Mommy is so unfit, the system won't work, what can I do?

[daddeo2007]

*precious poster, been a long time*


 I don't know where to start or stop. I filed for custody of my son who is now 4 almost 3 years ago and the case is still pending. I am getting no where and my lawyer wants me to sign a parenting agreement to end the case. If I don't sign it and state that it would be best for my son to stay with his mother my lawyer will probably want to be off of he case. I can't afford another lawyer, a P.I., etc. and the stress at times has me bed ridden.

His mother uses drugs. She often stays with her mother who uses and sells crack (convicted 3 times). She is now kind of homeless, just staying at friend's houses.

If my son gets really sick she will not get him medical attention unless she thinks he's dying. Medical records show that he has been in the hospital for pneumonia, other infections, and what turned out to be asthma, and that he turned blue when he culdn't breathe but she told the doctor's office that she couldn't take him to the hospital because she would miss work.

She lived in a house where parties were thrown for swingers and there was not only arrests for drug use there but also the home owners serving booze to 14 year olds and a lot of the kids put pictures of them fooling around with people at the house that are in the mid 30's up on the internet. She keeps him in the worst places and then just moves from place to place.

He needs special education but she didn't put him in preschool until her lawyer told her to. She pulled him out though and in some areas he is like an 11 month old (documented by the people that I had evaluate him).

She hits (not beats but hits) him and I have a picture of her blowing smoke in his face.

She keeps taking him around her mother even though people want her mother dead for ratting them out and sending them to prison.

She is engaged to every guy that she is with within a month and after the break up she is engaged again within a month.

She has bi polar disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, kleptomania, PTSD, and other disorders (documented with one of her past criminal cases) but will not seek help.

She has sued me for ridiculous orders of protection that had no merit and were all dismissed. 13 times. If I send her a text message asking how my son is she calls 911 and says that she wants me arrested for harrassment so I have not contacted her for a long time.

We had visitation pick up and drop off at a police station for my own protection and there she would have a guy with her and tell my son that that guy was his daddy and she would even pull my son right from my arms and some times stand by my car so that I could not back out. When I went for my cell phone to call 911 she went for hers so that she could make up a story.

I then had it arranged so that pick up and drop off woild be done at a mutual exchange place where we would have no contact and witnesses would document everything. She tried to fight having that done after she has said for the last 5 years that I am going to kill her (but after each allegation she left voice mails inviting me over to her house).

During court ordered visitation/vacation she wanted revenge and tried to have me falsely arrested for kidnapping. When the officer saw the court order he sent her on her way so she drove to police departments 3 hours across the state for 2 days to keep trying to have me falsely arrested. They lost interest when they learned that they were out of their jurisdiction but still it was nothing but me being on the phone for 2 whole days.

She and her mother paid an ex of mine to sue me for orders of protection (all dismissed) and even paid the woman to try to have me falsely arrested for domestic battery and killing her unborn baby by throwing her down a flight of stairs. It didn't happen, the woman had no injuries, and was not even pregnant. The police never questioned me about it but they did arrest her for a theft and violating an OP that I had against her. These women just can not think before they make up a story. At one point the ex forwarded me voice mails from mommy where she was asking for her to testify against me, set me up, and help her get OP's against me. She said many times that I did not pay child support when I had the bank records and proof from the state (that's who I pay it through) that she was lying.

I have so many medical records, police reports, court papers, voice mails, and she admits to things on a popular web site but I still can't get any where.

She was living with her mother who had a convicted killer/convicted rapist living with her.


I asked my lawyer how we could possibly have a trial without psyche evals, a GAL, home evals, etc. and my lawyer said that they didn't see the case turning out any differently. So many times that I feel that I would have won at least temporary emergency custody but my lawyer would not  sue for it except for once and I didn't win because I didn't have enough evidence right then. I also can not afford psyche evals, a GAL, or anything else.

How can I make a parenting agreement where I would not be saying that mommy is fit and where I could add a stipulation that would help my son? One thing that was mentioned by mom's lawyer was a mandatory drug test upon request and that if either parent tested positive he or she would lose custody. Mommy can't pass a drug test if her life depended on it and I don't do any drugs.

What can I do that would be best for my son and also best for me as far as
reducing stress so that I can continue and sue again? My son is not only having the problems that I mentioned but mommy will not even keep his asthma medication, he's not getting help for his speech and other problems, and he's so violent that it's unbelievable. He caused a tear in my eye when he eye gauged me and then said "Mommy's happy now".

Some one told me that I can buy a type of legal help for a year where lawyers would prepare court documents for me and give me instructions and everything (this is in Illinois).

I think that my lawyer wants to take the easy way out because there were so many things that should have been done and they don't want that to be known?

There are even worse stories but anyway, if you can offer any help as far as what I can do that would protect my on or have any other input at all I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you for reading.

***IF IT MATTERS, I'VE SEEN ALMOST EVERY FATHER IN MY COUNTY LOSE REGARDLESS OF HOW THE CASE WAS AND I WAS TOLD BY MANY ATTORNEYS THAT I SHOULD MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTY BUT FOR NOW I CAN'T AFFORD IT.

