this new house. I know nothing about the girlfriend, she is very nasty to me and tells me I am delusional because I want all the specifics on where my children will sleep, play etc. Excuse me? She could live in crackhouse for all I know. Why shouldn't I be able to know what my children will be exposed to. I have asked to meet the girlfriend but they both refuse.
In addition, we had originally agreed to one phone call with my ex and the children each evening. Over the last several weeks since my daughter met the new girlfriend my daughter becomes very distraught after speaking to my ex. She cries for hours afterwards and asks when her daddy is coming home. I have tried to explain this in terms a 5 year old would understand that her mommy and daddy love her very much but sometimes mommy's and daddy's cant live together anymore but that we still love her very much and she can both of us and it's okay. My ex filled her head will illusions of gradeur over the summer and kept telling her daddy would be back home someday.
I told my ex that I did not think nightly calls were a good idea anymore and we should consider cutting them to 1 or 2 a week. Of course he freaked out. I also told him I think we need to acclimate the children slowly when he moves instead just bringing them there and saying "okay, this is where daddy lives now and here's my new girlfriend". They have met her ONCE!!!!!!
I have never denied him any visitation, but have told him if he does not inform the courts and probation of his move out of state, visitation is going to be an issue unless we can discuss it. He wants no change to the schedule and I am not comfortable sending my children somewhere that I have no clue what they will be exposed to.
Am I crazy and asking for too much here? Don't I have the right to know what kind of accommodations my children will have? My children have undergone a significant change with their dad moving out. He now wants a second significant change which will upset their lives and routines by shacking up with a new woman.
Pls, someone talk me off the ledge here.