Messages

 I think that others have pretty much answered your question and I think that you have nothing to be worried about. I suggest having an eval done with the best neuro psyhologist or neuro psychiatrist that you can find. They do very extensive tests instead of just asking a few questions and then giving a DX. I suggest that type of eval because of the grades considering what his IQ is and other things that you mentoned. I also think that you should take him to a therapist. If you have an eval done like I mentioned he won't have to keep following up with them, they would just say what is going on, what they think the cause is, what needs to be done, and where.

>>We are not attorneys - - just normal parents like you.
>>
>>I'd file an "Emergency Motion for Custody" and state the
>>reason which is that Mom is in jail.
>>
>>Then I'd go get your son from whereever he is.....
>>
>>This is a very very good time to scrape money together for
>an
>>attorney to see it through.
>
>I agree. Beg or borrow the money if necessary.  Or at least
>see if there's legal aid available. If the mother is in jail,
>this should be fairly straightforward and shouldn't cost all
>that much in attorney's fees. Better to find the money now
>than to lose control of your kids forever.

Lawers that work right across from the courthouse are usually much less than lawyers that have an office 15 minutes or more away from it. You can ask a lawyer to have things typed up for you in the right words for really cheap and have them go to court with you once or twice for really cheap instead of them charging a huge retainer.

BUT a problem I've seen with the same kind of case is that some times they would not give the father custody because the mother had not been served with the court order yet so if you do get emergency custody I think that you should very quickly get confirmation that mom was served. I'd get on it quick. If she gets released early she might disappear so that you can't find her to have her served. Good luck.

>You cannot file in another county, it has to be through the
>county that ordered the custody.  If the other parent does
>moves and she then files through original court to have case
>transferred to her new county, then you could go there and
>file motions.
>
>As for your lawyer, if the issues were present say three years
>ago and were not brought up then, legally they cannot be
>brought up now.  From what I understand once an issue has been
>proven in court, then you can hammer at it the next twenty
>years...but if you miss your chance, then you cant come back
>later and try to throw them in.  
>
>From what you are saying, if you feel you are not getting a
>fair trial, then I would file again if circumstances warrant
>and then if defeated again, file an appeal.  then, it will go
>out of the current judge's hands.  In Virginia, an appeal
>takes the case from J&D court to circuit court and you simply
>get a new trial, but I believe in most states you have to take
>it to the supreme court in that state and then prove where the
>lower court erred.  
>
>As for your son, has he been diagnosed with any special needs?
> If he hasnt, I would talk to social services about what kind
>of services they would be able to provide.   If he has been
>diagnosed with something and no action is being taken by the
>mother, you may consider taking her to court to get your son
>outside help - be it speech therapy, physical therapy, music
>therapy, etc.......this stuff is covered through medicaid
>(state insurance - cant remember if its medicaid or medicare)
>as part of having a disability....


Thank you. :)

Yes, my son was diagnosed with severe speech delays, cognitive deficits, motor impairment, problems with muscle tone, and the people that evaluated him said they believe that the traumatic birth (an emergency C and he stopped breathing and his heart stopped) played a big part in it along with mom's drug use (assuming that I was telling the truth about it).

 I have known what type of help my son needs and where he can get it but
mom refuses to do anything. Also social services and DCFS (same as CPS) never do anything either. A court order can help but I know that mom would violate that and my son would not get what he needs. I'd have to keep suing and my son would be 10 and still in 1st grade by the time anything was done, if anything.

>I don't think that the mother saying that she's moving has
>any bearing on which county has jurisdiction. The normal
>standard is where the child has lived for the most recent 6
>month period. THAT is where you should file.
>
>Why can't you win an ex parte hearing in your county? Seems to
>me that with the evidence you have (you DO have hard evidence
>rather than hearsay, I assume?), you could make a pretty good
>case. Of course, that's no guarantee, but I don't see why you
>would believe you can't win - unless you're leaving something
>out.
>
>If you're not happy with your lawyer, get a new one. Of
>course, it's worth really trying to understand why they're
>saying that they can't bring up the things you wish. There may
>be legitimate legal reasons (lack of evidence, only hearsay
>evidence, or perhaps they open the door for your ex to bring
>up certain things about you, or any of a number of other
>reasons). Simply switching law firms won't solve any of those
>problems.
>
>I'd have a chat with your attorney and express your concerns
>AND THEN LISTEN. Whether their reasons are legitimate or not
>in your mind, you need to know why they're handling the case
>the way they are before you select another attorney. It's like
>a marriage - you want to understand why the first one failed
>before you get yourself into a second one.
>
>Good luck.


