BM wants me (SM) to adopt SS's. Please Help ASAP

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Oh No, everything you said is what I am going to do. No way I am going have DH or myself sign ANYTHING pertaining to her w/o our own lawyer looking over it. I agree also about the phone call or letter. I've never been mean to her or said anything mean about her in front of the kids, I have laughed at her many times, which pisses her off. :D. Yes she thinks the universe revolves around her. It's her decision to do this and I am not going to make these boys suffer anymore than they already have. Thank you. For a while there I felt like everyone hated us for this, but now that we know that DH doesn't actualy have to give up his rights, it makes it easier. Thank you again.

[mistoffolees]

>but now that we know that DH
>doesn't actualy have to give up his rights, it makes it
>easier. Thank you again.

That's not the way I read what you wrote:
"BM will be giving up her right as well as DH giving up his to SD. Difference is, in the order, it will state that BM can NEVER regain her rights to My SS's and DH can go back in 2 months, once everything as settled for SS's and regain his rights to SD, w/ the stipulation that we will agree to gradual visitation and if we chose to fight for custody, we will have to do it within a year of first visitation"

It sure looks to me like DH has to give up his rights - even though he is free to ask for them back.

You run a very real risk that when it comes time to ask for his rights back that a judge would ask what the change in circumstances is which warrants that change. It's not clear that you have any answer. While you seem to think that you're going to get SD back, there's no guarantee of that. Even if the current judge is on your side, judges change all the time.

Plus, you have to deal with the issue of explaining to SD that you traded her for two SSs. No matter how you slice it, she's going to see that as your saying you'd rather have the sons than her.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Unfortunetly, we cannot all have our cake and eat it too.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

~The only way BM will give up her rights is to have DH "give up" his. He ~won't really be giving up his rights, BM will just be lead to believe (by ~her attorney) that he is.

Please read previous posts before you go off on a tangent.

[mistoffolees]

>~The only way BM will give up her rights is to have DH "give
>up" his. He ~won't really be giving up his rights, BM will
>just be lead to believe (by ~her attorney) that he is.
>
>Please read previous posts before you go off on a tangent.

I read the previous posts - and even quoted you.

You stated that DH has to give up his rights in writing - but that he can go back 2 months later to try to get them back. That is very, very different than your claim that he won't have to give up anything.

[mistoffolees]

>Unfortunetly, we cannot all have our cake and eat it too.

No, we can't. But you need to be aware of what you're doing to SD. The clear message is that you don't want her as much as SSs.

[AtOurWitsEnd]

I'm sorry, apparently I did make myself very clear. He will not be giving up his rights in writing, he will however, at the moment, be giving up visitation rights. Until the SS's have been adopted, then we can go to court for gradual visitation of SD. The attorney called to let us know this and BEFORE we sign papers, we will have our own attorneys look at them to be sure. In truth, I am defending my DH. Personally, I would love to get all 3 of these babies and have them safe. Unfortunely, at the moment, I am only the step-mother.

[escape2paradise]

So, dad is not terminating his parental rights, he is only agreeing to no visitation? In two months he can petition for visitation to commence once again?  Is this correct?  If so that makes legal sense.  I have never heard of a parent being able to terminate parental rights if another parent wasn't waiting to adopt.  Nor have I ever heard of getting rights reinstated once they are terminated.  

If I have summarized this correctly, I think you have everyone scratching their head due to the terminology you have been using.  Terminating parental rights is a far cry from not having an order for visitation.  

If you think the BM's attorney is screwing her over, you may want to consider that her attorney is playing games with you.  No attorney would admit to anyone that they are tricking their own client, especially to a judge who would be required to turn them in to the Bar Assoc.  I think you are either wishful thinking here or being mislead.  Since it seems you may be confused with legal terminology I sincerely hope that you are acting on your attorney's advice and not your own understanding of the law.  I also hope this attorney wasn't referred to you by her attorney and that you found him/her on your own.  

[AtOurWitsEnd]

Okay, in the beginning, BM WANTED DH to give up his rights. Also in the beginning, BEFORE all of this happened, while we were still going through the actual custody case, BM's attorney told the judge (and this came from the GAL) that she wanted this case over quickly b/c it was a mistake to work for her client.

I am neither confused or being mislead.

We did hire our OWN attorney.

I don't know what state you live in but in Oklahoma, giving up your rights w/o another person waiting to adopt is legal. We know, we checked b/c we were going to use this as a logical reason to BM as to why DH couldn't give up his rights. However that has since become void as we have found a loophole in that as well. If your interested, however, look up the statutes and you will see that if rights were given UNDER DURESS or if FRAUD was committed, rights can be reinstated. I am not saying it is a sure thing, just that it is possible.

We have considered that the attorney could very well be playing games w/ us, which is why he have our own attorney. At the end of the day, all they really care about ( a marjority anyway) is the money that lines their pockets.

In response to your third question, yes, that is correct. Forgive me, I panicked when I was first presented with this, I did not have all the facts, just the basics and I went with that as I was under the impression that we only had 2 days to decide.

Should I feel the need to post anything else, I will be sure to put everything in laymens terms for those of you who are otherwise confused. Thank you all for your comments.

[mango]

If you ask me, I think the big fishy rush is that the mom will move away. That is what the rush is. Why else would this be so urgent.