[mistoffolees]

If you've talked with 'many attorneys' in your county who told you your case won't win there, then you've got the information you need.

IF THIS STATEMENT IS TRUE, then either the county you're in is so poor for custody that you don't have a chance no matter what happens or your case is not strong enough to win. Either way, the result is the same - you're not going to win. Sign the parenting agreement and get on with your life - you'll probably find that you have your child more than the agreement says, anyway.

HOWEVER, I'm very suspicious about the advice you claim you were given. Moving to another county would be completely irrelevant. The jurisdiction would be where the child lives, so I don't see how moving to another county would solve anything. This makes me suspect that either you didn't understand the advice or you're dealing with incompetent attorneys. In either case, you need to talk with the best family law attorney you can find to see what the real situation is. Spending 3 years and talking with 'many attorneys' isn't the way to go about this.

[daddeo2007]

>If you've talked with 'many attorneys' in your county who
>told you your case won't win there, then you've got the
>information you need.
>
>IF THIS STATEMENT IS TRUE, then either the county you're in is
>so poor for custody that you don't have a chance no matter
>what happens or your case is not strong enough to win. Either
>way, the result is the same - you're not going to win. Sign
>the parenting agreement and get on with your life - you'll
>probably find that you have your child more than the agreement
>says, anyway.
>
>HOWEVER, I'm very suspicious about the advice you claim you
>were given. Moving to another county would be completely
>irrelevant. The jurisdiction would be where the child lives,
>so I don't see how moving to another county would solve
>anything. This makes me suspect that either you didn't
>understand the advice or you're dealing with incompetent
>attorneys. In either case, you need to talk with the best
>family law attorney you can find to see what the real
>situation is. Spending 3 years and talking with 'many
>attorneys' isn't the way to go about this.


Thank you. I brought up suing in another county (after moving there) because I can sue from the county that she lives in or the county that I live in. The county that I am in now handles most cases quicker than others. That was why I moved here but in "another area" not too far from me there are fathers that actually win. I was also told that in my county it is usually based on if the state (DCFS, same as CPS) takes the child(ren) away from the mother and they  never did a thing for my son so I'm out of luck there.

[mistoffolees]

>Thank you. I brought up suing in another county (after moving
>there) because I can sue from the county that she lives in or
>the county that I live in.

I'm not an attorney, so don't take this as legal advice, but it still sounds to me like you're being given bad information.

Jurisdiction is almost always the district where the child lives. If you move and the child doesn't, you're still stuck suing in the old district -- unless I'm missing something.

[daddeo2007]

>>Thank you. I brought up suing in another county (after
>moving
>>there) because I can sue from the county that she lives in
>or
>>the county that I live in.
>
>I'm not an attorney, so don't take this as legal advice, but
>it still sounds to me like you're being given bad
>information.
>
>Jurisdiction is almost always the district where the child
>lives. If you move and the child doesn't, you're still stuck
>suing in the old district -- unless I'm missing something.

No, before I filed my case lawyers, a mediator, and a judge told me that I could sue from either my county or hers. She tried to get the case moved but they wouldn't even listen, stating that I live in this county and basically have the right to sue from it. Of course other judges may have listened to her.

[mistoffolees]

>>>Thank you. I brought up suing in another county (after
>>moving
>>>there) because I can sue from the county that she lives in
>>or
>>>the county that I live in.
>>
>>I'm not an attorney, so don't take this as legal advice, but
>>it still sounds to me like you're being given bad
>>information.
>>
>>Jurisdiction is almost always the district where the child
>>lives. If you move and the child doesn't, you're still stuck
>>suing in the old district -- unless I'm missing something.
>
>No, before I filed my case lawyers, a mediator, and a judge
>told me that I could sue from either my county or hers. She
>tried to get the case moved but they wouldn't even listen,
>stating that I live in this county and basically have the
>right to sue from it. Of course other judges may have listened
>to her.
>


I think you're getting bad advice, you're not understanding what they're telling you - or you're not telling the entire story.

In most cases (and I think all cases where child custody is at stake due to the UCITA law), there is only one court with jurisdiction. This is actually a good thing overall since it prevents people shopping for courts all over the country which will suit them. It also prevents the situation where two different courts rule differently - and then you have a real battle.

The first step in any proceeding is to determine the court which has jurisdiction. In almost all cases involving children, that would be the district where the child has resided for the most recent 6 month period.

The only way I could see where a couple of different courts could claim jurisdiction would be if the child had NEVER lived in one location for 6 months. I"m assuming that this isn't the case here. I would ask all those attorneys, judges, and mediators to document how they're going to get around UCITA by arbitrarily filing in whatever court they feel like filing in. It just doesn't work that way.

Granted, you can sue anywhere you want, but it's a trivial matter for her to get it moved to the court which has jurisdiction. If she has been living in county x for over 6 months with the child,  and you sue for custody in county y, she files a very simple reply stating that county y doesn't have jurisdiction because the child reside in county x - and you're out your legal expenses.

If everything you've stated is true, you can probably get an emergency ex parte hearing - but I would do it in the county where the child resides if you don't want to waste your money.