I don't think I can win an ex parte hearing in my county because fathers never win in my county. I also thought that mom's lawyer would find out and would fight it. Since mom disappeared and all I know is that she is going from here to there to sleep I can't have her served with a summons or the court ordered emergency custody because I can't find her. I think she has been denying visitation that's done at a mutual exchange place because she knows that I can have her served there. In most cases I've heard of when a mother found out that she lost custody she took off and they couldn't have her arrested because even though she heard about the court order she had not been served. Sorry, my mind is racing. I will try though and when I was Pro Se I actually did better than with a lawyer even though I don't know what I'm doing. My lawyer already filed to withdraw and won;t talk to me so there goes that and I can't afford another one for now. Thanks for your help. :)

 My lawyer filed to withdraw from the case after I asked many times why the **** they didn't ever mention things in court about how my son needs serious help not only with developmental delays but also that he hits himself, bangs his head against the wall, and more. I know that that is not because of stress from the custody case and from his mother. I want my lawyer gone from the case because they won't do anything but I'm very hesitant to just let them withdraw and face mommy's lawyer by myself.

I say that some one in my lawyers firm overlooked things and they can't bring up severe issues from years ago starting now because it would show how stupid and careless they are. They would sound like idiots since they have never brought certain tings up.  

 Mommy has posted on her web page that she is homeless as recently as today and that her mother still smokes crack and beats her up, but she still takes my son around her mother. She has also admitted to drug abuse, swinging, having a swinger in his 30's that was caught kissing on 14 year olds and serving them booze as my son's baby sitter, and there's so much more. I can't get anything done in my county though.

Mommy posted that she will be moving to "a county that would give me a chance or at least have all issues addressed". She shut off her phone and has a fake address listed so that I can't serve her with court papers. She has denied court ordred visiation and vacations more times than I can remember.

I heard that I can try for an ex parte temp. order for emergency custody but in my county where the case is I can't win. Can I just see legal aid in the other county that mommy says she's moving to to ensure that I word things and go about things correctly, and is it illegal for me to start a custody case in another county when one is already pending? How do I go about this?

 I have documentation as far as expert and unbiased witnesses, police reports, court records, and more. My words would be (in other words): A child is suffering and no one has done a thing about it! This case has to be moved to another jurisdiction where something will be done! I know that I may very well not win custody based on so many other stories and facts but I do have to have the courts at least try to address certain issues for my son's well being.

Thank you for even reading this.

>>Thank you. I brought up suing in another county (after
>moving
>>there) because I can sue from the county that she lives in
>or
>>the county that I live in.
>
>I'm not an attorney, so don't take this as legal advice, but
>it still sounds to me like you're being given bad
>information.
>
>Jurisdiction is almost always the district where the child
>lives. If you move and the child doesn't, you're still stuck
>suing in the old district -- unless I'm missing something.

No, before I filed my case lawyers, a mediator, and a judge told me that I could sue from either my county or hers. She tried to get the case moved but they wouldn't even listen, stating that I live in this county and basically have the right to sue from it. Of course other judges may have listened to her.

>If you've talked with 'many attorneys' in your county who
>told you your case won't win there, then you've got the
>information you need.
>
>IF THIS STATEMENT IS TRUE, then either the county you're in is
>so poor for custody that you don't have a chance no matter
>what happens or your case is not strong enough to win. Either
>way, the result is the same - you're not going to win. Sign
>the parenting agreement and get on with your life - you'll
>probably find that you have your child more than the agreement
>says, anyway.
>
>HOWEVER, I'm very suspicious about the advice you claim you
>were given. Moving to another county would be completely
>irrelevant. The jurisdiction would be where the child lives,
>so I don't see how moving to another county would solve
>anything. This makes me suspect that either you didn't
>understand the advice or you're dealing with incompetent
>attorneys. In either case, you need to talk with the best
>family law attorney you can find to see what the real
>situation is. Spending 3 years and talking with 'many
>attorneys' isn't the way to go about this.


Thank you. I brought up suing in another county (after moving there) because I can sue from the county that she lives in or the county that I live in. The county that I am in now handles most cases quicker than others. That was why I moved here but in "another area" not too far from me there are fathers that actually win. I was also told that in my county it is usually based on if the state (DCFS, same as CPS) takes the child(ren) away from the mother and they  never did a thing for my son so I'm out of luck there.

*precious poster, been a long time*


 I don't know where to start or stop. I filed for custody of my son who is now 4 almost 3 years ago and the case is still pending. I am getting no where and my lawyer wants me to sign a parenting agreement to end the case. If I don't sign it and state that it would be best for my son to stay with his mother my lawyer will probably want to be off of he case. I can't afford another lawyer, a P.I., etc. and the stress at times has me bed ridden.

