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You could very well be right. We didn't think of that but we did wonder if she has someone new in her life willing to adopt SD and doesn't want us to know, hence the reason she wanted DH to give up his rights. Hmmm, your reason sounds more possible. Thank you for bringing that up.

Okay, in the beginning, BM WANTED DH to give up his rights. Also in the beginning, BEFORE all of this happened, while we were still going through the actual custody case, BM's attorney told the judge (and this came from the GAL) that she wanted this case over quickly b/c it was a mistake to work for her client.

I am neither confused or being mislead.

We did hire our OWN attorney.

I don't know what state you live in but in Oklahoma, giving up your rights w/o another person waiting to adopt is legal. We know, we checked b/c we were going to use this as a logical reason to BM as to why DH couldn't give up his rights. However that has since become void as we have found a loophole in that as well. If your interested, however, look up the statutes and you will see that if rights were given UNDER DURESS or if FRAUD was committed, rights can be reinstated. I am not saying it is a sure thing, just that it is possible.

We have considered that the attorney could very well be playing games w/ us, which is why he have our own attorney. At the end of the day, all they really care about ( a marjority anyway) is the money that lines their pockets.

In response to your third question, yes, that is correct. Forgive me, I panicked when I was first presented with this, I did not have all the facts, just the basics and I went with that as I was under the impression that we only had 2 days to decide.

Should I feel the need to post anything else, I will be sure to put everything in laymens terms for those of you who are otherwise confused. Thank you all for your comments.

I'm sorry, apparently I did make myself very clear. He will not be giving up his rights in writing, he will however, at the moment, be giving up visitation rights. Until the SS's have been adopted, then we can go to court for gradual visitation of SD. The attorney called to let us know this and BEFORE we sign papers, we will have our own attorneys look at them to be sure. In truth, I am defending my DH. Personally, I would love to get all 3 of these babies and have them safe. Unfortunely, at the moment, I am only the step-mother.

~The only way BM will give up her rights is to have DH "give up" his. He ~won't really be giving up his rights, BM will just be lead to believe (by ~her attorney) that he is.

Please read previous posts before you go off on a tangent.

Unfortunetly, we cannot all have our cake and eat it too.

Oh No, everything you said is what I am going to do. No way I am going have DH or myself sign ANYTHING pertaining to her w/o our own lawyer looking over it. I agree also about the phone call or letter. I've never been mean to her or said anything mean about her in front of the kids, I have laughed at her many times, which pisses her off. :D. Yes she thinks the universe revolves around her. It's her decision to do this and I am not going to make these boys suffer anymore than they already have. Thank you. For a while there I felt like everyone hated us for this, but now that we know that DH doesn't actualy have to give up his rights, it makes it easier. Thank you again.

I agree w/ everything but I'm still not sure about bringing the boys. I would have to take them out of school for that and the oldest SS says he refuses to go. The youngest SS says he just doesn't want to see her.

The only way BM will give up her rights is to have DH "give up" his. He won't really be giving up his rights, BM will just be lead to believe (by her attorney) that he is. This same attorney who told the judge in his chambers (we found out from the GAL) that she wants this case done and over with b/c she can't stand her client but as she was paid well and in advance, she has to put up with her.  All of this was BM's idea, it came to us out of the blue, so yea, we think there may be something up her sleeve. But we did find an attorney who would take on the case this late in the game. We would go to court but that still would not solve the SD problem as she was never a part of this case to begin with. This state is also very anti dad. If we go to court, she will get visitation of the SS's and I can't express how very bad for them that would be. We have so many proffessionals agreeing with us, but the legal system is so crooked. The question remains, should we take them to see her or not?

Okay, BM's attorney called yesterday and this is how it is going to happen. First we told her that we would not give up on the daughter in a previous convo.

So... BM will be giving up her right as well as DH giving up his to SD. Difference is, in the order, it will state that BM can NEVER regain her rights to My SS's and DH can go back in 2 months, once everything as settled for SS's and regain his rights to SD, w/ the stipulation that we will agree to gradual visitation and if we chose to fight for custody, we will have to do it within  a year of first visitation. Also, no CS will be exchanged on either side b/c in our state, at least, even if you give up your rights, until someone else adopts them, that parent is still responsible for the child financially.

We will be having an attorney of our own looking at these papers to make sure everything is in order.

Now the question I have is a) does this sound doable? and b) BM claims she wants to see the boys before she signs the papers.
We say no b/c what she will most likely do is tell them that they will never see their sister again or tell them that it is all our fault.
I have agreed to her writing them a letter or a phone call, w/ her on speaker and the first hurtful, guilt tripped, or mean thing she says ends the conversation right there. What do you think?

We did not start this, she did. All in the name of money and control. I know you do not agree and I appericiate yuour honesty but truly, we have no other option here. My oldest SS, the last time he visited, stood over her bed w/ a butcher knife while she slept. Of course she woke up to it and called us screamong like a banshee to come get the F**king bastard before she killed him. We brought this up to the judge and he dismissed it as a sleepwalking event but SS remembers very clearly what happened that night. So should I let him go visit her again, maybe actually stab her next time and wind up in jail?

B/c that is what will happen if we go to court.