His mother uses drugs. She often stays with her mother who uses and sells crack (convicted 3 times). She is now kind of homeless, just staying at friend's houses.

If my son gets really sick she will not get him medical attention unless she thinks he's dying. Medical records show that he has been in the hospital for pneumonia, other infections, and what turned out to be asthma, and that he turned blue when he culdn't breathe but she told the doctor's office that she couldn't take him to the hospital because she would miss work.

She lived in a house where parties were thrown for swingers and there was not only arrests for drug use there but also the home owners serving booze to 14 year olds and a lot of the kids put pictures of them fooling around with people at the house that are in the mid 30's up on the internet. She keeps him in the worst places and then just moves from place to place.

He needs special education but she didn't put him in preschool until her lawyer told her to. She pulled him out though and in some areas he is like an 11 month old (documented by the people that I had evaluate him).

She hits (not beats but hits) him and I have a picture of her blowing smoke in his face.

She keeps taking him around her mother even though people want her mother dead for ratting them out and sending them to prison.

She is engaged to every guy that she is with within a month and after the break up she is engaged again within a month.

She has bi polar disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, kleptomania, PTSD, and other disorders (documented with one of her past criminal cases) but will not seek help.

She has sued me for ridiculous orders of protection that had no merit and were all dismissed. 13 times. If I send her a text message asking how my son is she calls 911 and says that she wants me arrested for harrassment so I have not contacted her for a long time.

We had visitation pick up and drop off at a police station for my own protection and there she would have a guy with her and tell my son that that guy was his daddy and she would even pull my son right from my arms and some times stand by my car so that I could not back out. When I went for my cell phone to call 911 she went for hers so that she could make up a story.

I then had it arranged so that pick up and drop off woild be done at a mutual exchange place where we would have no contact and witnesses would document everything. She tried to fight having that done after she has said for the last 5 years that I am going to kill her (but after each allegation she left voice mails inviting me over to her house).

During court ordered visitation/vacation she wanted revenge and tried to have me falsely arrested for kidnapping. When the officer saw the court order he sent her on her way so she drove to police departments 3 hours across the state for 2 days to keep trying to have me falsely arrested. They lost interest when they learned that they were out of their jurisdiction but still it was nothing but me being on the phone for 2 whole days.

She and her mother paid an ex of mine to sue me for orders of protection (all dismissed) and even paid the woman to try to have me falsely arrested for domestic battery and killing her unborn baby by throwing her down a flight of stairs. It didn't happen, the woman had no injuries, and was not even pregnant. The police never questioned me about it but they did arrest her for a theft and violating an OP that I had against her. These women just can not think before they make up a story. At one point the ex forwarded me voice mails from mommy where she was asking for her to testify against me, set me up, and help her get OP's against me. She said many times that I did not pay child support when I had the bank records and proof from the state (that's who I pay it through) that she was lying.

I have so many medical records, police reports, court papers, voice mails, and she admits to things on a popular web site but I still can't get any where.

She was living with her mother who had a convicted killer/convicted rapist living with her.


I asked my lawyer how we could possibly have a trial without psyche evals, a GAL, home evals, etc. and my lawyer said that they didn't see the case turning out any differently. So many times that I feel that I would have won at least temporary emergency custody but my lawyer would not  sue for it except for once and I didn't win because I didn't have enough evidence right then. I also can not afford psyche evals, a GAL, or anything else.

How can I make a parenting agreement where I would not be saying that mommy is fit and where I could add a stipulation that would help my son? One thing that was mentioned by mom's lawyer was a mandatory drug test upon request and that if either parent tested positive he or she would lose custody. Mommy can't pass a drug test if her life depended on it and I don't do any drugs.

What can I do that would be best for my son and also best for me as far as
reducing stress so that I can continue and sue again? My son is not only having the problems that I mentioned but mommy will not even keep his asthma medication, he's not getting help for his speech and other problems, and he's so violent that it's unbelievable. He caused a tear in my eye when he eye gauged me and then said "Mommy's happy now".

Some one told me that I can buy a type of legal help for a year where lawyers would prepare court documents for me and give me instructions and everything (this is in Illinois).

I think that my lawyer wants to take the easy way out because there were so many things that should have been done and they don't want that to be known?

There are even worse stories but anyway, if you can offer any help as far as what I can do that would protect my on or have any other input at all I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you for reading.

***IF IT MATTERS, I'VE SEEN ALMOST EVERY FATHER IN MY COUNTY LOSE REGARDLESS OF HOW THE CASE WAS AND I WAS TOLD BY MANY ATTORNEYS THAT I SHOULD MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTY BUT FOR NOW I CAN'T AFFORD IT.